When Dad Cheated On Mom

by chloefan44

When Dad cheated on Mom, a set of triplets, a long lost brother, and moving across the country.

Prologue

I used to have a twin brother, Dusk, who was my best friend. I remember staying up all night whispering to each other, mostly about silly, unimportant things, but we also had a relationship that allowed us to confine our innermost thoughts to each other and neither of us would dare to laugh, let alone say a word to anyone. But that's gone now, considering Dusk disappeared three months after our eighth birthday.

I remember walking home from school that day. We went inside and found cinnamon graham crackers and juice boxes waiting for us on the table as an after school snack. Dusk would always gobble his up and gulp down his juice while I took, small, meaningful bites, attempting to savor the mouthwatering cinnamon taste, and swallowing dainty sips of apple juice. He ran outside to play in the dirt, dragging his blue and red Superman cape behind him. I sat there for almost an hour, sipping my juice; taking bites the size of a millimeter while reading my new chapter book, fresh out of the school library. I heard mom come home, the garage door open, the engine die as she turned the key, and a second later, the door close and the clacking of mom's high heels on the tile floor of the mud room. She entered the kitchen, asking how my day was and if I had done anything interesting that day, any art projects finished or new games played on the playground. I launched into a story about how we played with a giant parachute during gym class that day; how the whole class lifted the parachute up in the air, and then they all quickly sat down under it, encasing us in a bubble made out of the parachute. Still listening intently mom opened the freezer and pulled out frozen patties, interrupting for a split second to ask "Hamburgers okay for dinner?" Nodding, I finished my story then outside to see what Dusk was up to.

I wandered around the back yard, looking up towards the steep hill that occupies the majority of our yard. I didn't see him anywhere, and although I searched every place I believed Dusk would be, hiding under the step of the front porch, behind the giant oak in our back yard, or in the corner of the driveway, drawing in chalk, Dusk was nowhere to be found. Deciding that he must have gone inside while I was searching, I skipped to the back door, opening it and being engulfed by the simple, yet appealing smell of frying hamburger that drifted near me.

Walking into the kitchen where my mom stood at the stove making hamburgers, I asked her if Dusk was upstairs. She assured me the he most certainly was not and inquired to why I wanted to know. "Why would you ask such a funny question Isabelle? Isn't he outside playing?" she asked. "No, I looked everywhere, no Dusk," I told mom. The next thing I know, I hear the flame on the stove go out as mom spins the knob, leaving the hamburgers partially raw. Yelling to me, I was told to run to the neighbor's house and stay inside with my friend Yvonne from school. Sensing something was wrong, I walked really fast to her house as I saw mom disappear around the side of the house, running to catch an invisible Dusk, playing tag with him, just like every Sunday.

I don't know how mom knew something was wrong, that something really had happened to Dusk, but maybe it was one of those senses that a mom has, and somehow she just knew that he was gone, never to be seen again, and chasing after his memory, she tried desperately to pull him back, to bring him back home to us.

February 29th, 2008

It's a leap year, and finally my birthday falls on the correct day. I'm so tired of celebrating it a day before or a day after it really is. This is really only the fourth year that my birthday has really, truly taken place. Dusk's too, although he's not technically around to celebrate it. I know that he's either celebrating this day with another, better, less crazy family than ours, or else he's smiling down upon me right now, from heaven. I don't know which, but both are really difficult for me to even try to think about.

Mom took off from work today, said the 5th graders didn't really need her anyway, they were so smart. Dad was always home on Fridays anyway, going to work on Saturday, always the busiest day at Fed Ex. I got home from school at 12:30, having had only a half day due to parent teacher conferences that no one attended. My parents greeted me at the door, mom giving me a small squeeze, while dad put his arms around me and gave a warm, loving hug that made me feel special; loved. The day continued on, happily as we covered the table set up on the lawn and added pink flowered cushions to each seat. Mom set delicate blue chine plate in front of every chair while dad set out champagne glasses for the adults. Every year on my birthday we would have a party on the lawn, tables loaded with food, pasta salad, lasagna, warm, flaky rolls, hot dogs, and hamburgers too. The table was always set with our best dishes no matter what. While every other family would use paper plates, we believed that for any special occasion, no matter where it's celebrated, should show how special it really was by using the nice china. Anyway, what's the point of having nice dishes if you never use them?

Before the guest arrived, mom brushed my hair and curled it, always a tradition, and this year allowing the dark blue streaks hidden beneath my black locks to show through. Hair done, I changed into petal pink sundress and put a light sweater on overtop. It was a surprisingly warm day, the clear blue sky lightening everyone's spirits.

The guests arrived right on time, not wanting to miss the chance to be outside while it was warm. Aunt Rebecca came first, the youngest of my mother's siblings, bringing my three year old cousin, Rose with her. Uncle John and Aunt Stephanie came next; neither married, but both happy, making sure they wished me a happy birthday before they got themselves something to snack on. All of my grandparents arrived at the same time, almost like they had synchronized their watches in order to arrive at the same time. Grandpa Milford and Grandma Darleen, my mother's parents brought me a Hershey's dark chocolate bar, knowing very well how that little sweet made my day, making it twice as special. Pop Pop, my dad's only surviving parent pinched my cheek as he walked by, his own way of expressing his love for me. My best friends Hayley, Kelsey and Alyssa all walked in late, after dinner had already started, taking the only open seats: at the end of the table, farthest away from me.

Dinner started after we said grace, thanking the lord for this special day, for the food, company, and most of all, the love we all had for each other. At the end, like we had for the past seven years, we prayed for Dusk, for his safekeeping and happiness. Each pair of hands slowly dropped to the table, only to be quickly brought back up as every family member reached for a bowl, platter, or plate. The clanking of dishes, and the plop of food falling onto the china was the only sound hear for a minute or so, until someone utter "Could you please pass the potato salad," after which nearly everyone asked for a different kind of food.

This is what I loved most about my birthday. All of my family was together, gathered around one big table, eating off the delicate plates. Laughing, eating, passing food. Strings of conversation made it to my ears, and although I could not usually hear what was being said, the tone of the speaker said enough—everyone was having a wonderful time.

The rest of the day passed in a blur: gifts, dessert, games, fun. Dad's cell phone rang, and he walked around the house to answer it, not wanting to be in the way. But after he was gone for almost twenty minutes, I decided to check on him. Who could he be talking to for twenty minutes? I rounded the corner, walking near the side of the house, peaking my head around the corner to see what he could be doing. A pregnant woman in a cute lavender sundress adorned with butterflies stood facing my father. Dad acted like he knew the women, was friends with her. Suddenly, he kissed her, their kiss as natural as if it happened every day! Afterwards, he rubbed her belly and leaned his head down to whisper in her ear "How are our babies?"

I could not stand to look at dad; my ears heated up, turning red from embarrassment and horror. How could dad be kissing another woman?!? And what did he mean when he said "our babies"? I turned to flee, hoping to escape the horrifying scene, thinking maybe if I ran fast enough, far enough, I could get it out of my head. As I turned around, I came face to face with my mother. Afraid she would spot dad, I attempted to distract her, wishing with all my heart she would never see dad like this. Mom was not very easily fooled though; she had experience dealing with 5th graders, allowing her to catch on easily. So she took a few, short steps, keeping behind the bush, but also leaving ample room for her to see. Terrified, I pulled mom back while she watched dad kiss another women.

March 5th, 2008

The past few days have passed in a blur. Ever since the night of my birthday, my parents have been fighting after they thought I fell asleep. Not wanting to listen to their muted shouts, I snuggled deep under the covers and turned on my iPod; at first letting the quiet, flowing, soothing music wash over me, but eventually changing to a rock song, something more upbeat. Somehow, rock music always helped me when I was sad and upset.

Days went by in the same fashion; silence during the day and arguments throughout the night. In the mornings we woke up and mom cooked breakfast, all of us chowing down, never speaking of the nightly disagreements. By the sixth day, today, I thought I would not be able to stand this torment any longer. I waited until mom came home, her heels clacking on the tile, the familiar plop as she set her bag down next to the counter. I walked slowly down the stairs, finding her sitting at the table, head in hands, sighing and rubbing her hands over her face; a useless attempt to hide the strife now permanently written across her face. I approached the table, sitting down in the seat across from her, causing her head to lift, and her face, once so full of life, to look at me. "Your dad and I are splitting up," she said, answering the unasked question. I knew this was coming, but I still was not ready for it, and it struck me fully, causing my head to spin. We sat for more than ten minutes in complete silence before mom added "You are moving with your dad to Arizona with his girlfriend Bethany. I want so much for you to stay here with me, but you know that I would not have enough money for us to live comfortably. I want you to be happy; to have a great life, full of possibilities, and if this is the only way for that to happen, than it must be." With that she got up and walked away slowly, as if every step she took hurt.

I must have sat at the table for three hours— head down, just pondering my existence, my life, and most of all, how much it was about to change, how it had already changed so much, just over the past few days. Eventually dad came home, taking off his shoes, placing them neatly by the door, then opening the fridge, and seeing nothing appetizing, asked me if it was okay to skip the cooking that night and order pizza. I mumbled a "yes," without lifting my head up.

The pizza arrived a half an hour, door bell shrilly ringing, awakening my senses. Still, I did not even look up until a plate was placed in front of me, forcing me to be polite and at least pretend to be happy and thankful for the food. I could not get down even one piece even though the aroma made my mouth water, and I hadn't eaten since breakfast. My stomach growled, begging me to lift the pizza to my mouth and eat. Annoyed, I excused myself and ran to my room, slamming my door, locking it, and throwing myself on the bed. I soon fell asleep, not caring that my homework was only half done.

March 6th, 2008

Walking in from school I dropped my book bag by the kitchen table, got out the 2 milk, chocolate syrup, a glass, and a spoon. Pouring in the milk, I filled up the glass three quarters of the way full. I opened the chocolate syrup, resisting the urge to put some on the spoon and lick it off. The smell was so appealing-- for once you could actually smell the chocolate, unlike when you open a chocolate bar. I squeezed out the syrup, filling up an inch at the bottom of the glass, causing the milk to turn browner than pumpernickel bread. Slurping, I cleaned off the glass in ten seconds flat and grabbed my book bag, walking towards the stairs, planning to go to my room. That was before I passed the family room where my dad and that lady sat on the couch, her head nestled in his chest. As I tried to run, hopefully out the front door, forever, dad spotted me, lightly pushing Bethany away from him. "Isabelle, we were waiting for you to come home. I thought you might like to meet Bethany, who we will be living once we move to Arizona. I know this is awkward, but be polite," pleaded my dad. Seeing the apprehension spread across his face, I kept my anger in check, pushing the snide and sarcastic comments to the back of my brain and took a seat on the opposite couch, facing them. Bethany started by saying how excited about us becoming a family, telling me that we'll be getting a nice house, somewhere quiet where we would all be in peace. She explained that she grew up in Arizona and was ecstatic to be going back and seeing all of her own friends again. She offered to take me shopping for some new clothes that would be lighter for the hot weather in Arizona. I was ready to refuse, but saw dad's face, filled with hope. Even though I hated my dad for splitting my family up, for leaving mom heartbroken and taking me away from her, I could not hurt him. Reluctantly, I agreed, hoping that the trip would be quick and painless.

They babbled on about the new house we would buy, how many bedrooms there would be (five or six), my new school, our town, etc. I blocked most of this out, not wanted to the new life they had already planned out for me, wishing that I could somehow just stay here with my mom.

March 7th, 2008

The yard is now a porcelain Christmas town. The ground and surrounding trees are all coated in powdery snow that sticks together well, perfect for making a snowman. Though the trees you can just spot the barbers shop and the church standing proudly next to it. Townspeople were entering the shop and the church, so small from far away that they helped add to the effect.

I invited Alyssa, Kelsey, and Hayley over to come outside with me. All of us knew very well that within a month I would be gone, all the way across the country to Arizona, only to see them for brief periods of time about every four months.

Upon arriving, we changed into our snow pants and heavy jackets; mine a light blue, bringing out the brightness of the purple in my eyes. Many people thought this unsettling, but my friends loved to comment on how awesome this made me look. We trudged outside, putting on our mittens and hats while we walked to the backyard. The shovel dragged behind Hayley, leaving a trail of compressed snow. Kelsey took the lead as always, helping us decide who would roll out the head, make the face, and make the body.

I was in charge of decorating the face, so running inside the house, I got a baby carrot and found some grayish black stones to stick in to make a cute little face. I set the materials down on the back step, walking past Alyssa who was rolling out the biggest snowball, making the base of the snowman. I continued on past her, walking into the garage to find the perfect set of mittens, hat, and scarf. I pulled down all the boxes on the top shelf in the garage, sorting through all the mismatched gloves and hats until I found a matching set of white gloves decorated with miniature snowflakes. Searching through the same bin six different times, I finally spotted a scarf with white, pink, green, and blue stripes; not exactly matching, but it would have to do. As I took down the final bin, a pink hat fell down on me, obscuring my view, and attempting to get it off, I shook my head back and forth, back and forth, and finally, the perfect hat fell to the ground. I put the bin back on the shelf, and bending to pick the hat up from the ground, I found that it was missing. I scanned the ground with my eyes, not believing that the hat had vanished. I stood up, muttering "That's odd."

Finally looking up, I came face to face with my friend Adam White who just happened to be the hottest guy in 12th grade, if not the whole school. I am still not sure how we came to be friends, but he is in my art class, of all classes. He is the most amazing artist ever. He could create a masterpiece out of a two minute doodle. He is cute, creative, sensitive and best of all, single. Stunned, I stared at him, trying to keep myself from babbling. Why is he here? I didn't even know that he knew where I lived. Why on earth, on a Friday night, with so many cheerleaders going after him, is he in my garage picking up hats for me? After composing myself, I smiled, thanking him for picking up the hat, then asking him what brought him to my house. He just shook his head like he had absolutely no idea what I was talking about. I grabbed the mittens, scarf, and hat, and walking with Adam, brought him to my front porch where we sat down on the large, two seated swing. It was a perfect fit, bringing me close enough to Adam to make sure he didn't feel squished, but also allowing me to sit directly next to him; there was only an inch separating us.

Adam started a conversation that had us debating which medium was better: pen and ink or pencil. Of course, he loved using pen and ink while I thought it was hard to use and even harder to create shading, even with all the different techniques we had learned. Pencil is easier to use in my opinion. There are so many different pencils that you can create any shade you want just by picking up a certain one. While most people would find our conversation boring and insignificant, I found it exciting. Conversations like that help you get to know someone, and since I happened to really like Adam, I would have talked about anything with him.

Finally running out of points to argue with, we sat there quietly for a while, just swinging, enjoying each other's presence and gazing out at the lawn carpeted in white. I leaned my head against his shoulder, snuggling in next to him and putting my feet up next to me on the swing. He put his arm around me, rubbing my arm, warming me up. The position seemed so natural, and neither of us moved for quite a while. Picking up his other hand, I traced the lines on it, then turned it over and kissed it. He leaned down, peering into my face; his face was not disproving, just curious. His face only inches from mine; I could feel his hot breath on his face as we both leaned towards each other. As our lips met, a spark went though us, startling me at first, making me tense, but as I leaned in, deepening the kiss, I relaxed. I felt my shoulders sag, my heart thundering in my chest as the kiss broke and we leaned our foreheads against each other, not wanting to break our contact.

March 9th, 2008

Bethany took me on our "fabulous" shopping trip today. She took me to the mall, the worst possible place since people might actually know me there. Not that everyone in school knows me or anything. In school I'm shy and I stick to my work. Of course I'm friendly with people, I just don't go up to random people and start talking to them, so not everyone knows me, since they do not usually notice the girl who does not usually talk to anyone but her friends.

We started out at JcPenny, which was fine. The clothes were nice, not overly expensive, and Bethany had surprisingly good taste. She never looked at any clothes for herself. Not that she really could since she was four months pregnant, but looking as if she was eight. She bought me a blue "tunic" top with a miniature butterfly in the bottom right corner of it, a cute pair of jeans, and silver and blue sequined flats. Moving on to the next store, she tried to force me into American Eagle, and I refused. It was expensive, you could get clothes very similar in any department store, and I did not feel like looking like every other girl in school. Finally stopping at Kohl's, we spent the rest of the day there looking at everything in the Misses and Women section, and leaving with four new sets of necklaces and earrings, each in a different color; some with flowers, or butterfly, or hearts. Bethany loved those kinds of things, as did I; I loved wearing things that were almost for little kids, but when I wore them, could be passed off as something that a teenager or adult would wear. She also bought me three new outfits; they were all very light, since it is so hot in Arizona. Two had jeans, but the remaining outfit was a skirt and tank top outfit with flip flops for shoes.

Overall, the trip was not as bad as I feared it would be. I didn't have the best time in the world, but I figure if I try to be optimistic when I get to Arizona, I can deal with her. Now the new baby is a totally different story. All I can say is that I really hope it is a girl!

Although this is totally off topic of what I was just talking about, I really miss Adam! I can still feel Adam's lips on mine. I can not stop thinking about him. I can't wait to go to school again.

March 11th, 2008

Today I was asking mom about my new baby brother or sister, and boy did she have some news for me. Bethany's expecting triplets! Now, I could deal with one or two new siblings, but three; all at once? I am starting to panic since I'm moving all the way across the country and I am going to be stranded with three babies, my dad, and his girlfriend. Mom assured me I would be fine and that anytime I wanted to come and visit, she would pay for the plane ride. Although this helped a little, it is all so hard to take in, and I'm afraid I'm going to ballistic.

Adam's coming over soon. I called him, and since he's such a sweetheart he's going to take me out to get something to eat and give me some time to calm down away from my family. He still does not know that I'm moving, since I thought it wasn't a good time to tell him right after we kissed. I hope he's not upset that even though I knew I was leaving I kissed him. I know that I should feel guilty for keeping him in the dark and leading him on, thinking we could be together, but I loved the time I had with him, and I do not regret it at all.

Later

Adam came over around six to take me out. Mom said it was fine; she's very understanding of my feelings these days, although dad wasn't happy about me leaving the house with senior. After leaving my neighborhood, he suggested that we go to the drive in ice cream shop. Agreeing, he drove there, keeping me occupied in conversation the whole time, attempting to distract me from my now confusing and frustrating life. Although he had no idea why I was upset and needed time out of the house, he was such a gentlemen about it; he paid for our cones, mine a medium twist on a waffle cone with rainbow sprinkles, and his chocolate ice cream on a sugar cone with chocolate sprinkles.

All the tables were filled and although it was fairly warm, it was still chilly. First we sat in his car, a 2005 Camry, but it was uncomfortable. The steering wheel was in the way, and we couldn't face each other. At his suggestion we got out, and looking for better place to sit, he popped the trunk, took out a couple of blankets, and he climbed into it. I stood there staring at him, wandering what he was going when he motioned for me to do the same. So, I climbed into the trunk, feeling pretty stupid, and he but a blanket over us as we sat side by side, my head on his shoulder. We polished off our cones, wiping the chocolate off each other's mouths with a napkin. Cuddling, we sat there together for close to an hour, occasionally changing position, but mostly staying still and talking. I finally worked up the courage to tell him that I'm moving. So I did, I said it very slowly and quietly, almost thinking that if it's quiet enough maybe he would not hear. He did however, since he's such a good listener, and although I thought he might be upset, it was not as bad as I feared it would be. He tried to be understanding at first but I could tell he was confused, so I explained the whole situation to him, however absurd it might sound. After I finished telling my story, I sat quietly, finally taking my head away from his arm and stared at my nails, pretending to look for any dirt trapped underneath them.

He turned me so I could face him, looking into his eyes as he told me it was alright, and even though I was going to move, he would still come to Arizona to see me whether we were just friends or a couple. Comforted, I tried to move on to other topics of conversation, knowing that Adam would not want to listen to me rant about all my problems. But it turned out I was mistaken as he took me into his arms and asked me to tell me about anything and everything that was troubling me. I spilled my heart out to him, knowing fully well that he would never, ever betray me.

When Adam's watch beeped, signaling the start of a new hour, I glanced over at it, wondering what time it could be. The watch confirmed my suspicion, informing me that it was ten o'clock; definitely time to get home. I mentioned this to him, trying not to sound rude for interrupting our lovely evening that was at first filled with happiness, but soon afterwards turning to a night of shattered hopes and dreams.

Stepping out of the trunk, Adam took the blanket and threw it back in the trunk and then offering his hand to me afterwards, helping me jump out of the trunk. Opening the car door for me, I slid into my seat, buckling my seat belt as the door gently closed. Adam sat down and buckled, starting the engine; while doing so, illuminating his beautifully featured face, his bright blue eyes, big smile, and golden-brown hair. I sighed, thinking of how lucky I was to be sitting in the car of a guy who was perfect in every way, shape, and form. He drove me how slowly, and when we reached my house, he waked me up to my garage door, gave me a soft, warm kiss that made my whole body tingle. Waving to me, he got back in his car, waiting for me to get safely inside the house before drove away.

March 12th, 2008

I've been on the phone with Hayley all night. She loves to hear about Adam and me, and since I never get a chance to talk to her in school, I had to spend three hours on the phone with her going over every detail. When I didn't want to talk about something, she pestered me until I gave in just to shut her up. Although sometimes I don't like sharing my private life (not that I have much of one, but whatever), it feels nice for someone to know, especially Hayley, since I'm so close to her.

Guess what mom did today? She went out and bought two dogs! She got a Golden Retriever and a Brittney Spaniel, both about two years old, and adopted from the local pet rescue center, Precious Paws. Mom said "If I have to live in this house all alone, I have to have adorable dogs to keep me company and cheer me up." I'm glad that mom's managing this in her own way, but I hope she can manage two dogs all by herself.

I'm allowed to help her name them, so we wrote down a list of potential names, and Maggie, Chloe, Madison, and Annie were at the top of the list. We finally settled on Madison for the Golden and Annie for the Brittney. They're so precious, and I wish I could skip school and play with them all day!

March 14th, 2007

We have a final date for moving: the 1st of April, which is April Fools day; how ironic. I have less than a month to see all of my friends, less than a month to be ready to leave everything behind. I have started to pack up my room, but it's taking a while, not just because of how much stuff I have (I have a lot), but because it's taking such a toll on me emotionally. Plus, I can not decide what I will need in the next couple of weeks, so I don't know what to pack. My room has an easel and shelves of art supplies in one corner of the room with a bed, dresser, nightstand, a mirror on the back of my door, a beanbag chair, and two shelves of books. The art supplies are the last to go, but I am putting my nightstand, dresser, and mirror into the moving van. The driver will take them down to Arizona and put them in a storage garage that we have rented until we buy our house and move in.

Adam came over to help me pack. He's so nice about everything, and although I'm probably not the best company while packing away all of my belongings, he helps by making me laugh. He also really like my art corner, and was gazing at my painting on the wall like he wanted to worship them. I remember every one of them: when I painted them, how many days it took to complete them, where my inspiration came from, and where I painted them. Although I have an easel in my room, I really don't use it when I paint on my canvases. Lots of times the paintings are of a scene outside, a place, or an animal. I have a whole storage rack for my canvases, for when they're drying, or if I don't like them enough to get them framed.

Adam and I ended up on the floor playing The Game of Life, laughing after he became a rock star, since he could neither play an instrument nor ever be capable of passing for a hard rocker. I became a police officer, arresting him every time I caught him speeding (spinning a 10). We had so much fun just playing a stupid board game, and I wished it could have lasted forever. But after I beat him and he congratulated me, first shaking my hand, then giving me a quick kiss. I started to clean up, collecting all the money and sorting it into its individual cubbies while Adam took all 3D houses and bridges off the board, placing them neatly in the box, then moving on to the our vans, taking our families out and separating girls from boys, then putting the vans away in the box. After I finished sorting the money I put the tray into away, carefully fitting the board in over top of all the game pieces. We put away the game together, placing it next to Operation and Monopoly in the hallway closet.

Walking down the stairs, we walked out onto the front porch, sitting in the same swing where we first kissed. We assumed the same position as always, my head on his arm, the contact comforting. Only a few minutes later, I heard Adam's whisper, although I couldn't hear what he said at first. After I didn't respond, he put his lips to my ear, kissing it, finally asking "Would you like to go out with me?" Those words rang in my ear, deafening, but at the same time making me the happiest person on earth. Responding, I tilted my face around to look at him, whispered a faint "Yes," while sealing it with the best kiss of my life.

March 16th, 2008

I went to church (St. John's Methodist) today, the third to last time I will ever be there. How sad is that? I know that I really should not keep counting down, that it is only going to make the time seem shorter, and I will become more desperate. I finished packing my room, leaving me with only an air mattress, my art supplies, and one box of books. Oh, and half of my clothes and shoes. I couldn't really live without those.

Alyssa, Kelsey, and Hayley came to church with me, helping me while I ran nursery and goofing off during the service. I paid close attention, knowing very well that this is one of the only times I'll ever get to hear Pastor William preach. After church I went out for lunch with my friends, heading down to Ruby Tuesday's for a burger and salad bar while mom when home to catch up on some papers that badly needed grading. We sat down at a table, and after our snobby waitress took our orders, we rushed to the salad bar. I filled up my plate with lettuce, shredded cheese, sunflower seeds, sliced green peppers, baby tomatoes, croutons, and lastly, I drenched it in ranch dressing. Sitting back down at the table I started to eat my salad, scarfing it down as politely as I could (I was starving). Alyssa and I talked through bites as Hayley and Kelsey walked over and sat down at our booth. Before we knew it, our food arrived, the quickest service that I've ever had at any restaurant.

