Learning to Break Glass Butterflies

by Poli Almasy

An enchanted diary passed among several characters just prior to the begining of the Second War, no one really has a clear understanding of those who they hold most dear. Includes yaoi, yuri and het pairings.

1. First Entries

Title: Learning to Break Glass Butterflies
Pairings: ::takes deep breath:: sbxrl, owxpw, hpxrw, rwxhp, vkxhg, dm+rw, hp+dm, hg+vw, dmxvw, ssxrl, sb+ss, ss+hg and for the hell of it and cheap sex dmxnl and for audi llxtb
Comment: I don't know what the fuck kind of drugs I'm on sometimes. As always I start out with a title and go from there. Originally this was the title of an original yuri story I started to write. Hated the story, loved the title. Yay for recycling. Switching povs.

Remus Lupin : First Entry : Introduction and the Inner Core

Sometimes you just want to break yourself because you feel like there is no way out. No way to escape and go on living your life. Other times, you don't just feel it, you know it. I've known it since I was eleven years old. Of course I suffered from lycanthropy for several years before that. But you don't think really about dying until you realize you're leaving someone behind. No surprise then that at sixteen I felt like the earth was imploding around me. At twenty-one suddenly I didn't feel so trapped into life. The next logical step would have been my death. At twenty-one James, Lily and Peter were dead, Sirius was as good as. My four best friends were taken from me in a matter of days. We were complete and in an instant the Marauders were no more. Our ashes sacrificed to the winds of fate.

At thirty-three the pain started all over again. Peter was alive, it was Peter who betrayed us. He didn't just betray James and Lily, he betrayed us all. And Sirius, my Sirius was innocent. He was ripped from me for twelve years and then suddenly thrust back into my life. I didn't think I could hold on any longer, it hurt so much to be cared for again. Now here he is, laying fast asleep on my couch as Padfoot, my head resting on his stomach as if it were a pillow. For him the change is unnatural and welcomed. My change is organic and despised. We are so many contradictions all at once.

We decided it would be safer that when he slept he was always in the shape of Padfoot. If someone were to break in as we slept, he would be hidden from them even in slumber. I actually hated the idea, but it was logical. It wouldn't be fair to risk his safety now just because I wanted him to hold me. Hell, it was selfish of me to want anything from him now. He came back a changed man and with good reason. But still it hurt like hell.

Harry is staying with us a bit over the summer as well. He sleeps in the spare bedroom and every once in awhile Ron has come over to spend the night. Actually, more then every once in awhile, but we don't particularly keep track. He's nearly seventeen now, just about ready to embark on his final year at Hogwarts. I suppose we're something like an adoptive family to Harry. And to a lesser extent Ron and Hermione as well. Ron's mother died during their fifth year. It was so unexpected. Arthur didn't know how to handle things without her around and he was always busy at the ministry with the war drawing ever closer.

Percy is the unofficial head of the Burrow now. He keeps everything in working order. Ron has also mentioned that Oliver Wood now lives in their house as well. Sirius and I weren't particularly surprised by that. I knew both boys just long enough to suspect something. I'm simply surprised he didn't tell us that himself. Percy is of course busy with ministry work as well, but when it came down to his family or the war, he picked his family. Sometimes outside appearances aren't everything.

Hermione hasn't been able to visit her family for two years now. She writes to them of course, but she hasn't seen them. Last year she took her N.E.W.T.s early so she could graduate from Hogwarts. While she nearly killed herself in the process of studying she did manage to graduate at the top of the class she wasn't even in. She still lives at Hogwarts however, but she is able to focus on the war effort rather then going to classes on subjects she has already mastered. And it is also worth mentioning that she is still involved with Viktor. He's exceptionally good for her. I know she fancied Ron for a bit, he may have even fancied her but they would simply drag each other down. Harry and Ron are dragging each other down as we speak and they don't even realize it.

I should mention exactly what this is, well, it's intended as a traveling diary of sorts. Several of us decided upon making it a few weeks ago. Something to record the calm before the storm as it were. The last few months before the war. I have taken it upon myself to set some background for those to be reading it. Others will certainly clarify what I have said here as I certainly do not know everything. This diary will be passed between myself, Sirius Black, Percy Weasley, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, Ginny Weasley, and Ron Weasley. Each entry is locked after it is written so the others will have no idea what I have written in my introduction.

There is so much to be explained before I actually begin. I suppose the key point would be why Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Draco will eventually lead to each other's undoing. But to understand that, it is important to understand the inheritance of magic.

