Eli didn't even know why he was at this stupid party.
He hated them. Always have, always will.
Making awkward small talk with people he could barely stand, let alone had nothing in common with while getting wasted didn't seem all that thrilling to him. He'd rather spend a night at home, watching cheesy horror movies and cracking jokes with Adam and once upon a time Clare.
It was due to Adam that he was here actually. Adam had mentioned how the new girl, Katie, would be here and the two had been hitting it off quite well since she moved to Degrassi. Eli had simply told him to go without him as Eli wasn't exactly pleased to be playing the third wheel, but Adam had insisted. Eli knew his friend was worried about him, could he really blame him? He did crash his hearse on purpose…not exactly typical teenage behavior.
He didn't say it in so many words, but Eli knew Adam was getting tired of him moping around and never leaving the house. He had mentioned once about moving on, letting go of Clare and finding someone new but had stopped once he was met with the incredulous look Eli was giving him. Eli knew his friend had a point, he should move on, but he simply couldn't. After all these months apart his feelings for Clare were just as strong as ever, even despite everything that had happened. He wasn't ready and he couldn't even fathom the idea of replacing her with another girl.
After disappointing Adam so many times these past few months Eli decided to give the kid a break and come to this party with him. It was the least he could do for his friend considering Adam stuck by him throughout the whole scenario, even when Eli would just sit silently in his room or lash out randomly, Adam was there.
So here he was at this party on the beach for Adam and not there to see Clare, despite a part of himself that was bigger than he'd like to admit that said he came hoping to see her. He missed her terribly; he hadn't talked to her since that day in the hospital. During school they both avoided each other and edited their English work via email. Eli knew her and Adam were still close, not as much as they used to be, but friends nonetheless. Adam was always careful not to mention her in front of Eli for fear of how he would react, so Eli was clueless where she was concerned. He didn't know how she was, how her and her parents were handling the divorce, anything. And that bothered Eli. He would always secretly hope Adam would slip up and tell Eli something, anything. But he never did.
Eli was standing in front of the bonfire, getting lost in his thoughts as he stared at the flames. Summer's official start had come and gone, but this was the first official party of the summer (unless you count the numerous ragers at house parties). The graduating class had come together to plan out the party complete with a towering bonfire and more than enough fireworks to light up the fourth of July to officially say goodbye to Degrassi. Eli watched from afar as Adam chatted up Katie, the two bursting into laughter every few seconds. Eli was happy for his friend, he knew these past months were hard on him and babysitting Eli wasn't helping. While watching them it registered in Eli's mind that he was actually supposed to be having a conversation with Fiona Coyne. The brunette was standing in front of him talking animatedly and laughing while telling a story. He wasn't sure about what but thought he caught the word ''New York'' so he smiled weakly and nodded, hoping she wouldn't discover he hadn't been listening to a word she had said the whole time. She was none the wiser.
It was right about this time when Eli saw her. Clare. There she was, across the fire, two sparklers in her hand and a smile on her face. She looked so carefree and genuinely happy, Eli couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her smile so wide. Upon realizing this he felt a strain in his chest knowing part of that, if not all of it, was his fault. She looked even more beautiful than he remembered and he didn't know if that was because of all these months apart he'd forgotten or if it was her new found happiness that was shining through. She danced happily around and twirled in circles while laughing brightly. Eli couldn't pull his gaze from her, he wasn't even pretending to listen to whatever Fiona was saying now and before he could register what his body was doing he was moving towards her.
It felt good to walk again without his clunky cast on, but it felt even better to know that his destination was Clare. He fixed his eyes on her denim clad back as she danced through a crowd. As he approached her he couldn't help the goofy grin that over took his face, here she was finally, right in front of him. He reached a ringed hand out to tap her shoulder, not even aware of what he would say to her when she turned around.
