What happens when all of the strings inside you break? When everything that held you together is gone. An accident involving myself and my colleagues, a colleague death, an accusation of patient neglect, of neglecting my child. My daughter left, she's in America with her dad. A friends death, an accusation of euthanasia. There's nothing left to break. Work. That's the only release I have but what abut when I'm too distracted to focus, I feel my hands starting to shake and I have to cover it. I held it in for so long that when the final string broke the pain absorbed me and I was rendered useless. A mere shell of my former self.

It started when I first joined the department, I felt it was my job to make it into the best ED possible through whatever means but people didn't like that, the suggestion that they weren't already. They hated me and then when Zoe stepped down from her position as clinical lead and I got the job they hated me even more. So the first string broke, there would be no friendships there.

Not long after my promotion I took a group of my doctors and one nurse to visit a failing hospital but we crashed on the way and some of my most promising doctors almost lost their lives. To make it worse Jeff was caught when the vehicle exploded and Dixie came back alone. The second string broke, it was my fault. Even if no one blames me I organised the trip against everyone's advice.

Then Hailey Blake's father came, left and returned only to die shortly after. And she blamed me, there was a court case against me and during that period of anger she also reported me for neglecting my daughter. The accusations where dropped but not without damage. Grace, my little girl left to go to America because I put the job above her. In truth that was entirely my fault. The third string broke, I almost lost my job and my girl left me.

And finally Alfred, a world renowned surgeon with MND, he came in for the first time after scolding himself with coffee and we eventually became quite close, so close in fact that he asked me to help him die, I refused of course and I told Charlie, the only one I trusted. When Alfred died people thought it was me and Rita reported me, I don't blame her either but it meant I ended up in jail. It was awful, I was found innocent and released but not without a severe risk to my career. A fourth string was broken, my job, my whole livelihood had been at risk and to top it all off I was having to go through it after the death of a very dear friend, a death I was being accused of.

There's nothing left for me to lose or so I thought. Straight after I was released me and Charlie went off to Bucharest where I stayed on for a bit and when I finally returned to the ED there was something seriously wrong.

Connie walked into the ED, gritting her teeth at the gossip that would follow, immediately after entering she had to walk past reception and no matter how much they tried to hide it there was a clear look of shock on everyone's face and all the conversations stopped until Noel eventually spoke. "Ah Mrs Beauchamp, here's what's been left for you and also a Mr Sam Strachan has been ringing every day to talk to you, he left a number somewhere." Noel searched the desk until Louise handed him a bit of paper

"Thank you" she muttered taking it from him and walking off but not before she heard Noel speak "So she's back then, I was hoping she'd stay away."

When Connie reached her office she immediately picked up the phone and dialled Sam's number he picked up after just three rings and sounded agitated. "Hello? Connie? Is that you?"

"Yes its me, Sam what is it that's so important you felt the need to ring every day."

"Thank goodness I've managed to get hold of you."

"Come on Sam I don't have time for this" she went to put the phone down

"No Connie wait! Its very important, I just don't know how to start."

"Just start at the beginning."

"Well recently me and Grace moved back to Holby, I know we should've told you but she didn't want to. Anyway I was driving her to school when we were cut up by a lorry. We ended up smashing into another car and she, she's in a coma Connie" he said as he started to get choked up. "We're at St James's, it it was closer. She needs you there Connie. I-it d-doesn't look good."

"I-I'm on my way" she said failing to hold her tears back

"Did you want me to come pick you up? You don't seem in a fit state to drive."

"I..." She considered it for a second and then admitted he was right. "Y-yes p-please." She then got her stuff together, composing herself she walked over to Dylan who was in the staffroom "Dylan I know this is probably very inconvenient but I need you to be in charge for a bit longer. I have to leave urgently."

"What?! You've only just come back"

"I know Dylan but this is something I can't miss"

"Can you at least tell me why?"

"Umm no its personal"

"Fine" he sighed at her stubbornness but accepted it.

"Thank you Dylan." She then rushed out of the apartment getting into Sam's car which was parked outside they sped off to see Grace. "Thank you for, for picking me up" she said trying to cover up her worry. "Its okay Connie." She just shook her head as the tears fell. Just then they pulled up outside St James's. She watched Sam get out of the car and saw him limp a bit and she remembered not only had he seen his daughter slipping away but he went through the ordeal as well. "Are you coming?" He called back to her when he realised she was hesitating.

She stayed there for a bit longer hoping that in that moment sat in his car it wasn't happening. Finally she decided she'd have to get out, he came back and she reluctantly took his hand as he helped her out. As they walked to where Grace was an awkward silence fell between them until eventually Connie could bear it no longer. "Why didn't you just ring my mobile?!" She yelled "I'd have come straight back. Do you have any idea how it feels to find out your daughters been in a coma for days and you were totally unaware?"

"The same feeling she had I imagine when she found out via the newspaper that her mother had been in jail."

"I... That's different"

"Of course it is"

"Well what the fuck was I supposed to do? Phone her up from jail 'oh hey baby by the way I'm in jail because someone I cared for died and they're accusing me of killing him' huh Sam?"

"She had a right too know"

"Yeah and I had a right to know you were back in Holby."

"She didn't want to see you! Connie she hates you. When she read the article she said good right where she belongs. You're only here now because legally you're still her guardian and next of kin and I felt you had a right to know."

Connie just stopped walking and stared at him shocked by what she'd just heard. "I... Maybe I should go."

"No I didn't mean that I'm sorry I wish we could get out of this fucked up situation. She's angry that you couldn't look after her and she says stuff she doesn't mean but I know she misses you." Connie just carried on walking and the silence fell between them again until eventually they reached Grace. Sam walked in first and Connie followed behind him dragging back a but for fear of what she might see. "Hey Gracie, Mummy's here to see you. I found her." He gestured for Connie to come closer she did so and almost ran out when she saw Grace whose face was covered in cuts and bruises, her arms and legs were in plaster and she looked terrible and lifeless.

She forced herself to stay and sat down next to Grace clasping her hand "hey baby its me, mummy's here. Come on that shock alone should wake you up. Please baby, please baby, wake up for mummy. Wake up please baby, please please please please" she hugged her and was crying hysterically by that point. Sam stepped in, pulling her away and leading her out of the room.

"Come on Connie, we don't want to distress her. Do we?"

"Why isn't she waking up? Sam make her wake up."

"Connie, we need to get used to the idea she might not wake up. Its a natural coma and she did arrest for 20 minutes."

"No! She has to! She has to wake up! My baby has to wake up!"

"There's a very high chance she won't. Are you ready to go back in?"

"I don't know Sam, I don't know anything anymore. I'm a doctor I should be able to make her better."

"We can't fix everyone Connie"

"But she's my baby, I should be able to fix her. I've failed her!"

"No you haven't."

"I put the job first, put myself first. I'm even doing that now. Thinking what I could do, how much I'd miss her. How I never got to make it right. Not on how she might never wake up, she might die and actually right now, no matter how much she can hear, she needs me."

"Come on then, compose yourself and let's go see her." Connie nodded struggling to compose herself, just as they were about to walk back in a nurse came running out.

"Her pulse is dropping and her pupils are unresponsive, they responded before. There are no doctors around!" The nurse said untactfully.