Magic is passed through genes as a recessive trait. That is to say, if one is a witch or a wizard they carry two recessive alleles for the magic trait. Muggle-borns come from parents who are carriers. When a witch and a wizard have children, short of a mutation they will always show the magic trait. Half-bloods arise between a witch or a wizard and a carrier Muggle. I realize this is all rather boring but one needs a basic understanding of magic genetics in order to understand the rest of what is about to be explained.

There are three wizarding families known collectively as the 'Core.' Most wizards are unaware of the existence of the Core and even members of the families are unaware of who they are. Dumbledore and myself are two of the very few who know who they are. It is my task to protect what will perhaps be the final generation of the so called Inner Core. Nearly any witch or wizard has some blood from the Core families within them, the Inner Core however consists of those whom both of their recessive alleles derive directly from the original Core families. Not just part of their overall genetic makeup, the genes responsible for their magic abilities. Not since the Core families first came into existence has there been such a concentrated population of the Inner Core.

Each one of the Core families is assigned to one of the three primary elements of fire, earth, and air. The element commonly known as water actually falls under the domain of all three. This is a point I do not fully understand yet.

The most pure-breeding of the three families is rather obviously the Weasley's. This, the fire line has been nicknamed Rousseau. Only through various incestuous relationships have they been able to keep such a high degree of Inner Core offspring present. I suppose that now would be the best time to mention that in order to produce an Inner Core member there must be some degree of inbreeding for two of these alleles to come together. In many cases though generations separate the relatives and they themselves do not know. This is not the case in the Rousseau line, but they have no idea why the inbreeding began in their family but it has continued for generations. However, Molly and Arthur each only carried one allele from the direct line. Therefore all of their children are not members of the Inner Core. It has been determined that Percy, Ron, and Ginny Weasley are members of the Inner Core.

The second line, nicknamed More has not had an Inner Core member for the last hundred years. Despite many of their carriers wanting to create 'pure-blood' lines they have generally failed to produce an Inner Core member. Of course that is how it should be, but I'll delve more into that later on. Perhaps it was just bad luck because there certainly would be enough carriers of the line to produce offspring more often. More is the family of the air elemental. It is rather ironic however that while two Inner Core members of the More line have been produced this generation, one of them managed to come from a Muggle cross. It just goes to show that nothing is predictable in predicting magic genetics. Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger are members of the Inner Core.

The final Core family is referred to as Machiavelli, and it goes without saying that the sole Inner Core member of this line is Harry Potter. Again, a case of the allele being passed through Muggle blood and finally rejoining the Wizard world. Lily Potter was a member of the Inner Core as well, another Muggle born with the highest powers imaginable. And she didn't even know it.

None of them can know it. If they knew not only would they be in danger, they would seek to destroy each other. My job is simply to protect them in case a time comes when they are needed. As they are not needed at this time I will not explain the purpous of the Inner Core.

Sirius has changed back into himself below me and has slyly wrapped his arms around my midsection. I don't know how I survived wanting to be whole.

Sirius Black : First Entry : Why Life without War is the Life Worth Living

Moony wasn't kidding when he said that all entries would be locked the moment your thoughts broke away from the diary. He wouldn't let me read a word he wrote in here and now the blasted thing is attached to my mind until I complete my entry and pass it right back along to Percy Weasley. It's rather silly that we can't read each other's entries. How am I supposed to know what to write in here anyway? For all I know Remus has either written sappy love poetry to Snape (yes I know about, and have forgiven that little affair) the plans for the entire War or "today for breakfast I had two pickles and a glass of milk" (I'm not lying about that one either.) So I suppose there won't be a whole lot of continuity between these entries. Never the less.

I must say, life is worth living simply because you have people to share your life with. Every day I wake up, well, then first I have to change back into myself, but then I wake up next to the man I've loved so desperately for nearly twenty years. The man I was separated from for twelve. I've left a little space between us for the time being though. I don't want to rush back in to anything without first knowing Moony wants it.

Then there is Harry, he really is like a son to me now. Every day he reminds me a little bit more of James and Lily. Oh he looks just like James but he is also distinctly Lily. All their best features and all their flaws wrapped up in a boy who is still a little on the slender side. From there I'd venture to say that Ron is a bit like a son-in-law as weird as it seems to say that. I know for a fact that James and Lily would want nothing more then for their son to be happy, and who am I to stop Harry from pursuing a relationship with Ron anyway? I mean, Moony, Wormtail, Prongs and I were all best friends. Even now I cannot deny that Peter was one of my dearest friends. You just don't take something like that back. Yes, he betrayed us. Yes, now I believe he deserves to die for what he has done. But, I will never deny his friendship, I simply cannot. He was one of us and now he is not. Thanks to him there is barely an 'us' left.