We spent the remainder of the day together, talking about all the good times we had together over the years and curling my hair for the big date I had with Adam. At 5:30 our day came to an end, every memory accounted for, and every curl in its proper place. At seven the doorbell rang, setting off a series of barks from mom's new dogs and making me jump. I put on my coat, picked up my purse, and carefully made my way down the stairs, listening to the clack of my high heels on the wooden staircase. I walked to the front door, watching my feet to make sure I did not trip over the various dog toys of all shapes and sizes that were scattered all over the ground.

Adam put his arm around me when I got to the door, saying goodbye to my parents and telling me that I looked gorgeous. He escorted me to his car, opening the door for me and waiting until I fastened my seatbelt before starting the engine. Adam drove us to what I assumed was his house. It was obviously not a party, and seemed like somewhere I could see him living: a large brick house, half covered in vines, a pinecone wreath decorating the door while miniature lights illuminated the driveway and front walk. Parking in the garage, he took me into the house by that door, leading the way, showing me where to take off my shoes. As I walked into the kitchen, I was astounded by the enormity of it; I could have fit three of my kitchens in it. Although Adam never acts like it, he must be rich, or at least on the upper end of things.

He got me a glass of ice water, and a napkin to put under it, then led me to the living room, which had a giant black flat screen television, two squishy brown leather couches, and a matching armchair. Dark green blankets rested on both couches, calling to me. I set my glass down on the coffee table as Adam led me over to the couch farthest away from the screen, where he sat down on the end, pulling me down with him and covering us with the blanket. Reaching over, he grabbed two remotes and the bowl popcorn sitting on the coffee table, immediately pressing a button to dim the lights and another to turn on some music. "I thought maybe we could talk, and then maybe watch a movie," he asked questionably, as if unsure. "Sounds great," I responded, knowing very well that if he asked me to go sky diving I would have said the same thing. So we sat talking, not about anything special, just about what we thought of different things, comparing and contrasting our tastes, interests, and experiences. An hour later we started Matilda as we cuddled up under the blanket, our eyes glued to the screen as Ms. Trunchbull terrorized the innocent children, causing them to tremble in fear.

March 17th, 2008

School flew by today, quicker than it ever had before, perhaps because Adam came to get me after every class. Each time I walked out a door, he was standing outside it, leaning against the tiled wall, waiting to walk me to his next class. He would give me a quick kiss on the cheek, and then take my hand, holding it tightly as if he feared it could disintegrate at any second. I never know how he got out of class so quickly in order to get to each of my classes, or how much trouble he got in when he arrived to each class late on account of walking to each of my classes with me. During Art class, we concentrated more than ever, each of us determined not to let our new relationship get in the way of our artistic abilities. By the end of the day I was the happiest girl alive. Adam kept me from thinking about moving, my dad, or anything that might have troubled me in the slightest. He offered me a ride home, which I graciously accepted, not wanting to spend another minute on the bus when I could be with Adam instead. Adam dropped me off at my house, explaining that he had a doctor's appointment that he had to get to, and that he'd pick me up in the morning to drive me to school.

The rest of the night was boring. Mostly, I just did homework, attempting to catch up on the assignments that I procrastinated on over the weekend. Adam texted me, just to see what I was doing and if I needed any help. He's so sweet about everything, and I love how he just calls or stops by to see if I need anything. How did I get so lucky?

March 18th, 2008

I'm so annoyed right now, so I'm not going to say much, but dad told that woman that it was okay to take me to a Broadway show. Although I think it will be fun to go and watch (for the first time), it is not something I wan to do with her. Don't you just love when your father cheats on your mom, forcing them to get a divorce, then your dad having the nerve to force you to spend time with her and skip school one day so that you don't get to talk to your boyfriend.

March 19th, 2008

Today Bethany dragged me into her car (a brand spankin' new white Impala), forcing me to sit in the front with her so we could "bond" like a mother and daughter would do. She's only twenty-five, nine years older than me, so it's not like I can even pretend she's somewhat like my mother. She turned the radio on and turned it down really low, so we could "talk". I sat there with my purse on my lap, my seat straight up, wondering how long the ride would be. I have no idea how long it was, but it by the time we got there it was three o'clock. Stopping at Subway, we bought subs, mine a turkey with lettuce, onion, cucumber, hold the tomato, hers a plain ham sandwich, nothing at all on it. She said she had to keep it healthy for the triplets, although I don't know what's unhealthy with cucumbers, lettuce, and onions. Whatever. We took a taxi down to the theater, gazing out the windows all the while, mesmerized by the sights. This was only my second time in New York City, and it had to be spent with the person that I despised most of all. I don't know why she even tries to get along with me. I mean, shouldn't she know that if you cheat with a little girl's father, thus splitting the family in two, that she might be just the slightest bit upset with you?

We got to the theater to see Phantom of the Opera, which I had to admit, I was excited to see it. We waited in line, finally being admitted in and then taken to our seats. Our seats were in the first row of the balcony and every time I look down, I was afraid that I was going to fall. The seats looked like they were made out of red velvet, and were soft, but leg room was tight, even in the first row. The production started, and so did Bethany. She did not shut up for one minute. Throughout the course of the play, she must have talked at least once every minute. It drove me crazy and ruined my first Broadway play for me! Leaving the theater after the play, we caught another cab, got in her car, and spent the remainder of the night driving home. I sat in the backseat, saying that I wanted to try to fall asleep, but instead spending the car ride texting Adam, telling all about my horrible time. He promised me that we would go see a Broadway play very, very soon.

March 22nd, 2008

Adam just took me mini golfing, and although I was skeptical about playing golf, it was so much fun! I have only played mini golf like four other times, but of course Adam helped me, showing me where to aim and teaching me how to hold the club. The course was only sixteen holes, and although I got better from his teachings, he still won. We stopped for a slice of pizza at Tony's on our way home, sitting next to each other in the booth instead of across from each other. We got to my house by ten, which was my new curfew, and since Adam didn't want me to be late, he let me scramble up to the door and bolt inside, but not before he wished me goodnight.

March 24th, 2008

I got out of school early today! Adam told me we had some place important to go, so he drove me home after we signed out of school. Parking in my driveway, we got out and went inside; he sat on the couch as I went upstairs to change into something nicer. I had no clue where on earth we would be going, so I dressed more on the fancy side, packing a small bag with an extra set of clothes (that weren't as fancy) to throw in the back of the car. I put on a cocktail length dress (pink with sparkles) with halter straps, silver high heels, lip-gloss, sparkly eye shadow, and eye liner. Walking back downstairs, I only got halfway down before I was scooped up and carried downstairs where Adam set me on top of our kitchen table, kissing me, whispering in my ear that he was so lucky to have me and telling me how great I looked.

By the time we got out to the car, it was already noon and Adam told me to be prepared for a long ride. As he pulled out of my driveway, he told me to look in the back for something to do during the ride. He filled the whole backseat with activity books, coloring books, handheld games, cards, CD's, a blanket and pillow, Mad Libs, novels, nonfiction books on frogs, everything on the face of the earth. Even though he was driving, I gave him a half hug and a kiss on the cheek, telling him how wonderful he was. I grabbed the Mad Libs and started asking Adam for words. "Give me an adjective. Good, now a plural noun." I only kept this up for a half an hour, since I was afraid Adam would lose control of the car every time I read him a Mad Libs story filled with his wacky words. I grabbed a pillow and blanket as I put the Mad Libs back and took a really long nap; all this fun had tried me out. I slept for two hours, then put in the Carrie Underwood CD and started to read Pride and Prejudice, a real classic. Although the beginning was odd and at some parts hard to understand, by the time I got to page 30 I was in love with the story; another hour gone. We drove for five more hours, but I had a good time just being in the car with Adam, so it did not really matter much to me. I mean, when you have a boyfriend as nice, sweet, and gentleman-like as mine, then you'll be happy just being near him no matter where you are.

We finally arrived in New York City after eight and a half hours in the car. I was already exhausted, but when I looked upon the city, I became excited. We waited in long lines of cars snaking through the city, trying not to get cut off my speeding, rude taxi cab drivers. While we were waiting in line we sung out loud to every song that came on the radio. Eventually we made it through the long lines of never ending cars, and stopped a few blocks from Broadway. It finally clicked; he was bringing me to Broadway just like he promised he would. Adam opened my door and pretending to be a lady, I stuck my hand out for him to take in order to help me out of the car. He took my hand, helping me out, and then shut the door as he took my hand in his. We walked four blocks; arriving at the theater right on time- Les Misérables would start in less than five minutes. We were shown to our seats by a young woman who was at least 5' 8", with strawberry blonde hair, and a dazzling necklace made out of what looked like real diamonds. She was young, perhaps right out of college and possibly the most gorgeous girl I've ever seen. I was worried that Adam would stare at her, that he would lose interest in me once he saw how pretty she was, and how she had beautiful blue eyes just like his, instead of my violet ones that scared people off. Miraculously, he did not seem fazed in the least and continued to hold my hand and keep up the conversation that we were having about how beautiful New York was at night. Upon reaching our seats, he politely thanked our usher, whose name was Sara Marie (I read her name tag, or course). Sara Marie- names like that always make me mad; the people whom they belong to are usual conceded and don't have a care in the world for what anyone else thinks.

The play started, and although I already knew the storyline, I was so interested in it that I did not look away from the stage until intermission when Adam and I sat got up to stretch our legs, and he led the way to the bathroom so I could go before it started again. We made it back to our seats just as the lights were going down. As soon as Cosette came on the stage again, I was engrossed, not wanted to look anywhere else. Almost and hour later, the play ended, making me sad and unhappy.

We walked slowly out of the theater, following the packed, satisfied crowd out into the cold night. The wind slapped my face, and I could almost see it turning pink from the cold. Adam put his arm around my waist, guiding me as we walked the few streets to his car. Still walking, we passed his car and kept walking. Trusting him, and waiting to see what he had in store, we walked on, until we got to what looked like a side door- rotting, with tiny holes in various places, looking as if it had been shot by one too many BB guns. Curious, but subdued, I stood staring at it, noticing for the first time the weight of the arm wrapped around my waist, guarding me from the cold and anything else that might come our way. After knocking five times, the door opened only an inch, enough for the little girl standing there to see us. She asked what our names where in a confident voice, but shaky voice. I stooped down to her level, hoping this would calm her and show her that there was no reason to be scared. I moved my face closer to hers, and motioning for her to listen, I whispered my name as if confiding a secret. Nodding, she slowly opened the door to allow us entrance. "My daddy said you would come," she told us as she walked down the hall, bringing us into a huge room filled with round tables covered with burgundy table clothes, the came color as the trim of the room. Waiters scurried around, some refilling drinks while others wrote orders down on fancy paper, and then rushed to bring the table's inhabitants whatever they wished.

A man, clearly the father of the little girl, both in resemblance and the loving smile he gave her. Walking over to us, he gave his little girl a squeeze, and gently pushed her back down the hallway, showing us to our table, smaller since there was only two of us, but equally elegant. A burgundy table cloth and a single pink candle in the center, the flicker reflecting off of the delicate white china plates. Everything was perfect; the company, atmosphere, even the waiter who handed us our menus and took our drink orders. Excited, I looked over the menu, deciding on the Fettuccini Alfredo, always my favorite. It seemed to be a quaint but elegant Italian restaurant; perfect after the play. Somehow, Adam knew how to make me happy, floating on the clouds, even when I'm in the foulest of moods. Although we've been dating less than a month, and only known each other since the beginning of the year, it seems like we have known each other for all of our lives.

Our drinks arrived, mine a Vanilla Coke and his, a vanilla milkshake. "I like to have dessert with my meal," he explained to me, seeing the envious look on my face. "You are welcome to share it with me, if you want." I daintily took a sip of my own drink, savoring the vanilla flavor, and then leaning over, I grabbed a spoon and took a small spoonful off the top, avoiding the whipped cream (which I don't really care for). The mix of milk and ice cream coated my tongue and throat as I swallowed. I mmmed, loving the taste, and thought to myself: whoever created milkshakes was a genius. The dinner flew by; the food exceptional, the service, superb, and of course, the company, exquisite. For dessert I ordered the seven layer chocolate cake to share with Adam, which we ate within minutes. As the waiter cleared way our dishes, Adam reached into his jacket pocket and produced a jewelry box. I stared at it, unbelieving. What could he have gotten me? We haven't even been together for a month. I hope he did not spend a lot on me. He held out the box, placing it softly into my outstretched hand. Carefully, I opened it, reveling a beautiful, priceless necklace covered in glittering white and purple jewels. "Please tell me these are not real," I begged. Softly, he responded, "I would, but I can't lie to you." I sucked in a breath, flattered and incandescently happy, yet upset that he spent so much on me. "I know it's a lot; probably very overwhelming, but I wanted to give you this as a promise that I'll never leave you. I know you have a background, and that you must go and live with your dad. But even though you'll be half way across the country, I want you to know that I will be there with you, every second of the day, every time that you need me, I'll be there." With that, he got up, and taking the necklace, carefully undid the clasp and placed it around my neck. Stepping in front of me, he bent down and kissed me, slowly and softly, as if he was afraid I would break.

March 26th, 2008

Hayley, Alyssa, and Kelsey have all been obsessing over the necklace. Of course, I told them why he gave it to me, but I really didn't go into detail- this was something personal between Adam and I. Everything seems perfect with him. We never fight, although we do have heated 'discussions' over our different viewpoints on various subjects. I love spending time with him because we can relate in so many ways, not just because we like each other. I still can't believe that he chose me while there were so many different girls going after him. He's not exactly popular, but he could pass for a Greek god: that's how beautiful he his.

Only 6 more days left in Maine; only six days to be in the house I grew up in, six days to be with my mother, and six days to say goodbye to Dusk, my other half. I finally have to let go of him, my twin, my only sibling, my older brother, the person who is supposed to be here now that I am in High School. The nonexistent protector whose job is to beat up people who are mean to me.

Sometimes, when I feel the weight of his nonexistence weighing down upon me, when I cry out, wishing he was there to comfort me as he always did, I walk across the hall and open the door opposite mine, closing it gently behind me. I sit on top of his perfectly made bed, staring at his untouched room, left the same as it was almost eight years before. Clothes littering the floor, framed pictures of Superman and Batman lining the wall, staring down upon me with accusing eyes, blaming me for the disappearance of their best friend. I gaze out the window, replaying memories of him over and over, until mom comes in and taps me on the shoulder, abruptly awakening me from my daydreams. Come back Dusk, come back, I plead as I get up, smooth out the wrinkles in his covers, and gently close the door behind me.

March 28th, 2008

Finally, the last Friday that I'll spend in Maine has arrived. I leave on Tuesday, so I really only have three full days left. Adam came over to share our last "family dinner". I think that he mainly came over to aid me in not falling apart though. Anyway, we started dinner at six, but had drinks on the couch before that (like they always do at the grandparent's house in Gilmore Girls- lol). Adam and I had Pepsi, as did mom, but dad had a beer, which he drank within two minutes.

Dinner was simple; chicken wraps, like they have at McDonald's but better. We each put in a heaping of lettuce and cheese, whatever kind of dressing we wanted (I had ranch, Adam had honey mustard), and bit of crispy chicken strips. They were so good, and I had three since they were on the smaller side. The guys (dad and Adam, of course) had six each, which is a lot, even for a guy. Dessert was chocolate cake, my mother's specialty. It was mouthwatering just to look at, but ten times better once you actually had it in your mouth! Whoever came up with this recipe (one of my ancestors I suspect), is or was a genius. Never in my whole life have I ever tasted something so good, not even the times when I have had the exact same cake- this one has beaten out all of the others.

The night ended way too soon for my liking, but the parents insisted that we call it a night. I walked Adam to the door, kissing him goodnight quickly, since my parents were watching. We cleaned up the dishes after he left, then called it a night, each of us retiring to separate rooms (dad's been sleeping on the couch).

March 31st, 2008

Tonight, Monday night I spent with my best friends of course; we're having a full out slumber party even though it's a school night for them. Bring on the Disney movie marathon, starting out with the princesses and ending with the sad movies like Fox and the Hound. As you can see, we're still kids at heart and we're not afraid to show it. While watching the movie we made at least five bags of popcorn, chocolate milkshakes, snow cones, cookies, every junk food imaginable. Chips and pretzels galore, lined the table, each contained in heart shaped glass bowls, creating a buffet. I got out the bowls from the cabinet, making a huge stack of them next to their heart shaped companions on the table. We started the movies, loading up the bowls with the millions of different chips that I had bought the night before. These were soon scarfed down by my friends, so I started the popcorn and milkshakes. Soon we had had our fill of a feast fit for any princess. Haha. Anyway, I had a great time, although it did feel like my heart was breaking, being wrenched out of my chest as I sat there staring at my closest friends in the world as they watched Belle rejected Gaston. Not noticing me staring at them, I was able to watch their faces and the expressions on them. Kelsey, as always, was thinking about what she would have done if she were in the same predicament. Kelsey, as you may have noticed, likes to take charge, find a way to do something right, then get started on it, explaining to her faithful group of followers what they were each required to do. Hayley on the other hand, must have been thinking about all the drama in the movie; she loves to hear about drama, but she also loves to act it out on stage; something I would never be able to do in a million years. Alyssa is just quiet and reserved, liking to think things through thoroughly before she speaks up and states her opinion. And, just like each of my other friends, I could tell she was doing that every thing as she laid sprawled on my couch, one foot hanging off of the edge.

Before I knew what was happening I was crying. At first I was silent, the tears streaming silently down my face, as if to show that the hurt was mine, and mine alone. Eventually the tears led to sobs, the gasping of breath, and the warmth as my friends surrounded me, engulfing me in a sea of arms, hands, and faces. I was squeezed until I thought my bones would snap, and I could not catch my breath- the sobs had caught up with me, and they weren't going to let me go without a fight. Hands rubbed my back gently, gliding over my shirt in a circular motion, soothing me. Alyssa, silent, but sure, walked over to me with an extra large glass filled with chocolate milkshake. Somehow, this made it all better, and I gradually began to feel like myself again; the shuttering and sobbing had stopped, and although the tears continued to run freely, I could not help but feeling better once Alyssa handed the glass over to me, soon followed by a kid's straw that changes color when you drink out of it, and one of the smaller spoons kept in the kitchen cabinet especially for me (I liked to eat off small spoons- call me weird). I stuck the straw in and drank, savoring the chocolaty taste and shooting each of my friends a look of gratitude.

The hours flew by, and at least ten movies were watched while we played The Game of Life (always our favorite), Twister, and Clue. Eventually we brought out the multi-colored strings, mini beads, tape, and glue. Sitting down at the kitchen table, we each picked out our tread, careful to choose only the prettiest colors. The beads were strung on last, after the finished product, still taped to the table (from braiding it), was unattached and knotted. Each of us swapped, passing our own bracelets to our left, and then staring at our new bracelets, a lifetime of memories on your wrist. We stayed up until five in the morning just goofing off. I thought dad would come down and yell at us, since he really doesn't like to be disturbed when he's sleeping, but he did not interrupt our party. (My tempter has been hard to control near my dad these days, so I am really glad he did not come yell at us- it's his fault that I am moving and having this party anyway. I hope he realizes that.)

April 1st, 2008

I'm currently sitting on an airplane, staring out the window and wondering what the strange lady next to me is thinking about. She sits there, staring straight ahead, rarely blinking, and occasionally makes a low moaning sound, filled with enough sorrow to break your heart. I have always spent my free time trying to make people happy- I would bring them a butterfly sticker if they loved butterflies, or write them a card, anything small that would make them smile. I could not help racking my brain to think of something that would make this unknown and sorrowful lady smile. I grabbed my book bag from off of the floor, dragging it into my lap and searching its contents until I found a bag full of cookies that mom had packed for me to snack on. They were rather big chocolate chip cookies, but there were also faces on them, made conveniently out of the chips. Looking at the cookie, I knew that this was the thing that would put a smile on her face. Gently tapping my shoulder, I got the attention of the mysterious woman. She turned to face me slowly, her shoulders slumped, and a frown on her face. There were frowny wrinkles etched into her face, and line carved deep into her forehead, instantly explaining a vital part of her life story; this lady had seen it all. I presented her with the cookie without a single word, not wanting to spoil the moment with unimportant conversation. Reaching out her hand, she took it, placing it carefully in her other hand, while she stared at it as if she were afraid it was not real and would be gone, should she ever take her eyes off of it. Lifting her head, she turned to look at me, tears slowly filling her eyes, and I could hear her thanking me even though she uttered not a word. I nodded once, eventually going back to my original position: looking out the window.

This morning, which actually seems like a week ago, Adam came over to say goodbye. Hayley, Kelsey, and Alyssa were already over (since they slept over), so we had a big hug fest for an hour, until I had to leave at 8. By the end, everyone but Adam was crying, the sobbing filling up the room. I sat down in the car when it was time to go, receiving one last hug from each of my friends. Adam said goodbye last, giving me a squeeze, then a comforting kiss on the top of my head which was somehow better than anything he's given me. Opening my hand, he pressed what felt like a small book into my hands. I closed my eyes, not opening them again until we were halfway to the airport and I was sure I could contain my tears. I blinked down at my hands, trying to see what they held through the haze. I could make out a small, spiral ringed thing that looked like a notebook. When my eyes adjusted, I could clearly see that it was indeed a spiral bound notebook, but the paper was thick and stiff, perfect for paint, and if you really wanted, drawing. A post-it note was gingerly placed on the front cover, reading "Fourteen. One for each day that I won't see you. Love, Adam." Cautiously, I peeled off the sticky note, pressing it to the back of the book, not wanting to throw out something made by his own hands. I saw that the cover was a black and white picture of a girl in a long, flowing dress that reached past her feel and dragged onto the ground. She was standing in the sand dunes of a beach, tall grass springing up around her, while small pebbles crunched under her feet. The sky overcast, but still amazingly beautiful, she had her back turned to me, staring out at something far away, too special for us to see. I sucked in a breath as I thought of how much effort he could have put into just this drawing, not counting the thirteen others that were waiting patiently behind the closed cover.

April 2nd, 2007

Our new house is a small two story, with blue yellow siding and bright green shutters. It's hideous, but after being on that plane and in the car for so long, I'd welcome any place that I could rest in. Cautiously I entered, not wanting to be the first one to step inside. I was anyway, since I really wanted to go to my new room and lay down. So, the first place I went to when I entered my new "house" was my room. The last owners painted it neon yellow. Who paints a room that color? Crazy people, that's who. Anyway, our house is on Rachel Road; I guess the first person who bought land here was a lady whose name was Rachel. She must have been very conceited if she named a whole road after herself. Anyway, I have only two bags full of clothes, things to do on a plane, and keepsakes. I really don't know how I fit it all in two little bags, but somehow, after all the shoving I did, everything finally fit. The rest of my things, like my furniture, clothes, books, and art supplies will be here in three weeks. So, I'll be sleeping on a blanket placed on the floor, with my travel pillow and my old faithful stuffed dog, Rufus, which I've had since I was nine years old. Going to the pitiful looking closets, with white, paint chipped doors, I opened them, looking on the top shelf for some blankets. Finding only one, I laid it down on the floor, picking up Rufus, and sat down to write.

April 3rd, 2008

Nothing much has changed, we're just waiting for our bedroom sets to get here and the things to put in them. There's only one other house on our street, so we don't have many neighbors. Our neighbor is an old lady, maybe 75 or 80, and her two granddaughters that live with her. The grandmother's name is Mrs. Kohlman, and her granddaughters are Nicole and Lauryn. They seem nice enough, but Nicole seems sort of self centered, more interested in her own life and needs than anything else. Lauryn, on the other hand, is so nice. Although she's only fourteen, she's so mature, that every time I talk to her, I'm sure she must be seventeen or eighteen. Anyway, it seems like I'll have at least one person to talk to when I get to my new school. I start on Monday (the 7th), only four days from now. I'm really… anxious about starting over again, since I loved my other high school so much. The teachers were the greatest; somehow they were able to teach us everything they need to, yet still make the things we were learning fun, even if it was about something really boring like the properties of Nitrogen.

I was just thinking about this whole situation with my dad, and even though most people think it's so weird that I'm not totally furious with him, I don't. I mean, I'm sure, I'm really upset that my parents are separated, that my dad betrayed me, and most of all, my mom, but I can see why he didn't tell us, why he kept us away from the other half of his life. How could you admit to someone you still love, that you've moved on, and found someone that you love more than them; someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with? Although I'm not say that what my dad did is right, I want everyone to know that I understand his motives and that even though I'm unhappy with him, I forgive him. Now if only I could tell him that.

