Has anyone nutted so damn hard that they were transported to another dimension?
Yeah, me neither...
No wait, what I should be saying is. 'Yes, I have.' Being as I had woken up not too long ago with my pants around my ankles and my dick, in all of its circumcised glory, flopping about in the open air for the whole world to see.
The only embarrassing part of this is the fact that I didn't get to delete my internet history.
SIKE, I USE INCOGNITO FUCK Y'ALL, HAHA!
'No but seriously, I should pull up my pants now.' He was, after all, being stared at by a whole bunch of 'people' that weren't exactly concealing their gazes away from his crotch.
Not that he didn't have any confidence in his dick, but he still had embarrassment, contrary to his earlier statement. And while he wouldn't mind having a female staring at it in amazement, he would rather them both be in a room.
Alone.
Again, not that he wouldn't be down for an orgy. As long as said orgy had him being the only male in the room. He was confident in his dick, but he knew he wasn't the biggest.
That, and the fact that he just didn't like seeing another mans penis. Let alone watching it enter a coochie.
Probably why he couldn't stand porn.
At least straight porn.
'Bleaugh.'
"I-Is that a human...?"
"Oh my- Yeah, I think it is!"
I stared at the colourful haired 'people' as they seemed to marvel at my very appearance. Whispers and excited voices were all you could hear across the open plaza.
It annoyed me.
Yet, I didn't speak up. Not at the time, at least. Not even when they had all crowded around me and gaped at me like I was some kind of extinct species suddenly popping up after twelve millennia.
Pfff, That's impossible. He wasn't a goddamn dinosaur.
'Dinosaurs were extinct far longer than twelve millennia. You fuckin' baguette.'
"Shut up, brain."
And just from that one voiced thought, the square had erupted again. This time being filled with excitement and wonder.
"It talked, It talked!"
"Holy- Someone record this!"
"Why don't YOU record it, James?"
"Well... I-I would!... But my phones dead!"
"Your phone Is always dead!"
Jesus, they even had phones here. Where in the hell was he?
...
And James? What a fuckin' loser ass name.
"Man this is so cool, I can't wait to tell my mom I met a human!"
The one who had spoken wiggled his hair in excitement.
Wiggled.
'Okay yah Nah, fuck this shit.' Coming to the final realization that he definitely wasn't dreaming and that he was staring at humanoid tentacle-haired people.
Yes, you heard me right tentacles for hair.
Did he realize that he was going to leave, and hope to god that next time he masturbated, he wouldn't be transported across a fucking dimension.
'That being said... Didn't realize that me busting nuts was so powerful...'
"..."
'I wonder If I can do a Kamehameha while busting...'
'I want you to repeat that, but very. Slowly.'
'Ahhh, shut the fuck up brain. I just teleported across dimensions from nutting and you think I couldn't bust a Kamehameha out of my dick? Fuck off.'
Now done talking to myself like the insane person I was, I began to turn my focus onto tentacle-haired humanoids once again. Seeing as I still hadn't spoken to any of the little shits yet, in fact. I didn't know if I even fuckin' wanted to. Who the fuck just enters an unknown world, as probably one of the last species and then acts like they won't be torn open to be inspected on?
'Fuckin' idiots, that's who.'
"Damn right brain, UpTop!"
Again, the crowd went into an uproar.
"Again! It talked again!
"This is groundbreaking!"
"I really wish I-
I have had enough.
"I swear to god, if one of you open your goddamn mouth again, I'll personally walk over there and snap your goddamn neck."
Silence.
Just how I like-
"Uhh sir, ignoring the fact that you can understand us somehow like in a cheesy Isekai manga. We don't have necks to snap..." A cyan haired kid spoke up, glassed around his stupid ass eyes, his hand raised as if answering a teachers question.
Moments of more silence passed as both I and the kid looked at each other through the now separated crowd, and if one looked closely enough. You could see one of the Humanoids eating popcorn.
'Did this little piece of ass just talk back to me?'
I let a couple more seconds of silence pass before speaking up.
"You don't have any friends. Do you?"
"..."
"..."
"Uh.. Sir, Wha-"
I cut the little shit off.
"Answer the fucking question, dickass."
More silence before finally the kid looked at the ground, his eyes tearing.
The kid mumbled something, prompting me to raise my voice. "What?! I can't hear you dumbass! Speak up!"
"N-no." He finally responded.
"N-n-no. That's what you sound like. Now next time don't be such a smartass and maybe people will like you. Highly fucking doubtful though. Fuckin' nerd." I mocked. That seemed to be all the pussy was able to handle as he had all but bolted out of the plaza, tears treading down his face as he pushed himself through the crowd.
"Yeah! And don't come back you fuckin' Shitlord!" I called after him, his silhouette quickly disappearing as he rounded a corner.
"Wow... this guy's kinda mean.."
"Yeah, I thought they were supposed to be... almighty? A better version of us or something."
My head snapped to the one who said that, my hazel orbs burning into their soul as they froze on eye contact.
I narrowed my eyes and spoke. "Yeah, I'll be almighty when my fist's so far up your ass that it comes out your throat, dicklips."
