SIR HUMPTON, of CAMELOT
THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF HAPPINESS. There was a man by the name of Sir Walter Mangrove Humpton. He was a very short man. His belly was round like the full moon, and his feet were large like penises or whatever the plural of penis is. His face was jolly and drunken and full of the morning dew like some sort of evening elf. He reminded many of Jackie Chan except fat... and full of fail. Also, he was a white man, which is a supreme disadvantage to him, but it's okay since almost everyone there was also white which in itself is unfortunate.
He lived in the great land of Camelot of which King Arthur was the boss. King Arthur treated all his womens with respects. But Guinevere was different because she was a bitch! and not the good type! And she would all the time be yelling at King Arthur about his womens, but Arthur knew when to slap a ho. But then she would cry and it was not good.
Sir Humpton. He liked to hump. It did not matter what it was, he would hump it. Even your ugly sister. He was surprisingly never arrested for sodomy, and it was good. He humped all the trees in the kingdom, and All the king's dogs and handmaidens.
One day the sun was shining upon sir Humpton as he came upon a meadow, soft and sweet and full of flowers. He eyed the flowers ru-fully. And began his hump. he humped the trees and somehow the Smurf theme was playing in the distance. He began to hump the flowers and they screamed! Nearby villagers heard the screams and came running, but it was too late, the flowers were destroyed and Humpton had a creamy load in his panties. OHH NOOO. They grabbed the torches and purified the violated meadow with fire! THEN, FROM THE DISTANCE, came the neigh of a majestic horse! Holy music played from the heavens as a figure on a horse came closer.
His hair shown gold, as the rays from the sky basked him it its warmth. His eyes were like limpid liquid pools of vomit, pungent, green, and really difficult to look at for too long. He wore a suit of metal but it had blood stains on it so it wasn't as cool as it could have been.
"Pray, tell me," The man on the horse said to Sir Humpton, "What is your name?"
Sir Humpton was in awe of such a glorious man. "I am Sir Humpton, son of George and Susan."
"I don't give a fuck about George and Susan." The man said. "I am King Arthur of Camelot , and I like your style. Jump on my mighty steed and we shall ride to Camelot."
Sir Humpton grabbed King Arthurs and was pulled up onto the horse. They began to ride away, leaving the villagers and fire. "Do you feel that?" King Arthur asked. "I feel something wet upon my rear."
"It must be your sweat." Sir Humpton said.