April 4th, 2008

Hopefully I'll really get time to write today. It is very upsetting to me when I start to write something meaningful, or even something that's not important, but get cut off in the middle of a thought when I have something that's more "pressing" to take care of. Last night, after writing my entry, Lauryn came over and we watched movies together. We started off with Thirteen Going on Thirty, then moved onto Pride and Prejudice, a classic, or course. Throughout the course of the movie, we recited the lines that we knew by heart, which was most of them. Lauryn loves the movie almost as much as I do, plus she's read the book. Afterwards, we went over to her house for chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, my favorite! Her house is much smaller than mine, a miniature brick cottage with dark blue shutters contrasting against each other, making the house a sight for sore eyes. There's a small garden in the front, every inch of it filled with stems with buds; only a few flowers were bold enough to peak their heads out of their homes. We climbed up the rickety wooden steps together, watching out for the hole in the bottom one, were their Beagle, Mickey had fallen through one day. I found their house very comforting, a place I knew that I could go to whenever I needed someone to listen or someplace to stay for the night. You enter through the living room, the whole floor taken up by two small dark green sofas, a huge oak bookshelf, designs of intricate flowers inlaid on the sides, a small T.V. on a stand, and last of all, an overstuffed gray armchair. We passed through this room, walking down a small, narrow hallway that led into the small kitchen. The kitchen reminded me of living on a farm. Everywhere you turned there was a picture of an animal you would find in the barnyard. In the corner there was a churn to make butter the old fashioned way, and on the counter there was a butter dish shaped as a cow. The fridge was no better, only pictures that were hung up with magnets of Mrs. Kohlman on a farm, holding a baby pig. Lauryn explained that her grandmother grew up on a farm in Pennsylvania, and then moved to Arizona with her husband when she was twenty -five. I opened the packed freezer to find the ice cream while Lauryn got the bowls and spoons. Digging around, I took out frozen hamburger patties, chicken fingers, and pizza before I spotted the ice cream. Triompent, I moved a bag of corn, then snatched the carton out of the freezer and gave it swiftly to Lauryn. I put the chicken fingers, pizza, and hamburgers back into the freezer, then opened the fridge and got out the chocolate syrup and whipped cream. Lauryn brought the bowls over to the island, putting them down carefully, not wanting the ice cream to spill. I opened the top of the chocolate syrup, loving the chocolaty smell that was unmistakably Hershey's. The syrup covered most of the ice cream, soon followed by a mountain of whipped cream on top of Lauryn's bowl (I don't really like whipped cream, so I didn't put any on mine).

We picked up our bowls, grabbed napkins, and headed to her room, small like the rest of the house, the walls painted a lavender color. There is only one window in her room, but it's pretty big, and there's a window bench under it, something I've always wanted. We sat on the fluffy pink cushion attached to the bench, and we stared out the window, looking over at my big, foreboding house, shadows lengthening as twilight grew near. After finishing our ice cream, I left, giving Lauryn a big hug and ran across the street to my house, not wanting to say outside while it was dark.

Bethany greeted me at the door, cheerful as always, asking me whether I would like a snack before I went to bed. I declined, explaining to her that I had just eaten ice cream at the neighbor's house. As I walked up the carpeted stairs on the way to my room, Bethany reminded me to brush my teeth and wash my face, already practicing to be a mother. I sighed, but yelled down a thank you as I made my way upstairs, entering the bathroom with the ocean theme, my bathroom, that I planned to repaint and redecorate as soon as possible. There wasn't an ocean anywhere near here, nor a lake. The theme made me upset, just reminding me of home, and all the summers that when we went on vacation to the beach. I got out my electric toothbrush, running it under water, and then applying the toothpaste. It groaned as I turned it on, churning into motion, reluctant, but efficient. Thanks to the new kids tooth brushing timer than Bethany brought home one day, I know that I brushed for a full three minutes before I rinsed out my mouth, flossed, and washed my face. Finally I climbed into my makeshift bed, covering myself up and snuggling in next to Rufus, who was my first friend in this new town, new state. I lay there staring at the neon walls, wondering who lived in this house before me, what kind person would want neon yellow walls.

April 5th, 2008

Today I looked at Adam's notebook of artworks. I've been saving them up, not wanting to use one up each day. I had already looked at the cover, so I gingerly opened up to the first page, a portrait of me, painted in acrylics, capturing my face perfectly, somehow making my face look remarkably beautiful and elegant, the colors vibrant against their background. On the back side of the painting, almost as a bonus, is an actual photograph of me, an artwork all in itself. The second page wouldn't be considered special by most people; it was a drawing of my former room, every detail magically captured, drawing me in, and taking me back to Maine. Turning the page, I looked down upon a painting made by watercolors, vivid, but the picture capture your attention more than the colors themselves. Yet again I looked down, this time upon Adam and me sitting at our table in art class, drawing, but of us intently drawing, but glancing up at the same time, looking at each other while we talked. The painting captured us in an unimportant moment in time, yet you could see the happiness in our faces, the way we were looking at each other told the story of something more. Biting my lip, I held back the stream of tears threatening to overflow. I closed the book, getting out my worn out cell phone, too old to be able to take pictures, but new enough to make a call across the country to Maine, where Adam was sitting on his bed, waiting patiently for me to call.

April 6th, 2008

Yet again, I spent my day with Lauryn, goofing off and having fun. I slept in, and then went over to her house, knocking on the back door until she came out wearing a yellow shirt and light blue overalls. Skipping out the door, she grabbed my arm, interlocking it with hers as she twirled me around, announcing that today we were going down to the stream and picking flowers. I was reluctant at first, thinking about how dumb it would have been back in Maine to spend the day picking flowers by a stream. After a few minutes though, I let go of the thought, happy to finally be able to see some beauty in this new place, as opposed to the weird looking house that I lived in and the spookiness of Rachel Road.

We walked down the hill at the back of her property, careful not to slip on the moss covered rocks as we descended. At the bottom of the steep hill was the stream, more like a babbling brook, but beautiful all the same. Daffodils surrounded the water, yellow and white, and even some with orange around the edges of the petals. I was awestruck, the scene was picture perfect, as stunning as Adam's artwork. I breathed in deeply, inhaling the sweet sell of nature, a mixture of the grass, water, and the flowers. Sitting down in the grass, I spent some time just sitting and gazing at the bed of flowers. There were enough of them that it could be considered a field, and they were so beautiful, I wanted to take some home with me. Suddenly enthusiastic, I sprung to my feet, dragging Lauryn up with me at the same time and walked over to the flowers, watching where I placed my feet so that I didn't step on any daffodils. I bent down next the flowers that were in full bloom, breaking them off with a crisp snap near the roots. It only too me fifteen minutes to pick all the flowers I needed. Sitting down to wait, I dipped my feet into the chilly water, patiently waiting until Lauryn had collected all the flowers her heart desired. By the time we got back to my house, it was past two in the afternoon, and time for me to get all my things ready for school the next day. Reluctantly, I put the flowers in a vase, placed it on the one piece of furniture in my room- a nightstand, and unpacked the clothes in my bag, searching until I found an outfit (a blue tank top with matching jacket and dark jeans) that would have to suffice. I picked out flip-flops to wear, although it was only April, and finally found the finishing touch- a matching set of silver earrings and necklace. I laid out the clothing set on the sole couch in the 'family room', and then dragged myself to the kitchen to make myself a late lunch.

April 7th, 2008

I only have time for a quick update, but I'll try my best to fit everything in. Today I started my first day of school at Hamilton High School. The place is huge, packed with at least two thousand kids. The lockers were a navy blue while the halls were painted a light pink, the colors totally meshing, already indicating the lack of common sense this school seemed to have. There weren't many 'cliques' per say, but just random groups of friends standing around talking to each other, some kids moving from group to group to catch the latest news. Teachers patrolled the halls, many looking weary and ready for a nap, but nevertheless working up enough energy to yell at the kids as they passed by, telling them to move along to their classes. Most of the groups ignored the teachers, remaining where they were, only to be yelled at a couple of minutes later for not following instructions. Sighing, I looked at my map again, the confusing jumble of maze that was called the 'hallways' swam in my head, refusing to help me reach my destination: homeroom. G124, my schedule had said; I was in the A hallway, according to the labels above the classrooms. Walking up to a young teacher, I politely asked her if she could point me towards the G section. The woman seemed nice enough, taking my map from me to show me where we were, and then drawing a line on the paper to mark the route to my homeroom. Thanking her, I rushed off, already late and class had not even started yet.

The remainder of the day progressed accordingly; I got lost, rushed to my classes late, then had to introduce myself in front of the class, telling them that I moved from Maine, then being assigned a seat and given plenty of work to make up for moving during the middle of a semester. No one talked to me; after all, I was the new kid, contagious until I befriended someone popular. By the end of the day, I had enough homework to assure that I would not have any free time for at least a month. I walked home, taking the long way to avoid being spotted by kids from school.

April 10th, 2008

School's the same as it was on my first day, except a few people have talked to me. There are nine periods in the school day, each about forty minutes, with three minutes of walking time in between to get to our classes. Lauryn's not in my school since she's only in 8th grade, but her sister Nicole is in 10th grade and is in my English class, creating misery. For my electives I'm taking Art 2, Creative Writing, and Journalism. You can obviously tell that I really like writing, almost as much as I love art.

Besides that, there's not really much going on here. I met this really nice guy in my Creative Writing class. He has straight black hair just like mine, and his eyes are almost exactly the same too. They're purple, but his are lighter than mine, with a hint of blue behind them. He almost looks like he could be related to me. He's also one of the few that have talked to me, and he's so nice I just want to give him a big hug every time I see him. He came over to my house yesterday to help me catch up on my assignments. He said he will come and help me when ever I feel I need it.

Four more days until Adam gets here! I opened the rest of his pictures; so far I've seen ten, each more beautiful and breathtaking than the one before. I can't wait to see him, to give him a big hug while he listens to everything I have to say. I'd tell you more, but my phone is ringing and guess who it is?

April 14th, 2008

I started to walk home from school today, but by the time I was halfway down the street, a car came up beside me, stalling as if they wanted something from me. The windows of the black car were tinted, so my vision was limited, and I couldn't see who the driver was, especially since the sun's rays were glinting off the car. I stood my ground, not wanting to walk towards the car since I did not know the person driving it. I waited a couple of seconds, then started walking again, only taking a couple of steps before I heard someone walking closely behind me. I turned around slowly to find a teenager, a couple of years older than me standing there, golden hair and blue eyes, paint on his jeans and pink roses in his hands. It took me a full minute to register what I was seeing, who the guy was. Finally I ran to him, squeezing him with all my might as he hugged me back, trying not to let the flowers get crushed. I buried my face in his chest, breathing in his scent; the unique blend of acrylics, clay, toothpaste, and Tide.

He drove me home in the expensive black car with tinted windows while I leaned against him, not wanting to move away. We stopped in at my house, dropping off my book bag and leaving a not on the counter for dad and Bethany. I gave him a tour around the house before we left, showing him my yet to be furnished room. While in my room, I took the long dead daffodils out of their vase, replacing them with bouquet of pink roses in Adam's hand. "Happy anniversary," he breathed into my ear. "It's been a month."

April 15th, 2008

Yesterday I went out with Adam to the stream in back of Lauryn's yard. I had a good time just being with him, and although we had a quiet night at home, it was better than when he took me to Broadway. Right now he's sleeping on our couch, the only place my dad will let him sleep, since everywhere else is too far away from his bedroom, and he doesn't trust us not to 'do anything suggestive', as he puts it. Like I was planning anything like that. Anyway, I'm getting out of school early tomorrow for the 'doctor's appointment' that Adam's taking me to, in Colorado. Yes, Adam's taking me to Colorado Springs, Colorado! I'm so excited, and I feel so special. I mean, whose boyfriend really takes them on vacation on a school night?

Later

I'm at the Marriott Hotel in Colorado Springs. It's beautiful here with all the mountains, which are still snow topped. Our room has a view of not only the pool, but the mountain range near us, and the town that lies near it. I've been sitting by the window staring out at the mountains as the sky turns pink and disappears over the horizon for a half an hour while Adam types on his laptop, catching up on all the assignments that he is missing to come and see me. I don't deserve him.

April 16th, 2008

This is my second day in Colorado, yet I'm still amazed with the mountains and how they are too perfect to be real, almost like they came from my imagination. I woke this morning and the first thing I did was look out of my window. I looked all around, and by the time I looked down, I saw a buck with giant antlers, just standing there staring at me. Looking up at me, holding my gaze, he stood for minutes, not moving in the slightest. "You should get changed for breakfast," Adam called to me from the bathroom. Sighing, I broke my gaze, turning to rummage through my bag for jeans and a t-shirt. Finding Capri's and a Hard Rock café shirt, I grabbed my toothbrush, hairbrush, and ponytails. Walking past Adam sitting on the bed, I rushed into the bathroom, getting changed as quickly as possible; the hotel fee included a complimentary buffet breakfast. I emerged a few minutes later dressed in my Capri's and t-shirt with my hair in a high ponytail, swaying as I walked.

We reached the dining room at a quarter to eleven, having slept in, enjoying the extra sleep. Breakfast was served until noon, so having plenty of time, we spent the remainder of the morning eating, getting up every fifteen minutes to refill our plates at the buffet, or going over to the chef and ordering waffles or an omelet. Four waffles, two omelets, and three bagels later, we waddled out of the room, barely able to walk with all of the food we had eaten. We made our way outside and to the car, calling my dad on the way to check in. Driving all of twenty minutes, we reached the Garden of the Gods, a big park like place filled with giant rocks in odd formations almost as tall as the skyscrapers in New York City, only much more fascinating. We walked through the whole park, faces pointed up towards the tops of the rocks, meeting a park ranger on the way through, a nice young lady, maybe twenty or so, who explained to us how the park came to be, how one man owned all the land and once it was passed on to his kids, they gave it over to the government as public land in his name; now everyone can enjoy it, not just one family.

For dinner we stopped at Applebee's; it was packed, empty tables were scarce, but Adam and Lincoln managed to get us a small, cozy booth with blue and green striped cushions. Our waiter was a chipper man of what appeared to be thirty; he gave us our menus, taking our drink orders in a rush, obviously not having time for chit chat when the place was this packed. Nevertheless, or drinks arrived promptly, both diet cokes with a lemon slice balanced on the edge of each glass. I ordered the ranch crispy chicken wrap, still full from our huge breakfast, but hungry enough to eat a delicious wrap. Adam just ordered a cheeseburger and fries, assuring me that he would share the fries. I held his hand over top of the table until the food arrived, bringing with it mouthwatering smells, and rumbles from our stomachs. We finished our food swiftly, not wanting to waste a bite. We reached the hotel at about seven, changing into our swim suits and racing to the elevator, hoping to get to the pool promptly so we could have a full two hours in it before it closed.

The cool water chilled me after only ten minutes in the pool, so I got out and stepped into the hot tub instead, letting the scalding water hit me at full force as I sat down in front of one of the jets shooting out bubbles. I was soon followed by Adam who sat gingerly down in the empty spot next to me, obviously not liking the searing water as much as me. To make him feel better, I snuggled up to him, probably heating him up more, but not caring since I was so close to him, one of the few times I got to be next to him during the whole trip. I felt him relax under me, hopefully feeling better since I was near him.

Before I fell asleep at ten, I called my mom, the first time since I have moved; I have been too afraid to answer her messages, too worried that I would break down if I heard her voice. With Adam sitting behind me on the bed, massaging my shoulders, I dialed the number, not thinking at all that she might already be asleep. She picked up after the second ring, sounding relieved, almost as if she had been sitting by the phone awaiting my call. She admitted that she had been eagerly waiting for my call; she wanted to know how I was doing in my new home, what the house was like, how I was getting along with Bethany, had I made any new friends in school, and why I had not called sooner. I answered each of her questions calmly, one by one, then inquired to how she was doing, were the dogs keeping her company? She pretended to sound happy, and although I did not press the subject, I'm worried about her.

April 17th, 2008

We drove back to Hamilton, Arizona today, my new home, making it just in time for me to fit in two hours of school- just making the cutoff for it not to count as an absence. I kissed Adam goodbye, agreeing to meet him outside of my school once the day was over. He's leaving tomorrow, so I did not want to miss even a minute of time that I could spend with him.

School passed gradually, minutes turning into hours, while hours turned into days. I saw Ryan (the kid with black hair and purple-blue eyes) in the hallway before ninth period, where he stopped me to say hi and see if he could stop by sometime tonight to drop of the work I had missed in Creative Writing the past two days. I told him that would be fine, not thinking anything of it, just thankful that he had gotten the work for me without having to be asked.

Ninth period over and books for homework gathered, I strolled out of Hamilton High, not looking back or saying goodbye to the few people who talked to me. Darting through the throngs of people gathered in front of the building, I made my way to Adam who was sitting in his car fiddling with the radio, no doubt trying to find a station he knew I would like. After I got into the car, he drove off, stopping when he got to my driveway, turning into it, then killing the ignition. He opened the car door for me, taking me by the hand and leading me inside, practically dragging me to my room. When we reached my door, he stepped behind me, putting his hands over my eyes and I opened the door; only taking them away after the door had swung fully open. I gasped as I saw my room fully furnished, my easel standing neatly in the opposite corner of the room, my art supplies stacked on the shelves in my closet, all of my clothes hanging neatly in my closet, my bed beautifully made, my sky blue comforter smoothed out, with Rufus leaning against my pillows. My window had drapes around it, somehow making the room brighter, and in the remaining corner were my two bookshelves, all my books neatly stacked in their according rows, in the same order as my room in Maine. . I ran to Adam, squeezing him in my enormous hug, probably suffocating him, but I did not care. He as so nice, too nice to ever give up; I think he's magical, making all these impossible things happen- I mean, how did he get my furniture? Miracle worker, I say!

I settled down after that, painting on my easel with him adding details here and there, creating a piece that was all our own. By the time we were done, we had an exquisite painting, unique, like no other that I had ever seen. Just as we were finished, and had started to clean up, the doorbell rang, a gruesome sound that reverberated off every object in the house, making the sound repeat over and over even after the bell had stopped tolling. Adam decided to answer it since I hadn't yet washed my hands; they were still covered in paint, along with my clothes. I turned the water on, using soap to rinse away the paint, scrubbing until the paint peeled away, revealing my hands, pink from the scrubbing, underneath. A figure appeared in the frame of the door, and thinking it was Adam, I turned, about to say something, but cut myself off when I saw Ryan standing there, his hair windblown, making it stick up at odd angles. His clothes were stylish; needless to say, he obviously had more style outside of school. He purple eyes were bright, full of hope for some reason; he looked like a model- no, better than a model. Georgiou's, he was. I stared at him, almost forgetting to turn off the water and dry my hands with a towel. "Why are you staring at me?" He asked with discomfort. I quickly shut my mouth, remembering my manners at the same moment. I lead him out to the living room, offering him a drink, and retrieving a coke from the fridge when he said it didn't matter what I got him, whatever I had would be fine. Adam followed me to the living room, sitting next to me on opposite couch, facing Ryan. Handing Ryan the Coke, I thanked him in advance for getting my make up work for me. He assured me that it wasn't a problem, taking a folder out of his black book bag, rummaging through it, then handing me a stack of papers. He gave us a lot of handouts; he explained when he saw the unbelieving look on my face. He will probably give you time over the weekend to make up all your missed work. Nodding, I thanked him for the second time as Adam put his arm around my shoulders protectively, almost as if to make a silent statement to Ryan. Stay away from Isabelle, his position said. His arm staying on my shoulders for the remainder of the time Adam was in my house. Although Ryan only stayed a few more minutes, it was awkward, mainly because of Adam's arm; it someone formed a wall keeping me away from Ryan.

When Ryan left I turned to Adam, giving him a quizzical look, and when he asked me why I was looking at him in such an odd way, I asked him why he was being so protective when Ryan was there. "You were looking at him like you liked him better than you liked me," he explained, as if the answer was obvious. "You were looking at him like- 'Oh my gosh, he's so hot,'" he added. I had to show him that you're mine. Right there he crossed the line. I was not anyone's, not even Adam's, as much as I like him. I hate when people treat you like an inanimate object, like you are some thing that they can claim as their own. "I'm not something you can claim," I exclaimed, outraged, but trying my best to rein in my anger. "I am my own person, and if you can't handle that, then I don't want you around!" I stomped back to my room, sitting on my bed, delivered all the way from Maine.

Only later did I realize what I had done. It was close to midnight and my face bright red, streaked with tears. Rufie (or Rufus) was nestled into my arm, my comforter in my time of need. I snuggled under my warm covers, checking the alarm clock on the night stand before turning off the lights. "He's gone," I whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear. He's gone; just like Dusk. Come back… What have I done?

April 19th, 2008

Adam's gone. My dad said he left the next morning, his face full of grief, the spring in his step gone. I want to call him and apologize but I am too much of a coward. Plus, I'm afraid he won't pick up or that he will hang up on me and that would be worse than not calling at all. Bethany tried talking to me about it today. She came up to my room, knocking gently on the door. I allowed her entrance even though I knew this was going to be a heck of a 'talk' that she had planned for me. She's six months pregnant by now, so she had some trouble getting into my room. Eventually she made it in, waddling over to my bed to sit down. She launched into her speech, telling me that it was okay to be upset and that she is sure that it was Adam's wrongdoing, not mine that ended our harmonious relationship. She also told me that it might be better to give him another chance, especially if I still liked him. Although she did have good advice, this was everything that I had already been thinking, so it was nothing new to me. I patiently listened to her until she finished talking; thanking her from the bottom of her heart for her thoughtfulness, then told her she should rest up since she must be tired carrying around three babies all day. Bethany told me she agreed, it was time to get some rest, but she didn't stand up. Instead she told me "Your dad and I are getting married next month." I stared at her, my face probably looking at her as if she had a huge wart on her beautiful, flawless face. I choked out and "okay" as she got up to leave, patting my head as if I were a dog on my way out. "She really needs some practice with this parenting thing," I muttered as she closed my door.

Ryan asked me out today. He's been calling me after school every day just to talk, so he knows about me splitting up with Adam. He's taking me to the movies tomorrow night (Sunday). I don't really know if I like more than a friend, but he's an all around good guy, and one of the best friends (in Arizona), so I decided to give it a try. If worse comes to worse, I have a horrible time and we stay friends.

Dad seems so much happier here in Arizona, living with Bethany. It kind of makes me feel bad in some weird way, as if I've been the one holding him back from his new wonderful life with Bethany. I'm glad that he's happy but I still wish he could have been happy with my little family in Maine. I can not help thinking that maybe, just maybe if Dusk had not disappeared, our family would have been whole. After all, dad always wanted a son; he did everything with Dusk, and after he was gone he seemed miserable. I thought he was just heartbroken that Dusk had disappeared and that the mystery had never been solved, but maybe it was because he had no one he could really truly count on in his life anymore.

I called mom again today to catch up with her again. She said that she'll try to come down on the weekend of dad's wedding. Not to be in it of course, but for moral support and to see how I'm holding up, what my new 'boyfriend' is like, and how my new home is. I'm so glad that she's coming. I miss when she tucked me into bed at night, and although I'm sixteen and 'too old for that,' I still need her heartwarming hugs before I go to bed.

April 20th, 2008

Plans for my dad and Bethany's wedding are in full swing. People are at our house every time I get home from school and they don't leave until after I'm in bed. The florists, caterer, wedding planner, the company who you rent the tables and chairs from, the bridal shops that will sell Bethany her wedding gown and bridesmaids dresses. Everyone you could possibly imagine is jammed into our quaint house. Bethany's given me the 'honor' of naming me flower girl. I have always wanted to be a flower girl, but not when I'm sixteen. I mean, I'm going to look like a fool just being at a wedding between my own father who cheated on my mom, and his new 'fiancé' who's going to be seven months pregnant with triplets by the time the wedding takes place. At least it is going to be a small wedding, nothing big, only with the immediate family and some close friends. I am allowed to bring Lauryn with me and one other 'special someone,' meaning my boyfriend at the time of the wedding. As it stands now, it will be Ryan, but I'm hoping by that time it might be Adam again, since I can not seem to get over him and he has always been good with the moral support thing.

I went on my first date with Ryan tonight. We went to see some scary movie about werewolves, zombies, and vampires. It was really stupid and nothing looked realistic. I don't really get scared during horror movies, so it did not affect me much except for me jumping when something popped out. Ryan on the other hand is terrified of scary movies, and practically held on to me during the whole movie. Once we were out of the theater he was himself again and apologized for him actions during the course of the movie. I told him it was perfectly fine, but also explained to him that I thought we might be better of as good friends instead of boyfriend girlfriend. He accepted this at first, but then begged for another chance, and since I can never say no, I reluctantly agreed, although I promised myself that I would try not to let him get too attached. We wouldn't hang out after school much.

April 21st, 2008

The more I think about things, the more I regret talking to Adam like that. Although I was angry, I had no reason to get overexcited and yell at Adam. I feel like scum. I never deserved him, least of all now.

I haven't spent much time with Lauryn lately. I have decided that tomorrow I'll bake a chocolate cake– who can resist that? I will bring the cake over to her to make up for my atrocious behavior.

I don't really have much to say today. Thoughts are going through my head at record speed, and there is no way I could possibly set each of them straight, let alone write each one down.

April 30th, 2008

The past week has been crazy. The wedding date has finally been set- the 10th, about a week from now. It will take place in the back yard of all places, which will be miraculously transformed into a wonderland fit for a queen. Or so they say. My dress, since I'm the flower girl is white, just like Bethany's is, and it's decorated with clear beaded flowers all over it, so that I resemble a garden. The bridesmaid's dresses are yellow, although not quite as bright as my room. Bethany's dress is an off white with a huge bow on the back, concealing the zipper. It's strapless, and makes her look elegant, even with the extra ninety pounds that she is carrying around all the time.

