Harry sighed as he lay down on his creaking, springy bed. His mind and body
ached from gardening in the hot sun that baked number four, Privet Drive.
Life it seems will fade away. drifting further everyday.
Although he had awful cramps in his arms and back, and a headache from the merciless sun, the only thing that was on his mind was Sirius.
Getting lost within myself. nothing matters no one else.
He had been avoiding everyone and everything since he had come back to his aunt and uncles home for the summer. He had not been able to stop thinking of Sirius; watching him die had been too much for him to handle. He was quite sure he had been slipping into a catatonic state several times a day. he now feared drifting into a state of complete depression for god knows how long.
I have lost the will to live. simply nothing more to give.
The only things keeping him sane were the letters he received every day from Ron, Hermione, Lupin and occasionally one from the Order, all of them just checking making sure he was healthy and happy. He always lied to them. just tell them you're ok. just tell them the Dursleys are being perfectly humane. just tell them that.
There is nothing more for me. need the end to set me free.
But all the kind letters in all the world couldn't cheer him. He wanted Sirius back. that's all.. Just bring him back to me. please. Harry thought miserably. His dreams were useless. He wanted to dream of Sirius, to see him smiling and laughing again. But they were all pointless, trivial things, too much like those he had written in his Dream Diary for Divination.
Things not what they used to be. missing one inside of me.
He had often thought back to that confrontation between Dumbledore and Voldemort. when he had been possessed by the Dark Lord. when he had been in so much pain. wishing for Dumbledore to kill him. remembering wanting to die just to see Sirius again.
Deathly lost, this can't be real. cannot stand this hell I feel.
Yes. Harry had often longed for death. longed for anything to bring him closer to his lost godfather. But he knew Sirius wouldn't want it, he knew Sirius wouldn't think it would be worth it. He felt silent tears dripping off his chin onto his neck, creating a small pool in its' hollow. He hadn't realized he'd been crying until now.
Emptiness is filling me. to the point of agony.
And again, the void, sickening feeling filled him, more than it had in weeks. That emptiness, that awful feeling of sadness that he had never experienced before the loss of Sirius was taking him again. He felt himself choke and more tears spilled as he winced in pain.
Growing darkness taking dawn. I was me but now he's gone.
He felt like he was surrounded by dementors. all his happiness gone. And Sirius was that happiness. It was just as Nick had said. he would not come back.
No one but me can save myself, but it's too late.
No. he would never come back. Sirius was gone forever. Sirius was dead. Dumbledores words had made it too final to bear. and it's all my fault, thought Harry. All my fault.
Now I can't think. think why should I even try.
From time to time he had been trying to find where he had gone wrong, what he did to end his godfathers life. but no. No, regrets would solve nothing, although regret is one of the only things he felt.
Yesterday seems as though it never existed.
All the times he had spent with Sirius, all the memories, would remain just that. Memories. Those moments would all be lost in time. like tears in the rain.
Death greets me warm. now I will just say goodbye.
Life it seems will fade away. drifting further everyday.
Although he had awful cramps in his arms and back, and a headache from the merciless sun, the only thing that was on his mind was Sirius.
Getting lost within myself. nothing matters no one else.
He had been avoiding everyone and everything since he had come back to his aunt and uncles home for the summer. He had not been able to stop thinking of Sirius; watching him die had been too much for him to handle. He was quite sure he had been slipping into a catatonic state several times a day. he now feared drifting into a state of complete depression for god knows how long.
I have lost the will to live. simply nothing more to give.
The only things keeping him sane were the letters he received every day from Ron, Hermione, Lupin and occasionally one from the Order, all of them just checking making sure he was healthy and happy. He always lied to them. just tell them you're ok. just tell them the Dursleys are being perfectly humane. just tell them that.
There is nothing more for me. need the end to set me free.
But all the kind letters in all the world couldn't cheer him. He wanted Sirius back. that's all.. Just bring him back to me. please. Harry thought miserably. His dreams were useless. He wanted to dream of Sirius, to see him smiling and laughing again. But they were all pointless, trivial things, too much like those he had written in his Dream Diary for Divination.
Things not what they used to be. missing one inside of me.
He had often thought back to that confrontation between Dumbledore and Voldemort. when he had been possessed by the Dark Lord. when he had been in so much pain. wishing for Dumbledore to kill him. remembering wanting to die just to see Sirius again.
Deathly lost, this can't be real. cannot stand this hell I feel.
Yes. Harry had often longed for death. longed for anything to bring him closer to his lost godfather. But he knew Sirius wouldn't want it, he knew Sirius wouldn't think it would be worth it. He felt silent tears dripping off his chin onto his neck, creating a small pool in its' hollow. He hadn't realized he'd been crying until now.
Emptiness is filling me. to the point of agony.
And again, the void, sickening feeling filled him, more than it had in weeks. That emptiness, that awful feeling of sadness that he had never experienced before the loss of Sirius was taking him again. He felt himself choke and more tears spilled as he winced in pain.
Growing darkness taking dawn. I was me but now he's gone.
He felt like he was surrounded by dementors. all his happiness gone. And Sirius was that happiness. It was just as Nick had said. he would not come back.
No one but me can save myself, but it's too late.
No. he would never come back. Sirius was gone forever. Sirius was dead. Dumbledores words had made it too final to bear. and it's all my fault, thought Harry. All my fault.
Now I can't think. think why should I even try.
From time to time he had been trying to find where he had gone wrong, what he did to end his godfathers life. but no. No, regrets would solve nothing, although regret is one of the only things he felt.
Yesterday seems as though it never existed.
All the times he had spent with Sirius, all the memories, would remain just that. Memories. Those moments would all be lost in time. like tears in the rain.
Death greets me warm. now I will just say goodbye.