A/N: Well hi there. Long time no see, am I right? Sorry for the (long) delay in posting anything new (there's a little note on my profile if you wanna read it at all). But yeah, I'm back (for now) =]
First time publishing in the Doctor Who fandom, so I hope you enjoy this little drabble.
The Doctor's Thoughts on Rose Tyler
If there was one thing the Doctor knew for sure, it was that Rose Tyler was one of a kind. A girl like her only came about once in a lifetime, which was an awfully long time for someone like him (the Doctor was over 900 years old, after all). So when he realised just how much she meant to him, he was determined to hang on to her - by any means necessary.
The only problem was the Doctor's inability to say just what she meant to him. He loved her, of that he was certain. She was the first person he'd truly loved in centuries, if he was being entirely honest with himself. But he couldn't tell her. He'd tried to justify it; as a human, her lifespan was significantly shorter then his would be; as a human, she should be able to live a normal life rather then one full of constant danger; as a human, she should have a human boyfriend. Little thoughts like that kept him from admitng his feelings to her. He did, occasionally, slip up, and his feelings would be laid bare. The first memory that came to mind was during his 9th incarnation, during the Slitheen invasion - "I could save the world but lose you". Thoughts like that made him forget about everyone else, because how would he survive without Rose? He dreaded to think of who he had been before he met Rose Tyler; a shadow compared to what he was now.
He almost lost her several times. But the day that would forever haunt him was the day she took the Time Vortext into herself. Dear Rose Tyler, the amazing woman that she was, she had no idea what she risked in order to defeat the Daleks. Well, in a way she did know because the Bad Wolf knew the risk to its human vessel, but Rose Tyler, the human, would never fully understand just what the Time Vortext could do to her. But beautiful Rose, with her glowing gold eyes, did the impossible and pulled Captain Jack Harkness back from death itself before turning the Daleks to dust. His devotion to Rose was put to the test, that day. He could have lost her that day, had he not pulled the Vortex into himself, forcing his nineth form to die. The price of saving Rose Tyler; the death of the form she'd come to cherish, and the loss of her memories of the Bad Wolf. Though, one day, Rose would remember, and the Doctor couldn't help but dread what that day would bring.
Rose was bound to come to a similar conclusion to the Doctor. The entity known as Bad Wolf existed outside the boundaries of time and space - an immortal being who could destroy and create at the blink of an eye. If Rose was immortal, she could stay with the Doctor for the rest of his life - a thought that made his hearts flutter with joy. But how would the centuries change Rose, his Rose? He thought about how time and wars had changed himself, and he swore that he would never let it happen to Rose. He couldn't let it. If Rose lost her humanity, one of the things that brought such a smile to the Doctor's face, what hope did he have?
The day he lost Rose Tyler to the parallel world - Pete's world, he'd named it - he felt something in him die. Unless he was willing to risk the universes to get Rose back, he would never see her again. This was where he was at odds with himself; his hearts wanted him to move heaven and hell to get her back, but his logical mind said that as the last Time Lord, and as the Doctor, he couldn't allow the universes to be destroyed to get his love back. So the Doctor let her go. Oh, he held her in his hearts and his thoughts constantly - not a day went by that he didn't think, 'Oh, Rose would love that' or 'I wish I could show Rose this' - but he accepted the thought that she would move on and have a happy life in a parallel world.
Martha Jones, his companion following Rose, was a special individual. Training to be a doctor herself, Martha was brilliant in her own way. Brilliant Martha Jones, saving the world from the Master. For the first time in his existance, the entire world knew his name. And they were all thinking, hoping, praying his name, begging for him to save the world. He couldn't disappoint, not with humanity pleading so desperately. And so, only a handful of people remembered the Year That Never Was - the Jones family would never look at the world the same again - and the Doctor was alone again. So much for YANA. Martha departed his company, stating that she couldn't stay with him any longer, that she had to get out. Apparently Martha had fallen in love with him, go figure.
Donna Noble came next. Well, again. Donna was special as well. But for a different reason again; all the timelines of multiple universes converged on her. Now that was something the Doctor hadn't experienced before. Donna was just what the Doctor had needed; a friend. A best friend, to be honest. He would have kept her with him for the rest of her life, if he could have. But, unfortunately, Donna had to forget, lest she die. The Doctor couldn't let that happen. Never. His best friend wouldn't die because of him. But, during his travels with Donna those two words had popped up again. Bad Wolf. Rose Tyler was sending him a message from a parallel world. Not only was that meant to be impossible, but it was Bad News. Capitalised and all. And so fate bought Rose Tyler back to him. But the Doctor forgot, fate was never that kind, and he almost regenerated. Almost, being the key word. The complicated sequence resulted in a Doctor-Donna hybrid - something the Doctor still didn't quite understand.
Leaving the Meta-Crisis in Pete's world as a replacement for the Doctor was...cruel. Rose had been waiting for so long to hear him say those three little words, but the Doctor (however much he wanted to) couldn't give them to her. He couldn't ask her to leave her family behind again - not that the first time was much success. So he did the next best thing; he left his clone with her, giving her some half-arsed reason as to why she had to stay with his clone. And he left, again. And Rose Tyler was lost to him, again. While his clone got to live happily ever after with the woman he loved. The clone, unfortunately, wasn't entirely the same as the Doctor - the clone was biologically a human, and he possessed some of Donna's quirks - so the Doctor didn't quite know if Rose would be able to handle the changes. He had faith in his Rose. But she had changed since the last time he saw her; carrying around that gun, so who knew what the future would bring for Rose and the Meta-Crisis.
The day of his regeneration was drawing nearer, according to the Ood. So maybe he would find out, one day, whether or not Rose Tyler would return to him. But, at the same time, it wouldn't be him. It would be the next form of the Doctor who would reencounter Rose, and she wouldn't even know it. He couldn't help but wonder if the future-Doctor would have the courage to tell Rose who he was. Maybe Rose would surprise them both, and figure it out without being told. She was brilliant, after all. The Doctor hoped, with everything that he was, that this would be so. That Rose would prove them all wrong once more. Bad Wolf, indeed.
Thanks for reading! Reviews aren't necessary, but any feedback you have is most welcome!
-theSarcasticWench