Author's Note: So, this is very very out of the whole world of doctor who. Well, kind of. It's set before the first season starts. I tried to stay as true as I could to the whole series, while writing it however I imagined the tenth doctor with John Simm's master so if it helps invision them instead of the first actual shown incarnations of those characters. I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think :)

DISCLAIMER. I don not claim to own anything other than the main character. Who is my invention, everything else belongs to it's right full owner. I'm simply borrowing the characters so I can make them dance for me. MUAHAHA

I miss him. I really do, I can't even begin to describe how it's felt being away for all these years.

When I was a child, I'd look up at the stars every night before bed and dream of being among them. It made me feel so small, yet so big. It gave me a hope that I could do great things. Amazing things. At the age of eight I was taken from my parents to live in the east.

I was admitted to an academy of sorts for children. I was the first child to be taken from the far western countryside. My parents thought it an honor, but I was scared. Excited at first but as soon as I set foot in the giant atrium full of the oldest lords on our planet I felt small. And not the good, inspiring type of small. But the 'I'll never achieve anything' type of small. As the classes started, and they prepared us for the test I got more and more nervous. I didn't know anyone, no one would even look at me because I was so different. Not only did my accent set me apart, but the things I learnt from the west weren't the same as the east. I was a foreigner and it was the loneliest I'd ever been in my eight years of life.

New people were arriving all the time. It gave me hope I might make a friend. No more from the west though, I guess looking back I was considered a genius. The west had an academy like the east but I suppose I was too smart for it. Or maybe they just knew. After that month though, things turned around. I met them. Harry and John. Well, that's what they called themselves during playtime. I found out that in the east you only told someone your real name when you married them and you got to pick your 'title' when you turned 16. Neither of them was interested at marriage at that stage and we were a few years off from title picking age so they found some Earth history books and picked names they liked. They also took a liking to me. John liked things that were different and fascinating so we hit it off just fine. And I guess Harry liked that I looked up to him. I'd seen Harry wandering the halls beforehand but it was John who introduced us.

After the three of us became friends they went looking for a name for me. They noticed how there were a lot of Victoria's in their books so they decided on Vicky. I loved those boys. They made me smile, they didn't care that I was different. We'd go all sorts of places and have dozens of adventures. They'd sneak out of the boys dorm into the girls' one and shake me awake at all hours of the night so we could go exploring. I couldn't help but notice that Harry sort of lived in John's shadow, anything John wanted he could have. It never bothered me though like it seemed to bother Harry because John always shared whatever he got with us.

Then it was time. We had to go out individually to stare into the vortex. The entire vastness of time and space. They told us we could stare as long as we wanted, and leave whenever we pleased. I went before John because I'd been there longer. The walk up was the longest walk of my entire tiny life. It felt like forever. From when we left the gates to when we got there it felt like an eternity. But when I stared into the vastness of time and space I felt the same as I did sitting in my room staring up at the stars. I felt so scared and small. But so full of opportunity and choice. I saw there was evil in the universe, but I saw there was so much beauty as well. I sat there for hours staring at the vortex as I would have out my bedroom window. I left feeling inspired. I knew that where ever life took me, I'd always be on the good side.

Life kept going. When we were 16 we picked our 'titles'. Even though I had been there longer John's birthday was first. 'The Doctor' was what he wanted to be called. Harry already demanded that everyone else but us refer to him as 'The Master'. He always had a god complex. I decided on 'Soldier'. I found it fitting.

When we were 17 we ran away from the academy. John had been talking about it ever since they made him take the test. The second I got back from taking my test I rushed to John and Harry and told them about how wonderful it was. About how beautiful and fantastic and great the entire universe is. I told John I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted to stay there forever. I guess him and I were always built different. He finished his in an hour. Less than. He said he looked into the vortex and ran. So that's what we did. Stole a TARDIS and booked it.. Straight across the universe. Harry, John and I. We saw whole other worlds, lived other lives. It was beautiful. We'd land on planets and the doctor, the master and the soldier would help. And we learned so much about everything. Running away with those two boys, my boys, was the best decision I'd ever made.

We were visiting Venice, John was off gambling with Cassanova and Harry was flirting with the waiter at the restaurant across the street from our room. I sat on the balcony gazing over at the stars. I laughed at Harry's attempts to get us free dinner.

My chest tightened and I got that feeling again, I turned around to see John standing at the door staring at me. He smiled, the candle light illuminating his hazel eyes.

"I thought you and Cassanova had a date." I smiled at him and nervously brushed my dress.

"We did, I cancelled though after I realized you were alone. I also owe him a chicken so we'd best leave soon." With each word he took a step closer to me. My breathing quickened and I know my face was flushed.

"Yeah, Harry's just getting us dinner then we can go" I turned away to hide my now very obvious blush and stared up at the skies.

"Why did you want to run John. I know I've never asked before because it's your business but I mean, I'm curious. I followed you and Harry blindly without a thought, like when we were kids. I'd just, I really want to know."

I could hear John sigh behind me and I let my gaze wander down to where Harry was supposed to be giving John the time he needed. Harry was on his way up just crossing the street, I gave him a little smile and wave and he just grinned back up at me.

"I don't know," John moved beside me and put his hand over mine on the railing. "I'd tell you if I did but I really don't. I just stared into the vortex and ran. There was something in me that just said 'run'."

"I've got wine!" Harry burst in the room jovially holding up a bottle and three glasses smiling devilishly. John and I quickly jumped apart and I went in to greet Harry, but I think he could tell that things were changing between John and I.