But I look forward to every day ahead of us, even if we go to war, I am ready for it.

Now excuse me, Remus and I have other things to attend to.

Percy Weasley : First Entry : Oliver the Exhibitionist

Once Oliver learned of the little thought journal a few of us had devised he whispered something suggestive in my ear. He wanted me to record us well, yes. I'll leave it up to the reader to draw the conclusions. So I've been sitting here in the kitchen of the Burrow for the last half hour trying to sort through weather or not to go through with it. After all, the entries will be locked once I am done recording them. The others will never know even if we did record it here.

Well, since I've opened the journal it should be obvious that I have come to my decision. Yes. I mean, it's not as if this was meant to be children's reading in the first place. Although the physical presence of the diary looming over my head is a little offsetting. It really will be like someone is watching us. I think that's the appeal to Oliver.

What I have yet to figure out is how I appeal to Oliver. Or how Oliver appeals to me for that matter. It seemed to happen all at once for no apparent reason. A kiss on the cheek in fifth year, a few scrawled notes over that summer, a cover up using Penny, the sweetest girl I have ever known, it was like one fluid motion from my life to my bed and a far simpler one from my bed to my home. I wasn't sure at first if I really was in love with him, but I trust him, and care for him enough to allow him to live at the Burrow, it must be love, isn't it?

Oh, he's told me so many times that he loves me and I return those sweet words to him. He makes me want to make him happy, he's made me fall in love with the idea of being in love. I want nothing more then to spend the rest of my life with him when he tells me he loves me. That's enough to carry on for now.

Dad's still at the ministry and might be there until tomorrow morning. Part of me wants to be there, feels a duty to be there. But I also have a duty to my family that I do not take lightly. I know where my priorities stand. Now that Mum is gone, I need to be here, the Ministry can wait until I'm damn good and ready. My family comes before my work no matter what it seemed like a few years ago. They didn't need me as much then as they need me now. I need to be here.

Oliver is laying down on the bed going through strategy sheets. It's a little odd for him even still that it's not his strategies he's going over but someone else's. But he still loves what he does more then anything else. He told me once this was like starting over, he was a little second year trying to learn the ropes of the game all over.

"So have you made up your mind?"

He asks bringing is slightly oversized brown eyes up from the parchment sprawled around him. I nod just enough for him to notice and a smile breaks across his face as he starts to arrange the papers on the bedside table. The whole idea still makes me mildly uncomfortable and forced, but there is something devilishly tempting about it. There's something devilishly tempting about him.

Kneeling on the bed he brings his warm lips to my cooler ones. There is such a fire inside him I can't explain. He's warm and kind and childish and mature all at once and I can't help but be drawn into that. He uses his arms next to draw me into him but it is not the last device that will be used tonight to bring us together. I am utterly submissive in bed, I love the idea of completely losing control and having little responsibility for my actions. With Oliver I am the total opposite of what I strive to be in life.

His calloused hands trace patters along my now bare chest and I whimper a little bit in protest. Hands replaced by lips, my lips growing jealous from being ignored. Soon enough they are rewarded and I pull off his shirt and my hands want to touch every part of him. I want to melt out of myself and into him and in this moment I believe I will love him forever. My slender fingers dance along his flesh in predictable patterns while his are more rushed, erratic. He will fly from my grasp if I weren't weighting him down with the depth of my stability. We know each other and we are strangers. I'm in love with someone I still barely know, all I know is we fit, we make up for each others shortcomings.

My mind always wanders like this, always, I may be thinking to a book now but even if I were alone I would think like this. The only different thing is that enchanted book hovering just above our headboard. The headboard bangs against the wall over and over as I bang against it over and over and he bangs into me over and over and then it's just...over.

And here I never wanted it to end.

He burned me like fire and I hardly took notice. I'm just as dull as they say I am lost in my own words and more concerned with books then with life. This displacement was not brought on by you, reader, it was brought on my own accord.

Harry Potter : First Entry : Because I Have No One Else to Tell

I think I'm in love. Not the little crushes like Cho, I really think I'm in love. And this has to come at the worst possible time in the worst possible situation doesn't it? But such is my life it would seem. It's not that I want to deny that I'm in love it just feels so right and so wrong at the time. I mean, he's like a brother to me really. Oh sure, Sirius teases me about it on occasion, but he never really means it, does he?

