Title: Uncle Xander Screams Like A Girl
Author: spike_me_1
Email: spike_me_@yahoo.com
URL: http://www.geocities.com/spike_me_1
Distribution: Only with my permission. Email me.
Rating: G
Summary: In the distant future Buffy and Spike are married with kids. William Junior
gives his family history to his kindergarten class and gets in trouble for being a little
too much like his father. When you read his version of the story, picture a little kid
telling a fairy tale.
Spoilers: None
Pairing: Buffy/Spike
Keywords: Buffy, Spike, Future
Miss Redmond's kindergarten class sat on the mats and turned their attention to the
small, curly-headed blonde boy that stood before them. He smiled casually at his friends, stuck
his slender little hands in his pockets, and began to tell his story.
"Into each generation a Slayer is born. She is the Chosen One born with the strength
and skill to fight the vampires…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"So the Big Bad comes to town right? And he's got his mind set on killing the little
Slayer because, well, that's what he does…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"She turns and looks at him and she says, "Who are you?" Then the Big Bad says,
"You'll find out Saturday." And the Slayer says, "What happens Saturday?" And the Big Bad
says, "I kill you."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"The G.I. Joes put this chip in his head that shocks him whenever he tries to hurt
people. Kinda like the collar that we got for my dog cause he barks too much…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Now the Scooby Gang has to trust him, ya know cause he was helping them out and
because he didn't tattle whenever that Glory bint was punching him…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"So he falls from this tower, see, and the Slayer is fighting that stupid Glory, right, and
the Key is cut and starts bleeding. That's when all heck breaks loose…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"So he gets his chip taken out. The Slayer thinks that he's going to be all bad and evil
again, but he doesn't want to hurt anyone anymore. So he has to prove his love to her, because
he loves her more than anything in the world…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"That's when the big demon came running after him. He punched and kicked and beat
him up. Cause he's the Big Bad, remember? And all the while my Uncle Xander is screamin'
like a girl…"
"My dad does not scream like a girl!" Nick Harris added.
"Whatever, whelp. Quiet down. You'll get your turn. So where was I? OH! My dad
was kicking a little demon bum…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"The Slayer holds his body tight, even though he is bleeding, and kisses his forehead
and whispers that she loves him. As her tear falls, he opens his eyes…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"So apparently, a vampire and a slayer can have babies. But not Uncle Angel cause'
he's a poof…"
"William," his twin sister said to him in her warning voice, "Mommy says that Uncle
Angel is not a poof. That is not nice to say." The small girl looked at him with her hazel eyes.
"Alright, fine. So it didn't happen to Uncle Angel because he's a Nancy Boy…"
"William?" a small boy asked, "how do vampires and slayers have babies?"
"Well," William said with his blue eyes deep in thought, "My dad said it has something
to do with having a bit of a 'how's your father'...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"And they lived happily ever after. But be careful at night cause there are all sort of
nasties out and my parents might be busy," he added.
The teacher, still in shock, cleared her throat and stared at her students. All of their
eyes where as wide as saucers and their mouths were on the floor. The Summers children were
quite unusual, but what did she expect with a mother named Buffy and a father named Spike?
"That was quite interesting William. You have some imagination."
William smiled that cocky smile of his as he lay back down on his mat, with his arms
behind his head. Miss Redmond hoped that the next "Family History" would be a little less
eventful. "Nick Harris, it's your turn."
The chubby little brunette walked in front of the class and took a deep breath. With
that one breath he spouted out, "My dad is a Watcher and my mom used to give men syphilis."
With that, he turned and went back to his mat. Miss Redmond stared in astonishment. So
much for hoping.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Later that night….
"He did what?!!!" Buffy yelled as her daughter replayed all of the day's events for her.
"Spike!!!!"
"Yea, love?" her husband asked as he poked his head into the kitchen.
"What did I tell you about telling Will those 'bedtime stories'? Do you not realize that
the child repeats everything you say?"
"Bloody hell," they heard Will exclaim form the living room. He knew he had been
ratted out. Just like Joyce, always tattling on him.
"William Rupert Summers you watch your mouth and get to your room so I can think of
a way to punish you!" Spike yelled to his son. With a defeated look and his head bowed, Will
marched up the stairs to his bedroom.
