Disclaimer—Characters belong to Josh Schwartz and Chris Fedak. Title comes from a song that belongs to Willis Alan Ramsay, though you might know it by Jimmy Buffett. No copyright infringement intended. Any similarity to events or persons living or dead is purely coincidental.
Author's Notes—This song became infinitely more Casey-esque after Chuck versus the Tic Tac. Many thanks to Cindy Ryan for the beta. :D Proof that Wingnuts can join the Nerd Herd!! ;)
Spoilers—Chuck versus the Tic Tac
The Ballad of Spider John—I thought I'd lost my blues, I thought I'd paid my dues. I thought I'd found a life to suit my style.
---
Spider John is my name, friend.
I'm in between freights and I sure would be obliged
if you would share your company.
I'm on my way to nowhere
been runnin' from my past,
runnin' from things I used to be
but if you wait till my song is sung and my story told
then you might come to understand.
---
He found out she worked at a restaurant, a trendy little place downtown. It was one he'd driven past a hundred times on the way to the uniform shop, where he often picked up what he needed for a mission. He'd never bothered to run in to check it out, but he'd always saw people milling about, heading in, coming out.
He didn't have a reason to go by the uniform shop anymore. He was no longer the man he thought he was.
Exhaling, he walked in. None of the tables or chairs matched. The walls were painted murals, filled with minute details. He had a feeling he could look at them a hundred times and still see something new. He guessed that might've been part of the charm and appeal.
He headed for the counter, taking a seat by the window with an adequate view of the door. All right, he may no longer be employed, but he was still ever cautious.
The dark haired girl smiled warmly as she sauntered over to him, her order pad in hand. "Hey, there," she said. "What sounds good this afternoon?"
John Casey looked up at her for a long moment. Those could've easily been his eyes. And those ears rather looked like his mother's. "Coffee," he managed. "Black."
She nodded, disappearing.
He glanced around, thankful that the restaurant was relatively empty.
She returned a moment later with a steaming mug, setting it in front of him. "Are you hungry?"
Everything else was very clearly her mother's, he decided, shaking his head. "I'm John, by the way."
She smiled a little. "Hi, John."
"I'm just killing time," he lied, "while they work on my car across the street."
She nodded, leaning against her side of the counter. "We get a lot of people wandering in while they wait."
---
Oh, I was a supermarket fool.
I was a motor bank stool-pigeon, robbing my hometown.
I thought I'd lost my blues. Yes, I thought I'd paid my dues.
I thought I'd found a life to suit my style.
But, here I sit, old Spider John, the robber man.
Long, tall and handsome.
Yes, old Spider John with a loaded hand, taking ransom.
---
"It's a nice little place," he commented, blowing across the top of his mug.
"I like it," she said with a beaming smile.
"You in school?"
She nodded. "Finishing up at UCLA."
"What's your major?"
She tucked her hair behind her ear. "Political Science, Foreign Relations."
Well, that was definitely his girl, apparently. He smiled a little, taking a sip. "Sounds like a fun field of study."
"I like it," she said. "I guess that's all that's important."
"What are you planning on doing with it?" Please, he thought, don't follow my footsteps.
"I'd love to work for the State Department, in the foreign diplomatic corps. Y'know, see the world. Get paid for it."
He wanted to tell her that sometimes the world wasn't always what it was cracked up to be. But, who was he to dash her dream? He'd ruined his own so long ago. Wasn't that enough? "Good luck to you."
She nodded. "Thanks."
He took another sip of coffee, as though the hot liquid might make the words he was about to say come out easier. "I'm sure your folks are proud."
"Well, my mom is. My dad died before I was born."
He winced. "I'm sorry to hear that."
"It's okay," she said. "He was a hero, a Marine. I'm proud of him."
Why had he come into the cafe? What was he expecting? A warm welcome? A Hallmark moment? He sure as hell hadn't been expecting to hear that, nor was he expecting to hear the words that came out of her mouth next.
"Nice ring," she said, nodding to the hand that held his coffee. "You serve?"
He glanced up. "I did. Not so much any more."
"Well, sometimes you don't have to give your all, y'know?"
But, he had. He'd given up his name, his life, and, apparently, a family he never knew he had. He let out a slight grunt. "I'm sorry you never got a chance to meet him, your dad."
