Spoot: taking a break from FMA.

Duo: you are! For how long!

Spoot: Just for the moment. I need to clear my head. Ok, readers, I will be getting back to "Brutal Love" very soon! I just need a break from it. I hope you enjoy nonsense! Don't worry about trying to follow it!

Make It Stop!

Have you ever sat back and asked yourself, What happens when you are away? You know, Not looking. What goes on behind closed doors? Bet your interest has been peeked? Eh? there's a place down the road from here, in a part of town few dare to travel. Its run down, and full of Normans. Don't know what a Norman is? Neither do I. I hear its hard to get them to eat though. I know what you're going to say at this point. What is he talking about? Or was that not at all what you were going to say? Was it something more along the lines of, "Is this your card?" Was that it? Did I get that right? That's my card! How did you do that!

They say I'm crazy. Do you think I'm crazy? Well, I may be. But you must understand, that it's not my fault! It was Butch! He's the one who gave the damn pills to me in the first place! See, I was walking down the part of town where the sky meets the road in such a way, that it makes you think of one of those Flipper Babies, And makes you seriously afraid to touch yourself...but I digress. See, I was walking down this path, to get a drink of water, when out of the blue, came Biff, or was it Butch. NO, Randy! Anyway, here comes Jeff. and he hands me this bottle. Something like you see in the movies when the mom can't take it anymore, so she grabs the pill bottle, and pops a few. So I pop a few.

This was my job, after all. To get done in the way. Could you understand that? To get butchered. Like they all do out here on the street. I work from 8th on up to Broadway. Here, men don't care what you look like, or how old you are. They just want it. and they want it when they want it, and I'm here to sell it to them. Small price. I was a child when this all began. And became thoroughly addicted to the pill, and the life of a high-priced Child Whore. I never had a name, not in this life. I do recall someone calling me Jack at some point, but I haven't heard that name in a long time. If you call me that, right now, I probably wouldn't respond. I go by Duo.

I have used that name, just to get looks from the other men. I can do it twice, for a price. That's my motto! Solo, and old friend, now in his 50's...if he could walk...He did it once, got payed, and moved on. Never touched a pill in his life. That's why he's dead. The Sting Rays killed him. It was just to numb the pain, I say. Take a few, do a line, smoke this, drink that...It takes your mind off of the guy ramming you from behind because you're 7 years old, cheep, and pretty. I'm not sure I'm calling it like it is...Or am I? I haven't thought about it.I just lay here in bed, now, and think.

Became a solder. That was my way of saying fuck this. I was 13, and tired of sex, drugs, and Norman. Little did I know, you don't just leave all that behind. The first night without my assorted rainbow of pills, had me crawling, hands and knees, looking for the door. My guts kept falling out, trying to escape the hell they were in. the others see you trying to put guts back into your body at three in the morning...They worry, you know. So they call the doctor, because you're sweating in an endless fever, watching yourself die, over and over again. yelling at them to shut up, when they never even spoke. Picking up invisible intestines...Or where they there! No, Just me again.

So you sit, Like I sit, here in this room, waiting for Norman, or Minna, or Dave. Or who ever the fuck is suppose to help you through the pain by providing you with a substitute. I don't want fake shit, I want something to take the edge off, something real! They only want to give you something altern. Don't know what that is? It's like, fake anything, drug wise. I cant take that kind of shit. It fucks with my heart! Like, I feel it beating. The first time I took anything Altern, I freaked the fuck out. I liked it, don't get me wrong...but after all the shit I have done...This was nothing! Didn't get me sky-high like I wanted it to.

