Disclaimer: Buffy and all other characters belong to Joss Whedon!!
Sometimes late at night she thinks about Him
It was silly, but sometimes late at night when she can't sleep 24 year old Buffy Summers still thinks about him. She likes to focus more on what they were and not about what they could have been if both of them were normal. Thinking about this was painful because they could have been happy…but life had other plans. They had to give up each other to save the world…a lot.
Tossing in bed she pulls the covers closer to her trying to hide her exposed flesh from the cold night air that was coming from her window. Every since he left she would intuitively keep the window open not even realizing that she left it open for his return. So far the window remained open as a painful reminder.
It wasn't as if she hadn't tried to form relationships after he left, she had, but it never worked. When he left he took a piece of her. She had never been cautious with her heart before him. He once told her that he loved her because she wore her heart on her sleeve. When he left her heart was hidden firmly behind her rib cage. She couldn't be so free to love anymore because the pain of heart break left both physical and emotional scars. She didn't want any more wounds. She didn't want any more reminders; she already had the evidence of his love on her neck. Sometimes she would trace the white lines that he had left without even realizing it.
When she met Riley she thought she had found something stable, something that could work. She took things with him in stride. She never thought about the future though because she only ever envisioned one with him... Riley was nice, he was stable; he was the complete opposite of what she was used to. She had loved Riley she really had. It was different from her previous love, but it was still love none the less. When she found out about what Riley did it hurt, but instead of the sharp pain she felt when he left, Riley left her with a dull ache. Maybe Xander was right. Maybe she hadn't put her all into it. Maybe if she did Riley wouldn't have left, but then again maybe if she did he still would have because even though she hated to admit it Riley never felt like the one. He always felt like the next best thing and he deserved better.
Tossing over she punches her pillow a few times trying to get it so that it was comfortable. Trying to get any sleep tonight was proving to be frivolous. Her body is exhausted, but her mind isn't ready to give into sleep. Her thoughts soon turn to her last relationship; Spike. God what a mess that had turned out to be. After her return from heaven Spike was the only thing that could make her feel. She used him and even after she knew what she was doing she didn't stop. He had loved her even though she didn't want love. She had hated him for loving her because at that point she didn't feel worthy of anybody's love. When he got his soul she could no longer deny how strong his feelings for her were and to her surprise she felt something back. He made her believe in herself again. She could trust him to have her back and she found that she did love him…but she really didn't know if it was the 'in' love type of affection he had wanted from her. At any rate he loved her more than she could ever love him and that wasn't fair. Spike needed someone who had no reservations about being in love. He needed someone who would dive right into their feelings like he himself did. The last time she had been so passionate about diving in to love was with him.
On nights like this she always returns to him no matter how far off her mind goes. No matter how far life takes her somehow she's always able to find him. She can close her eyes and feel him like he's right here beside her. After all this time he is still in her system, he is still in her heart and he always will be. She still holds hope deep down in her very core that one day they will be together in the sun. Able to make love, marry, start a family, and be somewhat normal. She feels that after all she's been through in her short life she is owed this and maybe one day she will get her wish. Maybe one day she will get him back. Her eyes close and her brain starts to shut down for the night. Thinking of him always enables her to drift off back into slumber.
Sometimes late at night when she can't sleep Buffy thinks about Angel.
A/N- This just kind of popped into my head after I introduced my mother to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and watched all the seasons with her(I'm going to introduce her to the Angel series soon). We're both die hard Bangle shippers (with a soft spot for a certain blond haired vampire). Anyway I hope you liked it and please Review!!!