Santana thought her broken heart would never mend but over time it did, well maybe not completely but enough for her to go on with her life. Your heart never completely mends when it is broken by your soul mate, the one person you loved unconditionally. Santana had accepted the fact that you don't always end up with your soul mate but that doesn't mean you can't love again. After several months of being depressed and basically not living her life, Santana had found love again with Amy. Santana was finally happy again and feeling optimistic about the future.
When she had moved to New York two a year ago to live with Kurt and Rachel she thought she'd go on some auditions and then her dreams would come true, well it didn't take her long to figure out dreams take time. Santana was no fool she knew it was a long shot that her dreams would come true so she decided she needed a backup plan and applied to NYU and got accepted. She just started taking classes at the last fall and that's where she met Amy. After much soul searching Santana decided to major in Music Education.
Santana and Amy had gone away on a weekend trip to get away from the city. They had the most wonderful weekend and were laughing as they entered the loft Santana shared with Kurt and Rachel. As they walked in they were surprised to Kurt, Rachel, Blaine, and Quinn sitting in the living room and it looked like they all had been crying. Santana looked at Quinn and she knew for sure she had been crying because her eyes always got puffy and real red when she cried.
Santana set down the bag she had been carrying and walked over to her friends. "What's going on ?"
Quinn jumped up and pulled Santana into a tight hug while she broke down sobbing. Santana held her while she sobbed. After a few moments Quinn pulled away. "Is someone going to tell me what's going on?" Santana's shouted. "Oh, my God are my parents ok? I knew I shouldn't have turned my cell phone off for the weekend."
Kurt spoke in the soft voice he uses when he is upset. "It's not our parents. Santana please sit down." Santana grabbed Amy's hand and they both sat down. "There's no easy way to say this, it's Brittany."
Santana's felt her heart clinch hearing Brittany's name. No one really ever talked about Brittany, well at least not around Santana. Santana knew Brittany had gotten accepted at Julliard after she graduated and that was all Santana knew about Brittany. She was perfectly content not knowing any of the details of Brittany's life. She knew her friends were in contact with Brittany and saw her on regular basis but they always left Santana out of those get togethers.
Santana just sat there so Kurt continued on, "Brittany is in the hospital. She was on the subway and guy robbed her and then he stabbed her three times. We were at the hospital earlier and her father told us that the doctor doesn't expect her to live through the night. She lost so much blood and they just couldn't get the bleeding under control. They have given her so many blood transfusions their supply of blood at the hospital is getting low. He stabbed in the neck and it hit her carotid artery." Kurt broke down as Blaine wrapped his arms around him.
Santana sat there stunned like this was all a bad dream. "When did it happen?" She asked with voice trembling.
"It happened last night. We tried calling and sending you text messages. We weren't surprised when we didn't get a response because you said you were going to turn you phone off. Santana if you want to see Britt before…you had better go to the hospital now", Quinn said as tears fell down her face.
Santana shook her head no. "No, I can't….I just can't see her…I want to remember her the way she was …her bright blue eyes and beautiful smile."
Quinn's cell phone rang. "Hello…ok I understand…thanks for calling…I'm so sorry Mr. Pierce…Bye." Quinn looked at everyone, "Mr. Pierce said Brittany has gone into cardiac arrest twice within the past three hours. The doctor said her heart is so weak they won't be able to revive her again. Santana, I know she broke your heart but you need to see her or you will regret it the rest of your life. Don't forget we were all there and saw how in love you two were in high school. We saw how you protected each other. She needs you now Santana."
Quinn took a few deep breaths before continuing. "I know we don't talk about her to you but she has never forgiven herself for breaking your heart. I have kept quiet for the past 2 years about this because that is what you wanted and Brittany was too stubborn to come and talk to you. S, she did it for you, that day she told you she wasn't breaking up with Sam and that you should go to New York. She was only thinking of you. She wanted so much to get back together with you that day but she knew you'd stay in Lima and wait for her to graduate. Brittany didn't just break your heart she broke her own. Even after she moved to here to attend Julliard she kept saying she knew when the time was right you two would get back together. And to honest with you, all of us thought that day would come too. Amy, I'm sorry you had to hear that but it's how we feel. We are so happy you came into Santana's life and we consider you a friend, it's just that we knew Santana and Brittany when they were together. Santana, she needs to hear that you forgive her for breaking your heart before she…" Quinn couldn't finish the sentence before she broke down and Rachel was immediately at her side comforting her.
