Just a little thing that wouldn't get out of my head. Based loosely on Beyonce's If I Were a Boy and Halo. Many thanks to Cara for finding my typos and giving me advice and to Lauri for just being there.
Broken Angel
She wished she could close the vision in her head as easily as she'd shut the hotel door. But it refused to leave, just kept replaying in her head over and over again. She cursed herself, cursed him, cursed all of them.
Days passed while she tried to find herself again. She had unplugged the landline, let her cell die, refused to answer the door, engaged the floor bolt, and pushed the large dresser in front of the fire escape window. No one was getting in before she was ready. Despair washed over her, leaving her fatigued. She was a failure. She was broken. Eventually, her heart didn't ache anymore; instead feelings of emptiness and sadness were all that were left. She wasn't even sure how to express how very, very sad she was. She had always been strong and had overcome so much, the constant pressure to be someone she wasn't, a disastrous marriage, being kidnapped and tortured. But, this, this had broken her spirit, splintered it like fine china. She could see it, feel it but couldn't do anything about it. It felt like she was watching someone else. Someone weaker. Admitting she was broken felt worse than the break itself.
She knew her friends were worried, knew her parents were concerned, but she buried herself in Ghost Busters, Gone in 60 Seconds and some sappy romance novels. When she ran out of food, she decided she should at least run out to the store and then return to her sanctuary. She looked at her body in the full length mirror. Shed lost weight, her face looked ashy and there were dark circles under her eyes. Her pants hung loose around her hips. Her hair looked dull and lifeless. If I were a boy, I'd just roll out of bed and throw on whatever I wanted. Stupid hair. Stupid Burg. Stupid expectations. She opened the door and glanced out in the hallway. The coast was clear.
Once safely in her POS car, she drove by Pino's. She could see Carl, Eddie, Big Dog and some of the other guys having a pitcher of beer. The break deepened at the knowledge that they'd never confront him. He had chased after girls, played her for a fool and they'd stuck up for him, just like always.
She always thought he was a better man, but he never listened to her. He took her for granted and everything they had got destroyed. If he'd turned off his phone, she would have thought he was sleeping alone, but he hadn't.
"Hello?" the drunken female voice had said.
"Uh, is Joe there?" was her stunned reply.
"Cheryl? Is that you, hon? Oh, baby you have to get over here. Jules and I are here with Tony, the finest ass in Trenton and we got some good shit. You gotta come."
"Okay," she said playing along, "Where are you?"
"Cozy Corner, room 12, we'll leave the door unlocked."
The phone was barely hung up before she was in the bathroom, heaving her guts into the toilet. The Cozy Corner was a seedy motel on the outskirts of town. It was THE place to go if you wanted to private tryst. The girl said 'Tony'; maybe it was a mistake.
She shook her head, trying to clear the memory as Pino's faded behind her. It hadn't been a mistake. The memory of the "cozy" scene she'd walked in on had her pulling over to puke again. She made a detour past her parents house, praying the odd hour and new car would interfere with the Burg-dar her mom always used to pinpoint her arrival. She was disgusted to see him sitting at her parents table, laughing, charming her mother, acting like he belonged there. Of course he would make up the rules as he went. He knew she'd be faithful and he was just waiting for her to come back to him. Little did he know it was too late to come back, to say it was just a mistake, for her to forgive him like that. If he thought she'd wait, he thought wrong. No, she wouldn't cheat, but she would never take a cheater back. She found herself pulling back into her parking lot. Who needs food, right?
RANGER POV
He was in his office when he got the call, "Boss, movement on Bombshell." He quickly pulled up her trackers and watched as her car drove in circles around the Burg. She had been locked in her apartment for eight days.
He'd been in the wind for six months and had returned just four days ago. Seeing his Babe was the only thought on his mind, but upon arriving at her apartment he couldn't get in. Someone had helped her install a floor bolt and even he couldn't get past it. Trying another route, he had snuck up her fire escape only to find her tall heavy dresser placed in front of the window. He could barely see her balled up in the middle of her bed, facing towards the window but even from that distance he could see dark circles under her eyes, making her face look drawn and pale. He could see her cell sitting on the bedside table so he gave her a call. It instantly went to voicemail. Shit! Her phone's dead. Hitting speed dial two, he tried the landline, but it just rang and rang and rang. He couldn't, however, hear it ringing in her apartment which meant she'd disconnected it.
Quietly he made his way down the fire escape wondering what had upset her so much that she had blocked every entrance to her home and turned off her phones. He speed dialed three. "Talk," he demanded as soon as the line was answered. "Well, hello to you too, Ric. You do realize its two o'clock in the morning, right?"
"Tank, what's going on with Stephanie? Does she have another stalker? Why is she barricaded in her apartment?"