I made my absence up to Lauryn, who's as good a listener as she is a cheereruper. Haha. Anyway, now we have a movie night, and every Wednesday we get together over at her house (at least for now, since it's so crazy at mine) and watch at least three movies. We make popcorn, get out the cartons of ice cream, jars of cherries, cans of whipped cream, bottles of chocolate syrup, and tubs of sprinkles and make a buffet style ice cream sundae maker line. We have a blast, and now I look forward to Wednesday, unlike usual when most people try to get Wednesday over with.

Walking home from school today, I stopped at the Starbucks to get a drink. Since I don't like coffee, I ordered a raspberry lemonade and sat down at a table. Within a minute Bethany had walked in. I tried not to let her see me, thinking that maybe if she didn't see me, she wouldn't stay. But sure enough, after ordering her coffee, she looked around the café while waiting for the cashier to finish making her drink. She spotted me, immediately coming to sit by me once she had paid for her coffee. We talked about the wedding at first, then moving on to our house, and what we didn't like about it. Bethany explained that we would be getting a new house soon; maybe building one on the same street or somewhere close by. We had a good time talking, although I didn't realize it until we finished talking. By then we had both finished off our drinks, and looking at the clock shaped like a coffee pot, I noticed that it was already 4:30. I had been out of school for almost an hour already, and I had not even made it home. Bethany offered me a ride, and I accepted. How bad could it be to spend a few more minutes with her? I threw my cup out on the way to the car. I rode shotgun, staring out at the road the whole way home, as if not looking at her would make her disappear. We made it home safely, and I rushed over to Lauryn's house for our movie night, politely declining Bethany's offer of dinner.

At Laurie's we ordered pizza instead, eating at least three pieces each, then shoving our faces full of chips, ice cream, pretzels, cookies, and lastly, dark chocolate. Not even Lauryn could resist that. We watched Bambi, crying and holding each other as the mother got shot. We imitated Thumper all night, our favorite character of course, never failing to amuse us. Throughout the course of the night we managed to watch Thumbelina and Peter Pan also. I spent the night at her house, ignoring dad's lame protests that it was a school night and I should get my rest. School could wait. Happiness in my life is more important to me. Sorry if no one agrees; good thing it's not their choice then, since it's my life. I get to choose. We stayed up most of the night, ignoring Nicole's shouts to keep it down, or the thumping coming from above: Mrs. Kohlman's thoughts on our sleepover.

May 1st, 2008

Today is Rose's (my cousin's) birthday! I called her, although she's only four but she remembered to thank me after I sand happy birthday to her. She's so sweet, but already has such a hard life. Her dad passed away when she was only three months old. He was in the navy and his ship sunk, leaving Rose and her mother all alone with no one to support them. I remember them staying at my old house for a couple of weeks until they could find an apartment of their own and a job for my aunt. Now every time I see either of them, I just want to go up and give them a big hug and assure them that every thing will be all right and turn out okay in the end.

I got up for school late, and even though I ran to school, I was still 'tardy,' having to give the excuse that my alarm clock was not working. Whatever. I ran into Ryan of all people on the way to first period. We acknowledged each other, giving a quick hug before I ran off to Art, not wanting to be later than I already was. I reached Art just in the nick of time- right before Ms. Reily started explaining today's project to the class. I rushed into class, handing her my pass from the office as I took my usual seat in the front of the class, directly in front of the whiteboard where Ms. Reily had started to draw a box in linear perspective. I watched attentively, making sure my attention did not stray to anything but what she was saying. I was afraid that if it did, I would think of Adam, and that would only make things worse, since I still had not called him. I really needed to get around to doing that. I miss him desperately.

Second period came and went, nothing unusual about math, just algebraic equations that I still did not understand. I'd have to ask Ryan about them the next time I saw him. He was a junior, having already taken Algebra 2, therefore far me intelligent than I in matters such as these. Creative Writing was third, probably my favorite class of the whole day. Our teacher, Mr. Howard, although seemingly bland on the outside, is really funny and can always brighten up my day, not matter how bad it's been. We were focusing on fiction today, so we started a scene from any story we wanted to create, creating character outlines for each main character that was in the scene, and lastly writing the actual scene, making sure we included lots of dialogue and plenty of senses. We spent the period writing our scenes and then forming small groups of four and sharing them. This was usually my favorite part of the class, since I did not have to share my work in front of the whole class, but only three other people and I knew that the would give me 'constructive criticism,' which would aid me in making my work better.

Mr. Howard came over to listen to some of our stories, commenting on them appropriately when he had a good thought, but otherwise silent as he sat back in his chair and listened intently, the florescent classroom light reflecting off his overly large glasses. I love when he listens to our stories, although he sometimes makes me nervous if I am the one reading.

May 5th, 2008

There is only five more days until my dad is yet again a married man. I am so glad that he's happy, but it's hard to picture him with Bethany and the triplets for the rest of his life. Well, he definitely can't get out of this one easily. The babies are due on July

11th, but they may arrive a week or so early, the doctor said. He told us not to worry, that they should be perfectly fine. I can't tell whether I'm excited to be getting three new half brothers and sisters, or annoyed, since I'm sure they are going to be major pains. Bethany found out one of the baby's sex. The biggest little baby in her stomach is a boy. I hope that does not mean that they're all boys. How crazy would that be? Three little boys in one house?

Yesterday I got a three way call from Hayley, Kelsey, and Alyssa. They said that they wanted to wait until I got settled in and comfortable in Arizona before they called me. They heard about Adam and I and they feel horrible, giving me advise, and saying 'there, there, it will be okay,' into the phone. I wish they were here to give me a hug, and told them so. They promised to come visit me as soon as they possibly could; after they scraped up the money.

Mom's coming down in two days, on the 7th to stay with me before and after the wedding. I am so excited to see mom again, but I'm also afraid that once I see her, I will have a hard time letting go of her. I might just have to move back up to Maine. Hopefully I'll be strong enough to pull through. Gosh, I wish Adam was here.

May 7th, 2008

Mom arrived today! I got Ryan to drive me to the airport so I could see her as soon as she got off the plane. She looked kind of worn out when I saw her, but after I gave her a humongous squeeze and helped her with her bags, she perked right up. I introduced her to Ryan, and then he helped me roll her suitcases out of the airport, loading them into his car. By the time we were on the highway, mom admitted that she was starving, so we stopped at the 'Family Diner' right off the exit. I ordered breakfast, as I always do at diners, telling them to give me a short stack loaded with chocolate chips, a side of bacon, and a large glass of orange juice. The waiter nodded, remembering to introduce himself as Lucas, then taking mom's garden salad order (she's a vegetarian), and Ryan's order; one plain hamburger, cooked all the way through, but not crispy. Total opposite of my mother, yet they were sitting on the same side of the table, obviously enjoying the other's company as they talked about kids. Mom's a fifth grade teacher, and Ryan has three younger siblings, so they each had some interesting stories to tell each other. I joined in the conversation when I could, retelling stories about Dusk and I when we were kids. My mother would get this glint in her eyes and I knew she was trying not to cry, so I remained silent for most of the meal. Our food arrived about twenty minutes later, our perky waiter handing each plate to us with a smile, reciting our orders as we received the food. "Your children are very cute ma'am'" he said with a smile, "especially the boy," he gave a wink as he sashayed away. Bewildered, we watched him go. When he glanced back, Mom gave us 'the look' as she stared down at her salad as if eating it required intense concentration. We finished up our meals, laughing every time the waiter passed by our table, and then hiding behind our menus when he looked over at us.

May 9th, 2008

Dad and Bethany had another surprise for me! They decided that the triplets plus me wasn't enough; they want another child, so they are adopting a twelve year old Checkoslovakian girl who will arrive tomorrow, just in time for the wedding. Who knew that a woman, who pampers models, putting on their makeup and getting them glasses of water, would want five kids? Supposedly, it was always her dream to have twelve kids, just like in Cheaper by the Dozen. I really hope the other seven kids come along after I'm away at college, or at least someplace far, far away.

Mom's been sleeping in my room and I camp out on the floor. It's too expensive for her to rent a room at a hotel and too awkward for her to sleep on the couch. I don't mind though, I've missed my mom over the past month, and any time that I get with her, I'm grateful for. To move on to other things, I painted my room a lavender color with the help of my mom, Ryan, and Lauryn. The nursery, where the triplets will sleep has been painted sea foam green, since Bethany insists that it is a 'neutral' color that will not offend a baby boy or girl.

We managed to get on two coats of paint since we woke up so early. It looks beautiful now and I don't think that the walls will need any more paint. The lavender managed to cover up all of the neon yellow that had already etched itself into my memory.

May 10th, 2008

The day of the wedding has arrived, along with my new little sister, Breanna (who names their Checkoslovakian daughter Breanna?). She introduced herself to me, already stuck up as she informed me that her IQ was higher than mine. She has shoulder length dark brown hair with bright red highlights in it, with violet eyes, almost a perfect match to mine, although hers were darker (if that is even possible). The wedding about to begin, I got changed into my flower girl dress, making a face in the mirror as I looked at myself, transformed into a too tall little girl, someone who should have only been a flower girl eight years ago. I sighed, knowing there was no way around it now, even with the arrival of my new little sister. Walking into the hallway I met my mom who wasn't attending the wedding, but nevertheless stayed right up until the wedding started to give me support. Ryan arrived two hours before the ceremony started, wearing an expensive looking suit and tie. Lauryn arrived soon afterwards, wobbling on her heels, not really accustomed to wearing them yet, but looking beautiful even without shoes. She wore a strapless aqua colored dress, silky with no wrinkles at all, light eyeliner, mascara, and sparkling lip gloss and eye shadow. The eyeliner made her eyes pop, the green becoming more vivid and bright. Breanna on the other hand, her outfit done at the last minute, looked more stunning than anyone. Half of her hair was pulled up into a small ponytail with the rest remained down, the red highlights matching her pink dress perfectly, reminding me of the bouquet of pink roses that Adam had given me less than a month ago. "Your new sister sure looks older than twelve," Ryan breathed into my ear. He gaped at her for a full minute until I had finally had enough and shoved him out into the backyard, taking him away from my twelve year old genius of a sister.

I walked down the aisle before anyone else had, scattering red and pink rose petals all over the lawn, helping to add to the illusion. The wedding reception itself was short, Bethany walked down the aisle to ooh's and aah's over how pretty she looked in her wedding dress. She did look pretty, although her huge stomach kind of ruined the metal image of a sacred and pure wedding. Dad and Bethany, or 'mom' as she wants me to call her recited their vows, then cut the cake, signaling the start of the party. The dancing started with Bethany and my dad dancing to a slow song, then adding in the father daughter dance, where Bethany's rickety old father walked onto the dance floor, taking her hand and attempting to dance with her. He must have been at least eighty five, much older than her fifty year old mother. I guess marrying much older men ran in the family. I mean Bethany is only twenty four, just starting her career, yet already taking on two kids, soon to be five in only a few short months. The wedding party dragged on and on, only allowing me to escape an hour before it actually ended. I met mom inside, sitting next to the glass back door, her face red and blotchy from the tears streaming down her face. I silently took her into my arms, shooting Ryan a look that told him to go home. I led her out to her car, putting her in the passenger's seat as I climbed into the driver's seat, not caring that I had only just gotten my permit. I strapped mom in, her eyes too blurry to allow her to do much of anything. I drove mom to an old fashioned ice cream parlor, helping her out of the car and into the shop, sitting her down on one of the stools and ordering us an extra large chocolate sundae with extra whipped cream and nuts, my mom's favorite. A minute later, our treat arrived, topped with an overwhelming mountain of whipped cream and nuts sprinkled over every surface, not leaving any ice cream visible. I asked for two spoons and extra napkins. Laying my money out on the counter for the cashier to take after ringing up my food, I handed mom her spoon, scooping up a big mouthful of ice cream with it first. She put the spoon in her mouth, slowly licking off the ice cream and I dug in. "I just could not stop thinking about my wedding. It was such a happy day, the happiest until you and your brother were born. Your dad looks so carefree, much happier than he's been since your brother disappeared. I can't help wondering what would happen if your brother came back. If he is somewhere out there and we found him, if it would bring you dad back to us." I listened intently as mom talked on and on, feeding myself and her all the while, the ice cream letting the invisible barrier between us melt away, like a Popsicle dripping down your hand in the middle of summer.

By ten it was closing time, forcing us back into the car where we decided where we should go next. I took her home, leading her to my room after I was sure that Bethany and my dad were already in bed. I grabbed extra sheets from the hall closet and began to create a fort in my room, using everything available. The bookcase and easel were a big help, holding the sheets up high so I would only have to bend over to enter instead of crawling like I had to when I was little. Mom watched me with fascination and excitement, and when I was finished, she ran inside, only coming out to grab blankets and pillows. Rufus, mom, and I camped out inside the fort, telling each other stories like we were best friends, not mother and daughter.

May 12th, 2008

Mom left the day after the wedding, waking up in a fort made of bed sheets. She let me sleep, not even waking me up before she boarded a plane that was flying her halfway across the country. She did call once she landed though, which made me feel a lot better.

Breanna went to school for the first time today and already came home with a friend: a girl named Aislinn who's sixteen and in tenth grade. How Breanna of all people managed to bring home a friend after her first day at a new school is beyond me. She has light red hair and grayish blue eyes. She seems pretty normal, which is odd, since I figured Breanna would bring home a total wackjob. I talked to Aislinn and we got along really well. Maybe I will invite her over one day to hang out just the two of us.

Anyway, got to get to Lauryn's for another sleepover! I'll tell you more tomorrow.

May 13th, 2008

Bethany had the triplets today! She's so early, like about two months! They are really tiny, and the doctors are doing everything they can, but we are not sure if any of them are going to make it, especially the middle baby. There are two boys and one girl. The girl was born in between the boys, and her name is Annabelle, while the boys are Conner and Zach. I really do like their names, especially Annabelle's since it is so close to mine. It makes me feel like we will have a special connection. I finally called Adam in my nervousness. I can't stand being in a fight with him, especially since all this happened. He's coming down to do whatever he can to help. He's taking a red eye flight on some small plane that his family owns. He already hired a pilot and everything. He should be here at about five tomorrow morning. Although I am still going out with Ryan, it's a reassurance to know that Adam, with the clear and level head is coming to the rescue. Plus, to be truthful, I have really missed Adam, and I need one of his hugs.

Later

So they think that Zach, the last of the three to be delivered is going to be okay. His organs are fully formed, and he's the biggest of the triplets. They are still not sure about the other two, and they said they will have to stay in the hospital for at least two weeks if they make it at all. I didn't even want these babies, but now I'm fretting over them, as terrified for my brothers and sister as Bethany and my dad are. I cannot stop pacing, and I can't fall asleep. Ryan came by before to sit and wait for news with me, but eventually he had to go home to get some rest and catch up on school work. Breanna's been staying over at the neighbor's house where Lauryn takes care of her when she's not here taking care of me.

May 14th, 2008

Still no news on Conner or Annabelle, but they are sleeping peacefully right now, so that's a good sign. Adam's here and that makes things even better, so I guess I am doing okay. Adam is about to make me got to bed since I have been up for like thirty hours straight and I can't see straight anymore. It will be a long night, but I'm hoping that if I get sleep, it will seem more hopeful in the morning (oops, wait, the afternoon).

Much Later

I tossed and turned for ten hours straight, having nightmares about the triplets. In one of the dreams, all three of them died one after the other and there was no way to help them at all. I woke with a start, unable to fall back asleep. When my ten hours were up, I knew that there was no way I was going back to sleep anytime soon, no matter what Adam said. I had Mrs. Kohlman, the only person available to drive, rush me back to the hospital and into Adam's waiting arms. He held me, his strong arms lifting all the worry off of my shoulders. I stayed in his arms even after Ryan arrived. Looking at him, I gave him a look that said: don't you even dare. He left me alone, only coming to sit next to me after Adam left the room to get us something to eat. Ryan moved closer to me on the blue cushioned bench. "You still like him don't you?" I moved away from him, sliding down the bench and did not respond. Adam came back with coffees and hot dogs. Even though I hate coffee, the taste too strong and bitter for me no matter how much cream and sugar I put in, I drank the whole cup in a matter of seconds, relishing anything that would help me survive the rest of the night and the next couple of days. I left the hot dog, watching as the guys scarfted theirs down, but finding myself unable to keep anything with substance down.

We waited for hours, the three of us before we heard any news. Conner and Annabelle still were not doing so well, especially Annabelle, she was not able to breath on her own, relying solely on a machine to put the breath of life into her. Conner had less trouble breathing, but a good amount of his organs were underdeveloped, making it hard for his body to properly function. Zach, the youngest, is doing extremely well for someone almost two months premature. They moved him out of the critical ward, and into one that will keep an eye on him throughout the course of the next few days to make sure no problems arise.

I sent Ryan home, knowing that there would not be any relevant news anytime soon. I sat near Adam, leaning against him. He didn't seem to mind, but he also had this blank look on his face like he was trouble or could not figure something out. Suddenly he let out a sigh, and turning to look at me, he stated "Isabelle, I think you should give me another chance. I know you are with that other kid, but I still like you, more than you will ever know. I'm so sorry that I was being a jerk the last time I was here, but sometimes I get too protective." He stared at me, his eccentric blue eyes boring holes in my face. I noticed that his face held a hopeful expression and that if I rejected him now, his face would crumple, and I might not ever see him again. "I don't know what to say. You must know that I still like you, but I'm so confused right now," I pleaded, hoping to buy myself some time; I didn't want to talk about this here, of all places. Not right now, at least. I needed time to get my thoughts together. He looked at me, as if deciding if I was telling the truth or not, then gathered me in his arms. "I can wait," he told me, never letting go. I felt so safe in his arms; his hugs were everything a hug is supposed to be… filled with love, comfort, warmth, and trust. He trusts me.

May 16th, 2008

They found something wrong with Conner. He has Spina Bifida, a rare disease were there's a hole in your spine. He's going into surgery right now. I am at Lauryn and Nicole's house, staying to 'help Breanna through this'. Of course she could care less. When I told her she said, "Oh, it's nothing that a cyanide capsule won't fix." What twelve year old says that? I'm sixteen and I didn't even know what cyanide was until last year, and even then I had to look it up. She's one evil little girl.

I invited Aislinn to come over and play with us. I miss her although I only met her briefly and I don't know much about her. She came over, radiating happiness as she told us the story of her day. She got asked out by a really, really hot guy (according to her), whose name is Broxton Corvin. He plays the electric and acoustic guitar, he is kind, funny (since he can always make her laugh), thoughtful (always knowing how to treat her well and what to say to make her feel better), and of course, sweet. He plays basketball, but is only six foot one, so he's not too tall for her. She's so excited to have her first boyfriend, so I decided to keep the happy streak going. We played Nintendo 64, trying to beat each other up on Super Smash Brothers, and then going around doing tasks to get stars on Super Mario. We had a blast, just the two of us (everyone else went out to dinner while we stayed here). I really think that Aislinn and I could be really good friends. She's unique and usually upbeat, able to bring me out of a shlump and ready to lend a helping hand. How is it possible for me to find all these great people in only one year? First Adam, then Lauryn, and now Aislinn. It's like God sent them to make up for the wreck that my life is in right now.

May 17th, 2008

The triplets are okay now; well at least they're still alive. Conner's operation is over, but it took hours to fix him in the operating room. I know that dad and Bethany paced outside the door the whole time, never stopping to sleep or eat some much needed food. Conner's back is supposedly 'fixed,' but it there are a multitude of potential problems that could occur. No two cases of Spina Bifida are the same, so we will just have to wait and see how he reacts, keeping a close eye on him throughout the course of his life. Zach is going to be released in a week; they want to keep an eye on him just to be positive that there is nothing wrong with him (like there was with Conner).

I have not heard from Alyssa, Kelsey, or Hayley in a long time. It's so weird, since they always called me when I lived in Maine. I can't imagine why they have not called me, but I don't have time to worry about that right now. I'm sorry to say that my family is more important to me right now, especially my brothers and sister that are laying in the local hospital today, one with a rare disease and the other two too small to live through much.

Adam came over later in the day, interrupting my sleepless nap. He climbed under the covers next to me, moving so that his body locked into mine like a puzzle piece. He wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me tight and holding me close as he whispered reassurances in my ear, slowly lulling me to sleep. I had the best sleep since before I found my dad cheating on my mom, yet I still woke up when I heard the shrill crying coming from the empty room down the hall from mine. I slipped on my bathrobe, silently creeping out my door and into the empty nursery. But as I walked into the middle of the room, I glanced at the cradle and noticed that the room wasn't empty after all. Zach, the biggest by far, and the easiest to tell apart from the other two, was laying in the cradle wiggling around as he cried out and flailed his chubby arms and legs. Walking over to him, I gently picked him up, rocking him as I sat down in the rocking chair stationed next to the cradle. I talked to him about his family, his mother and father who already love him so much as well as his half sister and adopted older sister. He quieted, only to start back up when he was hungry. Rushing him to the fridge, I grabbed a bottle that was sitting on the shelf, waiting for the newcomer to help himself. Dabbing it on my skin, I tested a drop of milk, and after I was assured that it was not freezing cold (in fact, it was still a little warm), I put it in Zach's mouth. He sucked down the milk, not leaving a drop to spare. I burped him, and then put him to sleep, reading him a story from the bookshelf. He fell asleep quickly, giving me ample time to get ready for the day (or night), when the parents came home.

May 20th, 2008

Baby Annabelle came home today, joining Zach in the huge crib that would house all three of them. She's so cute, much more tiny than Zach, and has more personality. She's not stubborn like Zach is, but she seems more easygoing and laid back. She will patiently wait for her bottles or play time, as if she knows how hard we are trying to take care of two babies. It is good practice I guess, for when Conner comes home, which should be any day now. Bethany is still at the hospital with him, spending the night there (sleeping on the benches) in case something goes wrong.

Later

Guess what that little brat did? Yes, my new little sister, Breanna went and cheated with my boyfriend! It is bad enough that she's so rude and conceded, but then she goes and cheats with a sixteen year old when she is only twelve? Don't even get me started with Ryan. I already broke up with him. I can't even stand to look at his face; I'm going to have to move to a different school.

To make me feel better, Adam is sitting next to me on my bed, watching me as I write. Although it's funny that he sits there staring at me, it makes me feel good: I know that I have someone in my life that likes me back.

Much Later

Adam and I are back together. Although we have not spoken these words aloud, it's an unsaid thing, somehow drawing us closer together. I have missed him terribly; the way he understands my feelings without having to ask me, his little surprise gifts, and unique dates. He's almost an adult- his birthday is the fourth of June. I can't wait; school will be over then, and he said he would be coming here to see me more often. I don't want him to leave, but he says tomorrow he has to head back to Maine, and I have to go back to school and catch up on all my missed work, then study for all my finals. I glared at him when he told me this, not wanting him to leave for fear of losing him again. Seeing my face, worry written all over it, he cupped my face in his hands, leaning close to give me a soft, lingering kiss. He let his hand drop, scooping me up and gently tossing me on top of my bed, pulling the covers up overtop of me, then tucking me in just like my mother used to do at night. He turned on a small light in the corner in case I should wake up (so that I would not trip over something). He blew me a kiss before turning the light off and closing the door. I watched as he did this, staring at the door handle for a long time, the last thing he touched, before drifting into dreamless sleep.

May 21st, 2008

I went back to school today, trying my best to avoid Ryan, but I seemed to see him everywhere: in Creative Writing of course, but also in the hallways in between periods, and during my classes when I looked out the window in the door and saw him walking down the hallway. I tired to ignore this, not making a big deal of it, but my face burned each and every time I saw him, whether he saw me too or not.

I got all my missed work, which is a load of it by now. Finals are in two days, not giving me any time to study, but I don't have to take most of them (I guess a mysterious call from Adam solved that one for me); I only have to take the ones for English (my favorite subject, should be easy, and my electives (since I chose them). The day plugged by, never slowing down, always leaving me in a frenzy: I have so much to accomplish in so little time. I am going to be up all night. Hopefully, I can get Aislinn to come over and give me some notes and help me with all my extra work. I am sure that she will not mind very much. She can watch television for all I care, I just want to get my work done and over with so that I can actually get a good grade in the class.

I got home early, having run to ensure that I had extra time to start my homework before Aislinn arrived (I asked her at the end of the school day to come to my house after school to help me work on my homework- she does not mind at all, which is a relief). Guess who was there when I got home? Conner! He was wrapped in a baby blue blanket, bawling his lungs out. The doctors released him early, but they are making us keep him on a couple of monitors to make sure nothing goes wrong. I sat by his cradle in the nursery, doing my homework on the floor next to him, still tall enough to peak over the edge of his cradle to see his smiling face. He does not cry much, although he squirms around a lot, making his point, trying to prove to us that even though he has something wrong with him, there is nothing that his brother and sister do that he can not.

Aislinn came over an hour later to help me with my work, only stopping for a split second to coo at the baby. We laid our books, worksheets, and folders out on the floor in front of us, tackling History first, then moving on to English, Math, and Science, the most work of them all. Although all we did was homework, I had a good time with Aislinn. She can relate to me in a way that Lauryn can not, although I love Lauryn just as much. We spent hours sprawled out on the floor doing worksheet after worksheet while listening to Aislinn's iPod, and singing along to the music. By the time it was seven o'clock, I had finished all of my homework but to study for finals. I gave Aislinn the biggest hug, thanking her repeatedly as I stood up, stretched, and went one last time to check on Conner before I gathered my books and folders, taking them to my room and dumping them on my bed.

