Teddy Bears
Summary: I CLAIM FOR FIRST RICK/MICHEAL!! Michael thinks Rick doesn't love him enough. But when he figured out he does, it was too late.....(Sho-ai)ImmortalSweetTears: I Can't believe I'm writing this!! I mean, I have a mission, remember? But oh well....I better claim this couple before someone else does....and if someone already did, then I hate you. :-P
By the way, this is a true story that my friend told me. I'm not really convinced though. What about you?
Song name is call I'LL REMEMBER YOU.
I'll remember you
And Baby that's forever true.
You're the one that I'll always miss
Never thought it'll feel like this
I'll be there for you
No matter what you're going through
In my heart you'll always be
Forever baby, I'll remember you.
I have a boyfriend who lived in America with me. His name is Rick Anderson. I always thought of him as a rival until last year, when we went to a cruise alone. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other boys or girls, such as Eddy, Steve, Emily and Max Tate. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another blader........
"Rick, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
"I can't"
"Why? You need to go practice with your blade?" I felt disappointment grabbing on to me and squeezing the guts inside.
"No… I am going to meet a friend…"
He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a boyfriend. The word 'love' only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say 'I love you' before. To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all. He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a golden color teddy bear. Everyday, without any fail. I don't know why…
Then one day…
"Ah.......Rick....I, I-"
"What now....…don't drag, just say whatever crap you wanted to say."
"……….I love you." I breathed out. Rick glanced down at me and our eyes met for a second before he turned his head away.
"You…………Fuck, just take this damn doll and go home."
That was how he ignored my 'three words' and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday filled my room, one by one. There were so many…………They covered my baseball trophies.
Then one day came, on my 17th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured myself partying with him. We would be at a fast food restaurant and we'll smile and be happy to have each other…… So I stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call.
Lunch passed.
Dinner passed…
And soon the sky was dark… he still didn't call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore.
Then around 5 Am in the morning……
He just suddenly called me and woke me from my restless sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily. When I arrived to the door, I could smell the smell of alcohol and there is a clear, deep hickey at his cinnamon skin. I gasp silently, and pretended I didn't saw it.
"Rick……" I whispered. The hopes of his celebrating my birthday went back alive, and I could once again see myself in his arms smiling happily at each other. Instead, he handed me a teddy bear.
"Here, take this." He slurred out, leaning from side to side. I found it difficult to hear him with the stereo he always carries, but I can pretty much assume what he was trying to say.
"-W…What's this?" I was lost. Is this what he wanted to give me as a gift?
"I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I'm going home now, bye."
And he turned his heels and left. The music drilling inside my brain. Destroyed, I ran after him and grabbed him by the wrist.
"Wait!" My eyes moisten, and I felt like screaming at him, pushing him to the floor and beating him senselessly. But I couldn't, I just love him too much. "Don't you know what today is?"
He looked just as confused as I am.
"Today? Huh?"
I felt so sad, and furious about myself for keeping my damn hopes too high. I had thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen. Then I cried again "Wait!!!"
"NOW what do you have to say??" He boomed out, louder than the music. I cringed and look back into his dark colour eyes.
"Tell me…..Please, tell me you love me…….."
"WHAT?!"
"Tell me……."
I put my pathetic self right in front of his face and clung on to him, pleading for him to just say those three strong words…….. But he just simply glared down at me and said those cold words:
"I don't want to say that I love someone so easily, if you are so god damn desperate to hear it…… then go find someone else."
That was what he said. Then he walked off coolly. My legs felt numb….… and I collapsed to the ground, breathing heavily and feeling the worst an American can feel. He didn't want to say it……… How could he…………. I felt that………. Maybe he is not the right guy for me…
After that day, I stayed home crying, just crying. He didn't call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little teddy bear every morning outside my house. That's how those dolls piled up in my large room…
After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that………… I saw him on a street… with another girl…She has long black hair and soft skin and wearing all sorts of revealing clothes. He had a smile on his face, ones that are real, ones that show pure happiness……ones that he never showed me……
He handed her a brown teddy bear.
