Koujaku comes out of the bathroom, toweling off his damp hair. As usual, the guy has spent at least an hour and a half just doing his hair. Although, if he spent this long in the bathroom, you would think his hair would at least be styled. It usually is, as Koujaku doesn't like to have his hair unruly in the slightest.
He turns towards me and I catch my breath at the sight of his facial tattoo. Usually his long bangs cover the left side of his face, even when his hair is down, but now it's caught up in the towel and I can't help but stare. He pauses when he notices me looking at him.
"Are you alright, Aoba?" he gives me a concerned look.
I flush and turn my head away.
"O-oh it's nothing" I say, trying to keep the embarrassment from entering my voice. Staring at another guy like that, it's weird. I shouldn't look at him like that. But still, my eyes are drawn to him. To his face. He continues to give me a puzzled look
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
I can feel my face become even hotter. Why am I looking at him like that? I shouldn't , the sight of his face makes me want to... I don't know. I just want to continue to look at it. But I turn my head away again.
"I'm not looking at you any special way, idiot" I say, glaring in the direction of the floor. I hear his footsteps as he walks over to me. He lifts my chin to look at him. His hair is slicked back, still up from his face.
"H-hey Koujaku, let go" I say, squirming. He releases me, looking a little sheepish.
"Sorry, just making sure you're okay. Uh... are you sure there's nothing wrong? You had a really strange look on your face just now."
"Um-" I start, but then stop myself. What am I supposed to say? "I like to look at your face?". No no no, I can't say that. Not to Koujaku. That would be too weird. Koujaku is my friend. But he isn't just my friend, not anymore. But I still can't bring myself to say anything about it.
"Is there something wrong with my face?" he still sounds concerned.
"No I uh... I just don't see the other side of your face much." I say, then take a deep breath and mumble "It's kinda nice."
Koujaku immediately turns bright red and drops his gaze. "O-oh...I, uh... well.." he clears his throat, embarrassed. "I don't show my face, because of... you know..." he gestures towards his tattoo. He goes to cover it with his hair and I reach out to stop him without thinking. Realizing that I reached out, I snatch my hand away.
"Um...sorry" I say. Why is it so awkward with him sometimes? When we act like friends, everything is normal, but at times like this...
Koujaku turns away from me, messing around with his bangs nervously. I've obviously made him embarrassed, not to mention the fact that he hates having his tattoos visible. I know I shouldn't press him to show his face if he doesn't want to. Yet when I look at his face, all of his face, I feel a painful warmth in my chest, the same warmth I get when he holds me or looks into my eyes.
"Koujaku..."
"Hmm?" he says, still not looking at me.
"You don't have to hide your face, you know" I say, quietly. His shoulders tense. I press onwards despite his discomfort. "Your tattoos are a part of you. You can't erase them from your skin. Hiding them won't change anything. It doesn't matter to me and I don't think it would matter to anyone else either"
His shoulders droop a little and he mutters "It matters to me".
"Koujaku..."
He turns to face me. "I feel like if I cover up these tattoos, I can pretend, for a while at least, that they aren't there. That if no one knows they are there, maybe they aren't such a big deal. That maybe... maybe I could think that it never happened, just for a while" he looks down, letting his eyes drop from mine again
Unconsciously, I step a little closer to him. "It's okay though, it happened once, but that doesn't mean you have to hide yourself from everybody... from me". His face snaps up to meet mine, a complicated look of distress crossing his features.
"Aoba, I... I don't mean to hide myself from you, you are the most precious person to me in the world. I want to give myself to you as fully as possible. I just- I don't want to sully you with my past." his face is earnest, but I can see the bitter sadness underneath.
"But I-" I stop, embarrassed again.
"Hmm?"
I swallow. Why is this so difficult sometimes? "You are important to me, and your tattoos are a part of you, so," I step so close our noses are almost touching and say, softly "So your tattoos are important to me, too." I hear his sharp intake of breath, feel it on my face. He is quivering slightly, face red as a beetroot. I'm sure mine is just as red. I gently reach up and brush his bangs aside, revealing his other eye. My fingertips brush the tattoo on his cheek and brow and he freezes in place. I let my hand caress his face gently, tracing the curving lines on his skin.
"Aoba..." he murmurs quietly, almost breathing the words. I bring my other hand up to cup his face, looking into his gentle crimson eyes. His expression seems to have transformed from a nervous frown to one that is strangely tender. Why am I doing this? This is weird, but I still don't stop.
I raise my eyes to his hair, gently letting a few strands of it fall in front of his eyes. As it catches the light streaming in from the window, I pause, staring at it.
"You know..."
Koujaku seems to start breathing again.
"What is it?"
I squint at his hair, holding it so the light shines through it. "I remember your hair being black, back when we were kids together. Now it seems almost... blue?" I peer at it again.
He suddenly averts his eyes again, looking more embarrassed than before. This time it's different though. He seems... ashamed? He coughs nervously, refusing to look at me.
"Oh well... I-" he backs away from me a little, scratching the back of his head. "I uh... I sort of... dye it blue"
I stare at him for a moment, mouth slightly agape. "Why would you-"
"Um." He interrupts, his gazed fixed on...my hair? Instinctively, I look up at the sky blue strands hanging in front of my face. Huh? Then the realization hits me like a brick and I can feel my open mouth slowly twitch into a huge grin, albeit a slightly embarrassed one.