Santana looked at Amy and in that moment Amy knew what Santana was going to do. Everyone thought Amy didn't know how strong Santana's love was for Brittany but she did know because Santana told her. One night when they first started seeing each other Santana got really drunk at a club. Later that night Santana told Amy all about Brittany, and even though Santana was drunk Amy knew she was telling her the truth. They never talked about that night but they both remembered what Santana had told Amy. She told Amy she could never love another woman like she loved Brittany. Amy accepted it because she wanted to be with Santana but she had feared that one day Brittany would show up again and Santana would break up with her. Now Amy had no idea where her relationship with Santana stood.
Santana felt like her whole world was crumbing around her. Even though she hadn't seen or spoken to Brittany since moving to New York she never stopped thinking about her. She remembers how proud she felt when she heard Brittany got accepted at Julliard. Santana suddenly stood up, "Which hospital is she at?" Blaine spoke up, "I'll go downstairs and get you a taxi."
Santana turned to Amy, "This is something I need to do on my own I hope you understand that." Santana kissed Amy on the cheek before running out of the loft and down the waiting taxi Blaine had hailed for her.
Santana ran through the hospital like a mad woman until she found the ICU and sitting there in the waiting area were Brittany's parents and her sister. Mrs. Pierce looked up at when she saw Santana she immediately got up and engulfed her in a hug. "I'm so glad you were able come. You know I never understand what happened between you and Britt but I do know one thing she never stopped loving you. And I have a feeling you never stopped loving her either." Santana was at a loss for words.
Mr. Pierce came over to join in the hug. "'Santana, you go in and see Britt. We don't know how much more time there is. She needs you to there."
Santana was able to speak through the tears, "I won't stay long. I'm sure all of you want to spend time with Britt."
Mrs. Pierce's voice trembled as she spoke, "We've already said our goodbyes just in case. You take your time. She's in room 325."
Santana walked a little ways down the hall to room 325. She hesitated for a moment before pushing the door open. The first thing that hit was she walked into the room was the sound of Brittany's beating heart from the machine she was hooked up to. As Santana approached the bed the parts of her heart that had finally healed broke all over again. It wasn't like before when Brittany broke her heart. Her heart broke this time because of seeing Brittany in a hospital bed looking white as a ghost. She had a huge bandage wrapped around her neck.
Santana sat down in the chair beside Brittany's bed. She reached up slowly and touched Brittany's hand. She could feel that it was so cold so she laced their fingers together to hopefully bring some warmth to Brittany's hand. Santana looked at her their fingers laced together. It was the first time in over 2 years she had held Brittany's hand and it still fit perfectly. Santana brought Brittany's hand to her mouth and gently kissed it.
"Hey Britt, it's me Santana." Santana took a deep breath because her mind was racing so fast she had no idea what to say next. "Um…I wanted you to know I'm so proud of you for getting into Julliard. When I first heard you had gotten in a part of me wanted to call and congratulate you but I didn't really know if would matter to you if I called or not. I know I shouldn't feel this way right now but I'm a little mad at you for not eventually telling the real reason you chose Sam over me. You see I thought for the past 2 years that you didn't love me anymore. Hell most of the time I wondered if you ever really loved me at all." Santana stopped because she was surprised by all of the emotion that suddenly poured out of her. She had kept everything locked inside her broken heart for so long.
"Quinn told me today about you doing it for me. I wished I'd know sooner. Your mother told me that you never stopped loving me. Britt, I've never stopped loving either. Right now I keep thinking of all of the time we lost when we could've tried to be friends again or maybe even more. I know your body feels weak right now but please don't leave us. We all need you here with us. Your parents need to be able to see your beautiful smiling face on Christmas morning. You always still look like a child celebrating their first Christmas. Your sister needs you here to teach her the Brittany Pierce way of living life to its fullest every day. Even Lord Tubbington needs you cause without you he is sure to spiral out of the control joining a gang and taking up smoking again. Quinn and all of your friends need you here. This may sound selfish but I need you here."
"I need to be able look into those sparkling blue eyes and see the look that makes me feel like all is right with the world. I want to able to talk to you about the past 2 years. I want to be able to tell you I love you for putting my happiness before your own. I want to be able to feel you cuddle up in my arms when I fall asleep at night. I want to be able to talk to you about our future. It's not all about me though Britt. You need to stay here for you too. You deserve to live the life you have always dreamed of and I hope that life includes me."
