She had a thing for the bad boys. Rebels, really. Pirates, if she was honest. Elizabeth blushed to admit it to herself and made busy with the rigging on the ship to hide it from anyone who might be nearby. The deck swayed beneath her feet in a reassuring rhythm as she worked.
But truth be told she'd always had a strange attraction to pirates, even before her crossing from England when she had fallen in love with the sea. Perhaps that had been part of her draw to Will. She had thought for years that he was a pirate. There had been that medallion around his neck when they'd found him nearly drowned at sea. She looked out at the ocean and she remembered that day so long ago when she'd first sighted him. She knew even then that her life would change forever.
She had been afraid that he was a pirate when she'd found the medallion at the same time they'd found the wreckage of the ship that had been so savagely attacked. She knew what Norrington would do to this boy, if he had been a pirate. It didn't matter how young he was, or how innocent he seemed while he slept. Norrington was determined to make his mark on the world and become someone of rank. She knew that even then and marveled at the fact that she could have ever allowed herself to be engaged to such a snake. She tied a knot rather savagely as she worked.
That was why she'd taken his medallion: to protect him. It would have been just awful to witness someone so young die by a hanging. But then he'd grown up relatively normal, not dashing off to sea or thieving or anything. She could not deny the attraction to him, but perhaps part of that had been the fact that he was still considered a taboo choice for her. He was only a blacksmith's apprentice and she was the governor's daughter. But look at her now: wearing pants and strutting about the deck of a ship like any sailor has a right to do.
She belonged to this world now. She'd practically become a pirate herself. She grimaced. Jack had named her rightly as she had betrayed him. She had kissed him and played him for a fool, but she couldn't shake the feelings that kiss had stirred within her: power, lust, pleasure and guilt. She'd never received such a charge when she'd kissed Will. She sat down on a barrel nearby and held her head in her hands.
Oh God would this never-ending circle of thoughts EVER end! She loved Will. Of that she was certain. She was willing to do anything for him, anything to save him—even betray their friend to save their own necks. But she could not deny the attraction she had felt for Jack as she had kissed him. Or before that, when Will had been nowhere around, when she had teased Jack to the point of distraction and could feel the heat radiating from his body so close to hers. Norrington had been right when he commented on her smile. She had been thinking about Jack and not in a demure way. She had wanted Jack to kiss her. Despite the fact that she couldn't stand Jack, couldn't stand his morals and what he stood for, she had wanted him to kiss her. She groaned softly, ever aware of the others who were around her. She could never let anyone know about this. What would Will think?
She looked up to find his eyes resting upon her, a look on his face she had never seen before. What was it? Longing? It seemed sad somehow, and it broke her heart as he turned away to work with the sailors around him. He'd become increasingly withdrawn from her, and she'd only thought that she deserved it. If he ever found out what she had done, he might never forgive her. Will was noble and just and honorable. Everything that Jack wasn't. She loved Will for everything he was, for everything he was willing to do and fight for. And yet she could be attracted to Jack. And she could become the person she despised, thinking only of herself. She could try to convince herself as much as she wanted to that it was for others too that she had left Jack to die, but … she knew better. She could feel the tears welling up yet again, tears of self-hate and self-pity, tears of guilt and remorse. She refused to let them come again.
It had been the only way that they could make it out of there! And the Kraken had wanted Jack, not the rest of them! But in the end, she found that none of that mattered. Now that she had the cold light of day and the mist of the sea surrounding her, she found that she couldn't live with what she had done. She had betrayed a friend, leaving him to die, just to save herself. She jumped off the barrel she had been sitting on and dashed to the side of the ship. God, she was going to be sick.
She, Elizabeth Swann, had killed Jack Sparrow as good as if she had stuck a knife in his gullet. She had used his desire against him— her desire. After all was said and done, she had traded places with Jack. Jack had come back to help them. He might have been a coward, but he had decided to do the right thing when it mattered most. And she had done the wrong thing. Elizabeth could feel her stomach churning as she heard Jack's words echoing in her head.
"Pirate," he'd called her while smiling. And that smile. It had torn all her clothes and skin off in one glance, as if he could see her soul for what it was. She shivered. He knew it, just as she'd known it. They were two halves of the same coin, each flipped to their opposite side. She vomited over the side of the rail.
How could she have done it? How could she have become like him? And then an odd thought occurred to her and despite everything, she found herself laughing at the irony of it all. Sparrow and Swann. They were two birds of a feather, weren't they? She didn't love Jack! She loved Will! But he was everything she couldn't find herself to be any more. Now the tears started to spill down her cheeks unchecked. Will deserved better. Someone was standing beside her and patting her back.
"Are you okay?" Will asked.
She couldn't bring herself to look at him. She couldn't even find the words to say to him. She simply nodded her head yes and felt his hand fall away from her. He deserved someone better. She cried again as she heard his footsteps on the deck walking away from her. She didn't want to lose him. She couldn't imagine a life where he wasn't at her side. Her tears fell onto the ship's rail like rain.
Maybe, if they could get Jack back, things would be better. That's why they were on this crazy mission after all. If they could get Jack back, maybe Will would love her again. And maybe she could learn to forgive herself for what she had done. But would Jack forgive her? God she hoped so. She hoped that they could find him and save him, somewhere out there in the belly of the Kraken. Let him be in one piece, she prayed. They needed Jack, for all their sakes. Leaving him behind had been the biggest mistake of her life. But maybe, just maybe, there was a happily ever after out there somewhere for them after all. Elizabeth looked out at the sea and hoped. Maybe.
Author's note:
The characters in this story are not of my own creation. They belong to all the wonderful screenwriters who brought them to life in the "Pirates of the Carribean" films, especially Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio.