I Knew

This is my first attempt at writing from Jim Brass' viewpoint, so sorry if it seems completely out of character. This is a post ep. for A Bullet Runs Through It Parts One and Two, so don't read this if you haven't seen the episodes yet – I don't want to ruin it all for you! Anyway enjoy the read and feel free to leave reviews.

Chaos was all I saw, I had no idea what was going on. Neither did Sophia. She was scared; I could see it in her eyes. She'll never know but I was too.

I knew it was my fault, I knew there and then. I couldn't say anything. They would get on, do their job and tell everyone who was at fault. They would prove my guilt, but I'd still want them to work on my murder.

The interview was hell, I wondered if they could tell that I was scared, that survival instinct kicked in. I'd been sat on the other side of the table so many times and I never realised how cold Catherine's eyes were. It was a whole other person sitting there asking me questions. It was a different person sat their answering them.

Sophia was a mess, there was no way to tell her that she didn't shoot that bullet. Not after seeing the look in her eyes after the interview. Then having to see the same look when she called me. I don't know if she can see the blood on my hands, from the first innocent person I saw die while I was working. The first innocent person to die by my hand.

I already knew the tally was up to two.

Grissom simply confirmed my fears for me. Maybe he's not so socially tone deaf as I thought, he didn't have to be the one to tell me. It meant more to him, almost like he had to tell me. There's not enough time in the world to analyse why he had to tell me or why he wanted to.

The wake was the worst, all those eyes on me, judging me for making one mistake. One split second of bad timing. Sophia tried to talk but it wouldn't do her reputation any good, it was already bad enough.

The last person I had to deal with was the wife, words simply can't put across the look when she was told. She just hugged me, I was so taken aback by that. Part of me wanted her to yell, scream, rip my throat out, anything but that.

She might have forgiven me, there's no way I can forgive myself. Bad timing, a lifetime of guilt and a second persons blood on my hands.

Thanks for reading.