When she did turn around though Eli was left speechless. Not because she looked even more gorgeous up close or because she gave him the stink eye, no, he was left stunned because she wasn't Clare. This girl in front of him with the sparkler lighting up her face didn't even look like Clare. This girl, whoever she was, had dark hair past her shoulders and a pair of glasses perched on her nose. The only thing resembling the girl he was chasing and this one was the denim jacket.
Eli was so shocked by this other girl that he didn't realize she had been speaking to him. Her bright, smiling mouth was forming words, but he paid no mind. He felt like such an ass tonight, ignoring everyone decent enough to attempt conversation with him. Not even hiding his disappointment he walked away, leaving the girl dumbfounded and alone.
How did he confuse her with Clare? Was he going blind? How could he be so stupid? Did he lose her in the crowd? Was Clare even there at all? Damn, all the rumors are true, he really is crazy.
Eli continued wandering around on the outskirts of the party looking up as fireworks exploded around him, an eruption of purple and green lighting up his face. He had concluded that he was in fact crazy and that Clare was never at the party to begin with. He felt like a fool.
A breeze blew by and as he pulled his jacket tighter around him when he heard her. Clare. He had heard her laugh and nearly tripped over his feet as he whipped around to face her. Once again, there she was. Dressed the same as before, a smile still intact and sparklers blazing in each hand. He reached down and pinched himself, but she remained. Maybe he wasn't so crazy after all. Looking at her jacket he realized he must've confused her with the girl in the glasses amidst of the party. He mentally scolded himself for bothering the poor girl only to ditch her moments later.
Eli stood watching her when he noticed she wasn't alone. She was with a boy. A tall boy with sandy brown hair that hung around his ears and a relaxed grin on his face. Eli had seen this kid in school; he was in Eli's year. What was his name? Jack? Jake? James? He seemed like a nice enough guy and got along with virtually everyone. He and Eli had never officially met, but he had once picked up Eli's books after they had fallen out of his locker while Eli was on crutches.
Now the mystery man was here, dancing with Clare and playfully pouting when one of her sparklers burnt out. Eli watched as the kid lazily draped an arm around Clare and felt a jolt of pain tear through him when she didn't shrug it off. In fact, she didn't even seem uncomfortable at all. The smile on her face was so natural and real, her whole being just seemed content. Eli continued to observe the couple and concluded this mystery man was perfect for Clare. He looked like your typical teenager and appeared friendly. He seemed like a stable enough guy, laid-back and always smiling. He didn't appear intense or cynical. Eli was sure this guy would never offend Clare with his crude jokes and would take her to every dance without question. He didn't look like a hoarder or someone who would've killed his girlfriend. He wouldn't write horror stories about Clare and didn't look like an atheist. In fact, Eli thought this kid would be the mirror image of what he imagined Helen Edwards' wet dreams would consist of. Surely this guy would never scare her nor crash his car on purpose for her. This guy could give her everything she would ever want that Eli never could. He'd make Clare much happier than Eli ever could have.
Eli loved Clare; therefore he wanted her to be happy. He knew all along he didn't deserve her. But even now, as the realization sunk in he couldn't help but be disappointed. He was hoping after he was done with therapy and sorted out his problems they could try again and he could be the one to make her smile like she is now. But he knew, watching them that that was never going to happen and that thought brought tears to his eyes. He refused to let them fall however; he was Eli Goldsworhty for crying out loud, he doesn't cry at stupid beach parties! And he most certainly doesn't cry at stupid beach parties in front of his classmates, he could only imagine what the rumor mill would brew up if everyone saw him bawling his eyes out now. He didn't want to lose control right now and make people think he was more pathetic than originally thought so he quickly blinked his tears away.
The couple continued to lightly sway to the music as Eli stared at them. Once he saw them start to lean into each other his fists clenched and he quickly tore his eyes away from the pair as their lips connected. Eli closed his eyes and took a deep breath to compose himself before glancing over at Adam, still laughing with Katie and began the walk home from the party leaving his best friend and the girl he would never stop loving behind.