"Joyce, sweetie, you go ahead and brush your teeth and I will be up to tuck you in.
Alright?" Buffy said as she kissed the girl lightly on the head.
"Night' Daddy!" Joyce said as she flew her arms around his legs. Spike picked her up
and squeezed her tight.
"Night' Nibblet. I'll be up in a sec as well," he said a he put her down. "Love you!" he
yelled as she dashed up the stairs. Spike prepared himself for the wrath of Buffy.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" she said as she hit him in the arm for good measure.
"It doesn't matter that you tell it like a fairy tale, Spike. He repeats everything!"
"I know, Love. I'll stop. I promise, just please no more hitting," he said as he pouted
his bottom lip. Buffy stared at her husband. He no longer had his signature platinum blonde
hair. It was back to his original color, dirty blonde. He no longer wore his duster, except on
patrolling. He looked more alive now than ever before in his life, but that fire and mischievous
twinkle was still in his eyes. She smiled at her "Big Bad" all dressed in a Polo shirt.
"Now go explain to your son that it is not nice to tell stories," she said before she gently
kissed him on his lips.
"I am such a bloody Nancy Boy," he said as he rolled his eyes and headed towards the
stairs.
"And watch your language! You can fuss at him for that too," she smiled as she
watched him. Just then the phone rang. Buffy walked across the room and picked it up.
Maybe it was Dawn! She hadn't heard from her since her semester started at N.Y.U.
"Hello. Oh hi Xander. Yes we heard all about the fiasco. Yes, Spike is taking care of
it right now. He did what?" she bit her lip to hold back her laughter "You don't say? Yes, you
may have a word with my Evil- Bloodsucking- Fiend- of- a- Husband. Hold on." Buffy cover
the receiver and yelled up the stairs. "Spike! You have a phone call!" She was greeted by the
confused face of her spouse as she handed him the phone. "Something about Uncle Xander
screaming like a girl," she giggled as she stepped back.
Spike rolled his eyes and picked up the phone. "Ello'?" pause "Yea whelp." pause
"What do you want?" pause " I never said such a thing!" pause "Well you damn well do…"
Buffy laughed. What could she say? Like father like son.
Author: spike_me_1
Email: spike_me_@yahoo.com
URL: http://www.geocities.com/spike_me_1
Distribution: Only with my permission. Email me.
Rating: G
Summary: In the distant future Buffy and Spike are married with kids. William Junior
gives his family history to his kindergarten class and gets in trouble for being a little
too much like his father. When you read his version of the story, picture a little kid
telling a fairy tale.
Spoilers: None
Pairing: Buffy/Spike
Keywords: Buffy, Spike, Future
Miss Redmond's kindergarten class sat on the mats and turned their attention to the
small, curly-headed blonde boy that stood before them. He smiled casually at his friends, stuck
his slender little hands in his pockets, and began to tell his story.
"Into each generation a Slayer is born. She is the Chosen One born with the strength
and skill to fight the vampires…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"So the Big Bad comes to town right? And he's got his mind set on killing the little
Slayer because, well, that's what he does…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"She turns and looks at him and she says, "Who are you?" Then the Big Bad says,
"You'll find out Saturday." And the Slayer says, "What happens Saturday?" And the Big Bad
says, "I kill you."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"The G.I. Joes put this chip in his head that shocks him whenever he tries to hurt
people. Kinda like the collar that we got for my dog cause he barks too much…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Now the Scooby Gang has to trust him, ya know cause he was helping them out and
because he didn't tattle whenever that Glory bint was punching him…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"So he falls from this tower, see, and the Slayer is fighting that stupid Glory, right, and
the Key is cut and starts bleeding. That's when all heck breaks loose…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"So he gets his chip taken out. The Slayer thinks that he's going to be all bad and evil
again, but he doesn't want to hurt anyone anymore. So he has to prove his love to her, because
he loves her more than anything in the world…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"That's when the big demon came running after him. He punched and kicked and beat
him up. Cause he's the Big Bad, remember? And all the while my Uncle Xander is screamin'
like a girl…"
"My dad does not scream like a girl!" Nick Harris added.