"D-dicklips?!"
"Yeah! DickLips! Did I fucking stutter, dicklips?!"
This time a girl (By the looks of it) holding a cup of whatever the fuck she was drinking spoke up, her pink 'hair' Swaying as she crossed her arms, laying it on the top of her left arm so she didn't spill her drink
"Do you know any other words than curses?" She asked like a fucking brat, her eyebrow peaking as she snarled in my direction.
I focused on her, my eyes running up and down her body before I retorted.
"I dunno, can you grow tits?"
She gasped her arms that were once resting crossed on her stomach, now wrapped around her chest in a defensive manner as she let an embarrassed blush cross her face.
Yep, definitely a girl. They were always sensitive about the tits.
She didn't retort after that.
I did though.
"Yeah, next time speak when spoken to, cumdump."
I let a growl exit my throat as I looked across the crowd of now uneasy humanoids.
I rolled my eyes, tired of this shit already and turned around on my heel, my back now facing the libtards. "You guys fuckin' suck ass. I'm out." I spoke out, taking a step forward as I readied myself for my departure...
And promptly ate shit as I tripped over my still pulled down pants.
'Oh that's right... I never pulled them up, did I?"
And because I never pulled them up, my dick and balls also took some damage when I fell face first into the pure harshness that was concrete and asphalt.
And that hurt like a bitch.
"Fuckin' ugh, My diiiiick..." I whimpered out.
I stayed like that for a while, realizing that I not only embarrassed myself like that, but also the fact that my dick hurt like I had just set it on fire. That kept me from even moving an inch of my body.
That is until clacks of shoes stopped centimeters from my face. Prompting me to finally lift my head from Its downed position and look up towards the figure in question.
And I was greeted by (again) what I could only guess was a female, dressed in what seemed to be a formal kimono and an umbrella hanging limply across one of her shoulders.
"Is that Marie? Like as in Marie from the SquidSisters?!" One of them spoke up.
And holy fuck I shit you not, the crowd erupted again causing me to think they honestly had something fucked with their brains.
Paying no mind to the meltdown that was the crowd behind me. The girl narrowed her eyes as she looked down on me before opening her mouth.
"You're coming with me, I have no idea how you came to be but I have several questions for you." She said suddenly.
I was silent for a moment.
"..."
"I can see your panties through that slit you have from down here." Her eyes slightly widened, but I didn't give her a chance to respond. "Gotta say, you're rocking green. Must be your favorite colour seeing as you're rocking it down there too."
The bitch growled, before shifting the slit so it covered up what was needed.
"Three, pick this idiot up and carry him with us, I don't want anyone else having to deal with his stupidity."
My eyebrow peeked. "Three? The fucks a three, and wh- WHOA" I was promptly interrupted as I was (very easily I might add) lifted and thrown over a petite girls shoulder like a sack of limp-dicked potatoes.
"Whoa, WHOA! Waitt! Hold on!" Everyone paused as they looked at me, the tentacled haired girl that was carrying me tilted her head to make eye contact as well.
I huffed before continuing. "Can I at the very least pull up my pants? It's fucking chilly out here..."
The Kimono bitch looked at me, her eye twitching in mild annoyance before making a waving motion with her hand.
I was let back down onto the ground, and knowing I wouldn't get another chance promptly pulled up my pants.
"Whew, thanks. Like I said, it's chilly."
And with my finished sentence, I smirked. Easily grabbing the petite girls' shirt scruff as she had stupidly shrugged me off behind her.
Like a dumbass would.
Lifting her up in the air, I was surprised at how light she was. Seeing as she had all but yanked me around like I weighed nothing.
Never said this, But I'm almost Six-five and weigh about two hundred pounds.
Yeah, she picked that up like it was nothing.
Mild confusion shown.
Anyways back on track, I was now making eye contact with the petite humanoid as she as well seemed surprised I was able to lift her to my eye level.
I Smirked.
Her eyes widened as if she knew what was coming.
And I'm guessing she did as I wound up my arm, and yeeted her ass into the crowd behind me. Not wasting any time, I took off in a random direction. Hoping it gave me enough time to make a getaway.
Of course, I bragged a little as I turned my head around and shouted obscenities, laughing at their stupidity as I bragged about getting away. And of course... Wasn't able to react fast enough when I had turned my head back around, only able to realize that I was running into a wall.
And Smacked my head right into said wall.
I found myself back on my ass, my head spinning as I could only dazedly make out the sounds of those damned footsteps from before.
The kimono bitch's head hovered over my downed one, her head shaking back and forth as if disappointed.
"You're an absolute moron."
My head lolled to the side as I slowly lost consciousness, only able to make one final response.
"You... Get... No... dick..."
And I promptly blacked out.
~~~END~~~
A parody of all those cringy ass fanfics you guys write of a human In splatoon. I get it, you'd rather be there than here. I would too. But It's overused and I haven't met one person who was able to make it even semi-decent enough for me to want to keep reading. So here you go. Enjoy this shit you lovely shits you.