Suddenly Santana noticed a change in the beating of Brittany's heart from the machine. It was slowing down which she knew wasn't good. Her heart beat was already slower than it should be normally. Santana looked up and she noticed the blood pressure reading was also going down. She was losing Brittany. "Come on Britt please stay with me. To be honest I can't do this on my own anymore I need you here with me. I'm not complete without you and I don't think you are complete without me either. Please fight baby, don't leave all of us. Please." Santana had tears following rapidly down her face and she was begging.
Then some alarms started going off on the machines signaling Brittany's hear rate and blood pressure where dropping to dangerous levels. A nurse came rushing in the room and she turned the monitors off. Santana wanted to yell for the nurse to help Brittany but she knew there was no help coming. There was nothing more they could do. Brittany's body was failing.
Santana stood up and put the hospital bed railing down. She then carefully got into bed and lay gently beside Brittany. If Britt was leaving her she was going to by her side where she should be. Santana leaned over and kissed Brittany's cheek and her lips were meant with cold skin. She could tell Brittany was still breathing but the time between each breath was getting longer and longer. Santana lay there beside Brittany for several more minutes. She didn't want to leave her. Then Brittany made groaning noise. Santana looked at her because she thought for sure this meant the end was near. "It's ok Britt, I know you need to leave us. I know your body just can't take anymore. Remember everyone who loves you. Remember I love you."
After a few more minutes there weren't any more noises from Brittany. Santana lay there wondering how she was going to live her life without the only woman she had ever been truly in love with. The only woman who understand her better than she understood herself. The only woman who knew exactly what to say to her when she was upset. The only woman who she ever felt loved by.
"San…." It was barely a whisper. At first Santana thought she was just imagining hearing her name being called. "San…" This time Santana looked over at Brittany. Her eyes were closed and there was no movement so she knew she was definitely imagining it. "San…" This time Santana saw Brittany's lips move just a tiny bit.
Santana reached up and touch Brittany's face. "Britt, I'm here." She waited for response.
"San…" Santana felt her own heart racing out of control. She jumped out of the bed and opened the hospital room door screaming for someone to help her. The same nurse that had turned off the monitor came running to Santana. The nurse thought for sure the end had come and Santana was screaming out of grief.
"She's just spoke. She said my name. You need to help her." Santana was yelling at the nurse.
The nurse thought for sure Santana was overcome with grief. "I'm sure you thought you heard Miss Pierce say your name. Sweetie, I'm afraid there's just no way that is possible."
Santana was angry now. "I know what I heard. She said my name three times. I could barely hear it but she said it."
By then Brittany's parents had entered the room after hearing Santana scream for help. They both felt bad for Santana because they knew she was having a difficult time letting Brittany go. Mrs. Pierce approached Santana and put her arm around her. "Santana, I know this hard."
Santana pulled away from Mrs. Pierce and stood by Britt's bed. She looked down and Britt's lips were a turning blue. They were right she didn't hear Brittany say her name. Santana took Brittany's hand. "I love you Britt-Britt." Santana broke down into gut wrenching sobs.
"San…" This time Santana ignored hearing her name being sad because she knew wasn't really happening it was all in her head. "San…"
Mr. Pierce hurried to his daughter's bedside. He thought for sure he had heard her say something too. "San…"
"Oh my God she is saying Santana's name. I just heard her. Nurse please go get the doctor."
The nurse ran out of the room and immediately Brittany's doctor came running the room. He listened to her heart for a few moments and then he turned the monitor back on. After a few minutes the sound of Brittany's heart could be heard beating. It wasn't beating as fast as it should but it was better than it was when Santana first came into Brittany's room. The doctor just looked at the Pierce's and Santana he was speechless. He then told them he needed to further exam Brittany and would they please step out into the all for a few minutes.
After what seemed like an hour the doctor walked out of Brittany's room into the hallway. "I don't really know what to say. Brittany's vital signs have stabilized. They haven't been stable since she came into the ER last night. I don't know if she will continue to be stable or not. Anything can happen as we all have just witnessed. We will continue to monitor her closely. This is one of those times as a doctor that I really don't know how to explain what is happening. My suggestion is to keep talking to her. While I was in with her just now she said 'San' two times. She is definitely hearing what you are saying." The doctor looked directly at Santana.
Santana spent the next two days by Brittany's side. The only time she left was to use the bathroom and one time to take a shower. A few times a day Brittany would quietly say 'San' but other than that there was no movement. She hadn't yet opened her eyes. The good news was her heart rate was stronger and her blood pressure was still low but slowly rising to normal. Quinn, Rachel, Kurt, and Blaine had been to the hospital a couple of times to visit Brittany and to give their support to Santana.