Tank heaved a heavy sigh, "We're not sure. She locked herself in there four days ago. Lula told us she never showed up for work. We called and left messages but after a few hours the machine stopped picking up. We assumed she disconnected it. Her cell started going straight to voice mail about eight hours after that. We came over to check on her and could hear her in the apartment swearing, crying and throwing things. She wouldn't let us in. Lester had the bright idea to try her fire escape. She threatened him with a loaded gun; even fired a warning shot. After he backed down the fire escape, she pushed her dresser in front of the window. I posted a man in front of her door. That lasted less than a day. As soon as she realized Hal was out there she threatened to shoot and told him in no uncertain terms he needed to leave and that no one had better come back. So, I had him retreat to the parking lot. That lasted about four hours before she shot out a tire and a window."
"Any idea what set her off?"
"We're figuring Morelli. He hasn't even attempted to come by her place, but he's been at her folks house every night for dinner. We pulled her phone records and trackers. Four nights ago her trackers show her out at the Cozy Corner motel. You know what kind of place that is."
"Affirmative." Hanging up he looked up at the dark apartment. What happened, Babe? He had missed her so much while he'd been gone. Every wall he'd built around his heart had been slowly tumbling down without the slightest fight. He'd finally found a way to let her in although he'd never really had a doubt that they would have their someday. She was his angel, his light and something had brought her down. He needed to fix this for her because he needed her.
Now, he watched the little blinking light on the screen indicating her car drove past Pino's and was headed towards her parents. Deciding he'd better take the opportunity presented, he headed out in the Turbo.
STEPH POV
Dragging slowly up the steps to the apartment she opened the door, quickly shut it and engaged the floor bolt. She stopped in the kitchen for a beer. Shit. I really should have gone to the store. She dropped the last grape in Rex's cage and twisted the cap off the last beer bottle. Chugging half of it, she stopped mid-swallow and stared at the dark form sitting on the overstuffed chair. Her sorrow deepened and the feeling of failure bubbled up fresh and new. She walked past him, finishing the beer as she went and shut the bedroom door. Collapsing into the bed silent tears shuddered through her body.
RANGER POV
He was so stunned that she walked right past him it took him a moment to react. Now he sat beside her on the bed, whispering softly in Spanish, while smoothing her wayward curls. Finally finding her voice, she sobbed, "Pp-p-please go." He ignored the pleading words and instead scooped her up into his lap and held tight. Slowly his embrace started to calm her, finally allowing her to catch her breath. He looked down realizing she was asleep. He stripped off her clothes, put her in his t-shirt and settled her into bed. Then he stripped himself and cuddled in next to her.
STEPH POV
Her eyes fluttered open and for the first time in a week a feeling of contentment and peace surrounded her. The reason, she realized, was the strong, warm body behind her, holding her close. Twisting so she could see his face, she looked into chocolate brown eyes. "Yo."
"Yo yourself."
She smiled, "When did you get back?"
"Five days ago."
"Five days!!"
"I've been trying to see you, but there's been this problem with your phones and your apartment. Want to tell me about it?"
"No."
"No?" He raised a skeptical eyebrow.
"No."
He let out a minuscule puff, "Ok, Babe. I'm going to let it go for now and tell you something. I want you to concentrate and listen very carefully to what I'm going to say."
"Okay."
"Babe, I love you. Years ago when I realized that the army was going to be my life, I made all kinds of rules for myself. Basically, I built walls to keep people out of my life. Somehow, when I wasn't looking you snuck under the walls and made me want to break all of my rules. You've become my angel, my saving grace, the ray of sun that burns through my darkest night. You're the woman I love, the only one that I want, and my best friend. You've knocked down every defense I've erected. I want to take a risk, Babe, right now with you. I need you and want you in my life. I made the mistake before of letting you think I only wanted you for entertainment, for sex, but that isn't true. I want you for everything."
"No, Ranger, you're wrong. I'm....I'm...br-broken. No man wants me. Everyone has cheated on me or left me. I'm no gg-good to anyone." Tears started to trickle down her face again.
"No Babe, I want you. You're MY angel. I can see your halo. You were made for me. And I was made for you. We fit, Babe, in every way."
She could see the truth in his eyes. The tears continued to fall, but this time with a smile, "I love you, Ranger."
"I love you, Babe."
Epilogue
Joe's indiscretion at Cozy Corner was the beginning of the end for him. That night Joe's friends had introduced him to blow and over time he was unable to control the addiction. He eventually lost the respect of his coworkers and his job. Oddly enough, Albert Kloughn kept him out of jail.
Stephanie permanently and officially dumped Joe after her morning with Ranger. With time she pulled herself out of the gutter shed found herself in and realized she was as strong as she believed but that everyone has a breaking point. Now that she had seen herself at the lowest point, she was confident she would never reach that place again.
Ranger fulfilled his promise to fix things for his Babe because he needed her. He and the Merry Men trained her and she gain strength and confidence. Eventually she realized the main source of her problems was the Burg. She found the willpower to tell her Mom to butt out of her life. Ranger is presently restructuring Rangeman to relocate HQ to Miami. As soon as they are done, Ranger is taking Stephanie to St. Martin where he plans to propose to her. He's crossing his finger's she'll want to return as Mrs. Manoso.
The end.