Dear diary,
today, the most peculiar thing has happened to me. I had to pay a visit to Wilson's office with a bunch of administrative forms. Of course, as always, House had placed Wilson's teddy-bears in obscene positions and I had no other choice but to move them. As I wanted to put the scrubs bear in its place, it fell down under the table. I bent down to retrieve it and just at the moment, Wilson and House entered the office.
"House, I do not want to listen to any more of your Torchwood plot-holes analysis. Get a blog or something instead," Wilson's voice was full of irritation which probably lasted since the beginning of his lunch.
"Already have one," answered House and the following creaking noise told me that he had thrown himself on the couch. "But the people commenting on it are idiots."
"And idiocy is dead boring, I know." A thud noise on the desk has told me that Wilson had sat down on the top of the desk. "Although, I have an idea for you – go to the clinic and play all the f-word and r-rated scenes on a laptop there until Cuddy gives you another 100hours of clinic duty."
"I already owe her 1236days and 21hours of clinic duty. Besides, she might like it and join the drooling crowd."
"The only drooling person there would be you drooling over her cleavage."
"At least, I openly admire her qualities. All you do is secretly ogling her butt when she cannot see you." I have to admit that in that moment, my mouth fell open and I nearly made my presence known.
"You're just jealous because hers looks better than yours."
"Are you admitting that you check out my ass?"
"Sure. You mean you have never looked at mine?"
"I have and I came to conclusion that Chase's prettier."
"Ha – hah."
"So you're gonna blow me or what?"
"Dream on."
"I did and I came. Come on, Wilson. You can think about Cuddy's balloons while doing it."
"Perv. It's way too quick to have time to think about Cuddy's breasts. I am always too busy with avoiding choking on your come."
"I wanted to be done with it in time for Torchwood."
"I am so glad that you prefer the plot-holes over sex with me."
"I always return the favor once the episode is over."
"That's because you are horny from ogling Captain Jack."
"As if you had never been thinking about him when I did you."
"And what?! I am still traumatized by that one time when you called me Lisa."
"That could be justified by the fact that you have similar technique. The real question that should bother you is whether you are that good or that bad. I suppose that the only way to decide is that you should remind me how you do it."
At that moment, I was not certain if I would ever be able to shut my jaws again since my face seemed to be stuck in a surprised open-mouthed expression.
"House, Cuddy said she's going to stop by with some files later. What do you think would happen if she catches us having sex at work?"
"That's why the offices have locks," House got up from the couch and I saw his feet moving towards the desk.
"That's why she has keys."
"Well, I am sure that she would strip and join us."
"House," Wilson's voice sounded somewhere between husky and strangled. My mind was supplying various wild images of what could be going on on the top of my hiding place.
"Wilson…where's that third teddy-bear?" I swear that in that moment my heart stopped. I was evidently screwed and not in the pleasant way.
"Fuck the teddy-bear."
"Uhm…no, thanks. Besides the K-Y wouldn't be good for its hairs." I heard Wilson chuckle and each following noise of kiss or sharp exhalation made it more and more difficult to make my presence known. I wish I had taken my cell-phone with me so I could page Wilson. A creak over my head meant that Wilson has left his place over my head. The desk gave another creak as House sat down on it. A cane fell on the floor and then, to my impending horror; the only thing I could see of Wilson, his feet, were replaced by his knees. The sound of zipper could have as well been a sound of doom. Then I made the biggest mistake of my day. I leant on the side of the obviously over-abused desk and it gave away. I was fast enough to roll away and not get myself killed by a desk as it slid to one side, taking Wilson's things, House and Wilson down to the floor.
"Bloody fucking hell!" House yelled and I saw him grab his bad leg as he continued swearing. As in slow motion, Wilson got himself into a sitting position and our eyes met. Wilson's eyes seemed about to pop out with shock. Still sitting on the floor next to a teddy bear, I readjusted my top and straighten my back.
"Dr. Wilson. The inventory forms are somewhere on the pile," I gestured towards House who was still lying on the floor among papers, pens and computer, swearing like a sailor.
"Oh…thanks," nodded Wilson. House finally made it into sitting position and reached for his Vicodin. After swallowing it, his piercing gaze locked with my breasts, he said: "Wilson, look what the bear brought in."
"Your jeans are undone."
"And you are spying on us."
"Are you two done stating the obvious?" Wilson was the first to get up and prepare to pretend that nothing has ever happened. And that was exactly when it all happened. House obviously wasn't up to pretending anything and among the ruins of Wilson's office grabbed me and before I could react, I had his tongue in my mouth. With the corner of my eye I saw Wilson running his hand through hair. "Great. Now you are going to rape her on the top of my things?!"
He bent over to retrieve his laptop and put it in the relative safety on a shelf. House grabbed his hand and pulled him down on the floor. I always knew that deep down inside, Wilson was exactly the same egoistic narcissistic jerk as House. So I wasn't exactly surprised when he moved his lips to my neck. In fact, it seemed as if I was attacked by two human leeches. By the look of things, I could say goodbye to my hairdo. Truth was I wasn't exactly fighting them. I was, in fact, I think the appropriate word is cooperating. I tried to get a hold something and since House's jeans were undone, the thing I grabbed was his…private place. Which would have been considered only fair since his hands were all over my boobs and Wilson's hands obviously took aim in discovering the ultimate truth about my…private place.
It was increasingly more and more stupidly dangerous situation as more and more clothes joined the mess on the floor and I, the dean of medicine, was pretty much naked with two of my department heads, who were in the same state of undress, in an unlocked office in the middle of the day. But in the moment, it seemed there were to many hands and too few brains to reconsider.
As Wilson and I gotten know each other in a rather deep encounter of primitive kind, I noticed that the teddy bear was sitting next to my head, watching me with the same perverse fascination as House. I grabbed the furry bastard who was to blame for everything and threw it at House. He took the bear in his hand and looked at it before looking back at me: "Feeling aggressive?"
He dropped the stuffed animal on the floor and moved closer, variously touching Wilson and me.
"Fuck," said Wilson as he came, which pretty much summed it up. He rolled over on his back and became a useless heap of flesh. House threw the bear at him, hitting him in straight into chest. Annoyed by the interruption, Wilson threw it back on floor. House raised an eyebrow at Wilson's newly attained vegetative state. Then he offered me a deal: "I do you if you do me."
Since it was House, I decided not to risk anything. "Ok, but you first."
The experience was very pleasant after House got over his complaints that I tasted like Wilson. I did not really understand what his problem was since he was clearly accustomed to it. Afterwards, I dedicated some quality time to remind him of what my technique was exactly about. I have to say that I had no intention to get high on Vicodin through House's bodily fluids, especially since he seemed to be stuffed with the pills. I made a point in pulling back in the right time and since I did not want to get it all over Wilson's things or any of our clothes on the floor, I took the first thing that I could reach and put it in the place. Wilson did not really approve of us destroying his teddy bear's scrubs outfit.
"Bitch," appreciated my effort House and threw the soiled toy away before trying to snuggle with me. I reminded them both that we were all, in fact, still at work. I put on my clothes and left with as much dignity as possible.
I think this is, dear diary, the most interesting part of being the dean of medicine. Each day brings new challenging and exciting experience.