May 23rd, 208

I took my finals today, all five of them. Most of them were not very hard. English and Creative Writing were both really quick and both were painless. Art was challenging, although it was nothing that I could not do. Mostly it was just terms that I had to remember and drawing some examples of cubes and stuff like that. So, all in all, my finals went okay, especially since I had some of them excused. That helped tremendously. I will have to remember to thank Adam for that the next time I see him (which I hope is soon, because I already miss him).

So Conner, Annabelle, and Zach are all home from the hospital, as healthy as can be expected (Conner is still being monitored). I give them a kiss every day when I come home from school. I am hoping that Annabelle will be a good little sister for me, unlike Breanna, who is still a snob. Maybe she just needs to adjust, which I can understand, but I still do not understand her reasoning behind most of the things she does (cheating with my boyfriend).

Dad seems so happy and enthusiastic all the time now that I never want to talk to him for fear of saying something that will make him upset. Instead I just give him a hug (I am starting to forgive him) and tell him that I am so glad that the triplets are doing well. He nods, looking down at me so that I see can how happy it makes him that I am beginning to be myself around him once more.

I called my old friends today. I used four-way, wanting to talk to them all together as opposed to each individually. They explained that they heard about the triplets being born early (from Adam) and wanting to surprise me by showing up here in Arizona; so they got together enough money to fly down here, only to be told by their parents that they were not allowed to go since it was so far away from home and they didn't have a parent with them. I can not believe that their parents deprived them from seeing me. Okay, I can, but I wish they hadn't: I miss them.

May 24th, 2008

Nothing much has changed since yesterday; Aislinn, Lauryn and I hug out by the stream, sitting, talking, and watching the water jump over the rocks embedded into the moist riverbed. We stayed there for the whole day, complaining about how hot the weather was, but a splash of water from the cool stream shut us up. We lay on our backs and watched the clouds pass by over our heads, only speaking to point out a cloud that looked interesting, voicing our own interpretations on what the cloud looked like, and what that could mean.

The triplets are fine, just whiny, crying constantly, and needing attention. Annabelle is the quietest of the three, only crying if something is really bothering her, not just for attention; I take care of her. I let the rest of my family take care of the boys. Breanna is a brat as usual, no matter what I to do to make her hate me less. Obviously "bonding" does not work with her. I always thought it would be neat to have a younger sister, but after Dusk disappeared, the whole concept of younger siblings (he was younger than me) grew bitter. I have had a younger brother and now he is gone, and I want him back desperately. Now I have a younger sister that I want gone. Life throws me too many curveballs.

May 26th, 2008

Conner went in for a check up today. They said that he is healing nicely, but to make sure that we are extra careful with him so that we don't destroy anything that's been done. Annabelle and Zach are doing really well, starting to move around more, and sleeping more soundly at night. Besides that, no news on the triplets. Bethany is so happy that she's glowing. Nothing brings here down, not even taking care of them twenty four/seven. Bethany's parents will be arriving tomorrow also; flying in from some remote part of Alaska that they moved to after Bethany went away to college. Technically they are my new grandparents, but I don't know them very well at all, and it is hard to tell if I ever will. They seem more interested in Breanna and the three new arrivals than me; maybe they think that I am too old to care about and that I can take care of myself and don't need to be loved.

May 28th, 2007

Breanna got into an accident yesterday! It was so horrible, and I feel so horrible for thinking all those mean thoughts about her. I guess the story was that Breanna and her friend Shelby (we heard this story from Shelby; Breanna was too far gone by then) were outside for recess and instead of playing on the playground, they decided that it would be fun to sit and watch the river that runs behind the playground. There was a fence blocking it off of course, but they found a hole in the bottom of it and crawled through it army style. They sat on the bank of the river for a long time, taking off their shoes and socks and dipping their feet in the water to cool off. The river was high that day (it rained yesterday), and Breanna said she thought it would be nice to take a dip in the water to cool her body off on this hot day (of course, forgetting to mention to Shelby that she can not swim, even if her life depended on it). Fooling around, Breanna and Shelby thought about this for a while before Shelby got rough, and before you knew it, Shelby playfully pushed Breanna into the stream, laughing the whole time until she noticed that Breanna had not resurfaced. She waited a minute to be sure, and then ran, quickly slipping through the fence and running as fast as she could for a teacher, screaming at the top of her lungs, saying that Breanna was drowning. By the time the teacher got there, Breanna was no where to be seen, maybe having been carried down river by the strong current. They said that she stood no chance, yet they sent people out in all directions to try to recover her, hoping that she resurfaced as she was carried away downstream.

They searched and searched, not finding her until late at night, after twilight had arrived, casting shadows and forcing the rescue searchers to bring out enormous head lamps, skimming the surface of the rushing water with their lights. Around ten my dad found her, carrying her back and laying her on top of a picnic table stationed by the riverbank. Dad quietly called off the search, whispering the news to the volunteers while thanking them for their generosity. They nodded, walking to their cars quietly until one by one; they sped off, never looking back at us. The police came, an ambulance tagging along, loading Breanna into it, explaining to us that they would keep her safe until other arrangements could be made. My wish had come true; one sibling down, how many more to go?

Bethany drove home, swiftly parking the car on the side of the road; cars already occupied the driveway, friends waiting inside to offer their most sincere sympathies. We walked in together, dad and Bethany gripping hands tightly, their knuckles white. Bethany's parents were first to greet us, having already put the babies to bed (they arrived yesterday, and were taking care of the babies while we went out searching. Silently they gave us hugs as other guests filed into the room, placing hands on our shoulders and murmuring sorrowful words that none of us heard. I slipped into the hallway, glad to get away from the crowd. Opening the door to my room, I turned on my lights, bathing the room in an eerie glow. Sitting on my bed was no one other than Adam, standing up and taking me into his arms as I began to cry, lifting me up as if I were the lightest thing in the world and gently placing me on the bed, climbing under the covers and pulling them up over us. I fell asleep in his arms, only waking once during the night. I moved my arm, causing him to stir slightly, still half asleep. I traced his face with a finger, going over the lines that defined it; his smooth skin calmed me, yet again lulling me into a never-ending sleep.

May 29th, 2008

I woke in his arms, unsure at first what was holding me. Eventually I remembered that Adam, the miracle that he is, somehow came here yesterday, waiting for me in my room to take care of me, putting each piece of my ruined puzzle back together. He had a lot of work ahead of him. Grateful for his presence, I snuggled in, burying my head in his chest, breathing in his scent and drifting off to sleep for the second time, too worn out to remember much of what happened, only knowing that Breanna was gone- forever.

Adam woke me, shaking me gently, whispering in my ear that Bethany was calling for me. Sleepily, I stood up and stretched, then stumbled into the hall, almost losing my balance because of how tired I was. Walking into the baby's room, I met with the whole family. Bethany's mother was in the rocking chair, Zach held tightly in her arms. Her father was holding Annabelle, smiling down at her while Bethany held Conner. Dad was hugging Bethany from behind, looking at her smiling face as she looked down at baby Conner. The whole gang. Cautiously, I walked into the room, not wanting to stay and talk to anyone, just wanting to get back to Adam. "Did you need me for something," I inquired aloud, now standing in the middle of the room. Dad turned to look at me as he spoke. "We wanted you to get up. It is past noon, and we have to make arrangements to have a prayer service for Breanna tomorrow night." He turned back to Bethany, but added "Could you also start brewing some coffee? Thanks." Turning to go, I went to the kitchen, made coffee, then went back to my room. After receiving a hug from Adam, I got changed, forcing him into my too tiny closet. When I was presentable, I let him come back out. "Does my family know that you are here?" He looked at me, and then shook his head, explaining that no one had seen him walk in- only the grandparents were here at the time, and they were tending to the babies. I snuggled up against him as I lay on the bed, thinking about how lucky I was to have him in my life. The perfect boyfriend; the perfect friend.

May 30th, 2008

Today was supposed to be my last day of school, but since the triplets were born and Breanna drowned, there has been no time whatsoever to attend classes. I feel bad, and miss the few people that I became friendly with over the few months that I have been here. My teachers are probably wondering where I am and why I constantly miss school.

The gathering in memory of Breanna is today at four in the afternoon. There most likely will not be many people attending since no one really knew her, but we put a listing in the paper just in case. It will most likely be short, just a few words about what we know of her life, which is not much. Then we'll serve a few snacks, nothing much, just something to chew on.

Later

The service started at four, starting out with only Mrs. Kohlman (cranky as always), Nicole (rude, and worse than her grandmother, Lauryn (awesome), and Aislinn (ditto). Oh, and of course Adam was there, presenting himself this morning, pretending to arrive at the house, straight off of his flight from Maine. We gathered in the living room, squeezing onto the two undersized couches. We started with an introduction of her life, beginning from the time she was born and given up by her thirteen year old mother soon afterwards. During this short speech, the doorbell rang, shrill and loud as usual, not caring whether we were in the middle of a ceremony in honor of one of our own family. Dad ran to the door, not wanting the person standing behind it to ring the bell again. Returning with dad was my Creative Writing teacher, Mr. Calafiore. He sat down quickly and quietly, listening intently as Bethany continued on with the story. The story told about Breanna moving from house to house, foster parent to foster parent until we adopted her. A happy ending for an unhappy life, Bethany told her audience. "Although she was only in our family for a brief period of time, we will always hold her in our hearts and remember her for as long as we live," we were told by dad, who immediately sat down, not liking being in the spotlight. The ceremony over, we snacked on pastries, all of us having a chocolate chip brownie, Breanna's favorite by far. As the night came to an end, we said a prayer, thanking God for the time we had with her, and bidding him to take good care of her.

Nicole, Mrs. Kohlman, and Lauryn left soon afterwards, explaining that Mickey (their beagle) got lonely after only a short amount of time. I watched them walk down the street, disappearing into the darkness. Aislinn's mom picked her up ten minutes later. She gave me a hug, informing me that she would call me tomorrow. Mr. Calafiore, Adam, Bethany, her parents, dad, and the triplets were the only one's in the house. My family all left the living room, going to check on the babies in the nursery. Adam snuck out of the room, heading to mine in order to give my teacher and me some time to talk. We sat in awkward silence for a while before he started to talk. "You have been out a while." "Yeah, a lot of crazy stuff happened these past couple months," I admitted. "I wanted to talk to you about working with me over the summer on some projects related to writing. After all, you didn't really get to take my class, and I think that you have potential. I want to help you develop your abilities." I stared at him in disbelief. "You want me of all people to develop my writing? I thought that surely it would have been Amanda, or Jen, someone who is a much better writer than I am," I blurted out, not able to contain my astonishment. Throughout the course of the night, Mr. Calafiore explained that we could meet over the summer on select days and he would give me exercises to do and prompts to write from that would help me. It all sounded so exciting, and it wasn't like a class that I would have to pay for. He left at ten, having spent the whole night sitting next to me on the couch in our living room, explaining what he had in mind and when we could meet.

Adam was waiting for me in my room, reading Great Expectations on my bed. "This is rather dry, I could barely make it through the first chapter and this is only the abridged edition," he complained, pulling me into his lap. "How was your talk with Mr. Calafiore?" I told him it was great, and how he planned to help me over the summer. I went into detail, expressing my enthusiasm on the subject. "This won't keep me from taking you on vacation will it," he questioned after I was done. Smiling I shook my head, laying down with my head on his stomach. "Good, glad that's settled then," he told the air as I drifted to sleep.

May 31st, 2008

Adam's leaving tomorrow to go back to Maine. He's taking letters that I wrote to my mom, promising that he would visit with her for at least a couple of hours (I know that she's really lonely, and I think that a visit from Adam will do her some good). He spent the day with me, but decided to sleep in the airport (crazy, I know) since his flight is so early in the morning. I kissed him goodbye, making sure that I gave him a big hug before I let him leave, and making sure that he promised to come back soon. "You know I can't stay away," he laughed in my ear as he walked out of the house and down the whitewashed front porch steps.

Bethany's parents left today, almost taking Conner with them until Bethany got upset and started crying (even though she knew that they were only joking). Finally placing Conner in her waiting arms and kissing her forehead, they left, their Jaguar squealing as they pulled out of the drive. We stood at the window watching them as they drove off, cuddling little Conner as we walked away.

June 3rd, 2008

Life's been boring since everyone left. My first meeting with Mr. Calafiore is not until the 5th (Thursday). I am really excited, but I wish that it would be tomorrow instead; I'm so tired of waiting and there's nothing to do. I have already had Aislinn and Lauryn over various times, and although I love spending time with them and would not trade it for anything, I really miss my friends in Maine and I miss everything I used to do there, my routine. I am going to call mom later today and find out when I can come up to visit her; I miss her (and the beautiful doggies of course). Maybe I will stay up there for a week or two, just to take a break from my uneventful life here.

Meanwhile, Bethany has gathered a colorful assortment of ladies to have a 'tea party' every Tuesday. They just left, stumbling out the door as they trip on their overlong dresses. They sit together in the dining room: we set up a cute little white table in there with cushioned chairs. They serve tea in a china teapot, pouring it into matching teacups steadied by saucers. It is all so cute, with their miniature plates alongside the cups, just big enough to fit their homemade pastries and delightful cookies. I had to join them once, borrowing on of Bethany's dresses. It reached the floor, not letting me walk, making me lift up my dress in order to walk. I was given a giant, floppy white hat with a pink flower on it. I felt so weird walking into the dining room and joining the ladies. They all greeted me with enthusiasm, waving to me as I sat down and commenting on how fine I looked in the dress. The oldest lady, Mrs. Wesley, served me tea while Bethany offered me a pastry. Nodding, I accepted it as Mrs. Wesley asked me what kind of tea I would like. "Sleepytime," I responded. "It's the only kind I really drink." She got out a packet of it, opening it for me and dunking it in my hot water, magically turning it into tea. The group chatted, talked about various 'pressing' matters of the community while they sipped their tea and nibbled their cookies. I sat and listened, having nothing better to do and not wanting to butt into their businesslike conversations. The party was over about an hour later, the ladies leaving one by one, almost falling down the stairs in their high heels. After helping Bethany clean up, I decided to sit out back on the swing set that we have already bought for my siblings. Still in my floor length dress, I am sitting on the swing, swaying instead of swinging as I write in my journal, ignoring everything that is happening in the other world; instead, entering mine.

June 6th, 2008

I called mom and we have decided that I should come up as soon as possible. She booked me a ticket for the Friday, the 6th. I will be traveling alone, but dad will drop me off at the airport and make sure I got on my plane. I'm really excited to be going, but dreading traveling alone: what if I don't get the window seat, which is the only one I like? What if the person sitting next to me is annoying or mean? What if, what if, what if. I usually get excited about going on a plane, since I love flying, but that is when I am sitting next to people I actually know. Even if I don't like the person that I know that is sitting next to me on a plane, at least I know that person and don't have to wonder if he is a serial killer or something of that nature. I have got to stop thinking about this.

Tomorrow is my first writing session with Mr. Calafiore! I am really excited to have an opportunity to learn everything this crazy guy knows. That sounds weird, but I know that he is really smart and knows a lot, so even though he is crazy; it's in a good way. I'm prepared- I already bought a folder and three-subject notebook at Staples, decorating them with chocolate wrappers and funny quotes relating to chocolate, the best food on the planet! Mr. Calafiore is going to laugh when he sees my notebook. I can't wait until tomorrow!

June 7th, 2008

Just got back from my first writing workshop with Mr. Calafiore, and although he gave me tons of work to do, I had a really good time. He gave me a couple of random worksheets about line breaks in poems and one with some pointers on writing a good short story. He gave me assignments to write three different short stories by the next time I see him (two weeks from now, since I am going up to Maine). He also gave me an exercise to do where you sit down for a minimum of fifteen minutes and write anything, making sure to include all five of the senses. That one seems like the most fun since I can use any story from my childhood as long as I go into detail. I can't wait to get started, but I have to pack first, since I am leaving tomorrow morning at five (to get to the airport early). The hot, stale air is getting to me; I will be happy once I am back in Maine and feel the cool air hit me.

I called Adam on my way home from writing- he is really excited about me coming back up to Maine and invited me over to a formal dinner with his parents on my second night there. Mom is welcome to come also. I hope his parents approve of me and are not mad at me for having Adam spend all their money to come and see me. It should be interesting, and I guess I can only hope for the best. Right now I have to finish packing and remember to include an appropriate outfit for the 'big dinner'.

Later

I placed my iPod into its speaker dock and pressed play, listening to some really old Simple Plan songs while I rummaged through my drawers, trying to find what I needed to pack. The stack of clothes on my bed grew tall, but was overpowered by the multitude of things sitting in a heap next to it: a digital camera, four different books to read throughout the weeks, my creative writing notebook and folder, the notebook of pictures that Adam made for me, my purse, cell phone of course, my sketchbook, painting supplies, various pens and drawing pencils. I piled random things on; I always was an excessive packer, thinking that I will need everything for even a two day trip. A fist knocked loudly on the door, competing with the music coming from the stereo speakers for my attention. "It's unlocked, come in," I shouted. Bethany opened the door, her arms surprisingly were swinging at her sides; usually they held one of the triplets who needed constant attention. "I heard you were going up to your mom's house," she mumbled, sounding unsure of herself. Nodding, I stood up, walking over to my closet to grab my travel bags. "I just want you to know that I will miss you when you are gone, and even though you are not my daughter by blood, I think of you as my real daughter, just as real as Annabelle, if not more so. I'm so glad that you came to stay with your dad and me, and I want you to know that I am sorry for breaking up your family. I guess I just could not wait for you dad- I loved him too much; I still do. I know that someday, somehow, you will find it in your heart to forgive me. You are the best daughter and friend that anyone could wish for." With that she walked up to me, gave me a quick hug, and silently walked out the door, shutting it quietly behind her while I stood staring at the blurred doorway, the tears threatening to spill, but not letting them.

I finished packing, throwing everything into two medium sized purple luggage bags, wheeling them into a corner of the room, out of the way. I lay down on my bed, covering myself up with the thin sheets and comforter. I lay there thinking long into the night- barely getting three hours sleep, but jumping up fully awake and totally alert.

June 8th, 2008

I slept through the plane ride, finally too exhausted to even think. Luckily, by sleeping I avoided talking to the oversized man wearing a too tight hot pink t-shirt, shorts, and navy blue converse. He needed to shave- badly, but that wasn't the worst part. He brought BBQ chicken onto the plane in a brown paper bag, wiping his hands on his shirt as he covered himself in it. He chomped relentlessly for fifteen minutes before I fell asleep. Yet he was inescapable. He showed up in my dream, opening his mouth as he chewed, causing nasty little pieces of chewed up BBQ chicken and saliva to shower over me. I tried to get away, but I was strapped into my seat, and he inched his face closer and closer to mine. I woke with a start, only to realize that my dream was close to reality. I tried not to move: his face was an inch away from mine; he was examining me. Finally, I backed against the window, willing the wall of the plane to fall away, sending me spiraling towards earth. Anything was better than being so close to this guy. "Excuse me, can you please move away from me," I managed to stammer out as his face came closer still. "You look like a nice girl," he told me. "You should come home with me and meet my son, you would get along great," he prodded me, testing my will. The plane began its decent; only a couple more minutes I assured myself. The seconds passed by like hours, days, months, years; longer than I have even been alive. He kept his face pressed up to mine, not even a finger's width apart. "I would really rather go back home, but thanks so much for the offer," I responded, controlling myself. "Oh, you would have so much fun together; you seem like a wonderful girl, just the person to set my son back onto a good path. He does not have many friends, only his half sister to keep him company, and she's no better than him." He went on, talking about his son and how I would make such a good companion for him. The plane landed, ending my misery until I realized that we had to stay on board until they connected it with the airport, and then I had to wait for my luggage. What if this guy would not leave me alone, not even to go home. I shuttered, finally getting up the nerve to push him away and stare out the window. Twenty minutes later I walked into the airport, followed closely by the BBQ chicken guy. I was planning on sprinting to the bathroom, hoping to lose the guy before my mom got here, but he followed me too closely and didn't look as if he cared if he had to go into the women's bathroom. Cursing under my breath for always getting myself into sticky situations, I hurried to the baggage claim. After ten minutes of standing there waiting, the bags finally started to come out as the belt sprung into motion. Rushing, I found my two bags, taking off before the BBQ chicken guy with his gold locks came running after me. I took out my cell phone, remembering that I had to turn it on (you are supposed to turn it off on the plane) and waiting until it had loaded my settings. Dialing mom's cell phone, I waited as it rang. She picked up on the fourth ring, explaining in a rush that she was stuck in a traffic jam by the entrance to the airport and that she would get there as soon as she could. I stood where I was, not wanting to move too often, afraid that I would attract the attention of the BBQ chicken man.

I sat down on the floor, leaning my back against the wall. Digging into the smaller of the two bags, I retrieved my iPod. I turned it on, getting lost in the music and forgetting all about the BBQ chicken man. I don't know how much later it was, but I was approached by a teenage guy that somehow looked familiar. I could not place it at that moment, but I just knew that somehow I knew him or had known him, only at a different stage in his life. Walking over to me, he sat down next to me, throwing his book bag to the other side of him. He sighed, obviously annoyed. "I can't find my father anywhere," he told me. "I searched and searched, he is no where to be found. He just flew in from Arizona," he told me as if I was his pal. He turned to me, his violet eyes a duplicate of mine. "Maybe he will never come back and then I will get to live by myself!" He was proud of his idea, nodding his head like he was the most brilliant person on earth. "What does your dad look like," I questioned. "Oh, he is on the large side, with longer golden

hair and brown eyes. He said he would be wearing a bright pink shirt and shorts. I openly stared, knowing that it was not polite to stare, but couldn't stop; this guy's father was the BBQ chicken guy! "You sure don't look like your dad then," I told him. His black hair shown in the light. "No, not at all," he agreed. "I was adopted by him and whatever girlfriend he had at the time." There was still something oddly familiar about this guy. "What's your name?" "Derek," He answered simply, glancing around. My phone vibrated, signaling the end of our chat. "Got to go," I told him, "But if you do not find your dad soon, give me a call. Or just call to check in." I handed him a piece of paper with my cell phone number scribbled on it in crayon. "Thanks. See you later," he yelled after me as I wheeled my suitcases down the long airport hallway, spotting my mom at the end and running to catch up with her. I dropped my bags to give mom a hug, relieved that she had finally made it. We headed to the car, stopping on the ride home at a Ruby Tuesday's for dessert (instead of dinner). All night I thought about Derek, with his violet eyes identical to mine and his coal black hair, his matching skin tone; everything that made him look exactly like me.

June 9th, 2008

It feels so good to be home. The first thing I did when I got home was go into my room- all the furniture would be taken out, but I still wanted to see it, to remember all the things that happened in it, good and bad. I opened the door, and much to my surprise, I found a fully furnished room; all my furniture looked exactly the same as the set I have down in Arizona, except everything was new. Mom had bought me a whole new bedroom set, along with a new easel and art supplies, paints (acrylic, watercolor, finger paint), colored pencils, canvases, clay, ceramic pieces to paint, a smock, tarps for the floor; everything. "Adam helped me pick out the art supplies," mom told me as she walked into the room, sitting down on my perfectly made bed, the comforter shifting under her, creasing, folding. "Thank you mom," I gasped, rushing to her and engulfing her in a hug. Smothered, she didn't even try to attempt a 'you are welcome,' as I hugged her until she gently pushed me away, pointing me towards the edge of the bed where I sat down. We sat and talked, catching up on town gossip, the only exciting part of living in a small town. I went to bed soon afterwards, tired after my long flight even though I slept through most of it.

My phone rang at one in the morning, startling me awake. My eyes cloudy from sleep, I felt around for my phone, following the sound, and managed to flip it open and answer the call. "Is this Isabelle?" A hysterical voice was coming through the phone, a voice she knew. "Derek," she asked in disbelief "What's wrong?" He sobbed into the phone as he talked; I only caught snippets of what he was actually saying, but as I pieced them together I managed to figure out that his dad had a heart attack, and since his dad was his only parent, he was placed into a shelter. He would then be given to foster parents in the morning. "My dad, my poor dad," I could hear him say. Grief flooded through me. Don't panic, don't panic I reminded myself; keep him calm. Struggling, I managed to find the right words, calming him down as I assured him that my mom would take me over there soon. I reassured him once more, and then hung up after I was sure he would be okay.

Wide awake now, I rushed to my mother's room, barging in and startling her awake. "What's wrong, what's wrong," she asked. I explained the situation to her, and although she was not a happy camper, especially at one in the morning, we got into the car and drove to the shelter. The ride took a half hour; it was pouring rain, blinding us: we could barely see ahead of us. We reached the shelter, getting out the car and making a run for the door. It was open, allowing us entrance into the lobby, where a receptionist would help you. Walking up to the desk, I explained that my friend Derek had just recently come to their shelter, and with my mom's permission, explained that we wanted to take Derek in until he found a permanent home. "I am afraid that is not possible," she explained. "You have to go through extensive training in order to even be considered to take care of a child." She went on, arguing with mom, but I blocked them out, walking a little way down the hallway, wanting to find where Derek was. When the receptionist saw me however, she dragged me back into the lobby, sending us out the door and informing us that we would receive news of Derek's whereabouts after his biological parents were tracked down. The rain had stopped by the time we got outside. Slamming the door, I got into the car and buckled up, glancing at the dashboard confirmed my fear- it was past three. Derek would have to stay there at least overnight. I promised myself that my this time the next day, Derek would be in our house, comfortable in the spare bedroom, and content as could be.