I-I-…I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he give these to me…….? Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls, these dolls are probably seconded handed, and these dolls are probably his way to soften up people………
In a fit of exceeding anger, I threw the dolls around. Never was I treated this way, I couldn't believe those times I've spend with that bastard and thought we were one. The dolls made a loud impact to the wall which only angered me even more. This FUCKING bastard had changed me and now he left me. DON'T YOU REMEMBER RICK ANDERSON!?! I screamed the loudest scream I've ever uttered out and start yanking my blond hair. Didn't you remember that you changed me from an ignorant bastard to a pathetic excuse of a male?!!?!?
My phone then rang. Taking deep breaths and straightening myself, I stood up and pick up the phone.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Mike?" He asked
"Rick." I said flatly.
He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried so hard to calm myself down and hanged up. Glancing at my digital watch, I combed down my hair with my fingers and walked out from the house to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it's going to end.
Then I see him in my sight, holding a golden sickening teddy bear, but it's way bigger than the others even he seem to have difficult to carry it with his muscular arms. Surprise Surprise, he didn't have that stereo with him.
"Michael. I thought you were pissed off at me or something. You actually really came?"
I HATE him
I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual, with his stupid face carrying the bored expression.
"I don't need it." I hissed out, lowering my head to the grey cement. My whole fist is shaking from clenching, and my body quivered. I can hear the shock in his voice.
"What…….? Why-"
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road. The street was silent. There were no cars so the teddy bear remained at the contaminated black road. I lifted up my face and looked back up to his eyes, hatred was burning inside them and running down my veins.
"I DON'T NEED this doll, I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE!!! I DON'T WANT TO SEE A PERSON LIKE YOU!!" I shoved him as hard as I can at the shoulders, causing him to stumble back.
I spat out all the words that were inside me all along right in his face. But, unlike the other days, his face looked shock, and his eyes were shaking.
"I'm sorry………"He apologized in a tiny voice. Those two words never went to my mind, my heart, or my emotions. I just continue to scream at him. He cast one more look at the pissed off me before he walked over to the road to pick up the doll.
"YOU DUMBASS!!!!" I hollered "WHY ARE YOU PICKING UP THAT SHITTY DOLL?! Just throw it away!!"
But just he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. When………..
Honk Honk
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
"RICK!!!! Move! Move away!" I shouted…
But he didn't hear me; he squatted down and picked up the doll.
"Rick!! move!" I cried.
He stood back up, holding the doll. I saw a flash of smile on his face, those real ones before he turned towards my direction. He jerked his head towards to the truck and his eyes widen with fear. And yet, he doesn't run. He just stood there, turning back to me. Holding the teddy bear tightly.
"I…I lov-"
HONK!!
"RRIIICCCCCCKKKK!!!!!"
BAAAM!!!!
The teddy bear sailed in the air.
That sound, so terrifying. That's how he went away from me. That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me. After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him………..Rick where are you?............I miss you………..
After spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.
Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days when we were together…….… when we were in love…
"One…two… three…"
That was how… I started to count the dolls…I felt so foolish doing this. But………I am foolish…….
"Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty five…"
It all ended with four hundred and eighty five dolls. I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…
"I love you, I love you"
I dropped the dolls, shocked.
"I….lo..ve…you??" I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.
"I love you"
It can't be! I pressed all the dolls' stomach as it piled on the side.
"I love you" "I love you" "I love you" Those words sang out non-stop. I… love you………..
Why didn't I realize that………...
That…… his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn't I realize that he loves me this much………. I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. Although it's been washed a million times, I can feel the blood, the smell deepening to my nose, the sense of it staining there forever……….
The voice came out, the one that I was missing so much…
"Michael…Do you know what today is? We've been loving each other for four hundred and six days……….I'm sorry I've been an ass to you lately………and that I never say I love you……..but I can't. It's so strange. After all, you are my first 'boyfriend'. I want to say it when I really meant it. 'I love you' are very strong words that I say too many times with my ex girlfriends……….Mike? I want to say…… I love you, and that you changed so much these past years……..I really love you……..I want to give you a gold bear this time because……..It reminds me of your hair. Baby…"
And the voice went dead, and the golden color doll drops to the soft carpet, dead as well.
The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked myself over and over, why do I only know about all this now? He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…
For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life…