Bellamy woke up to screaming.
His eyes flew open and he reached for the gun that lay beside his cot, rushing to pull on a shirt and run from his tent with his eye to the scope.
All he saw was white.
Every inch of the dropship camp was covered in a thick layer of snow. Almost every one of the delinquents was standing outside staring up at the sky in amazement. There was no attack, and though his initial panic had subsided, Bellamy still found himself searching, though it wasn't for Octavia, as it would have been when they first landed.
It was for Clarke.
He found her in the middle of the camp, her eyes closed and her face turned up towards the sky, her lips pulled into a small smile. Dozens of snowflakes were caught in her hair and for the first time, she looked completely at peace.
Bellamy didn't think he had ever seen anything so beautiful.
For a moment he stood, stunned. When had Clarke Griffin become so important to him? She was his co-leader, his friend. He wasn't supposed to think those things about her. Then why did he? Why did he care so much about keeping this girl, this privileged girl who he would have hated on the Ark, safe? Why was it that, suddenly, Octavia wasn't the only person he cared about ever seeing again. Bellamy didn't know. But he did know that the way he cared about Clarke wasn't the same as the way he cared about his sister. This was different. And it scared him.
As if she could read his thoughts, Clarke opened her eyes and turned to smile at him. "It's beautiful isn't it?" Bellamy nodded, though he knew they weren't talking about the same thing. He had lowered his gun to his side but still kept it clenched in his fist, and when Clarke caught sight of it she sighed. "Bellamy, we're safe." "For now." he huffed. "There's still a lot we have to do. Patrols and hunting parties and-" "and we will figure it out." Clarke interrupted a determined look on her face. "Are we even ready for this?" Bellamy asked, fear evident in his voice. "Bellamy," Her voice was soft. "We will be fine. The supplies won't last us all winter but-" She trailed off, looking around the camp. "We haven't had peace in so long. Let's just enjoy it while we can please." It was times like this that reminded Bellamy that Clarke was only eighteen and that, even with her privleged childhood, she had never really had a chance to be a kid. None of them had.
Bellamy rolled his eyes causing Clarke to grin. "Okay, princess. One day, but then we have to…." He broke off as something solid collided with the bad of his head, sending a freezing rush across his scalp and down the back of his neck. He whirled around to see Octavia standing several feet away with a massive grin on her face. "C'mon big brother, lighten up a little." Bellamy raised his eyebrows, a mischevious grin growing on his face as he placed his gun on a nearby table. "Really?" he asked. "You want me to lighten up? How's this?" Octavia's eyes widened and she barely had time to turn before he threw the handful of snow he had collected, hitting her square in the shoulder. She instantly retaliated with another snowball and his cheek stung from the impact. "Oh, you're so dead!" He yelled. His sister screamed as he ran after her, catching her around the waist and spinning her in circles as she yelled for him to put her down. Eventually, he complied and turned his attention to Clarke. She had been doing her best to hide her giggles with her hand, and he knew from the look on her face that she had seen O behind him the whole time. Her eyes widened as she realized what was coming. "Bellamy…." She didn't have time to finish before he threw the snow in his hand, leaving her staring at him in mock offense.
She turned and ran a moment later, and he had nearly caught her when she tripped over a pile of firewood hidden by the snow. Bellamy barely managed to catch at her arm before she fell, pulling her back up so their faces were just inches apart. Again he found himself staring at her.
His entire life had always been centered around Octavia. Protect Octavia, hide Octavia, make sure no one finds out about Octavia. Your sister, your responsibility. The more he thought about it, the more he realized his life had never really been his. When he was with Clarke though, it almost was, because she saw him as more. More than the janitor he had been before this whole mess started, more than the criminal he had become after. She saw the good in him, even when he didn't deserve it and he wanted more than anything to be that person she saw. More than that, he wanted her.
And now they were on the ground. Octavia had found where she belonged and as much as Bellamy hated to admit it, she wasn't a little girl that had to hide anymore. Maybe it was time to start living for himself.
Clarke cleared her throat, abruptly forcing Bellamy back to reality. "I should…. I should go change." She gestured down to her wet clothes and Bellamy thought he detected a hint of nervousness in her voice. He nodded silently and let go of her arm, watching as she walked towards her tent.