June 10th, 2008

I was just thinking when I noticed that so much has happened in just half a year; it is crazy! Dad cheating, parents divorcing, Bethany, triplets, Adam, Arizona, Breanna, Lauryn, Aislinn, Mom, Ryan, the BBQ chicken man, and Derek. All in less than a year; I feel rushed, surprised that I handled all this by myself. I thought when you were sixteen everything was supposed to be sweet. So how did all of this happen to me? Maybe when I'm forty I will be happy and have the best year of my life. People say that when you turn forty you start to feel old, but I think that since all this happened, I am guaranteed to have a good time when I'm forty. It may not make sense to anyone else, but it does to me!

The shelter called at ten, telling us that there was no news concerning Derek's real parents. They say that in their shelter, it's a rule that they find out the biological parents and contact them; they said that they needed to check with them before they gave Derek to someone else (a foster family until he was adopted- if ever). If we don't get news of Derek and his parents soon, I may not be able to keep my promise to myself.

June 11th, 2008

There is news concerning Derek, but not what you would expect. Some government agency called for mom, asking tons of questions about Dusk, but never explaining why they wanted to know these things. They asked when he disappeared (date and time), what he looked like, what he liked to do, and what do we think happened to him? On and on they talked, well into the afternoon. Mom had me forward an old picture of Dusk to their agency; they specifically asked for pictures of only him. I wonder what all this is about, and when all this drama concerning him is coming up again, after all these years. I am curious about all this, yet I locked myself in his room while mom was on the phone, not wanting to listen to her talk about him, only wanting to replay my own memories of him. Maybe someday, when we are older, Dusk will show up when we least expect it- his mystery unraveled, and his life already in check. He will have a wife and a family of his own, complete with kids, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. Maybe they will leave near here, close to where he grew up, where he played in the dirt and scraped his knees falling off his bike. I wish I could see him now; I try to picture him in my head, but every time I try to, Derek appears where he should be…

Later

The agency called again, telling us that they believe they picked up a trail, which may lead to solving Dusk's disappearance. By the time mom hung up the phone she was crying; I embraced her, noting that she needed love, something to calm her down and reassure her. I hope that they find Dusk, or at least figure out what happened to him. If they find that he is dead, or worse, I know that it will crush mom, but I know that she is strong, and that she will heal much better than she would had she known nothing. However, if they do find him, and he moves back here, I know that mom will be ecstatic; meaning will come back into her life- she will come alive again. She might quit her job, just to spend more time with him, but that's okay, since everyone in our town will help us pay the bills. They all know how much the disappearance of Dusk has affected us.

June 12th, 2008

No news on Dusk or Derek yet, but I did get a call from Lauryn today. She met this guy Damien at a coffee shop, and after a few short dates, they are now going out. She says he is really cute, with floppy dark brown hair, dark blue eyes, and a tan that pulls the whole look together. He's into surfing (he moved from California a few years back), and he's going to California tomorrow; he's taking Lauryn with him! They are only going to be gone for a few days, but I cannot help but worry about her. Even though this guy sounds outrageously hot and pretty cool, she seems too attached to him- like she would do anything to be with him. She says that he needs someone to take care of him, since his father abused him and his mother when he was younger, and although he has been living with his mom for eight years, he still 'needs nurturing,' according to her. I hope everything turns out all right.

Later

Derek has been released to us for the time being: some of our neighbors pulled some strings and 'got us approved' as his foster family until his biological parents can be identified. Although the process should have only taken a few hours, they say that there are no files or documents on his parents whatsoever, and that there must be some logical explanation. Anyway, Derek has taken over the guest room, dumping his two boxes filled with clothes, toiletries, and a few sentimental possessions on his bed, folding the clothes and placing them neatly in the drawers, while the toiletries went the guest bathroom, and his few real possessions were either placed on top of the dresser, or placed carefully back into the box. He seems much more relaxed here then I have ever seen him, but yet again, I would probably be more comfortable in someone's house than in a shelter. He made himself at home, lying down on his bed and stretching out his feet, finally relaxing for the first time in days. Finally, I suggested that we do something; we decided on playing a board game and sprinted to the hallway games closet to pick something out.

We got out The Game of Life and played three different times; he won all three times- he said that he has always loved the game. We made popcorn and watched reruns of the Wild Thornberry's, which only plays during the night or early in the morning- in this case, around midnight. It was fun watching the same episodes that we had seen when we were only ten over and over. Eventually, we remembered everything about the show, and finally raced to the computer and onto to play the old Wild Thornberry's game where you got to rescue the animals and then heal the injured ones. We spent countless hours on the site, playing until four in the morning when we finally crashed, not waking up until noon the next day.

June 13th, 2008

Today Zach, Annabelle, and Conner are a month old! I can not believe that it has only been a month since they were born; it feels as if it has been three. I called to check in on dad and the kids, getting the answering machine, but leaving a long message, updating them on my status. Even though Bethany is only in her low twenty's, she has taken on the role of super mom, trying to care for four kids at once, three of them newborns. So far she has done a good job, and I am sure that in the future when she has others (she still wants a huge family), she will treat them with care and compassion. I assume that she will have at least three more children, but stop before she reaches a dozen. Bethany may love kids, but there is no way to have twelve kids and have them all live a good life. Hopefully we can find my real brother before that happens…

Mom received another call from the agency. They said that after piecing together the clues, they believe that Dusk was abducted and that the kidnappers were already in jail for robbing a jewelry store. I listened with mom and Derek as the lady on the other end talked, her wheezy voice reverberating off the kitchen walls, as we turned up the volume, using the speakerphone button. She went on, stopping only to blow her nose in the middle of a sentence, but eventually going on to tell us that they (the agency) believe that Mr. and Mrs. Rodriguez, a young couple of only thirty, were poor and never able to have kids. They believe that this led them to the kidnapping of Dusk: they wanted a child of their own, and since they did not have the money to ever be considered to adopt a child, they took one, and afterwards, robbed a jewelry store; perhaps to get enough money to raise an eight year old little boy. Supposedly when they got busted for robbing the store, Dusk must have run away, or had been told to go stay at a neighbor's house. From there, the trail was lost, they concluded. I hung up the phone while mom stared at it in shock, her mouth hanging open as a mumbled came from it; inaudible. I guided her to the living room, located right off of the kitchen. Sitting her down on the couch, I left her, going back into the kitchen to gather my thoughts, while I gave her time to do the same. Derek came to my side, giving me a reassuring hug. He had a thoughtful, yet confused look on his face, almost impossible to define. I smiled up at him, wondering how we could have grown so close over the few days we had known each other. It was not as if we had any deep, meaningful conversations or anything of that nature, but there seemed to be a bond between us; a bond that seemed to have always existed.

I let mom spend the day sitting on the couch muttering to herself. There was no use trying to talk to her while she is lost in her own world. So I spent the day talking to Derek and spent the night in my room, contemplating the fact that my long lost brother had been kidnapped, and the relationship between Derek and I- how I feel so close to him.

June 17th, 2008

The days have passed by slowly. Mom has spent the past few days either in bed or on the couch, just thinking. I know that until the agency calls back with more information, that she will keep this up, blaming herself for allowing someone to kidnap her only son and oldest child.

Adam came to visit, bringing along Hayley, Alyssa, and Kelsey, my best friends, yet so vastly different from when I last saw them on the first of April. I feel that some of the connection that we had between each other has disappeared, or has been misplaced. I fear that it can never be returned to its original state; yet I am so glad to see my old friends, no matter what has happened between us. We spent the day catching up, just the girls and me, while Adam took Derek out for a guy's day, keeping him away until late at night, when it was finally time to say goodnight to my friends. Reluctantly we parted, but promised that we would meet again soon; definitely before I left for Arizona again. I thanked Adam for my time with the girls, dragging him into a darkened corner, where I made the true extent of my gratitude known.

June 18th, 2008

The agency called today, informing us that they interviewed the Rodriguez's and found that they had dropped Dusk off at an adoption agency before they robbed the store; giving the agency false records, stating that his name was Derek instead of Dusk, and making up the last name of Worthington. He was then adopted out by a man a year later, when he was about nine years old. The man had a steady girlfriend, supposedly soon to be fiancé, and they wanted a child to take care of, so they adopted Derek. That is all the information that they found, but they said that they will call us back later and fill us in on some extra details. I am shocked and amazed that suddenly, this agency cares about my twin's disappearance and I am impressed that they have found out all that they have so far. Derek must be the Derek they are referring to, just as I have secretly hoped. I have not yet said a word to him, but it is only a matter of time; I do not want to give anyone false hope, only to find out that my information is wrong.

Mom still is not doing so well, but she's doing better than she was before. She still hasn't really talked to me about the whole thing, but I know that once she gets over the initial shock, that she will want to. I made her chocolate chip pancakes this morning- they can always make her feel better. I set the table, setting out a plate of four pancakes and a full glass of orange juice. I came back later to see if she ate it, and she had, leaving only melted chocolate residue on her plate. I cleaned it up, thankful that she could at least eat.

I received a call from Aislinn today, telling me how she is so in love with Broxton and that she spent all of last night at his house, a middle class Victorian, as cute as can be. His parents were not home, but they did not do anything inappropriate (supposedly), just had Chinese take out and had a romantic kiss on the bench in his mother's breathtaking garden. She explained the night in detail, but I do not feel like writing it down. After I got off the phone with her, I called Lauryn, not sure if she was back from California yet, but deciding to call anyway. I got her voicemail and left a message, but I was called back just a minute later. I asked her how California was, and she said it was great, except when he lost his temper. She listed all the things that they did together, the time they spent on the beach, learning how to surf, and building an enormous sandcastle, looking exactly like the one at Disney. Lauryn was so excited about the sandcastle that they made. She promised to send me a picture text so that I could see it. Finally I asked how they were now. She said that she had not seen him since two days ago when they came back from the beach, but she really liked him. She again mentioned his temper, which got me worried, but when I questioned her about it, she just mumbled and told me to stop overreacting. Reminding myself to call and check on her tomorrow, I ended our conversation. I spent the remainder of the day worrying about her, but obviously could not do anything about it from Maine.

June 30, 2008

I cannot believe that it has been twelve days since I have written, but I've been so preoccupied with the fact that we have probably found Dusk; he has been with us all along! I am trying not to rush through this entry, but the agency called on the 20th and said that they believe that Derek, the one staying with us, is actually Dusk! They still need to check their facts again and do a DNA test, but it is practically official. Mom is full of excitement, bustling around the house, practically bursting with pride and happiness. "Look at handsome my little boy has grown! I can not believe that he was okay all this time when we didn't have anything to believe in," she whispered under her breath. We have not told Derek yet, but I think he suspects; I told him all about my family and the disappearance of Dusk during one of our long talks. He confessed to me that he doesn't remember much of his childhood, only that he loved superheroes. He said that he remembers being adopted by the BBQ chicken guy, but not much before that. Supposedly, the chicken guy was really nice, if not a great dad. While he was little I guess he took care of him all the time and never left his side, but as he grew older and turned into a teenager, he started to ignore Derek and concentrate more on his various girlfriends. Derek was still allowed to do things and go out with his friends, but his dad seemed to give up on him and stop caring what happened to him; he was given money and told to do whatever he wanted to, just make sure that he did not get into trouble. Even though his father didn't care, Derek tried to make the best of it. He stayed out of trouble, kept to his curfew, and tried to find time to do fun things with his dad, although his dad was always out with his girlfriend or 'busy' doing stuff for work. Supposedly. Anyway, that is enough about Derek, or should I say Dusk.

I have to go; there is so many things to do, so I should get going. I have plenty of things to think about, plus I need to take care of my poor mom, who has had so many horrible things happen to her during her life. She deserves better than all of this. I wish our family was still together, but with the triplets and Bethany in the way, I see no way of getting them back together. Maybe I will somehow find a way. Perhaps is Bethany mysteriously moved to Antarctica… or disappeared altogether. I have got to stop thinking this way. Well, goodbye.

Wait- one last thing. Dad called today. He said that Bethany is going to be expecting again sometime soon. As weird as this sounds, he said that they are going to a clinic and having them make her become pregnant again. It would be almost impossible for her to become pregnant again otherwise (since she had the triplets only a little over a month ago). I have no clue why they would want another baby so soon, but I have no say in the matter, so I did not bother to express my opinion. Bethany still wants twelve children before she turns thirty-five. She is crazy! Even if we become close, I don't think that I will ever truly understand her. However, I do wish her the best of luck. The one thing I will not do though is baby-sit my new brothers and sisters- no matter how much she pays me.

July 4th, 2008

It's the fourth of July! We bought fireworks and sparklers so that when it gets dark we can light up the whole backyard. Adam, Hayley, Kelsey, and Alyssa are all coming over to join in the celebration. Derek is still here too, so it should be a big party. We are having a movie marathon (starting in an hour). We rented twenty movies from Blockbuster, so we have a good selection to choose from. Since we also bought all the junk food in the world, we should have a good time.

Mom is much better now; she seems to have accepted everything that the agency told us. I talked to her and she is much calmer, cool, and collect. I spent all of yesterday with her; we went clothes shopping at Kohl's and then went to Barnes & Noble. We must have bought half of the books at the store, spending four straight hours there. Then mom let me drive to the park (I got my permit a couple of days after my birthday, if I had not already told you that) where we sprawled out on benches parallel to each other and read until daylight faded, and the only light came from the full moon.

Derek is so much fun to be with, but obviously not in a boyfriend, girlfriend like way; more like a brother. It is funny how that works, huh, since he might very well be my brother. At least he seems comfortable at our house; he wanders around like has lived here his whole life. I have not even lived in this house my whole life- we moved to this house when I was seven. We still live in the same town of course, but this house is halfway across the town.

Later

We watched six movies, including Pride and Prejudice, The Illusionist, The Fugitive, The Princess Bride (Alyssa's choice), Phantom of the Opera (much to Derek's displeasure), Castaway, and Transformers. We watched the movies in that order, although we almost fell asleep after the fourth movie. Finally, we finished the marathon around midnight and we all raced outside into the cool evening air, grabbing the sparklers, lighting them and dancing around the yard until Derek grabbed some fireworks and set them off. At first there were only white lights, but purple, yellow, blue, and green shot out as it was dying. The next was only blue, twisting like vines as they shot into the air and exploded three feet off of the ground, sparks shooting out of them and far into the sky. We used a few of this kind, each of them different colors throughout the night. There were a million different fireworks throughout the night, some just making a crack as they darted a foot into the air and dived back down. The sparklers went all night, with at least one person standing on the grass waving it around, the glowing tip showing up only as a dot in the faint moonlight. The dancing dots flew next to each other, not any brighter than fireflies, but certainly less beautiful. We stayed out on the back porch for hours, only going inside when we heard the clock inside strike four. I made mom go straight to bed, knowing that she would sleep until noon the next day if she didn't. She went willingly, surrendering to my guided push as I steered her towards her bedroom door. I made sure she made it to the bed and flopped down on top of it before I closed the door behind her. Hayley, Kelsey, and Alyssa left only minutes later, telling me that they didn't want to sleep over. Hayley, the flirt of the group whispered "we wanted to leave you so you have time to do your thing," as they rushed out the door. I swatted at her; she knew very well that I would never do anything serious with Adam- at least not until I am older. I am just not that kind of a person. I closed the door gently, not wanting to wake my already snoring mother (I could hear her from all the way down the hall). I ran into Adam's arms, the first real time we had alone together since I got here. He picked me up and twirled me around. I laughed, but stopped after I realized that I could wake mom. Pulling him to the couch, I pushed him down; he stayed in the same position while I sat down on the couch opposite him, making him work to get near me. He ambled over, a ferocious look on his face

June 5th, 2008

Adam unintentionally slept over. We fell asleep on the couch together, curled up, only taking up half of the couch. My mom found us there, shaking me gently so that she wouldn't wake Adam. She wasn't mad, but gave me a curious, questioning look as if to ask me if we had done anything. I shook my head at her, hoping she understood my message. Even though I was awake, I was still exhausted, and while mom was busy fixing breakfast, I fell back asleep. This time she didn't wake me. I slept until one in the afternoon, when Adam stirred. Looking down upon me from his fixed position, he whispered in my ear, his hot breath tickling my ear as he leaned close. "Sleep well, my dear?" he chuckled, amused by our situation. I yawned and rubbed my eyes, attempting to rub the sleepiness away. "Very well, thank you," I retorted. "I wish you wouldn't call me 'my dear,'" I told him, quoting the ending of Pride and Prejudice. "Than what am I allowed to call you?" "My pearl for Sunday's, or Goddess Devine, but only on special occasions," I replied, enjoying the conversation. "Fine, Mrs. Darcy…" He leaned down and kissed me, whispering Mrs. Darcy before each kiss, until he had conquered my whole face. I sighed, feeling like a princess who had just found her prince charming. "Aren't you going to bring me to Derbyshire, Mr. Darcy?" With that he stood, scooped me up, cradling me in his arms and as he took long strides, bringing us to the front door, which he opened. I didn't bother to look over my shoulder, knowing that we were just going down the steps, onto the path, finally getting to the driveway, where he would put me in his car and we would drive off. I would open the sunroof as we flew down the highway; I would turn on my music, rock, but turning it down so it was not overpowering.

But, upon reaching the driveway, Adam put me down, giving me a kiss as he placed me on my feet. He spun me around as he pulled me toward the driveway, revealing the stagecoach that had magically replaced his shiny car. A man opened the door of the coach for me, offering his hand to help me get in. He looked like someone straight out of a Disney storybook, almost like the mouse the fairy godmother in Cinderella had turned into the driver of the coach. I laughed to myself, out of both happiness and wonder, awed at how Adam had managed to yet again pull off something that would both surprise and delight me. He was like no one I had ever encountered; no one I had ever read about during my extensive reading. He is mine, and I love him. I would never be able to give him up.

Later

"Welcome to Derbyshire, Mrs. Darcy." I pushed the curtains away from the window in the door of the stagecoach. Outside the door was a field of wheat gently swaying in the wind. I stared at it, realizing that it looked exactly like the field that Mr. Darcy renewed his proposal and Elizabeth accepted; they became engaged. I swear it must have been in this field; they looked exactly alike. The door opened, the same man leading me his hand as I stumbled out, grabbing Adam's hand as I pulled him out, staring into his eyes, then lowering my gaze to take in the full picture, storing it in my memory for all time. His messy bed head hair adding to his appearance instead of taking away from it. His navy blue button down shirt was tight against his chest, revealing the finely chiseled muscles beneath. His jeans were a light blue, even lighter than the cloudless sky was now, bringing out the light blue of his eyes. I was swimming in a field of blue… He took my hand, leading me to the middle of the field. We sat down, spreading out a burgundy colored blanket as the stagecoach drive walked over and placed two folded up easels, canvases, acrylic paints, brushes, jugs of water to wash the paints out, paper towels to dab, and an artist's pallet down on the edge of the blanket and a picnic basket on the other. He left us, driving the carriage away, hiding it behind a grove of trees farther down the dirt road. We set up out easels, unfolding them and placing the canvases neatly on the rest. I cracked open the fresh paints, putting dots of color on my once white pallet. We painted whatever we felt like at the time. I didn't even peak at what Adam was painting, but I painted the wheat field, adding in Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy standing close together, Mr. Darcy's hand in Elizabeth's, her lips pressed against his hand. The sun is shining brightly in the background. The picture turned out nicely, not nearly as well as any of Adam's pictures, but it was doable. I felt hands press against my face, covering my eyes. "Close your eyes and I will take you to see mine." I obliged, allowing him to drag me over to his side of the blanket and sit me down on top of it. "Now you can open your eyes," Adam told me as he sat down next to me. I stared up as his canvas; I stared up at a picture of us. We were sitting on the swing on my front porch; it was that first snowy day; our first real day together. My head was resting on his arm, a natural looking position. The two of us were vibrant, full of color and almost glowing, while the background was washed out; much of it gray and white.

Finally, we grabbed the picnic basket and spread its contents out on the blanket. There was enough lunch meat to feed my family for a year, along with three different types of breads (white, wheat, and marble). Condiments like mustard, mayo, and anything else that you could ever want on a sandwich were in the basket. There were plates (real ones, not Styrofoam or paper) and cokes, diet cokes, an assortment of juices: fruit punch, apple, orange, etc. Chips and pretzels were all shoved into the basket. It was more fun unpacking it than actually eating.

Adam made my sandwich. He made it huge, with ham, turkey, cheese, and lettuce, but tons of each. I could not even open my mouth that wide, yet he made me promise that I would not take anything off of it. And how can I resist him? He gives me that face, and I just can't say no. So I ate the sandwich, trying to position my mouth so I can fit some of the sandwich into it. It takes me an hour to eat the sandwich. Adam ate his slowly; trying to accommodate for how slowly I was eating mine, but he still finished before I did. He waited patiently for me, munching on some pretzels as he did so. By the time I had finished, the moon was out, although it was not yet twilight. I lay down, and Adam scooted over next to me to lie down beside me. We gazed up at the moon, totally out of its element. The light had not even begun to fade, yet it was there, a little more than half of a moon. We lay there next to each other for a long time, just staring up at the moon. Eventually twilight came. The sky turned pink with hints of purple, accenting the blue sky. I moved towards Adam, resting my head on his chest. He reached out a hand and stroked my face, not saying anything. He broke the silence later on. "Isabelle, I want you to know something. I want you to know that I would do anything for you. Everything I have done, it has all been for you. I have talked to my parents, and I am moving to Arizona with you. I'll buy an apartment or house and go to college near there. I want to be with you." I was shocked by his statement; by the enormity of it. All I could manage was a whispered 'why?' Sitting up, he pulled me with him, having me rest against his chest again. "Don't you see Isabelle? I love you."

July 6th, 2008

I told my mom about Adam moving to Arizona. I figured that I might as well get it over with, since I am sure that sooner or later it would work its way around this small town. I left out the part about him moving because he wanted to be with me, and the whole Pride and Prejudice act that we had yesterday; I only told her that he had wanted to go to school near there anyway, so it was continent for him, plus he would be able to be near me. Once I put it that way, there were no detectable flaws in the plan, so she could have nothing to comment on.

You know, I have not really noticed, since this whole Dusk/Derek thing has been occupying my thoughts, but I have been here for almost a full month. I was only supposed to stay for two weeks, but I guess all that has changed. Maybe I will stay here for most of the summer. Or at least until the end of June- hopefully. I told Derek that Adam was moving back with me too. He looked upset at the thought of me going back to Arizona, like he had not realized that I would be going back to live there in the near future, even though I had mentioned this fact to him various times. I wonder where he will live if he turns out to be Dusk. Would he stay here with my loving mother, or would he want to move to Arizona to meet dad and be with both dad and I? There are good and bad things about each place, and I would have no idea who to chose if the choice were up to me. Good thing that it was decided for me.

July 7th, 2008

Bethany is expecting again. She called me to tell me the news and sounded ecstatic about the whole concept. I guess the thought of having another wonderful child should lift your spirits. I asked her how the triplets were doing, especially Annabelle, and she told me they were doing just splendidly, although they missed me. She went on about how Conner's beginning to coo, and how Zach loves to suck on dad's fingers, and finally, how Annabelle loves to look at things and watch them as they move. Supposedly, all these were very good signs, and she's really excited about their progress. Although I was interested at first, by the end of the phone call, I had tuned out half of what she had said. I thanked her for calling, congratulated her on the soon to be new baby, and hung up before she could tell me one more thing. I love my dad, but it makes me mad that out of all the women in the world that he could have cheated with, he had to pick the crazy one whose parents are over thirty-five years apart and wants to have twelve children before she even turns thirty five?

Later

So, I'm trying my best to stay calm, but I am just so excited! The agency called to tell us (mom and me) that Derek really is Dusk. The Rodriguez's changed his name and after staying with a foster family for almost a year's time, he was adopted by the BBQ chicken guy (I would call him by his real name, but I keep forgetting it). They triple checked their results, and even brought a picture of him to his former foster family to see if they would remember him. They did, telling us about how great a kid he was and how they didn't want to give him up. So now that they know for sure, Derek, or should I say Dusk, is allowed to permanently stay with us. There are stacks upon stacks of paperwork that mom needs to fill out and custody papers to sign, but none of that matters now that he is returned to us. He heard the agent when we were on the phone with her, so he knows that his real name is Dusk and that he grew up in this town and that I am really his twin sister, and that my mom is also his. He has taken the news reasonably well, but is still iffy about the whole situation, which I can understand. We decided to give him some time to think it over, letting him have time in his room, and trying not to bombard him.