I really should think about more important things, like the Second War and all, that's where my attention should be. Not with silly teenaged fantasies. But I can't help it really. I could blame it on my hormones or on stress or any number of things but it won't make it go away. I mean, and under normal circumstances I'd discuss this with Ron rather then with some silly book like this one. I really shouldn't call you silly now should I? I bet you're the only one who's going to actually read this. You'll absorb all our words and never have to spit them out again. So I suppose it's safe although rather pointless to tell you that I think I'm in love with Ron Weasley. I'm pretty sure Remus introduced us to you in his introduction. You probably know everything about us.

Well, everything that has happened to us externally. Of course he wouldn't be able to put in each person's individual hopes and dreams, right? Oh I wish you could answer me back. Even just a splotch of ink to know you're there. Or maybe you're not really an entity like I suspect. You're just a normal journal aren't you? You can't hear a word of this you just swallow everything up don't you?

Well, right now more then anything I want to know what other's have written to you. Percy had you last I know. Probably mindless dry drabble about parchment tint and cloak lining. I know he means well, but he's so dull sometimes, most of the time, every time he comes within five feet of me. He doesn't understand what it's like to love someone. I don't understand it either.

So I guess the only thing I wanted to say was that I'm going to tell Ron, and if he kills me, well then, having the 'boy-who-lived' killed off by his best friend after admitting that he did indeed not only fancy boys but fancied him. Well that would be rather ironic, wouldn't it?

Hermione Granger : First Entry : I'm Human Too

I know I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't have these things written anywhere, but if I don't tell someone I'm going to go mad. Since graduating last year I've been working with Snape, one of my old Hogwarts professors along with Neville Longbottom in the development of a new potion. Neville has been working on raising the plants needed along with Professor Sprout. She's old and we feared she wouldn't live to see the war, so rather then burden her with the details of the task at hand, we entrusted the plans to Neville. Poor Neville, I already see the strain pulling at him. He's quite gifted really, well, with plants at least. It's almost ironic, two young Gryffindor's working along side the head of the Slytherin house. But he can't deny that we are the most qualified for the job.

Perhaps I should start at the beginning. Once plans for the Second War began after my fourth year, Professor Snape was sent to infiltrate the Death Eaters once more. Terribly dangerous work, but he did it so willingly. I have much more respect for Professor Snape now then I ever thought I would. He was also to obtain skin or hair samples from as many of the Death Eaters as possible. The belief was somehow using this genetic material we could cut off as many known Death Eaters as possible before the War even began. The question was how, which is where Neville and I come in.

There was no known potion that could achieve such an effect as we were striving for. During my sixth year I began work, to find possible clues to how to construct such a potion. My gift for research was noticed and rewarded with this assignment. After going over every possible lead in the extensive Hogwarts library I realized I would have to visit other libraries beyond those at Hogwarts and possibly even England. That's when I decided to take my N.E.W.T.s at the end of sixth year. After obtaining permission from Headmaster Dumbledore I temporarily suspended my research into the potion and focused on preparing for the N.E.W.T.s.

Once I graduated I first focused on other libraries in England but after a month of searching I had found nothing. From there I moved on to Durmstrang. Viktor and I had still maintained a close relationship. I generally spent a month with him in Bulgaria each summer and during the off-season he would come on some weekends when I didn't have too much schoolwork. I do care for him deeply. It's a different kind of caring then with Harry and Ron though. From the moment I met them I knew there was just some little thing I could never share with them and as we grow older it becomes more and more apparent. But that's a childish issue that needn't be discussed in this journal. I'm sure the others aren't being nearly as sentimental as I am.

Viktor and I went to the Durmstrang library together and he translated much of what was in the books for me blindly. Never knowing what I was searching for. He would read to me in his deep voice as I scribbled down notes by the dim light in an unfamiliar library. I returned to England with a few leads. Neville was put in charge of growing the plants which I requested. Once they are ready Professor Snape will use what I have found to try and construct the proper potion. Next I am heading to France to search for anything else that may be of use.

I would discuss what is being tried in the potions, but I fear this diary might fall into the wrong hands at a later date. And if so, while they will be unable to change what we are doing now I do not want them to have an advantage in the future.

Well, for just a moment more, I'd like to be sentimental.

Viktor asked me to marry him. Not right away, of course, he knows I'm too young and not quite ready for that yet. But he wants me to think of it over the next few months. I think I will think it over.

Draco Malfoy : First Entry : Closed Book

This is a stupid idea, and I don't have to go along with it.

Draco Malfoy : First Entry : ...Access Denied

Draco Malfoy : First Entry : ...Access Denied

Ginny Weasley : First Entry : Winged

I haven't written in a journal since first year. What a horrifying experience that was. Since then I haven't wanted to touch one of those things, especially an enchanted one such as this. But so far you haven't written back, and I do trust Professor Lupin so I suppose I should just go with the moment, right?