I suppose you're about to ask me if you can go. You can, feel free...right now...to just leave. no obligation to keep reading, or listening. or what ever it is this is, or that you are doing. What are you doing anyway? Eating? Drinking? Picking your nose! I saw that! Oh yeah, I see it all! and that's coming from someone who spent most of his money on a Norman. I think I understood that. No offence taken! Look, I'm sure by now, you're ready to slap me right across the mouth. And that's ok! I don't blame you! I lost it...what was it now? I lost the train I was on, of thought...Oh, right...flipper babies and drugs.

at 6 years old, you don't think what you're doing is wrong! You just know that it helps you sleep, takes away pain, and numbs a sensation you don't want to feel, like the one Norman gives you when you don't make enough money on the street. He bends you over and puts it on you, or makes you touch it, and you feel like a bathroom, like a toilet. you feel like you could be flushed. like when he puts it in your mouth, and it feels like he pees. I always closed my eyes. Flipper Babies. That's when I start to think about them. Did their mothers do drugs, and they were just born with their feet all glued together? I was for sure, that was me. Did you understand that at all?

CAN YOU HEAR ME! Good.

I don't know who you are anymore. How long have we been talking like this? They say you come to see me all the time, but I never get to see your face anymore. I had a Thorazine drip today. They put this mask over your mouth, and they drip it in, and pretty soon, you start to feel sleepy! I loved it! I thought of you today when they told me I was ready to go home. They said, "Mr. Maxwell, you can go home." To which I replied, "It's Mizz" They never knew it was me! Beat them, with a single phrase to cut lips and part ways, bouncing off my teeth. Did I say that right? I'm sure I miss lead you.

I plan to come home, soon. I just like it here, that's all. They handle me with care, like a flipper baby. There it is again. Did you see that! The flipper baby can float! It came in through the door, and left out the window! They look like they're swimming! Are you so sure I was right about that! Like trying to get out of a chair you got stuck in! It happened all the time! I'm glad you decided to listen to me. I was about to go crazy in here without you! I remember now, who you are, but I can't for the life of me remember your name, or face, or any other detail as to who you are. I suppose I don't remember you after all, I thought I had it.

When covering your mouth, you should hold your hand out like this! and please, do remember me. I'm sure, I have. I remember you after all, just...tell me your name, and I'll take it from there. I surprised you came at all! I expected you to just leave me here, You are picking me up right? That's why you came. To take me home is it? Well, I'm not going home! I can't! They wont let me. Not the Normans. Just Me. In all, I guess I owe you an explanation. I can't remember if you asked me for one or not.

I was maybe 3. My mother had just given birth to a flipper baby who died when it flew through the air. My father had been missing for some time, never saw his face. Cant remember his name. I was Jack, The oldest of my family. My mother died giving birth, did I say that? Anyway, I was on the street after a family of diligent sting rays abducted me from my mother. She was a good mother, so quiet. I lived with her, long after she gave up breathing. Now, as I said, she was giving birth to the flipper baby at the time.

I was abducted, and tossed out of the street, from there, the house burnt down. I'm not sure how. I walked and walked, until I found Solo, a prize to be won. I won. I was sure I said that. He and I ran the block, until I found out what he did to keep himself alive. Sex. The dirty underbelly of the city made itself known to me that night. I found it hard to say no to him. He was allot older than I was, and more experienced than I was, and he knew how to hold himself upright after. Have you not told me your name.

Solo and I ran the streets. I was the long-haired pretty baby. Got lots of looks from lots of men. Solo, the older, wiser boy. I was 4, he was 15, when he showed me how to have sex the first time. Did I tell you this? Yes, I was a baby. When I was 5, I learned how to make money from it. and when I was 6, I found drugs for the first time. It wasn't until I was 7 that I found Norman. Never knew his name though, so I called him Butch, or was it Dave. He gave me the pills for the first time, and I flew though the air, just like that flipper baby over there!

I spread my mind to thick. I feel sleep wanting to crack a window, and suck me out into the night air. I would love to take a walk with you, I just don't know who you are! I remember the name, but not the face. Or was it the other way around? I'm not sure. I would tell you much more, I just can't hold my eyes open at the moment, and I don't remember you. As you already know, I think about you all the time. I should really get some sleep. I have an early day tomorrow, after all, I'm going home.

Spoot: Whatja think!

Duo: Christ on a Cracker! That was hard to follow!

Spoot: So don't follow!