Mom is beyond happiness- her little boy has finally returned. Her life is complete- dad or no dad. I am happy too; it feels as if the missing part of me has been filled, the hole plugged up. I only wish that I knew him better. I feel like I should have been there while he grew up. Although I know that that is impossible, I still think about it all the time. One day we (Derek/Dusk and I) will have to sit down for a whole day together and talk about all the things that happened in our life that we each missed. Maybe he broke his leg once, or had the lead role in the school play. Maybe he killed someone (just kidding, just kidding). There are so many 'what if's?' and empty spaces to fill that it is hard to figure out where to begin. If only he had not been gone for half of our lives. Maybe if I had gone with him outside to play in the dirt instead of staying and eating my cinnamon graham crackers at the table then he would not have been kidnapped and our family would still be whole. Dad would spend all of his time with Dusk and we would all be happy. Maybe tomorrow I will show him is former room… I wonder what he will think of it. Will he even remember living in it? After all, we only had this house for a year before he disappeared. The superheros he will probably be able to recognize at least. Maybe he will even remember when mom put those pictures up. She spent a whole day searching in twenty different stores for posters of superheros. Then she spent a good amount of time the next day framing the posters and nailing the frames into the walls. I remember her spending two hours on positioning the pictures alone. She was so careful and precise; she wanted to be sure that all the pictures were in a straight line and that they were all centered. She wanted her little boy's room to be perfect. And it was. At least until the boy was gone.

July 9th, 2008

I have scarcely been able to think about anything but Dusk/Derek and how great it is that he is home. That he's safe. I don't know what we will do about the name situation; I guess we will have to let Dusk choose what he wants to be called. Anyway, enough about Dusk. Lauryn called today and I'm really worried about her. She is more secretive now, not wanting to tell me anything, not even what she did today. All she about is Damien and how great she is. She does keep mentioning his temper, so that gets me nervous, worried for her. What if he's abusing her? I try to skirt around the question, asking it without having to actually state the question. She never directly said anything about Damien hurting her, but she has never been secretive around me, so that could be the only logical explanation. Lauryn hung up before I could question her, but I will call her tomorrow and get the whole story.

I have decided to go back to Arizona in a week from now. As much as I love staying with my mom and seeing all my friends, I am really worried about Lauryn and I do miss my dad, Aislinn, my new siblings, and all the other friends that I have made over there. Plus, I have not seen Mr. Calafiore for a long time; I'm overdue for another session and I miss spending time writing. Besides this journal, I have had no time whatsoever to write.

July 10th, 2008

This morning I went to Adam's house. It still amazes me that a guy so nice can be so filthy rich (not to be stereotypical, or course). We spent the day in his garden, accompanied by the gardener of course, who I was told, comes every day during spring, summer and fall. The gardener did his best to give us some privacy, but it was not easy for him, since the part he had to weed was in the same area as the only bench/fountain in the garden. It was impossible for him to leave us any more room, so we just had to deal. It was fun though, watching water shoot out of the fountain. (He has a giant stone fountain that shoots water out of the chubby baby's mouth. Supposedly, these types of fountains are popular, and it is the only kind that the elite class are supposed to have in their gardens.) The garden is beautiful even without the fountain, especially during this time of the year. Believe me, there is every type of flower possible in that small garden. If I lived at his house, I would stay outside all day. When I told Adam this, he admitted that he spends as much time as possible in the garden; that is where he gets much of his inspiration for his art. He said that it is a quiet place where his parents know not to disturb him- it is his sanctuary. Even in the middle of winter, he goes outside to paint, read, or think in the barren garden.

I called dad later on, after I got home from Adam's house. He seemed excited that I am coming back to Arizona and promised to call Mr. Calafiore in advance so he can set up a time for us to meet soon after I get home. He also said that he would arrange the flight. He claims that he 'has connections' at the airports and can get me some cheap tickets. Sure dad, sure. Sometimes I think that he only says things like that to make him feel good about himself. I didn't tell him about Dusk. I was afraid of how he would react. I decided that when I tell him, I will bring Dusk to him, instead of just telling him.

I called Lauryn and got her voicemail. She said she was over at his house. I can't wait to meet him (note the sarcasm).

July 11th, 2008

Adam found an apartment that is only a couple of blocks away from my house. I guess he hired someone to find him one that is acceptable. I can't believe that he found one so close and so nice. He showed me a couple of pictures, and it looks perfect! It is on the top floor, so although it will be harder to get furniture up there, it should be quiet- there won't be anyone to stomp around when you are trying to sleep. It has three bedrooms so I can stay over if I need to (not that he is planning on it), a big kitchen, and two bathrooms. The master bedroom opens into a small sitting room, so there should be plenty of room to put bookcases. One of the bedrooms is going to be used as a studio (obviously). After he described the apartment, I realized that he basically bought a mini house! I will make sure that I put some of my things in there and add decorative stuff to every room (that way it won't look sloppy). Now he has his own place and I can go over any time I want. It will be a place to escape the screaming babies. I can't wait to get back to Arizona now!

I knocked on Derek's door today, and after he told me to come in, I sat down on his/the guest bed and asked him how he was doing. "I don't know who I am anymore. I always knew that I wasn't Derek Rodriguez, but I never knew who else I could be. Now I know who I really am but truthfully, I don't know who our mother is, and I don't know dad at all. I guess I'm just confused and worried that I won't be able to adjust to this life. There are so many things to think about…" "You really don't remember me, or how we used to be best friends and tell each other everything?" I asked him after he was done. "Not really; I guess I kind of remember you from when we were little. You looked familiar that first time I saw you in the airport, but I could not place where I knew you from or why," he answered. "And there's another thing. Why don't I remember my childhood before I was taken? How is it that I only remember a couple of things, and vaguely at that?" He sighed, obviously confused and in no mood to try and figure out any of the answers to these questions. Although I could not provide the answers to any of these questions, I did try to help him by distractions. We spent the night baking chocolate chip cookies and burning our mouths when we ate them right after they came out of the oven. We had a lot of fun, although it was not like it used to be when we were little. After we finished making the cookies, we waited for them to cool (unlike the first time around) and then got out the gallon of 2 milk. I poured each of us a huge glass of milk as Derek separated a stack of eight cookies onto two plates, one for each of us. Eating our cookies already, we sat down a table and ate our cookies, laughing as I milk spilled all over the table when I dunked my cookie too far into the glass of milk. We cleaned it up together; I got a washcloth, we it and cleaned the table and he wiped the table with a dish towel so the table would dry more quickly. We spent the remainder of the night just fooling around, flipping through channels as we lay on the couch, quoting funny lines from movies, and eating all of the cookies that we made (except for three that we saved for mom). It doesn't even feel like Derek is my brother, more like my friend, an old friend who used to live next door but moved and then moved back. Like lighting a candle, blowing it out, and years later, lighting it again. It takes so urging for the flame to grow. At first it remains very small, but eventually, almost as if it remembers how to burn brightly, it shoots up into a big flame. My relationship with my brother feels like that. I feel that it isn't going fast enough though; you would think that since he was my twin it would come easier to us right? I just do not know what to think. I guess I have to give it time. Give him time. Maybe tomorrow I will send mom and him on a trip somewhere, so that they can spend time together and learn more about each other. I know that at least mom will be happy to do something with Derek. Let us hope he feels the same way about doing something with her.

July 12th, 2008

Dad bought me a plane ticket for Sunday (the 15th). Adam checked my flight and somehow got a seat next to me on the same flight even though it was supposedly filled up (I guess if you have enough money you can get anything you want). He is really excited about moving, and when I asked him if he was sad since he had to leave all of his childhood behind, he told me that he was not sad in the least- he had me and that is all that he needed, which is the nicest and sweetest thing that anyone has ever said to me. Anyway, I had to hang up on him after he told me this because I needed time to plan an outing for Derek and mom.

Later

I sent them (mom and Derek) to the park. I gave them a picnic basket and a blanket and sent them on their way, dropping them off in Adam's car. Adam let me drive back too, but he didn't stay at my house because he had to keep packing if he was going to be ready to leave with me on Sunday. So I dropped myself off at my house and he drove himself home. I did spend the day constantly texting him though. (I mean, I had to make sure that he was getting all of his packing done, now didn't I? Of course I did.)

July 13th, 2008

Mom said that she had a good time at the park with Derek/Dusk and felt closer to him already. From talking to him she found out about the BBQ chicken man (whose name is Frank, but pronounced 'fir-ankh' like those snooty guys in movies) and what little he remembered about the Rodriguez's. Mom said that she told him all about him when he was little, what games he loved to play, etcetera.

I brought Derek/Dusk to his former room. I didn't tell him where he was going, just led him to the room. He seemed to know where he was going although I had never showed him the room and as far as I know, he had never even looked in it, let alone entered it. I walked with him into the room and sat with him on the bed for a moment as his eyes scanned the room, but after a minute I left him in peace. Getting up from the bed as quietly as possible so I didn't wake him from his trance, I glided into and closed the door without a sound. It must be so weird to come back after so long and see your old room, which you do not even remember.

July 14th, 2008

Today is the last day I will be in Maine for a long time. In a little more than a month school starts. During the school year it is much harder to have time to travel, especially across the country. Of course, I will visit during the holidays, but besides that, there really is not a time that I can come. Adam is full of enthusiasm about going to Arizona and getting set up in his new place. His things were already shipped to his new apartment so they will be ready for him when he arrives. He already went online and found all of the stores nearest to Hamilton, Arizona so we can go shopping for furniture and decorations together. I get to pick out the paint colors and do all the matching since he says he isn't as good at it as me. He will be in charge of the art studio, where the room will be split in half so we can each have our own side.

July 15th, 2008

I'm sitting on the plane with Derek and Adam. Derek? You say. Yes, Derek decided at the last minute that he wanted to come to Arizona with us. He did not say why, but I assume it is because he wants to be with me since I am the one that knows him best. I am glad that he is coming, but nervous about how dad will react and what Derek will think of him. I'm hoping that dad won't have a heart attack… His long lost son, who he assumed was dead in a ditch somewhere, shows up at his house from half way across the country. I am sure that Bethany will be happy to add Derek to the family though. Since she loves kids so much, another one should not make a difference at all. It is just what she wanted. That makes five kids, plus little Miss Breanna, which is six, and the one on the way, which is seven. She only needs five more kids and she will have her twelve, the future that she always wanted. She will fuss over Derek, giving him everything he could ever want and clean up after him as she runs around trying to care for the babies too. It should be a sight. Maybe I will get out the video camera (Okay, now I sound mean. But this is all supposed to be exactly what I am thinking, and that is what I am writing down right now. So don't sue me… please?).

We should be landing within the hour, so I do not have much time to finish writing. I guess I don't have much more to say, so it doesn't matter. Mostly I just feel rushed. There are so many things going on at once, that I don't know how much more I can handle. I will just have to take things one day at a time and if I get upset, go over to Adam's house (apartment, whatever) and stay there for the night as he calms me down (which he can do very well, I might add). Maybe if Derek does not feel comfortable in my house, he can live with Adam for a while. I am sure that Adam wouldn't mind; he has plenty of extra space and Derek wouldn't be much of a problem at all, with all he has on his mind now, he will probably stay silent and locked in a room for the next three months.

Later

We arrived safely in Arizona. Bethany picked us up from the airport, bringing the triplets with her, much to my displeasure. If anything could scare Derek away it is the triplets. Especially since all that they do is wail at the top of their lungs every time we are out in public. Bethany did not question our new friend (Derek), probably thinking that he had just tagged along with us to see what my new house and family was like. She was very hospitable, checking to makes sure he did not want something to drink and eat. He politely declined, claiming that he was still full from the pretzels that they gave us to snack on during the plane ride. Weaving through people and reuniting families gathered in clumps in the airport, we finally reached the door and walked to the parking lot, where the van was parked. We piled in, followed by the triplets. It took us forty-five minutes to get out of the parking lot alone, since it took nearly a half an hour to get all three babies buckled in their little cradle seats. It was a fun experience (of course). The ride was short, only about another half an hour from the airport to where we live. Bethany let us turn on whatever radio station that we wanted to, so we got busy looking for the right one. We finally found one, somewhere in the 100's. The rest of the car ride flew by even though I wasn't sitting next to Adam or Derek (I had to sit in the front seat while they were pushed to the way back so that they triplets could sit in the first backseat row. All three of them fell asleep on the way home, instantly stopping their crying as we buckled them up in the car.

Dad was not home when we got there; supposedly he was shopping for a food at the grocery store. He never went shopping for us when he lived at our house. We only had a few minutes to wait though, for he arrived five minutes later. He walked in the door with two big brown grocery bags filled to the brim, one in each hand. When he saw me he told me how glad he was that I was home, saying hi to Adam, and stopping altogether when he was Derek. His mouth opened in shock and surprise and his arms seemed to give out, the bags falling to the floor and their contents spilling and splashing all over the kitchen floor. "Dusk?" He murmured to himself in disbelief. "How did you…, why are you…," he stammered, clearly confused. "Dad, the agency found him. We have got him back!" I tried to sound cheerful and tried to make my dad get the picture. He would scare Derek off if he kept acting like this. I moved to Derek's side, leaning up as I tired to put my arm around his shoulders. He was so much taller than me that I had to stand on my toes to even be able to get my arm around his shoulders. Derek looked down at me, smiling, trying not to laugh at how much effort it took just for me to put and arm around him. I could see him trying not to laugh, and for the first time, I saw that his smile was truly genuine- it reached his eyes.

July 16th, 2008

Dad took the news quite well, coming out of his stupor after only a few minutes (although it felt like hours because of the way that he was staring at us). He is still in shock, but he is quite happy to have his son returned to him. I am not sure if Derek likes him or not, but I hope they learn to get along. It would be very upsetting for dad if his son didn't want to be around him. I bet that dad is going to take Derek out somewhere within this next week to get acquainted with him. Knowing dad it will be something sports related and will require lots of energy and effort, especially if Derek does not play sports very well. As far as I know, the only sport that he ever was on a team for was swimming. He still does it today, but usually during the summer time instead of during the school year when he has other activities after school to go to.

Later

Dad asked Derek to go to the field with him tomorrow. Derek did not seem to have a choice, so he said yes, knowing that there was no way out of it. I can see dad right now, I am sitting in the backyard writing and he is in the garage sorting though the piles of sports equipment, looking for everything that he will take with him tomorrow. I watch him as he grabs bats, baseballs, gloves, masks, pucks, sticks, padding, basketballs, footballs, mouth guards. He loads it all in the trunk of his worn out car, a miniature punch buggy that he thought made him look cool. I can tell that now, he just wants to wear it down so he won't have to drive it anymore. The light green paint is chipping, revealing rust stains underneath that can not be hidden by any means. Finally after shoving the last tennis racket into the trunk, he slams it closed (the only way it would close since it was packed full of so much stuff). He ran back into the house, as happy as I have ever seen him and ran through the house until he found Derek in the guest bedroom and told him that he was all set for tomorrow and to make sure that he remembered to wear clothes that could get ruined.

The house is quiet today, since the grandparents came up and took Annabelle, Conner, and Zach to their house for a couple of days. I am not exactly sure when they are coming back, but as mean as it sounds, I'm glad that they are gone, since now I can write in peace. I called Adam while it was still quiet, asking him about his new apartment and how he liked it. He went on about how much he loved it, but he also said that he needed my help to add some finishing touches and to shop for furniture. His parents gave him a check for 35,000 dollars to buy everything that he wants, so it should be fun since we don't have to watch out for high prices.

July 17th, 2008

Dad and Derek went on their little sports outing this morning. Both came back with bruises down their arms and legs. "We are obviously not very good at playing," panted my dad as he made his way into the house, clutching onto tables, chairs, and counters when he could. He had hurt his knee when he slid into home, so I got an ice pack for him while Derek just sat at the table looking worn out but otherwise unharmed at the moment. I turned on the small television in the kitchen, handing the remote to dad as I walked out of the room to find something to do that was productive. Heading to my room I called Adam, asking him what he was doing. After assuring me that I had not interrupted anything, just him lying on the couch reading a book, he invited me over. When I got to the front door though, I decided that I had better take Derek with me.

Later

I sent Derek to live at Adam's house for the time being. He seems uncomfortable around anyone but me. I think that Adam will be a good person for him to stay with. He knows him pretty well, can trust him since he is so responsible and is my boyfriend, etc. Dad seems upset about the whole thing, but what were we going to do, let him stay here and be uncomfortable his whole life? I think not. Dad will get over it, especially since Derek should be back here almost every day. He just needs a place to sleep and a room of his own where he can have peace and quiet. After all that he has been though, he deserves at least that.

Bethany is going back to work starting on the 1st of August. Since she is pregnant yet again, she needs to work for as much time as she possibly can. When the new baby is born she will have to take off again, and I am sure that the company won't like it. What are those models ever going to do? They just might have to put on their own makeup for once (gasp). Since there are three of them, we need to hire two capable nannies who will be able to get along with each other. We don't want them fighting while we are not around, and certainly not around the babies. I helped Bethany post fliers around the town, plus we put an ad in the paper. Interested people have to be interviewed. So far, we have three ladies scheduled to be interviewed tonight starting at seven. I get to help her interview them and give my input for the 'final judging,' as I like to call it. There is the bell right now. I will give you the details later.

Much Later

The first woman that showed up was an older lady with graying hair. Her name was Ms. Ann Walter. She had an easy, genuine smile and when she talked, her voice sounded almost melodic. Looking at her resume and references, she had plenty of experience and seemed promising. I really liked her, especially the way she talked. Although she looked like she could be someone's grandmother, she had a spring in her step as she walked, as if she was just happy about life. She lived to enjoy it.

A half an hour later, only a few minutes after Ms. Walter had left, Mr. Lee James, the only make who had requested an interview, arrived. He looked to be in his early thirties, but he had wrinkles, etched deep into his face. He walked with a struck out all over the place. He walked with a limp, dragging his left foot; slow, but mobile. His black hair stuck out all over the place. He looked like he was partially Asian. He squinted when he looked at you, as if it was hard for him to see. I ushered him in the door, leading him slowly to the living room. He sat down on the couch as Bethany entered the room. "Hi Mr. James, how are you? I'm Bethany Shihadeh. You are here for an interview for the position of child caretaker?" She made the job sound demanding, sophisticated, and proper, all at once. Mr. James responded by nodding and handing her the creaseless manila folder, stuffed with multi-colored papers. Bethany opened the folder, shuffling through the various papers. "There must be at least thirty recommendations here," Bethany said in astonishment. Suddenly shy and modest, the man stammered, saying that he just 'tried to do things well.' Bethany asked him a few questions about other jobs that he had previously, why he wanted this particular job and if he had taken care of children before during his life. He answered the questions, giving as detailed answers as possible. By the end of the interview he was hired. "You start on the 25th of this month. Be here by seven and bring spare clothes," she announced. He smiled, obviously delighted. "Thank you very much, Mrs. Shihadeh," he said as he made his way to the door. "You will not be sorry."

The last person who had an interview arrived late. She had already gotten off to a bad start. When she arrived ten minutes late, she came to the door, fumbling in her packed bag for her papers. I let her in, showing her the way to the living room. I let Bethany take care of this one, knowing that there was a pretty good chance that she would not hire her. I overheard snippets of their conversation, at times too muffled to understand, but others as clear as day. "Thanks for coming in Ms. Schmitt. I will give you a call about the job." I heard the front door close, and footsteps in the hallway.

"Well that lady just wasted a half an hour of my life," complained Bethany as she sat down at the table. She looked exhausted. Conner had trouble sleeping through the night, and although Annabelle and Zach also woke her up, Conner could not stay asleep for even an hour. "You should go take a nap. I will cook tonight, it is the least I can do after taking in my brother without complaint. Plus, you look like you could use the rest. If you do not care, I will invite Adam and Derek over to eat with us too. Maybe I will make Fettuccini Alfredo and brownies." I walked over to my step mom; firmly grasping her arm she walked her to her bedroom and closed the door behind her. Full of excitement, I sprinted to the kitchen, flinging open cabinets and dialing Adam's number at the same time. He picked on the first ring, asking me what was up. I cordially invited him and Derek over for dinner in an hour and a half. The teased me, asking if I was the maid, but agreed to come and to bring the dessert. Check brownies off the list. I grabbed two pots from the open cabinets, one large, and the other one fairly smaller. I grabbed a small pot after I thought that it might be a good idea to make a side dish: broccoli. Filling the smallest pot with only an inch or two of water, I placed it on the burner and turned it on high. I cut up the head of broccoli that was residing in the fridge while I filled the biggest pot halfway with water and setting it to boil on the stove, beside the broccoli's pot. I went on like this, cooking away for nearly an hour. I added the noodles and broccoli to the boiling water, managing to steam the broccoli to perfection without ever being taught. I cheated and used a mix to make the cheesy sauce. It all turned out perfectly though, and as I dumped the Fettuccini Alfredo into a large serving dish, Bethany walked into the kitchen, sniffing the air and mmming at the smell. She set the table for me while I placed the dishes on the table and retrieved our choices of beverages from the fridge and pantry. I was filling each glass with ice as the boys arrived, hungry and ready for some food. They brought chocolate cake, which could have only been made by Adam, who did not like to bake unless it was a dessert. He also knew that chocolate was one of my favorite food groups. I smiled up at him, beaming. "I knew I could get a smile like that out of you if I brought chocolate," he whispered in my ear as he bent down to give me a kiss. Instead, he reached his hand up, dragging one finger across my jaw, the lightest of touches, yet sending chills up my spine. Good chills; excited chills.

We called dad to dinner. He came galloping out of his room when he heard the words 'food' and 'dinner.' He stared at the table as he entered the room, clearly liking what he was seeing. "Isabelle cooked this all by herself," Bethany said with pride in her voice. Could she be proud? Of me? It almost didn't make sense. We sat down to dinner, almost forgetting to say Grace. We said it hurriedly, not wanting to waste another moment when we could be stuffing our faces. Surprisingly, it was a great meal, just enough to fill us up. We all saved room for dessert; by the end of dinner all of us were eyeing the chocolate cake; the ultimate prize. The boys cleared the table, their price for the meal. Over the clanking of the plates wailing could be heard. The babies, only a minute ago sleeping peacefully were awake and ready to receive attention. As Bethany ran to take care of them, I brought out the chocolate cake, placing it nearest my place setting on the table. I called for Derek to get the cake and pie cutter and began cutting it into pieces right away. I left one piece that was bigger than the others. That piece was reserved for me. I placed that piece on my plate before anyone else had a chance to claim it. I served the rest of the family before I ate the cake, and only started eating once everyone was good and settled in their seats once again. The cake was from heaven. It was not like heaven, it was heaven. I savored every bite even though I wanted to wolf it down. Nothing can ever compare to that cake. Except maybe Adam, but he is an exception to that strict rule.

The boys went home a couple of hours afterwards, dragging me along with them. I got to visit Adam's apartment for the first time, although I was too tired to really enjoy it. I slept in the room he had chosen specifically for me, the biggest room of them all with domed ceilings and bay windows. This was the nicest apartment that I had ever been in. The room was painted gold, which I never thought was even possible. Obviously it is. The room shimmers and gleams with every beam of light. I felt like I was in an Egyptian pyramid and I was the pharaoh. The furniture had a hint of gold in it, accenting the bright gold on the walls. All I needed was a mummy and we could claim that the room was an Ancient Egyptian exhibit. I loved the room. I still love it. It has a way of making me happy every time that I walk into it. This is the kind of room that I needed at my house. I had a feeling that I would be spending a lot more time here than at my actual house. Besides the regular furniture like a king sized bed, a dresser, and a nightstand, there were three bookshelves packed with young adult books. Every type of book was there whether it was fiction, fantasy, non-fiction, historical fiction, biography. You name it, it was there. And it was all for me. He did this all for me. Yet again he amazed me. There was a post-it note on the bookshelf that was in the shape of a heart. It read "What do you think I have been doing all of this time? Love, Adam." I put the post-it not in my memory box (a box where I put all of my keepsakes); it will be in there for all time; remembered. I flopped down on the bed, the softest bed that has ever been made, ever dreamed of. I fell asleep almost instantly after I lay down. I had to be careful with this bed- I have to remember not sit down on it if I do not intend to take a long, long nap.

July 20th, 2008

I woke up in the golden room. The curtains were open, letting the sun beat filter through the opened blinds. The walls glittered as the light hit them, they danced, a show for the new girl. Haha. I felt lighter waking up in Adam's house (well apartment, but same difference). It was as if all my worries were washed away with the tide, leaving behind a starfish, my star, my Adam. I stumbled out of my room, nearly tripping over my own feet. I could smell chocolate chip pancakes and heard bacon sizzling in the pan. Derek was at the stove attending to the bacon while Adam was stacking pancakes onto three separate plates. Four huge pancakes for each of us. "Do you guys do this every morning," I questioned. "No, only when we have the loveliest of company," Adam replied as he wrapped his arms around me from behind. I leaned into his hug and stayed in his arms, content, until Derek placed a plate of bacon on the table. With the finishing touch having been added, I could not just stand and watch. I vigorously attacked my breakfast, enjoying the chocolate and the crispiness of the bacon. My day was going to be a good one, I could just feel it.

I left his house around one, not wanting to stay the whole day when he had plenty of work to do around the house and still some back in Maine, where he had to finish tying all the strings. I walked down the block to Starbucks. After ordering, I turned around, intending to walk back to my house, when I spotted Mr. Calafiore. He was 'refueling' for the writing he was about to go home and work on. Since I did not have any plans for the day, we stayed at Starbucks for the rest of the day, occupying one of the largest tables with his laptop and my writing that I ran home to get. He read my pieces and reviewed them, telling me how I could do better and what was really good, what he liked best.