Actually, I've developed a liking for poetry over the last few years. Perhaps I should record some of it here. Professor Lupin did say we could put whatever we wished into here. And to have no fear of the others reading it.

Well, here goes nothing.

An ever-playing music box
Engraved in your heart
Engraved in your head.

The angel you dare adore
Lost from your heart
Lost from your head.

That trinket fail to love
Placed in your heart
Destroyed his head.

Follow the death of the rose and allow release
Follow the death of the soul and allow release
Follow me to death and forever save your soul
Follow me into life and forever save your boy

Follower Follower
Lose your heart
Lost your head.
Engrave the box
Engrave the boy
Write the name and spare the soul
Just please never to whom is told
Spare the boy and break the girl
Tear my heart the string unfurl
Snap the wings from my spine
Draw the blood into the line
Spare the girl and break the boy
But you can't he's your toy
Rip the wings from his pale back
He's everything you are, you lack

Her blood with dry and his will pour
But still you are left, wanting more

It's childish and immature I know, but I am a child, and I have yet to mature. Even though I insist on being called Virginia now I'm still just little Ginny to most everyone. It doesn't matter that I'm prefect now (of course, only after Hermione left) but I'm still just little Ginny. The last little Weasley child, last in line.

But I understand so much more now then I did years ago when I began school. I saw things no eleven year old should have seen. I think I understand, better then most people, what made Tom change. He and I shared a lot in common. Oh nothing obvious, but the drive to be recognized then more then just a piece in the puzzle. The desire to be an individual, to go against what people wanted us to be. We understand the human condition.

I'm beyond that stage of childhood crushes as well. Now I lust after others, I desire them. But I have yet to feel love. I lust after Draco Malfoy and I desire Hermione Granger but I do not pursue them. It's hopeless in pursuing them. I'll be left with nothing but broken dreams and a disconnected sense of reality. Chasing them would be like chasing Tom all over again. Even if I found them it would be nothing more then smoke and clever illusions.

I'm like a butterfly, come on and break me.

Ron Weasley : First Entry : Why I hate Draco Malfoy

10. He's a prick
9. He's greasy
8. I bet he's fucking Snape
7. He doesn't know the value of friendship
6. Just because you have moeny doesn't mean you have class
5. He's a liar
4. He doesn't understand anyone
3. He arrives without calling first
2. He arrives in the first place
1. Now in the other room, he's talking to Harry

So what if I'm jealous? So what if I'm immature? For whatever reason now that the War is approaching we're supposed to treat him as 'one of us,' I don't buy into it. He's up to something, I know it. I bet this bloody book knows it too, but it's not telling. Probably all it knows is Remus and Sirius' sex life, Percy's work notes, Hermione's equally boring work notes, Draco's equally colorful list about why he hates Harry and I, Ginny's soppy notes about Harry, and Harry's...I don't know. What would Harry write about? Probably the War or something.

I'm being silly, no one else is probably worrying about what the others wrote. Either that or we're all worrying about what's been written. I don't like either case very much.

What I like even less is Draco Malfoy. The way he looks at Harry, how he acts, like a predator going in for the kill. But he'll never chase down Harry. Harry will always win. Merlin, why do I sound like his fucking fan club? I know Harry doesn't think of me as his 'fan club' no he has Ginny and Colin for that. He certainly thinks of me as his friend, his best friend, forever.

I like coming to visit Sirius and Remus. I still find it funny that Hermione refers to them even now as 'Mr. Black' and 'Professor Lupin' she's so formal with them. I mean, we're like their family, I think. They'll never have children, I mean, Merlin, what do I mean. I don't have a problem with them being that way, not at all. And I mean, that wasn't really the topic, was it? What was I going on about now? Oh yes, we're like family to Sirius and Remus, at least I consider them like family to me. Dad just gets more and more distant, ever since Mum died. And then Oliver moved in at the Burrow, I have no idea what that's all about.

The Burrow seems less and less like home with each passing day. The twins spend hours locked away in their room when they're at home which isn't often. Most of the time they're in Hogsmead tending to their little shop, which is slowly but surely gaining momentum. As Sirius said, delinquency never goes out of style. Ginny is an empty shell much like Dad. Mum's death hit her hard too I suppose. She's the only woman left in the house. Well, her and Percy who seems to have taken over the mothering around the Burrow. He still works for the Ministry although not nearly as much. And then Oliver is just there like this houseguest that never leaves. Not that I mind him around, we could talk about Quidditch for hours but I'm continually confused about why he's even there. And why does he sleep in Percy's room?

Well, I don't really have anything left to say today. Harry's back, and I'd much rather talk to him then some boring old book.