We left Venice and continued on. We decided to stop in THE Library for a bit. Harry wanted to research symptoms of another disease he thought he might have, so John and I, we just walked. Till we came to the history section. Oh if there was another thing I could tell you about him it's that he loves history. He loves it when things go right, he says it makes him feel more human when things go wrong. When that man put on his glasses and sat down with a book on all of sol 3's greatest triumphs. That's when I knew I'd want to spend the rest of my life with him. I knew that everyday with this man would be an adventure and it would be full of love and light and color. I knew that it would kill me if I ever had to part with him. And god did that frighten me. He made me feel exactly like I did when I looked out my window all those years ago back home on Gallifrey.

John was buried in yet another book and seemed extremely busy so I made my way to where I assumed Harry would be.

"He isn't good for you."

I turned and saw Harry leaning up against a bookshelf his arms crossed staring at me.

"I, I'm not sure what you mean…" I avoided Harry's gaze and opted instead to pull out a book dedicated to petrifold regression.

"Don't, play coy with me." Harry took the book from my hands, I forced myself to look into his eyes. "I know about the two of you. He doesn't even know yet does he? Oh but he will, you'll get brave. You'll tell him and he'll realize and I'll," He broke eye contact and his next few words broke my heart. "I'll lose you."

My eyes welled, I hadn't realized that maybe Harry would ever feel for me. He was constantly up and about and almost distant. Harry turned from me and wiped his cheek and I reached my hand out for his shoulder.

"Harry, I'm, I'm really sorry. If I could change the way I feel or-"

"It's fine." Harry interrupted turning to face me. We locked eyes and I could tell it was very much not fine. But there was nothing I could do. John, was beautiful. He was hope and passion, love and kindness. He was a sun being born and a baby's laughter. He was an entire constellation in this vast universe. I could only stand there, not knowing what to say because there was no turning back. And Harry knew this, we got back to the TARDIS and things weren't the same. John sensed the change in our relationship but didn't say anything but "Where to next?"

"Gallifrey." Harry said solemnly not looking either of us in the eye.

John stiffened at the controls looking back at Harry. We all knew that returning home was a terrible idea. We'd stolen that TARDIS and the high council wouldn't look too kindly on that.

"I want to go off on my own for awhile. Leave you two."

"But, why?" John looked heartbroken, Harry was his best friend. Before me they'd play together on John's father's estate and make up stories. They even named each other after their favorite fictional characters from earth books.

"Can't you see John! You were always so observant but you couldn't see this!" Harry threw his hands in the air and stared down at a bewildered John. All I could do was stare at the mess I'd made.

"Brilliant Doctor stole a TARDIS and ran away taking the Master and Soldier with him. The three greatest time lords. Saving lives and helping people. Giving them their happy ending." His voice broke at the end choked with emotion. He ran his hands through his hair obviously distraught and my vision was becoming blurred with my tears. Why did this have to hurt so much?

"Well where's my happy ending Doctor? Right in your arms like everything else I've ever wanted. You haven't seen it yet but I have. And I'll never forgive you for it, I will never forgive you for taking away the light in my world. The reason behind every happy thought and every good deed I do. My sunshine, my universe, my stars. My soldier that keeps me fighting through the unendurable pain in my head and my heart. Here I am losing to you again Doctor!"

Everytime Harry said John's title it was like a kick in the gut. The title was formal, distancing, John was Harry's pet name for him. He'd never called him anything else before but him referring to John as the Doctor broke his heart. I could see it on his face. And as John went over Harry's whole speech in his head it finally dawned on him what this was all about. I turned to face Harry.

"If I could have planned this, if I had known what the outcome would be. You can't help who you fall in love with!"

There was a long silence as my words were absorbed by everyone in the room. Everyone was crying and I felt so stupid. I wished that I could go back to this morning where everything was fine.

I cried in John's arms that night, why should I have to lose Harry to gain this? My incredible man came at a price. We landed on Gallifrey and Harry left, pausing only at the door to say,

"I will never forgive you Doctor, but I will always love you Victoria"

And then he left. We did our best to avoid being a couple but it happened. You can't help who you love and I loved John.

A huge problem arose when the time war got out of control. John left to fight like every other man, what he didn't know is that I went to fight too. I fought until I had almost no life left in me, I fought until the only thing keeping me alive was the thought that somewhere, way out there John was waiting for me. God would he be mad I didn't listen and stay away, but he'd also be unbelievably happy I was fine. Because I would be fine. We were getting old though. Almost at the end of our lives. We had children, and grandchildren and we were happy. Going to start a new life at the end of this.

At least that's what I'd thought. Harry came to me, in the final days of the war and told me what was being planned. I could still see all that love he'd held for me from back when we were kids. He told me what had been decided upon. What John was going to sacrifice to save everyone. I couldn't believe it, I wouldn't believe it.

I'd never run from anything in my life but in that moment of revelation I grabbed Harry's hand and ran so fast I thought my legs would fall off, my heart was going to burst out of my chest. In fact, I'm very certain I left my heart on that battlefield.

We got to Harry's TARDIS and changed our identities, we regenerated. He went to one end of the universe and I went to the other with nothing but the hope that my kind passionate man would find me.

So here's where I am. Stole my own TARDIS and travelling all across the universe in the hopes that maybe, just maybe my stars will come back and give me the purpose that I lack.