There's a zombie in my closet

Disclaimer: You don't even want to know what would happen if I owned BTR.

Summary: Logan's getting over a hangover, discovering his boyfriend Carlos and he got matching tongue piercings, James got in a fight, and Kendall totally puked in the refrigerator. "Dude…there's throw up on the macaroni! I was gonna eat that for breakfast!" Carganess, Implied Kames, Slash, & swearing!

The freakin world is spinning. Wait… oh I'm just hanging upside down, while blood rushes to my head and my toes get numb. I straighten up and look around my room, it's trashed and I'm pretty sure there's a dead squirrel in the corner, oh it's ok, it's Kendall's shirt. The nasty brown one with the million pockets on it. Eww somebody needs a wardrobe adjustment. On my way to the living room I realize something and it's not that there's a zombie in my closet or some fucked up shit like that. Holy mother of Minnesota, I have a tongue ring! It's just a tiny diamond stud, I convince myself as I look in the mirror and damn it looks good. I mean not to brag but I know I'm hot, probably because Carlos said it over and over when he saw me in a tux. (Logan, I mean you look hot, really hot, I mean so hot on a daily basis but mannnn you're sexy as shit right now). And Carlos is serious when he calls me my full name instead of the billions of nicknames he has for me. I hold my head as it pounds loudly like when James tried to play the drums. It was an epic fail. He just hit the sticks like a retarded monkey while bopping his head because he said all drummers did that. Pshh sure they did, if they were retarded monkey drummers. It's super cold in the kitchen and I realize the fridge door is open and Kendall is in a heap on the floor on top of upchucked cocktails and sweat. I look at the icebox in horror. I kick Kendall in the stomach and his eyes snap open. "You threw up in the fridge man!" I screech as I look closer. "Dude…there's throw up on the macaroni! I was gonna eat that for breakfast!" He looks at me with sad eyes. "I'm sorry man…James and the apple martini…an-and Barney…" He mumbles incoherently, while clutching my boot. "Barney was mean Logan! He shoved me o-on purpose and then my gaydar went off and he was hitting on MY Jamie. So I punched him, my hand hurts and it wasn't even Barney Logie! He was just a British guy with red hair that kept calling me a nasty American bloke."

At the end of his sentence Kendall's head drops into his puddle of body liquids. Not wanting him to drown, I grab his head and turn it to the side, so his nose and mouth are on a flyer for Inky Love tattoos and piercings. I find Carlos fifteen minutes later, with a giant orange gummy bear that I believe was edible and as he yawned in his sleep his tongue glistened. I'm pretty sure my boyfriend didn't have a silvery magic tongue before last night, I mused as I dragged him and his gummy bear out of the swirly slide. Absentmindedly I drop him as I'm pulled into a flashback of last night. This is totally cool because I've saw this flashback stuff on the Hangover. It's an awesome movie by the way.

Carlos giggles as I twirl him around at this stupid party James convinced us to throw. He's pre-wasted which I guess means not completely. I wanted to do something, something outrageous, and non-Logan like. I could feel I was drunk because I was laughing hysterically as Carlos dragged me down the street to Inky Love and we looked at the studs. I was attracted to a small one, that glistened and I laughed in a high-pitched tone, my brain all fuzzy. "What y-you laughin' ab-about L-logan?" Carlos asks and I chuckle at the fact that he still stutters when he's drunk. "Look…we should totally get piercings instead of a tattoo 'cause mommy says tattoos are permanent." Carlos giggles another musical sound and pokes my mouth. "Let's get them on ourrrrrrrr tongues!" he whisper-shouts in my face making me smell his tequila from Kendall and his drinking contest. I just whisper back a 'k' because my mind is jumbled and I can't think correctly. Later Carlos and I are falling over each other guffawing and holding hands. And kissing him, I run my pierced tongue over his and smile. "I feel like, like a much cooler person right now." But I mess it up by stumbling back into the party and getting whiskey all over a Botox-flavored girl (I didn't know girls came Botox-flavored hmm) with unnatural boobs and blonde hair. She screams and I call a "Sorry Barbie!" over my shoulder before twirling Carlos again.

"Logan Hortense Mitchell, will you stop staring off in space and tell me why my tongue is numb?" I look down at my boyfriend and help him up. I stick my tongue out at him and he does the same but freezes. "Omg Logie! You have a piercing!" I look at him incredulously. "So do you." I deadpan. His eyes widen and I chuckle at his facial expression. It's blank and then he's whooping and fist pumping like those afro-y people from that Party rocker thingy. I hate Lmfao. "Cool," he squeals "I can cross this off of the list of things to do before I'm thirty!" I tilt my head at him again and smile. "Well you can always cross off cleaning up Kendall's puke and sweat from the floor because I need someone to do that." His nose crinkles "No thank you. I have to find James. He got into a fight last night." I smirk, of course he did. "About…?" Carlos shrugs "I dunno but I'll tell you when I find out." Then he remembers something and his eyes widen in shock, "My helmet's still in the toilet! I'll see you later Loges." He kisses my jaw tenderly before running away screaming "Helmet! Where are you?"