"You- you dye your hair because- because my hair is-"
"Shut up" he mutters, looking anywhere but at me.
"But then, why is it still-"
"I started doing it before I knew anything about hair and I- uh- I forgot to bleach it" Koujaku mumbles, taking one of the longer strands of his navy hair and twisting it miserably between his fingers
"Pfffff" I try to hold in my laughter to no avail. "Ahahaha- you- Koujaku- hahaha!"
"SHUT UP" he says, and though I can't see his face, the tips of his ears are almost as red as his kimono. I can almost see it, Koujaku putting the dye in his hair, and being so puzzled and disappointed that it hadn't become like mine. A thought occurs
"H-hey, Koujaku," I say, stuttering through my peals of laughter.
"Uh... yes?" he says, voice just barely audible.
"Why- why did you keep it like that instead of changing it when you became a hairdresser?"
"Uh...I.. uh..." his voice trails off, and I swear any minute now he'll burst into flame. "I uhhh... I didn't want anyone to know that I messed up on it, so I just thought- I thought I'd...keep it that way and no one would notice"
"You-" I can't even speak. "Koujaku, you dense hippo!" I succumb once again to laughing as Koujaku stands there too embarrassed to even speak. My laughter dies off at the look on his face and I just stand there look at him for a moment. He looks so forlorn that it seems to hurt my heart a little. I don't know how to cheer him up when he gets like this, so I just gently grab his hand and tug him towards the bathroom.
"Aoba? Hey- A-Aoba wait a second-" he protests as I drag him into the dressing room. "What are you doing? Aoba?"
I rummage around until I find one of my hair ties, and Koujaku looks confused. "What are you doing with that? Ao-" without waiting for him to finish, I pull his bangs from his face and gather them together with his longer hair at the back of his head. "H-hey, Aoba. Aoba, stop, you're doing that wrong, you're gonna mess up my hair-"
"Shut up, you idiot" I say, pulling the hair into a ponytail, bangs and all. After checking to make sure that it was tight enough, I look at Koujaku's face. The sight of both of his sullen eyes staring down at me makes my heart seem to beat faster.
"A-Aoba? Are you okay? You look-" suddenly, he gives me a cheeky smile. "A~o~ba, you don't think my face isn't good looking, do you?" he strives to look hurt. I can feel my face start to burn again.
"Koujaku- you-" I begin, irritated, but Koujaku leans down and peers into my eyes, the playfulness seeming to have gone as quickly as it had come.
"Aoba, I'm sorry for making you worry, I don't want to do that. I love you."
Even though he's told me this before, I still freeze up when he says it. My face becomes even hotter, and I am sure that I am red as a sunset.
"Y-you can't just say that out of the blue, idiot!" I snap, flustered. He grins at me and I just look at his face. With his hair pulled back he looks... different. Not like the Koujaku I'm used to at all. With both of his eyes the look he gives me seems twice as intense as usual, sort of, smouldering. I can see all of his face, and my eyes trace every line and contour, from his sharp nose to his slender jawline. He reaches out and cups my face, thumb making small circles on my cheekbone. I shudder from the cold tingling that spreads down my spine when he does that. His other hand reaches out and he intertwines his larger fingers with mine, pressing our foreheads together.
"Aoba..." he murmurs, and his tone is so gentle, so honestly affectionate that I can't even be embarrassed. He moves his face even closer to mine and I close my eyes. I can feel his breath on my eyelashes as he softly moves in to kiss me. The hand cupping my face moves up into my hair and gently caresses my head. Then my head catches up with me and I push myself away.
"K-Koujaku! Stop that, you old fart!" I try to pull away but he still has a grip on my hand. He grins, the joking light appearing to be back in his eyes.
"What, trying to get away from me so quick? You brat, come here." he pulls me back towards him, but I am far too flustered and confused by the things that have just transpired to play his games. I manage to wrest from his grip, trying to glare at him in a serious way. I'm pretty sure it doesn't work because Koujaku just flashes me a mischievous grin. Then he turns to the mirror and frowns at me over his shoulder.
"You made my hair look ridiculous, what are you thinking?" he says, removing the hair tie and beginning to fiddle with his hair. I feel disappointment well up in me, but I don't say anything about it. Instead I just turn towards the door.
"I'm going to go make some food or something" I tell him, as I walk out into the bedroom.
"What?" I hear him say from the other room. "Ah, okay. I'll be done in a minute." I snort.
"That's what you always say, you fussy idiot."
"Fine, fine. I'll be out... soon enough." his voice seems to have become rather melancholy all of a sudden. I wonder a little at this, but decide I'd prefer not to come face to face with him anytime soon. Instead of wandering off in the direction of the kitchen, I sit on the bed, watching Ren as he slept curled up on a pillow, with Beni in his usual spot between his ears. I reach out to wake him, but decide that I should let him sleep a while. So instead I'm just sitting here on the bed awkwardly. For no reason. I seem to have been doing a lot of things for no reason, lately.
The bathroom door scrapes open, and I look up at Koujaku, expecting to see his hair back in its usual style. But when I look up, I meet his eyes, both of them. His hair appears to be in it's usual ponytail, but most of his bangs have been pinned up away from his face. He gives me a nervous smile.
"Uh... I thought I'd try wearing it this way for today." he looks as though he's waiting for me to say something.
"O-oh, okay." I say, trying to sound casual. But as he turns away, I can't help but smile to myself, just a little.