And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words
And you'll listen this time even though they're slurred
So I, dialed your number and confessed to you
I'm still in love, but all I heard was nothing
"Logan, come on. I can't stand seeing you like this anymore. You have to do something." Kendall crosses his arms and looks down at his friend who remains seated, staring off into space.
"I'm fine, Kendall. Leave me alone."
"No. Look, just come out with me and James tonight. We'll help you take your mind off of it, okay?"
"You're not going to leave me alone until I give in, are you?"
"Nope."
"Fine," Logan sighs. "I guess it wouldn't kill me to go out for a bit."
"This is a good thing, Logan," James tells him as they approach the bar, showing their IDs at the door and stepping inside. "You know you guys were having problems for a long time. It's better that this happened now."
"Yeah," Logan smiles but it feels forced. "You guys are right." He arranges his face into what he hopes is a relaxed expression but he heads straight to the bar and orders a round of shots for all of them, downing the liquid in a single burning swallow that only just begins to numb the dull ache he'd been feeling in his chest ever since they called it off.
He tries to have fun. He really tries. He wants to be interested in the new movie James is auditioning for, he wants to care about the song Kendall is writing, but he just can't. All he can think about is Carlos, and what he's doing right now, who he's with, and if he's thinking of Logan too.
James and Kendall continue to buy him beers and shots as the evening goes on, trying to cheer him up but mostly just succeeding in ensuring that he'll have a wicked hangover in the morning.
"You've gotta cheer up, man," James says at one point. "I know it sucks now, but you'll have to move on eventually."
"I can't," Logan shakes his head as if just now realizing it. "I can't stop thinking about him. I miss him."
He glances toward the door and does a double take, thinking he sees Carlos walking into the bar. But no, it's just someone who looks similar, and now Logan has half a beer sloshed down his front because of his scramble to see if it was really Carlos.
"I need to talk to him," he announces to no one in particular. "I have to call him."
As he takes out his phone and hits his Favorites, where he still has not removed Carlos from the number 1 spot, Kendall tugs the small device from his hands.
"Not tonight, Loges. Not like this."
"No, Kendall, I'm fine," Logan says. "Give me the phone!"
"He's right," James adds. "You don't need to call him right now. You're drunk. You need to sleep it off and think about it."
Angry now, Logan shoves Kendall backward and he stumbles into James, who steadies him easily. "Give it to me."
If he wasn't so drunk, Logan would have noticed the hurt expression on his best friend's face, the concern and empathy etched into both Kendall's and James' eyes as Kendall sighs and gives him the phone. "Think about what you're doing, Logan," Kendall pleads.
Logan turns his back and stalks out of the bar, feeling dizzy as the cool air goes straight to his head. He leans against the front wall and hits dial over Carlos' number, waiting for it to connect.
It rings a few times and finally the line picks up, but he doesn't even know if Carlos is really there or if it's just his voicemail, but it doesn't matter because Logan is talking anyway, or at least he thinks he is, because he doesn't know how much of his speech is slurred from all the alcohol he'd consumed, or if he's being coherent at all as he speaks rapidly, apologizing for everything and promising to do better if Carlos would give him a second chance.
Later, when pressed for details, Logan wouldn't be able to remember any of what he said on phone, except for the single phrase, "Please. I'm still in love with you."
When he hears nothing but silence on the other end of the line, Logan clicks the phone off, undeterred. I just have to go see him, he thinks. We just have to see each other face to face and we can fix this.
Logan stumbles along down the street, never once believing that this won't work. It has to.
It's late by the time he reaches Carlos' place, but he knocks on the door, begging to be let inside so that they can talk this over. No one comes to the door but Logan is sure Carlos is in there, so he dials Carlos' number again, in his drunken state not even sure what he wants to say.
When the line connects, Logan speaks again. "Carlos, please, just talk to me? I miss you so much. I need you, okay? I'm sorry for everything, just please give me another chance. We can work this out, we can fix this! I'm going crazy without you, Los. Please say something. I love you…"
Logan waits for any response from Carlos, for him to say okay or that he wants to fix things too. But again, there is only silence on the other end of the line.
He hears nothing.