"Here." Bellamy turned to see Raven standing at his shoulder, pressing a cup of something warm into his hands. He took it, looking at her questioningly and she rolled her eyes. "Relax Blake. Monty and Jasper made it." "You say that like its supposed to make me feel better." Despite his words, he took a sip, feeling the warmth spread through his body. Raven just smirked. "Clarke's right you know," she said, taking a sip from her own cup. " It's not exactly 'whatever the hell we want' but its better than up there." She gestured towards the sky with her head. "Don't waste the good moments we have waiting for a war that hasn't started yet ok? Enjoy yourself, or at least let them." Bellamy nodded and, taking that as agreement, Raven turned and walked away calling "And put some dry clothes on Blake, you'll get hypothermia!" over her shoulder as she went.
There were times when Bellamy hated being right. Not even a month after the first snow, the pile of food they had stored got smaller and smaller, the hunting parties brought back less and less, and the delinquents grew more and more restless. "If we don't bring something back soon," Clarke said one day in Bellamy's tent. "We're going to have a full-on riot on our hands." Bellamy sighed in frustration. He knew she was right but that didn't mean he liked hearing it. "What do you want me to do Princess?" Clarke thought for a moment. "We could go ice fishing." Bellamy raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "Do you even know anything about ice fishing?" She put her hands on her hips, rolling her eyes in a way that made Bellamy fight a smile. There she was again, abruptly reminding him that she was barely an adult. "Unlike some people," she said, her voice a mixture of petulance and humor " I actually paid attention in Earth Skills. I may not be an expert but…." she trailed off, glancing worriedly out of Bellamy's tent and into the camp, where some of the delinquents were huddled around the fire, bundled together under blankets and covered in so many layers you almost couldn't tell how thin they were becoming. Almost. "Its better than nothing," she whispered and the desperation in her voice he caved. "Ok. Grab your pack. We leave in an hour." She nodded and was about to leave when he stopped her. "Clarke, we'll figure it out." She smiled sadly but said nothing, and as she left Bellamy found himself wondering who he was trying to reassure. Her or himself?
The walk to the river was further from camp than Bellamy would have liked, but Clarke was insistent that this was where they needed to be, at the deepest point of the river. Once they reached the edge of the bank, Clarke set her pack down and tentatively toed the edge of the frozen water. "Stay here. I'll go and make sure its safe and then call you over." Bellamy nodded, his lips pressed in a thin line. As much as he hated the idea of Clarke going alone, arguing with her was only going to waste the few hours of daylight they had left. Tentatively, Clarke placed a foot on the ice, listening carefully. When she heard nothing, she took a few more steps, and then a few more, walking until she was standing in the middle of the river. Bellamy held his breath as she shifted her weight from her right leg to her left and back again. Nothing happened and he let out a breath of relief. She was fine, everything was fine.
He had just set his own foot on the ice when he heard it.
CRACK!
Bellamy jumped back, thinking it was him the ice wouldn't hold. His heart dropped when he heard it again and realized that it wasn't him, it was Clarke.
"Clarke get off the ice!" He yelled. But it was too late.
It was almost like a magic trick. One minute she was there and the next she was gone, disappearing beneath the frigid, black water. In an Instant, Bellamy was running, sliding across the slick surface and barely managing to stop before falling in himself. He couldn't see her beneath the surface and when he plunged his arm into the water and came up with nothing, he felt his heart jump into his throat. The current had sucked her down river.
He stood and ran, following the direction of the current, desperately searching for any sign of her. After what felt like years, he saw it; the blurred outline of her hand. Bellamy dropped to his knees and pounded at the ice with the butt of his gun, over and over until it began to crack like glass and there was enough space to haul Clarke out of the water. Her eyes were closed, the skin around her mouth and fingers were tinged a ghastly blue, and she didn't move.
"Clarke," he said.
Nothing.
"Clarke!" With shaking hands, he placed his fingers on her throat at her pulse point, waiting. He felt nothing. "Shit." Folding one hand over the other he placed them on top of Clarke's chest and began compressions. He was suddenly glad he hadn't skipped Earth Skills the day they learned CPR. "C'mon Clarke, don't do this to me. Come back to me, please." For a moment, he was terrified it wouldn't work, but then her eyes flew open and he helped her sit up, pulling her against his chest as she struggled to cough up the river water. "B-b-be-Bellamy?" Clarke shivered so violently that, when he picked her up, he was afraid he would drop her and he nearly ran back towards the woods, the relief he had felt when she opened her eyes quelched by building anxiety. Once he was positive they were off the ice, Bellamy set Clarke down and rifled through Clarke's pack, locating her spare set of clothes.