As Santana sat there by Brittany's bedside she was holding Brittany's hand and gently rubbing her thumb over Brittany's hand. Santana's thoughts drifted to Amy. Amy had been a saving grace to Santana. She had showed Santana that she could love again. Santana found herself feeling guilty because after seeing Brittany again and remembering just how strong her love for Brittany was she realized she could never love Amy like that and it wasn't fair to Amy. Santana took out her phone and sent a text to Amy asking her to come to the hospital and meet her for coffee. After several minutes Santana got a reply that simply said 'if you love someone set her free, if she comes back to you it was meant to be. Santana, I will never forget you.' Santana got a tear in her eye because she realized Amy knew who Santana's heart belonged to. Amy knew Brittany had set Santana free two years ago and now Santana had come back to Brittany.
The next day Santana sat by Brittany's bed holding her hand like she had since coming to the hospital 3 days ago. "San…" Santana looked at Brittany like she did every time she heard Brittany utter her name but this time Santana's heart practically stopped because this time blue eyes were looking right at her.
"Britt, I'm here baby. Can you squeeze my hand?" Brittany squeezed her hand. "I'm here Britt and I'm never leaving you again."
Brittany blinked her eyes several times because the brightness of the room was bothering her eyes. "Love you." Brittany's voice sounded so weak.
"I love you too Britt. You need to take it easy and not talk too much. Your body has been through so much."
"Tubbs died…heard you talking about him…died last year." Brittany had a tear running down her face.
"I'm so sorry Britt. I wish I had been there for you. I know how much you loved Lord Tubbington." Santana thought it was cute how one of the first things Brittany tells her is about her cat dying. "Someday we can get a cat of our own."
Over the next week Brittany spent most of the time sleeping because her body needed to heal but when she was awake she was able to talk more and her voice was getting stronger. The doctor finally said that Brittany was going to be ok although it would take months of therapy to get her strength back. Santana and Brittany hadn't talked about the past two years yet. Brittany wasn't strong enough for that conversation yet and right now it didn't matter anyway because Santana was there for her.
Finally the day came when Brittany could be released from the hospital. There had been some tense moments when they had learned from the doctor a few days earlier that Brittany would be able to be released. Brittany's parents wanted her to go back to Lima with them to recuperate and receive therapy. Santana wanted Brittany to stay in New York with her, Rachel, Kurt, and Blaine. The roommates had already discussed it and they wanted Brittany to stay with them. There were four of them and they were all willing to be there for Brittany during her recuperation. Finally the Pierces and Santana decided to let Brittany decide where she wanted to go when she was released because the most important thing was for Brittany to feel safe and taken care. After much thought Brittany decided she wanted to stay with Santana and her friends in New York. The Pierces were disappointed but they also knew that Santana would take excellent care of their daughter.
Santana pushed Brittany in her wheelchair through the loft door. Brittany was getting stronger but she wasn't able to walk on her own yet. Santana took her to their bedroom. Santana had told Brittany she could have her room and she would sleep on the couch until she was fully recuperated but Brittany wouldn't hear of it. She said she needed Santana to be there by her side to make her feel safe. They still weren't sure what their relationship was exactly but they did know they were best friends.
Santana helped Brittany into bed and went to fix her some lunch. After Brittany ate her lunch she was tired so she was going to take a nap. She was just drifting off to sleep when she felt something soft nudge at her face. "Santana, what are you doing? Stop it that tickles."
"I'm not doing anything to you Britt."
Brittany could tell by Santana's voice that she wasn't close enough to her to be doing something to tickle her face. Brittany opened her eyes and saw a little furry kitten lying in the crook of her neck. "Oh, he is so cute San!."
Santana sat on the bed beside Brittany. "I thought this little guy could help make you feel better and by the smile on your face I think I was right."
Brittany picked up the kitten and kissed his nose. "I'm going to call you Prince Tubbington. Some day when you're older and wiser you will be Lord Tubbington II. Thanks San. I love you."
"You're welcome. I love you too, Britt. Now you the Prince take your nap." Santana got up off the bed but she felt a hand on her arm.
"Please stay and take a nap with us. I know you're exhausted from being at the hospital every day for the past few weeks." Santana didn't argue she got into bed and cuddled up to Brittany.
THE END