Well, I was playing Oracle of Seasons one day and a Crazy Old Man with a Cane appeared. Questioning the purpose the Crazy Old Man with a Cane, I decided to write this little story from the Crazy Old Man with a Cane's point of view. It makes little to no sense at all, but I hope it answers the age old question of 'Who is the Crazy Old Man with a Cane?'
Don't forget to visit the Desert Colossus!
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Hello everyone, I am the Crazy Old Man with a Cane, better known as Fred. My purpose in life is to appear out of no where, warn the hero about the King of Evil, and get whisked away. But, the question is, where do I come from?Well, I was born around 75 to 84 years ago in the small town of Sunken City, of course back then, it wasn't sunken, and of course I wasn't the Crazy Old Man with a Cane, because I wasn't old! However, I was known as the Crazy Kid with a Blankie. Oh, I loved Blankie, but that's another story-- you hope not.
Well, from that time about a half a century or so elapsed (where does the time go?) and I was forced to find a new occupation. Up until that point, I was a seamstress, known at the time as Crazy Middle Aged Man with a Sewing Machine. I was quite a sewer, and I made very pretty dresses. But anyway, I was fired one day for sewing my boss to the Trash Compactor, and that only went wrong. Very wrong. It took the Janitor three days to scrape the poor guy out of the machine. I was fired the next day.
As such, I grabbed the local Sunken City Paper and searched for a new job. I tried several career fields such as Bomb Maker, Maku Tree De-barker, Clock Tuner, and Windmill turner. None worked for me, and I was sad. My wife, the Crazy Old Woman with a Wig, threatened to kick me out of the house if I couldn't get a job. I immediately went out and ran right into a Strange Old Man with a Cane. Apparently, he was retiring and needed a replacement. What luck!
I accepted his position (little did I know he wasn't offering it) and grabbed the cane. I whisked myself away in a Tornado and began my new vocation as the Crazy Old Man with a Cane!
I stopped by the Moblin Fort one day to warn Boss Blin that Bombs are made partially out of powder-- and that the King of Evil would come around if Din were freed. I then whisked myself away.
I also stopped by Goron Mountain to visit Biggoron. Accidentally I dumped a bucket of cold water on the poor Goron during the Whisking Process. He got a cold and sneezed me right off the mountain. I landed several miles below in front of a Tower, with a little kid staring at me.
Completely confused, I stood up and shouted that if Din was freed the Evil King would return and whisked away. I thought very highly of myself, I was already three Crazy-jobs into the day and I was on a roll!
Another few days passed and I realized that there was really no one else that needed a Crazy Old Man with a Cane to bother them. Depressed, I whisked myself away to a land far, far away and very, very cold.
I set up a little shop with my name, Crazy Old Man with a Cane, on the sign above it. Of course, the shop was in the middle of the tundra, and the middle of nowhere.
After all that nonsense, what am I doing now? I don't know, but the last time I checked, I was selling Hula Shirts to Polar Bears on the Siberian Wasteland. As I look back on it, my life was very fulfilling--
No it wasn't.
...
What have I done? I've wasted my life! Oh geezy creezy!
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This story makes no sense whatsoever-- whatsoever-- so please don't flame me, just point out what you like. I promise I'll lock the Crazy Old Man with a Cane up in a box somewhere and focus on something constructive...