"Change." He said gruffly, too worried about her heart stopping again to care about decency. Clarke must have been thinking the same thing because she did as he asked without arguing. Her hands were shaking so badly that he had to help her with the zipper on her jacket and he had just pulled it up to her throat when he felt it. It was snowing again.
Bellamy swore. Clarke was barely standing as it was, how was she going to walk the miles she had put between them and camp? Bellamy supposed he could carry her, but even he knew he wasn't going to carry her and their supplies all the way back. They were going to have to stop somewhere.
"C'mon." He said. Clarke was still trembling, maybe even worse than before and his heart twisted in his chest.
"Here," he said, shrugging off his jacket and holding it out to her. Clarke shook her head. "B-Bellamy you'll freeze." He rolled his eyes, trying to push down his frustration. "Says the girl who just fell in a frozen river." When she continued to shake her head, he sighed. "Well, I'm not giving you a choice. Take the damn jacket." He didn't want to snap at her, but it was the only way he could get her to listen. The snow was falling harder and they had to move. "Please." The desperation in his voice must have surprised her because her eyes were wide as she took the jacket and pulled her arms through the sleeves.
With a speed that would have impressed his fitness instructor on the Ark, he gathered their supplies and swept her into his arms, sprinting towards a cave Octavia had shown him about a mile away where they could set up camp. He built a fire and forced Clarke to drink down some of the tea they had brought with them, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. Despite what he had done to warm her, she was still shaking and the blue tinge hadn't left her lips. It made him nervous.
"Move over," he said as Clarke settled into her sleeping bag. She raised her eyebrows but moved anyway. "You know," Bellamy said. "This works better if our tops are off." There was nothing suggestive in his voice and even if there had been, Clarke was too exhausted to argue, so she peeled off her jackets and t-shirt and turned so she was facing him. He hissed when her skin made contact with his.
"S-sorry." she stuttered.
Bellamy shook his head and pulled her closer to him. "Don't apologize. It's not me I'm worried about." She smiled faintly. "You shouldn't worry so much. "And you shouldn't tell me to do things that are impossible Princess." She didn't respond, and Bellamy quickly realized that she had fallen asleep. He had to push away the anxiety in his brain telling him to wake her up, to make sure she was ok because Clarke was fine. Almost subconsciously, he pulled her closer to him and allowed his eyes to drift closed.
When Bellamy woke up he was sweating and Clarke was awake, watching him. "Hey," he said, instantly alert. "How are you feeling?" She smiled. "Better." Bellamy didn't believe her and she must have known it because she rolled her eyes. "Bellamy, I'm fine. See?" She brought her hands to his face. They were warm against his cheeks. He reached above him and pulled on his shirt as he slid out of the sleeping bag. "We should try and make it back to camp if we can." He said reluctantly. Clarke nodded and moved to follow him, standing steadily for about five seconds before her knees crumpled beneath her. Bellamy barely had time to catch her before she hit the ground.
"Oh yeah, I'm sure you're fine." He said a little bitterly. She was leaning against him heavily, her forehead pressed into his shoulder and her breathing ragged and heavy. "I'm ok. I just stood up too fast. We can go back to camp." Bellamy shook his head. "No. We're not going anywhere until you're better." His tone was final.
"Bellamy, I'm ok. Walking back won't kill me." He stiffened her words like a blow to the chest. "But you almost did." Clarke stared up at him. "Bellamy…." "I can't lose you." He hated how desperate he sounded but it was the only way he could get her to understand. "When I pulled you out of the river, your heart wasn't beating and I've never been so scared in my life. I don't…. I can't…." His mumblings were cut off when Clarke leaned up and kissed him and for a moment he stood, frozen in place. But then he relaxed and brought his hands up to her face, pulling her closer. The kiss wasn't how he imagined his first kiss with go, this kiss was desperate and needy as if when Bellamy let go Clarke would disappear completely. She almost did, he thought and pulled away from her, staring.
"Clarke please."
Something flashed in her eyes then, gone as quickly as it had appeared and he looked down at the ground. He didn't know what else to say. Only Clarke Griffin would be able to make him feel this flustered. She put her put her hand under his chin, forcing him to look at her. "Hey. I'm ok." She stretched up on her toes and gave him a quick peck on the lips. "We can stay tonight but then we have to go back. I don't care if I have to crawl all the way there, we're still their leaders." Bellamy rolled his eyes good-naturedly and kissed the top of her head.
"Brave Princess."