"Whatever, whelp. Quiet down. You'll get your turn. So where was I? OH! My dad
was kicking a little demon bum…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"The Slayer holds his body tight, even though he is bleeding, and kisses his forehead
and whispers that she loves him. As her tear falls, he opens his eyes…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"So apparently, a vampire and a slayer can have babies. But not Uncle Angel cause'
he's a poof…"
"William," his twin sister said to him in her warning voice, "Mommy says that Uncle
Angel is not a poof. That is not nice to say." The small girl looked at him with her hazel eyes.
"Alright, fine. So it didn't happen to Uncle Angel because he's a Nancy Boy…"
"William?" a small boy asked, "how do vampires and slayers have babies?"
"Well," William said with his blue eyes deep in thought, "My dad said it has something
to do with having a bit of a 'how's your father'...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"And they lived happily ever after. But be careful at night cause there are all sort of
nasties out and my parents might be busy," he added.
The teacher, still in shock, cleared her throat and stared at her students. All of their
eyes where as wide as saucers and their mouths were on the floor. The Summers children were
quite unusual, but what did she expect with a mother named Buffy and a father named Spike?
"That was quite interesting William. You have some imagination."
William smiled that cocky smile of his as he lay back down on his mat, with his arms
behind his head. Miss Redmond hoped that the next "Family History" would be a little less
eventful. "Nick Harris, it's your turn."
The chubby little brunette walked in front of the class and took a deep breath. With
that one breath he spouted out, "My dad is a Watcher and my mom used to give men syphilis."
With that, he turned and went back to his mat. Miss Redmond stared in astonishment. So
much for hoping.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Later that night….
"He did what?!!!" Buffy yelled as her daughter replayed all of the day's events for her.
"Spike!!!!"
"Yea, love?" her husband asked as he poked his head into the kitchen.
"What did I tell you about telling Will those 'bedtime stories'? Do you not realize that
the child repeats everything you say?"
"Bloody hell," they heard Will exclaim form the living room. He knew he had been
ratted out. Just like Joyce, always tattling on him.
"William Rupert Summers you watch your mouth and get to your room so I can think of
a way to punish you!" Spike yelled to his son. With a defeated look and his head bowed, Will
marched up the stairs to his bedroom.
"Joyce, sweetie, you go ahead and brush your teeth and I will be up to tuck you in.
Alright?" Buffy said as she kissed the girl lightly on the head.
"Night' Daddy!" Joyce said as she flew her arms around his legs. Spike picked her up
and squeezed her tight.
"Night' Nibblet. I'll be up in a sec as well," he said a he put her down. "Love you!" he
yelled as she dashed up the stairs. Spike prepared himself for the wrath of Buffy.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" she said as she hit him in the arm for good measure.
"It doesn't matter that you tell it like a fairy tale, Spike. He repeats everything!"
"I know, Love. I'll stop. I promise, just please no more hitting," he said as he pouted
his bottom lip. Buffy stared at her husband. He no longer had his signature platinum blonde
hair. It was back to his original color, dirty blonde. He no longer wore his duster, except on
patrolling. He looked more alive now than ever before in his life, but that fire and mischievous
twinkle was still in his eyes. She smiled at her "Big Bad" all dressed in a Polo shirt.
"Now go explain to your son that it is not nice to tell stories," she said before she gently
kissed him on his lips.
"I am such a bloody Nancy Boy," he said as he rolled his eyes and headed towards the
stairs.
"And watch your language! You can fuss at him for that too," she smiled as she
watched him. Just then the phone rang. Buffy walked across the room and picked it up.
Maybe it was Dawn! She hadn't heard from her since her semester started at N.Y.U.
"Hello. Oh hi Xander. Yes we heard all about the fiasco. Yes, Spike is taking care of
it right now. He did what?" she bit her lip to hold back her laughter "You don't say? Yes, you
may have a word with my Evil- Bloodsucking- Fiend- of- a- Husband. Hold on." Buffy cover
the receiver and yelled up the stairs. "Spike! You have a phone call!" She was greeted by the
confused face of her spouse as she handed him the phone. "Something about Uncle Xander
screaming like a girl," she giggled as she stepped back.
Spike rolled his eyes and picked up the phone. "Ello'?" pause "Yea whelp." pause
"What do you want?" pause " I never said such a thing!" pause "Well you damn well do…"
Buffy laughed. What could she say? Like father like son.