She still had the photograph.
Though the portable cabin that served as their temporary office was tiny and the desk she worked at even more so, she still found space amongst all the paperwork for it. A reminder of lost friends, she'd said, but Erica was pretty sure she knew which friend her new co-worker thought of most. She'd catch her looking at the picture in quiet moments, chin resting on one hand and amber eyes faraway as though lost in memories.
"You didn't tell him, did you?"
As she'd expected Murrue's expression immediately became neutral. "Tell who what?"
"Him." Picking up the photo Erica studied it, taking in the man's wide boyish grin. "Did he know that you liked him?"
That brought a small smile. "Jumping to conclusions."
"You miss him though, don't you?"
"He was a good friend." Taking back the picture Murrue gazed at his image with that same little smile. Wistful, Erica would have called it, but she knew the younger woman would only deny it.
"Do you know where he is now?"
A shrug. "I don't even know if he survived the war."
"You haven't thought about trying to find him?"
"No, and it's safer for us all, him included, that I don't." Setting the photo back down Murrue shuffled her papers before reaching for her pen. "It's better if we stay dead."
You've gotten good at lying, her conscience chided. Too bad no-one's buying it.
She knew Erica-san hadn't been convinced by her denial or excuses - fat chance of that happening if she kept that picture with her all the time - and neither was anyone else. Everyone who had been there that day at Alaska (and even some who hadn't) knew about the way he'd looked at her before he'd left and the tears she'd barely been able to hold back.
"Why don't you try and find him, Murrue-san? I'm sure he'd come here if he knew."
"It's..not that simple, Kira-kun."
It wasn't that she didn't want to find him - far from it - but fear always kept her from trying. For their safety, yes, but also real fear that he wouldn't be there to find. She didn't entertain any kind of fantasy that he'd have been kept behind in California...with the introduction of those suits based on Strike they'd have needed everyone they had to pilot them, and who did they have who was better than him?
"If we have the ability to make a difference, why not put it to good use?"
She'd almost smiled when Kira-kun had told her about that - it sounded so like him. Of course he'd have wanted to fly one, and he'd probably managed to make everyone else around him look ordinary. But fighting with a mobile suit was very different to flying a mobile armour, and he had a reckless streak that had always worried her. Reckless, and also over-confident, which was even more worrying.
"I'll take care. But you have to as well, okay? It's a promise."
He'd made it sound so simple. Take care. No big deal. If only she'd known back then how much she'd have to sacrifice, how hard she'd have to work to keep that promise. Alaska to Jachin Due felt like it had been one long continuous battle - she still had nightmares about it. But despite everything, they'd made it. She'd kept her promise. Had he kept his?
"You're going to call California?"
Simmons-san nodded, twirling a pen around her fingers. "Just out of curiosity." At Kira's probably dubious look she shrugged. "Morgenroete is in Orb, but not part of Orb. Not officially, anyway. We had a contract with the Alliance to build Archangel and the suits, and we're still on fairly good terms with them. There's no danger in me calling."
"But you're doing it for Murrue-san, aren't you?"
A fond smile. "She won't admit it, but she misses him like crazy. Takes that picture everywhere with her. I just thought that if I could get in touch with him, I could let him know somehow that you're all here."
Kira nodded. "Are you going to tell her you're calling?"
"No." The older woman poked at her coffee mug. "If I tell her, she'll get her hopes up. And if it turns out that he didn't make it, then..." A little smile. "If I can find him, then I'll tell her."
"She'll be mad at you for not letting her know."
"Yes, she will. But I can deal with it."
Kira grinned. "So when are you going to call?"
"Sometime this afternoon. Do me this favour - take her across to that island to visit Clyne-sama and the kids. You can take Ryuta along too. I'd just rather know she's somewhere well out of the way."
"No problem. Can you let me know if you find him, though? I just..."
"You miss him too, huh?"
He scuffed a foot on the floor. "Wouldn't even have made it past Artemis without him. And things were never the same on Archangel after he'd gone. It wasn't just me and Murrue-san...everyone missed him."
Simmons-san smiled. "I understand. I'll try and let him know."
( And here we go again! One day I'll get this story right.
Please read and review! )