The Absolute Worst Fanfiction You've Ever Read

by Adelaide1

I believe the title pretty much sums it up, don't you? Remember, you've been warned. Please read and review, flames welcome if you must...they'll be used as an emergency source of heat in case an angry purple mongoose decides to tapdance on the fireplace.

Disclaimer:
I own nothing except Gerwitski the Dancing Hippo Boy. And I have to share the credit for him with AliciaWeasley too, but he's not even in the story, so it doesn't matter. But you can pretend that I own everything, if it will make you feel better.

It had been ten years since everyone had graduated from Hogwarts. Harry was an Auror for the Ministry of Magic (no surprise there).
Hermione owned a nice little bookshop in Hogsmeade, which got a lot of business and stocked up on a lot of copies of Hogwarts, A History. She was still sure that she couldn't be the only person in the whole of Britain that had the thing memorised. She was wrong, of course, but we won't tell if you don't.
Ron was a reserve Quidditch player for the Chudley Cannons, who had made an astonishing comeback and was now 2nd in the League. Since he was only a reserve player, he also worked in the bookshop Hermione owned. As we all know, all good bookshops have those convenient little places where you can order coffee there. Ron worked in the convenient little place to order coffee, and he thoroughly enjoyed putting nasty things in the drinks of people that he didn't like.
As for the rest of the Weasleys, Bill still worked for Gringotts, Charlie was still chasing dragons, and Fred and George would be happy to tell you that Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes was a tremendous success. Percy, however, quit his job at the Ministry when they found out about Bartemius Crouch, and got a low-paying, zero-respect job at a boring company called Consolidated Lard instead. Ginny owned a very successful clothing store in Hogsmeade, which was very popular with young people.
Sirius Black's name had been cleared, and he no longer had to live as a dog. Cho Chang won the lottery, and was consequently burned at the stake. But nobody liked her anyway. Harry did once, but he doesn't anymore, and what does he know, anyway?
I believe that covers all the important people, and so our story begins. You've been warned, so this is your last chance to move on to some other fanfiction.
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Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, sat inside a small bookshop drinking coffee with a bit too much cream in it. Ron Weasley, the Guy Who Gave Him The Alright-But-Not-The-Best Coffee (hey, if Harry's the Boy Who Lived, shouldn't Ron have a title too?) who also happened to be his best friend, was busy ignoring dirty looks thrown at him by his other best friend, Hermione Granger.