When Raoul and I went to the rooftop that fateful day, I knew what was going to happen. I knew that Erik was watching our every move. And that's why I lead him up there in the first place.

I saw an opportunity and took my only chance.

I told Raoul the whole story of my tutor, and I did not lie about anything. I did not fabricate any aspect. But I did not defend Erik either. No matter what remarks Raoul made, I just told him to watch what he said. I told him to be careful. But I did not dispel anything he said about Erik. And that's what I knew would destroy him the most. The fact that it appeared I did not care. It would hurt to believe I was afraid of him.

And when I spoke of his face, it must have truly broken him. It was the hardest thing to say. I knew it was his greatest weakness and I had exposed it. I have never felt lower in my life. But I found the courage and did what was needed. I put my small plan into motion.

Erik had never mistreated me before this day on the roof. He had never raised his voice unjustly. He had never been cruel to me. Nothing was wrong. He had only cared for me. I was aware of that. I knew what I was about to do would be the ultimate betrayal to him. And maybe not only to him. Maybe it was a betrayal to myself too.

But I had to hurt him. It would hurt me to cause him pain, but I had to do it. If I pushed him enough, if I hurt him enough, he would do what was needed. I knew he would not suspect that I did this to him purposefully. He already thought that everyone was against him somehow. I was only proving him right. I was only confirming what he had already suspected.

And his retaliation for my betrayal would be catastrophic. I was sure of that, and that's why I went to the roof that day with Raoul. That's why I said all those things about Erik. That's why I hurt myself trying to hurt him.

I didn't hate him. I couldn't hate him.

But this was the only way to ensure that I would never love him.

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The whole idea behind this litte fic is that Christine knew what she doing that day on the roof. She wanted to hurt Erik because she knew that his retaliation to this event would be incredible. She wanted him to hurt her back. She wanted this because she feels it's the only way that her feelings for him will change to something negative. She doesn't want to love or care for him. So she wants him to hurt her for this rooftop event, to ensure that she never does love him. This was just a little idea in my head.