The merchant of Venice
Once upon a time, before guns and other weapons of mass destruction were invented, there lived an able swordsman by the name of Prince of Aragon.
Having unsuccessfully won over the hand of Portia in marriage, Aragon was –as most of his servants were-in utmost depression.
Soon, however, despair flared into anger, and he announced in his princely squeaked, "I shall have the head of Portia's husband!"
"This is very hard to arranged indeed." Said his servants, who had not experienced their master's princely anger.
Drawing out his sword with a very un-princely "hmmmf",Aragon did a few kung fu moves, which impressive enough for the servants to murmur, "Bassanio's head! this will be easy to arrange! Guards! Bring us Bassanio's head!"
"Aye, sir!" with a respectful bow to Aragon's sword, the guards disappeared into an inner room. After a series of bangs and clanks, they reappeared with a head, looking much worse for wear. Unfortunately so, the head was also accompanied by a body; and several unmanly yelps.
"So," twitching his handle-bar moustache and waving his sword threatening in the air, Aragon eyed his hated enemy. "i shall have your head!"
Bassanio gave out a couple of wild laughters usually described in books detailing the experiences of manly (albeit rather loose-minded) heros.
Aragon, evidently displeased at Bassanio's laughingly carelessness in dismissing what- in Aragon's princlel opinion- was quite a scary threat, did a few kung fu moves.
Again Bassanio laughed.
"Guards!" Aragon screeched. "do it!"
"Aye, sir!" the guards, who apparently had no idea what their master meant, decided it was best to give his highness what he had always wanted: a tube of lip lubricant.
with a whiny scream and upthrown hands, Aragon complained, "not this! it." the poor guards who still had no idea what Aragon was refering to, decided to provide him with his second favourite object: a flowery handkerchief which gave off a slightly fruity scent when waved.
Looking and sounding satisfied, Aragon spoke with a seductive smile, "Thank you. Now give me that."
Again the guards guessed based on their experience of his highness's whims. with a bow, the bravest one amongst them provided his with a pink-handled tooth-brush.
tilting his head slightly and holding his hands ( with the tooth brush, handkerchef and lubrcant) demurely in front of his chest, Aragon purred, "Purrr-fect."
scattering the tooth brush