"Can't miss what you don't know," she said sagely.
Just how quickly had she been made to grow up? How was this darling child, probably all of twenty, able to have an attitude like that, a good head on her shoulders?
Clearly, it all had to have been Kathleen.
---
Then one day, I met Diamond Lil.
She was the sweetest thing, I declare,
that the summer breeze had ever blown my way.
But Lilly she had no idea of my illustrious occupation.
She thought I was a saint, not a sinner gone astray.
But, you see, that the word got around and Lilly left town.
I never saw her again.
Tossing and turning, causing my heart to grieve.
---
"I guess that's true," Casey commented. "I... Sometimes I don't think people understand the extent of service, y'know?"
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"Just, speaking from personal experience," he said, glancing up at her cautiously. "I had a... a fiancee. A girl I was going to marry. She was..." He smiled back at the memory, but it faded quickly. "She was everything a guy could ever want. Sweetness and light. She loved me and I loved her, but I felt this... this call," he said. "This call to serve, to be a Marine, to do... to do what they asked of me."
"She didn't understand?"
"She wanted me to do what I felt I needed to do, even if that meant be away from her. And I... I wanted so badly to balance those lives, to balance home and work. But I couldn't. So, we never got married. And she..." He hesitated. "I went to see her," he said slowly. "And she didn't recognize me. And I decided that it was best to just... move on. She had. Had a daughter..."
"I'm sorry, John."
"I just wish I could've talked to her. I would've told her that I never meant to hurt her."
"I'm sure she knows."
"I'd tell her I never meant to leave her the way that I did, I just... I had a job to do, a mission, and I needed to do it. I needed to protect her and everybody else."
"Thank you. For protecting me."
He shook his head. "Don't thank me."
"Why not?"
"Because I wound up... betraying what I loved most for something I loved before. Something that I'd lost, something that would never be mine again."
She frowned, placing a hand on her hip. "What are you getting at?"
"Dishonorably discharged, after more than twenty years of service."
"That's a long time in the Marines."
He nodded. "I'm..." He stopped, correcting himself. "I was good at what I did. My skill set wasn't one that was... readily accepted... by most."
"Why give it all away?"
"Because the woman I was going to marry all those years ago was in trouble. And I couldn't... I couldn't let it be because of me that she could've gotten hurt. And it was because of me."
"Kinda full circle, huh? Giving up the family life for work... giving up the work for family life..."
"Kinda funny, huh?" he said, looking up at her.
"Kinda romantic," she said with a smile.
He smiled politely, but it never reached his eyes. "Not exactly."
"Why are you telling me all this?"
Casey took a sip of his coffee. "Just needed to talk to someone, I guess." He wanted her to know, at least on some subconscious level, maybe, that he had cared. And he hadn't known she was on the way. And if he could do it over again, it might've been different.
"Well... Even if you don't accept it, I'm going to thank you again," she said. "I just wish..."
"What?" he asked, looking up at her, in those too familiar blue eyes.
"I just wish I could've told that to my father. Mom has a few pictures left, and his dog tags, but that's..." She drifted off, shrugging.
Casey pulled his wallet out, placing a crisp bill on the counter next to his half-empty coffee mug for the bill and tip before moving to stand. "Trust me, Alex. He knows."
---
That is all my story.
It's been these thirty years since I took to the road
to find my precious jewel one.
If you see my Lilly, won't you give her my regards?
Tell her old Spider got tangled in the black web that he spun.
---
She watched as he left, with long, powerful strides out of the restaurant. He stopped just outside the door, sliding on a pair of aviator sunglasses. "Hm," she murmured, picking up the money he'd left as well as his mug. But, as she'd glanced down, she realized she wasn't wearing her name tag. And, for the life of her, she didn't remember telling it to him.
A strange feeling took to her stomach. It couldn't be, could it? No, she was named for her father. Her father's name was Alex. Alex Coburn, just like her. And he'd said his name was John...
She put the mug back down before sliding across the counter and racing towards the door. She burst out into the afternoon sunshine, looking for where he'd gone off to, but she didn't see him. "Dad...?" she whispered so quietly she couldn't even hear.
End.