I walk back to the kitchen and Kendall is up, drinking two water bottles at the same time. I raise an eyebrow as he puts his tongue under the sink and drinks the tap water. I clear my throat and the blonde spins around. "Hey Logan, I bet you're wondering what I'm doin right?" I nod and he continues. "You see, when you wake up with a pounding headache and your mouth is as dry as the Sahara, you need H20." I think this over and realize he's right and I need water also. Kendall explains that there are no more water bottles in the fridge. So, he grabs the small water hose that's attached to the kitchen sink and sprays cold water in his mouth. But since he's still a little wasted and his aim is off, most of it gets on the floor. Then he turns it on me and I open my mouth wide. An icy spray hits me smack dab on the chest of my graphic tee. The second lands straight in my mouth and Kendall cheers and hands me the nozzle so he can try it out. I'm spraying water into Kendall's mouth, the floor is completely wet and dirty and there's a bra on the kettle. That's pretty much what it looks like when James walks in.

"KENDALL!" He shouts and I groan and cover my ears. "Tone it down a little James." I say. He smiles apologetically with a black eye and busted lip and steps over an empty bottle of Jack Daniels and hugs Kendall. Carlos runs in 2 seconds later out of breath. "I…found…him." He gasps. I wrap my arm around his shoulder and he smiles dizzily up at me. "I had to run all the way to the basement and down the street but I found him." James shakes his head. "I found myself." He exclaims. "I woke up downtown with a kitten in my lap and a baseball cap on my head. All I could remember was fighting Barney because he tried to kiss me. Then I get to Palmwoods Park and Carlos spotted me and ran over saying 'James if you don't come back with me, my gummy bear will be lonely!' and he had a wet helmet in his hand." Kendall and I look at each other and say "What?" but burst out laughing anyway. Carlos looks at James with wide eyes. "Logie bought me that gummy bear last night and it's real. I left it by Swirly but I'll go back to eat it later." I did?

I clap my hands together. "We still have to clean." I explain. Carlos lays his head on my shoulder and pouts "Can we do it tomorrow?" I shake my head sadly. "Unless you want to sleep on a bed infested by clothes that are not yours and spittle, you'll clean with us." My boyfriend sighs "Fine, but I'm not gonna like it." Kendall turns on a CD and for the next two hours we clean the apartment. Then we all shower and change clothes and walk down to a local café. "Look!" James points to a bench in front of a pet shop. "This is where I was this morning." A meow comes from behind him and James spins around. "Noodles! There you are kitty!" I raise an eyebrow (it seems like I've been doing that a lot today) and say "You named the cat 'Noodles'" James grins "This is the cat I woke up with this morning when I COULDN'T FIND YOU GUYS!" he shouts but continues softly, "He's a cutie isn't he." He sets the cat down and we continue on to the shop. We take seats in the back and a brunette waitress comes up to us. She sees us and her eyes get huge and she's grinning like she's won the lottery. Unfortunately Carlos wanted the window seat on our side, so I have the wonderful pleasure of her boobs in my face. Do you hear it? Do you hear my sarcasm?

She trails a hand down my arm and I clench my fists and squirm uncomfortably while Carlos gives her the biggest stink-eye I have ever seen. He grabs my hand under the table and I smile. The waitress who's nametag says Sandy tries to slip a piece of paper in my button down pocket and nonchalantly rubs her hand on my thigh while taking an amused Kendall and James' order. This dear friend…is when I snap. "Sandy," I say innocently and this gets not only her attention but everyone at my tables too. "What are you doing?" I ask. She looks confused and lets loose a 'huh?' I hide my smirk and say "Well the body utensil that you use to write with is on my thigh. Why is that?" She blushes deep red and tells me "Oh I just thought that um I would um just you know." I tilt my head "Listen San… can I call you that Sandy?" she nods "I will never be interested in you or any woman for that matter! I came here with my boyfriend and my friends and I would appreciate if I could have my vanilla latte WITH whipped cream and NO foam!" Carlos taps me "And a large hot chocolate and a chocolate chip muffin" he whispers in my ear, "And a large hot chocolate and a chocolate chip muffin!" I shout before smiling sweetly, "Do you think you can do that for me?" She's angry, fuming, steamy like lobster and it's hilarious. Well…until she opens her mouth again.

"No!" she trills "Being gay is wrong!" She must have some religious values but James doesn't care. He's shouting at her and then Carlos is screaming in Spanish and Kendall had fallen down laughing. I clear my throat and they shut up immediately. "Well being a slut is wrong too." Sandy gasps at my words and tears stream down her face. I guess she's humiliated. So we get a waiter to bring us our stuff and when we walk out we burst out laughing. Kendall stops laughing and wraps an arm around my shoulder. "You're a boss my man." I take Carlos's hand and nod. "I know."

"I love you so much Logan." Carlos says when we get to our room. And Carlos is serious when he calls me my full name instead of the billions of nicknames he has for me. "What you did today was like the awesomest thing I've ever seen. And you're very sexy when you're angry. You nose crinkles and your eyebrows pull together. You looked like an angry kitten today." He lies beside me and kisses me with passion and it's like the best thing ever. So I kiss him back and whisper "I love you too." I raise my pointer finger and tap his nose. Carlos giggles. "Yeah I mean if Sandy wasn't a slut, this day wouldn't have been as much fun. And even though she was very annoying, I feel kinda bad for her." The Latino looks up at me confused. "Well she's gonna get fired for disturbing the magical calming sensation of BTR peace." Carlos nods agreeably. "WE BLOW IT UP!" he yells. I laugh with him "We really do."

James cracks the door open. "Kendall's ordering Chinese and we got UP on Netflix. You wanna watch it with us?" Carlos nods and James makes an 'ok' sign with his fingers. I kiss Carlos one more time and he smiles into the kiss. We walk out the door and I ask "Why was your helmet in the toilet?" He says "One word. Bathroom Hockey." I chuckle and kiss his cheek. "That's two words." He shrugs. "Eh."

THE END

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