Between the golden throne room, the pancakes and bacon, and writing all day with a Mocha Frappuccino in one hand, this was indeed a great day. Hopefully tomorrow would hold the same.

July 21st, 2008

After spending a whole day (yesterday) writing, I was worn out; haggard. I slept until noon and woke up to Adam shaking me gently. Waking up and seeing his smiling face looming above me made a perfect start to my day. Any morning is good as long as I have him. He waited outside the door for me to get changed, then took me to his car and drove off with me, headed to unknown places.

We ended up going to Chuckie Cheese's. It was fun; we must have bought all the coins in the place. We ended up buying 500 coins, a new high for me at least (I have only bought 150 before). We must have played every game in the whole place. I earned enough tickets to buy a whole preschool class one of the biggest prizes. With Adam's tickets besides, there were more than enough to go around. Together we played ski ball; whenever I threw the ball, it just rolled back down the ramp. Adam, on the other hand, threw his perfectly and got in the 150 or 200 slot each time. I was envious of him, and I told him so. He only chuckled, amused by my declaration of jealousy. At the end of the day, we went to the ticket counter machine and fed it the tickets. Each time you put tickets into the slot, the machine made a munching noise as if it was actually eating the tickets. It was funny and I laughed at it, amused and having the most fun just by feeding it tickets. So much for the games. Just get me one of those machines for my birthday and I will be good for the rest of my youth. We ended up winning 14,758 tickets; at least that is what the machine told us. We were able to buy a purple glittery lava lamp. I intend to put in my room at my dad's house. It will not go with the gold in my room at Adam's. He brought me home, pulling into the driveway swiftly, but stopping me before I got out kiss me. I had been so long since I had been really alone with him. I let him take advantage of my vulnerability for a moment, but pulled away soon afterwards. I was sure that my dad had heard Adam's car pull into the driveway, and if I did not get in the house soon enough, he would come looking for me. Reluctantly I got out of the car, thanking Adam again and again for a fun day. I trudged into the house with my new lava lamp, worn out after playing ski ball and whack a mole so many times. I lie on my bed and fall asleep to the sound of the television in the room down the hall.

July 22nd, 2008

I went over to Lauryn's today. She has not been home until now, having run off to some other place with her boyfriend again. I invited myself over, knowing that Mrs. Kohlman and Nicole had gone out shopping for the day. She answered the door in her pajamas. She had on long sleeved pajama shirt and sweatpants. I wondered why she was wearing warm clothing if it was the middle of summer, but I decided not to question her. If my suspension was proved correct there would be enough to talk about later. She invited me in while she got changed in her bedroom. I sat down on the couch, turning on the television as I waited for her. She was back in a minute, again in long sleeves and pants. She sat down next to me, wincing as if sitting had hurt. Turning to her, I asked her bluntly if Damien was hurting her. At first she denied it, pretending that she had no idea what I was talking about, but eventually she admitted that he at least had a strong temper. I worked on her the whole day, muting the television when I wanted to talk to her. One time I pulled up her sleeve to reveal a series of large bruises running up the length of her arm. She said nothing, just pulled her sleeve down and looked away as if embarrassed. As the day came to an end, I stopped Lauryn before she could tell me to go home. "Lauryn, you need to let him go, you may like him, but he is hurting you. There is no excuse on earth that should allow him to hurt you." I pulled her into my arms. At first she was unwilling and struggled to get away, but after I kept her in place, she relaxed and warmed up to me. I held her as she cried, which she did for a while. She was comforted by me, at least it seemed that way. When her tears had dried (but not my shirt), I asked her to explain everything to me. She told me that there really was not anything to tell except that he was so nice at first, but after a while his anger took over him and he would hit her for anything she said. She learned to stay silent, but that did not stop him. He hit her anyway, just because he felt like. Because he was angry all the time and that was the only way he could get rid of it. His father had abused him when he was younger and now that he was older, he was abusing other people. I told her that she had to break up with him. "I think he skipped town after I told him that I would tell my grandma. I have not seen him in days. He won't return my calls," she said as she rubbed her eyes. I was glad that the scumbag had gone; if he ever came back to town, he would have to deal with me and whoever decided to back me up. I took Lauryn over to my house, leaving a note for Mrs. Kohlman, telling her where she was. I called Adam, asking if the two of us could come over and have a girl's night in my giant bedroom. He agreed and picked us up a few minutes later. We went straight to my room when we got there. We lay down on my king sized bed and turned on my iHome. Music poured from the speakers as I went for a kitchen run. I made popcorn, grabbed cookies, chips, ice cream, and all the toppings for the ice cream from the pantry. After dumping the stuff on my dresser, I ran back to the kitchen to get all the bowls I could carry and two spoons for the ice cream. We feasted on the food, eating almost all of it and not caring how much weight we would gain. Adam came into our room later on in the night to check on us and make sure that we were both okay. Assured that we were, he turned to leave when he saw Derek walk into the room. "Oh, Lauryn this is my long lost brother, Dusk, but now Derek," I said, turning to her. She stared at his as if transfixed as he walked over and offered her his hand. She took it, shaking it vigorously as if she was really excited about meeting him although I was not sure if I had even mentioned to her that we had found my twin. Adam dragged Derek out of the room soon afterwards, obviously wanting us to feel comfortable. As soon as they were gone Lauryn was returned to her former self. "Why didn't you tell me that your brother was gorgeous beyond belief? How can you leave out such an important fact???" She kept questioning me beyond belief about my brother. I answered all I could, but I really do not know too much about my twin myself. She made me go out to the living/dining room with her so that she could see him again. We sat on the couch and watched television for a couple of minutes; eventually Derek came out and sat down on the end of the couch. I got up a minute later and went to find Adam, leaving the two of them alone. Finding him in his bedroom, I sat down next to him on the bed. "I think Lauryn really likes Derek," I told him, wanting to know what he would think on the whole situation. "Derek said to me that he thought she was really nice. Maybe this can work out. We will just have to wait and see, now won't we Mrs. Darcy?" He laughed as he leaned forward to kiss my forehead. The remainder of the night flew by. All Lauryn could think about was Derek, so I just had to go along with all her schemes to see him. She would lay down flat on the floor and look under the door to see if she could see him. She would open the door just a crack and check for him there. It seemed that every second of the night was taken up by Derek and he was not even in the room. I fell asleep listening to Lauryn talk about Derek and how nice and how gorgeous he was.

July 23rd, 2008

Ms. Walter and Mr. James (we didn't hire the third lady that came for an interview) came over today in order to be briefed on what they needed to know in order to take care of the babies. Bethany showed them where the formula was, how much they got, how long it should be heated for, etc. She also showed them the nursery, bright yellow in color and filled with all the stuffed animals produced on earth. She explained how things operated and gave them phone numbers to call during an emergency. She told them that they can ask me anything if I am at home, but to make sure that they leave me alone so that I can get my work done. Like I have any work (well, besides the writing stuff that Mr. Calafiore gave me to do). Anyway, after Bethany was finished explaining all of that, I was given the task of showing them around the house (giving them a tour). I led them through the house, showing them where the bathrooms were, how to use the stove, the laundry room (so they could wash their clothes if the babies got them messy), and finally, the bathroom closet filled with cleaning supplies; you never know what can happen when you have three babies around.

Mr. James and Ms. Walter seemed very excited about taking care of Zach, Conner, and Annabelle. Neither of them has any children and has never been married. And although they never knew each other, they have already become fast friends, able to know what the other is thinking. They stand and walk next to each other as if they had done it all their lives; there is a sense of familiarity between them even though I know for a fact that they have never met before this morning. They talk really fast; so fast that I can not understand any of what they are saying to each other. Maybe they are having a private conversation that they do not want anyone to hear. They are close to each other in age, Ms. Walter older than Mr. James, but only by a few years it seems. Ms. Walter looks older than she really is; the saggy clothes that she wears do nothing to help her needy appearance. Maybe this is the start of a relationship. If it is, I am glad that my family is responsible for brining them together. After all, it is pretty hard to hate someone that you work with every day. As the time goes on there is only one way for them to grow: closer.

Dad got a promotion: now instead of delivering the packages at Fed Ex, he gets to handle the hiring of new employees, the firing of employees, and the delivery of the packages. He does not know exactly how he got a promotion, or so fast either. He said maybe it was that he had started fresh in a new place and they did not know anything about him: there is nothing for them to have against him since they do not know anything. He is very excited and is taking Bethany out to dinner. He invited me, but I offered to stay home and watch the babies as long as they hire me some help. The called a fifteen year old that lives over two blocks to come and help me. It will be nice to have a night to myself (well, for the most part). I think that I will have a nice relaxing night finishing my book Mr. Darcy's Diary. It is really good; the plot is the same as Pride and Prejudice. In fact, the whole book is just like Pride and Prejudice, only it is written from Mr. Darcy's standpoint (his diary).

Later

Heather, the babysitter arrived right on time at six thirty. She brought with her a small book bag. As she walked in the door she greeted us as she took off her shoes and left them by the front door along with her bag. She followed us into the kitchen where Bethany had written out a list of things to be cautious of with the triplets. She left little notes like 'I left milk already made in the fridge, but make sure to heat it up in the microwave!' If she had any questions, she was to ask me. I went to my room as they walked out of the front door. Sitting down, I retrieved my book from the nightstand and immediately began to read, devouring the book. By seven thirty I had finished my book. Not once I had I put it down. Satisfied and refreshed, I made a note on my pad that said that I have finished Mr. Darcy's Diary. Yes, I write down every book that I read. I started this the summer before seventh grade and have not stopped yet. I mean, how else would I be able to remember what I read when I am older. Maybe someday I will want to reread some of these books; then I will have them listed neatly and I will be able to pick out the one that I wish to read.

An abrupt knock on the door brought me back to reality. Lazy and not wanting to get up I called for Heather to come in. She did, and from her exhausted face I knew she was getting worn out quickly. "Conner will not stop crying," she said, exasperated. She led the way to the nursery as I got up from my bed. I could hear Conner's loud, echoing wail as soon as I stepped into the hallway. He was in his cradle, his fists pounding the air and his feet kicking. I picked him up carefully, not wanting to drop him if he accidentally hit me. He quieted under my touch as I rocked him back and forth. All he needed was a little urging. Suddenly tired, I sat down in the rocking chair, keeping Conner in my arms and rocking back and forth. My eyelids grew heavy; too heavy to keep them open any longer. Sighing, I fell asleep with Conner in my arms. He was so cute, especially when he is sleeping…

I woke up to Heather shaking me. "Your parents are home," she whispered. I woke with a start at the mention of dad. Glancing at the clock, I noticed that it was almost nine thirty. I had been asleep for nearly two hours. Conner was still in my arms resting peacefully. I gently rocked him as I stood up and placed him back in his blue cradle (blue for Conner, pink for Annabelle, and yellow for Zach). We walked together to meet my parents in the kitchen. They paid Heather, and asked her how the babies were. She told them that they were good except when Conner kept crying and I had to come in and help her. Thanking me too, they talked to Heather for only a moment longer before they offered to drive her home. "Oh, it is only two blocks down, I can walk, but thank you," she said politely. I walked her to the front door, telling her to come see me soon. I went back to my dad, giving him a hug and asking him if they had had a nice dinner. He told me that it was, and thanked me for staying and helping with the kids. One day soon he would take me out, just the two of us, he said.

July 25th, 2008

Ms. Walter and Mr. James started their first day on the job today. They walked in the door at the same time, already babbling away to each other. They greeted everyone, wishing them a good morning as they made their way to the nursery. The way they entered, said hello, and went to work already seemed like a routine for them and for me as well. It was almost as if I could remember them coming in like this every day for the past month. Weird. Anyway, they were merry as they cared for the triplets, talking to them, reading to them, singing to them- feeding, and burping them. They went about their tasks like pros. Happy pros nonetheless. I sat in the nursery with them, reading a story to Zach. I never really enjoyed spending time with my brothers and sisters since they are so small, but today I was having fun reading The Puppy Who Wanted a Boy. It is a story about a puppy who asks his mother for a little boy for Christmas. It goes farther than that, accompanying him on his journey to find a little boy. The book is cute and had pretty pictures, just right for babies even if they do not truly look at the pictures.

The rest of the day I spent on my laptop looking up things that I could get to make Adam's apartment even better while I talked to him on the phone at the same time. It was fun- I must have checked all the sites on the World Wide Web. I did not find much, only a few things here or there like curtains and nice plates to serve food on. The fun part was ordering the stuff though. Adam let me order online with his credit card! I really do not know why I find it so fun to type in numbers on the computer, but for me it is.

Adam said that Derek has made a couple of new friends, Kyle and Rustle. They seem nice enough, he assured me as I inquired about them. They are in our grade and love skateboarding but are surprisingly polite and well mannered. They leave their boards outside and they remember to take off their shoes when they walk in the front door. I was glad that he found some new friends. The only other person that he really talked to before is Lauryn. Speaking of Lauryn, she says that it is going well with Derek and that they have become closer than ever. He went over to her house a couple of days ago and is considerate of her, never taking advantage and always worried if she is all right. He even got her ice and wrapped it up in towels when he noticed that her bruises seemed to be causing her pain. There is a chance for a happy ending for them too.

July 26th, 2008

Lauryn called me at the crack of dawn this morning. She said that she tried her best to wait, but she could not wait another minute to tell me that she was going out with Derek. She has been talking to him online throughout the whole night and she is wired on caffeine and new love. She wants to come over, and since I am already awake and there is no way I could fall asleep now, I told her that was fine. She rushed over, not bothering to be quiet as she ran through the house to get to my room. Once inside, she closed the door loudly and plopped down onto my bed, launching into a story about how she and Derek loved all the same things. They are going out tomorrow night for their first date at the steakhouse in town. She has already picked out her dress and just needs to find the perfect earrings to go with it. Her dress is a pink/salmon color, covered in sparkles. It is a halter instead of actual straps and cuts sideways at the bottom instead of a straight line. She went on about her date for nearly an hour: I timed it. I listened patiently; glad that my brother and my friend can both be happy at the same time.

Later

I just received a call from Derek. I talked to him for over an hour, talking about his new girlfriend, how he liked it here in Arizona, what he thought of Adam, dad, and the rest of the family. He seems to like everyone although he is not the fondest of dad (probably because he was the one that got him all battered and bruised during 'bonding'). The biggest and most important thing that he said was that he decided to change his name back to Dusk! He feels that he has finally found himself, the part of him that has been in hiding while he was missing. Now that he has found his family and has made friends, he is ready to be called the name that was made for him. He seems very excited that he has finally come to this conclusion and is using his birth name.

July 27th, 2008

Things are still good with Dusk. He loves his new name- he says it makes him feel unique and he also said that he had his own nickname now without even having to change his real name. He seems psyched for his date with Lauryn tonight. He went out a bought a dozen pink roses for her this morning. He said that roses at the start of a date are good luck; it means that you will have a successful date. I do not know where he learned that or if it is true, but it is fine with me. I know that Lauryn will be touched that he thought of her and even happier that he took the time to go and buy her something.

Later

Lauryn just got back from her first real date. Damien never took her out, just brought her to California where he decided to lose his temper on her. Fun, fun. Anyway, Lauryn said that Dusk picked her up at her house at six o'clock sharp. He rang the bell and waited patiently in the foyer for her to come downstairs. When she reached the door he told her how beautiful she looked, put her jacket on for her, grabbed her hand led her to the car (driven by Adam of course). When they got into the car Dusk handed her the roses. That is when she started crying because everything was so perfect. At first Dusk thought that he had done something wrong, something that upset her, but he soon figured out with Adam's help that she was just very happy and positively touched that he had done so much for her when it was only their first date. They reached the steakhouse without any more tears shed. They were given the best table (Adam yet again had 'connections') and served by the best waiter. They both ordered cokes and filet mignon. She said that it was the best steak she has ever had; better than the steak at Outback Steakhouse and that says something (according to her). They had a quiet dinner, neither of them talking too much, but she said that they shared that 'connection' that did not require you to talk. They did talk before the meal came. They talked about their favorite movies. They both love Transformers; do not ask me why they are so in love with it. They both talk about it nonstop and love to recite lines from the movie. Lauryn has the soundtrack on her iPod and plays it to fall asleep every day. I guess I never mentioned this obsession to you before, but I try not to embarrass my friends in my writing- she had this one coming though. Anyway, they had a great time together. They ordered the lave cake that comes with ice cream on top. They split the dessert since they were so full from dinner, but Lauryn said that she would have given anything to be able to eat a whole on of those on her own. The lava cake part was hot, and when you took a bite out of it, the lava began to flow down the sides. It was really hot, gooey, and chocolaty, and the vanilla ice cream offset it perfectly (or that is what they said anyway. Maybe it really was not good at all, but they just dreamt that this happened).

July 28th, 2008

This is Bethany's third day back on the job. The first two days she came home tired and frustrated, complaining that her boss just loved to throw work on her when she to back. Hopefully today is better for her. At least she knows that he children are being taken care of very well. Mr. James and Ms. Walter stay with them all day, never taking a break, not even for lunch. They eat on the job and read to the babies while they nibble on their lunches. I think that they are crazy. Maybe since they never had any children of their own, these three are the ones that they never had and they would already go to all ends of the earth to help them. I go in to help them sometimes, but not as much as I wish I could and that I think I should. If that makes any sense at all… I know that Conner, Annabelle, and Zach are getting all the attention that they deserve. They are probably only getting this attention for the first time too, since there are three of them and only one of Bethany, who is the person who usually takes care of them (unless she is taking a break; then dad reluctantly fills in for her). I hope she stays with her work; I like having the nannies around- they have good stories and advise. They are fun to talk to, unlike many people that I know. And they never treat me like a child while all the other adults do. They talk to me as if I am their equal even though I am probably thirty years younger than them and plenty less experienced. I just noticed- they make me feel like I am with Adam. The way they treat me is similar to the way he treats me. I have never met any other people who could do that, but now I can. I wish I could find some way to thank them for listening and caring.

July 29th, 2008

Adam came over and hung out with me all day. We watched the news, which was 'new' for us. We spent the time making fun of the news broadcasters and imitating them. I pretended to be the weather man on television, pointing at the wall and explaining to Adam that there would be clear skies for the remainder of the week. When the commercial was over the news came back on, announcing the crash of a plane not too far away from here, actually. They believe that the cause of the crash was another plane hitting them. There was a huge dent on the side of the plane that could only have been made while it was in the air, and it was the perfect size for a plane. "The plane took off in Maine and was supposed to land in Arizona when it was believed to have been hit by another plane," the broadcaster read to us in a monotone voice. There were three survivors on a plane filled with ninety nine passengers. The survivor's names were announced. By that time I was not paying attention. If my mom were coming to visit me, she would have been on that flight. I had to make sure that if she ever planned on coming to visit me in Arizona she would find a safer way to fly, or at least come by car. Adam stayed for the rest of the day, carrying around the house like a queen and laughing about it. By the end of the night I had not walked even a foot the whole time.

Later

Dusk came over looking panicked. I invited him in, wondering if this was a girl problem, maybe something about Lauryn. He sat down on the couch, sitting on the very edge so that he looked as if he was about to fall off of it. "What is it Dusk, what is wrong?" He stared at me for a long moment, afraid to admit what was bothering him. "When I firs me mom, we had a really good time together. At the end, I left, wanting to be with you and to meet my dad, but I knew that mom was going to come to Arizona to 'surprise' visit us soon. She left yesterday night to come here and she still has not made it. She should have been here hours ago, but she is missing. She will not answer her cell phone and I double checked at her house- she is not there," he sighed, long and deep, letting it all out. I did not make the connection for a long time, but eventually I thought of a plane. Mom would have flown down, not wanting to waste precious mirage on her car, or the money for gas. My mind flashed back to the television. Just an hour ago, something about a plane crashing not too far from here was announced. I stared at the television, openmouthed, and then turned to Dusk for conformation. Once he saw my face he nodded, not exactly knowing how to handle the fact that our own mother could be dead at this very moment in time. I would not give her up, I would not accept the fact that mom was gone. I tried to convince myself that she was one of the three survivors, but I knew that I recognized no one's names when they read them off. I had to do something; anything. So I called the only person that I knew could help: Ms. Walter. When she heard my panic stricken voice she was already off of the phone and dashing to her car. Five minutes later, she showed up at the house, hastily dressed. She must have been in her pajamas when I called. Dusk talked to Ms. Walter, explaining the situation. She immediately picked up the phone and began to dial numbers. She talked to many people; speaking too softly into the phone for me to hear, I left the room, knowing that there was nothing I could do at this second. I wished that dad and Bethany would stay out. I did not want dad involved in anything having to do with my mom. He had already hurt her enough. She would not even have been trying to fly here unless I was here, which is thanks to dad. At that moment, I hated him. I hated him for splitting up our family, I hated him for not trying to connect with Dusk, I hated him for having other children with Bethany, and without even asking me. Everything that he did he did not ask me to do. No, I am not saying that he had to ask my permission to do this or that, but it would have been nice, especially since dragged me away from my own mother, house, friends, and childhood memories. He is a monster.

Ms. Walter stayed on the phone for nearly and hour before she came out of the kitchen, looking defeated and close to tears. "I am so sorry children, but your mother is not coming back; she perished in the crash." I collapsed to the floor, sobbing. My tears were a continuous flow of water; enough to make a river, but there was no way to stop them. Not unless we could bring mom back. She is never coming back.

July 31st, 2008

I am sitting here, unable to stand, staring at the urn containing my mom. I never thought that it would come to this, but my mom is gone. For good. She will not come back and I never got a real chance to say goodbye and tell her how much I loved her. There were so many things that I wish I could have done before she was gone. Her body was too damaged by the crash that we were unable to have a proper viewing. She was cremated; dad said that she would have wanted to be. Who knows anymore though? I am trying to be optimistic, but it is hard. I guess the one good thing is that my family is all together and so are my friends. All of them came with me to the funereal; they are all crowded around me right now, not minding that I am writing during my own mother's funeral. I cannot stand it as the priest says a closing prayer and lowers her meager remains into the ground. I sob, unable to stop myself and covering the pages of my journal with tears. Adam pulls me up from my seat, standing me up next to him. I clutch onto his shirt and jacket, soaking it though and not caring in the least. My family and friends surrounding me, I could feel their love, radiating off of them and surrounding me. I squeezed Adam to reassure myself. He was the one thing is this world that I could have, the one thing that I did have. It was all going to be okay.

Four Years Later:

We were back in Maine, in the wheat field. The last time we went there he told me that he loved me and that he was moving to Arizona to be with me. He had a horse drawn carriage take me there. Today a similar thing happened. I was lying on the couch with him. It was nearly noon- we had slept in and I was still groggy from sleep. Suddenly, I was whisked off my feet and taken to the driveway, only to find the carriage there in place of the car. I was helped into the carriage by the same man that helped me in four years before. The sights were still amazing and the scenery unheard of. We had another quiet picnic on a burgundy colored blanket and spent most of the day painting. As the day wore on, sunset came and went, the sun replaced by stars and a crescent moon. We lay down, our heads touching as we stared up at the moon and the millions of stars. We stared up at the moon for some time, completely silent until I felt something land softly on my stomach. Curious, I lifted my head to see what it was. I could make out the shape of a square. Retrieving the square, I lifted in a foot in front of my face, trying to make out what it could possibly be. Suddenly, it dawned on me. It was a jewelry box with a silver moon and stars painted on the front, a personal touch that could have only been added by Adam. I inspected the box, turning it over in my hands to see if there was anything that I had missed. I checked for anything that would clue me in on what was inside. I did not want to spoil the surprise; I love being surprised. Quietly sighing, I gave up and opened the fuzzy box, revealing a diamond ring. There was a center diamond, and miniature diamonds wrapping around the side of the ring. There were small light purple stones surrounding the center diamond, which could only have been amethysts. I gasped as I stared at the ring, not sure of what to do next, or how to react. "Isabelle, I love you. I have stuck by you all these years, and I never want to be apart from you. Please say that you will be my wife." I turned my head to look at him. As I stared into his eyes I knew that he was the only one that I would ever be happy with, the only one that I was ever truly happy with. Picking up his hand, I brought it to my lips. "Your hands are cold," I whispered to him. With that he took the box from my hand, took my ring out with the utmost care, and slid it onto my ring finger. "Well then, I guess you will have to fix that Mrs. Darcy, now won't you?" He laughed playfully as he gave me a kiss as light as the touch of a feather. "Let me take you to Derbyshire, where we can do whatever we please," he said. And with that, he yet again whisked me off my feet and carried me to my royal horse drawn carriage.

Ann and Lee, friends since the beginning became even closer. They got married two years ago and adopted a four year old little boy whose parents left him outside in the cold on Christmas day. He was found on the side of the road, scraped up and helpless. Ann snatched him up right away, always glad to be able to nurture someone. They renamed him Barron, which means 'warrior' (he was originally named Jason, but they thought that he deserved a special name, one that was less common and meant something to them). Now he is almost six and started kindergarten this year. I remember going over to their house on his first day off to school. He was so excited and we knew that he was ready to learn anything that they threw at him. He was ready to conquer the world.