An Eye for An Eye by UniqueScoop
Chapter 1: The Way I Want To Be
Summary: Peter Pettigrew has been in the shadow all his life, but at one point he's had enough. He wants the fame, power he desires so much, and will do anything to reach his aims. Lord Voldemort offers him a deal, he will give Peter the acknowledgement he aspires but at a price : Peter will have to join him…
My world is like a ballNever stops bouncing
The drama never-ending
Problems always rising
Until, I'm spinning so fast
Can't stop, can't let go
I don't know where to turn, where to go
Who to turn to, I'm in a daze
With no choice
But one…
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to erase the past? To rub out the parts you wanted to overlook, the sections where you wouldn't ever have to dwell on?
No matter how hard you desire it, you'll never forget, forgive, overlook because life is like a book – you can't tear out the pages you dislike because life doesn't work like that. I had to learn the hard way.
When I was younger, I used to ask my mother where my Daddy was. I was starting to grow up and notice the differences we had to the average family. My mother, a tall blonde-haired, strict, shrewd person, didn't reply, instead, giving me a hard look, narrowing her eyes or completely ignoring me. My Mother wasn't the emotional-type of person; in fact she was the opposite. She hated it when I brought up the subject that linked to him, as far as she was concerned, he didn't exist.
Of course, I didn't understand this. I thought Daddy was away for a while, and was going to make Mummy happy again. I thought Daddy would make life much more better, he, I thought, was our source of happiness. When he came back, Mummy would be nice again.
I used to wait for him by the window, sitting on the windowsill, searching for him, becoming more doubtful and sadder by the hour. I sat there for hours on end. My mother probably thought I was enjoying the surroundings but it was one day, when, out of curiosity, she asked what I was doing.
"But Mummy," I whined, pouting, as she picked me up off the windowsill. " I'm looking for Daddy!"
Mother narrowed her eyes at me, surprised. She crossed her arms, and her posture was hard and straight.
"What? Look, Peter! Let me get something straight," She scolded, her tone low. I could sense her anger, but I was confused – why was Mummy so angry? " Your Father isn't coming back, he never will!"
" But why won't he?" I said, dismayed, my face bowed. I couldn't bear to think that Daddy wasn't coming back. I " He is Mummy! He is! I thought Daddy would make you happy again when he comes back,"
" Your Father make me happy?" She scoffed, snickering bitterly. " He lived to make my life hell! Oh, Peter, listen to me; He left us! He never wanted us ,Peter. You won't ever need your lousy excuse of your father. He doesn't exist in my world!"
Her voice went a few pitches higher, and she threw me a regretful look before she ran out of the room, her blonde-hair whirling around. I think, before she left, I saw traces of tears in the corners of the eyes but I couldn't understand why. I stood in the same spot, staring at where Mother was standing a few minutes ago. I slumped back on the windowsill, flicking my blonde hair out of my eyes, tears streaming down my face. My Dad wasn't coming back. I knew five things that were facts as I let out small sobs:
My Dad wasn't on a work holiday.
He wasn't going to make Mother and I happy again.
He left us. He didn't want us.
He didn't want me.
I sat, with my arms around my head, crying. I had a pounding headache and I wished I never mentioned Father. I knew one thing, and I promised myself, staring blankly on the wall:
I wouldn't ever ask about Father again.
I stand outside in the rain, my hair flopping over my face. I hug my jacket closer to me and shiver slightly. I shake my head and droplets of rain dribble down my face but I make no effort to wipe it off. I look at the surroundings as the wind blows harshly. It's a cold, dark rainy day - matching my mood.
"Whats wrong, Peter? Why are you standing out in the rain?" Lily asks as she comes outside of the Potter Manor. She peers closer and looks at me concerned. She crinkles her eyes, and tilts her head slightly. "It's cold.Your shivering, come inside."
Except I'm not shivering from the cold.
"I used to look at these kind of surroundings when I was younger," I commented, completely evading her question. " Did you know who I was looking for?"
Lily glanced at me uneasily. I never usually acted like this, I was usually the quiet one – rarely opening up. " Who was you looking for Peter?" She asked softly.
" I was looking for a person I'd never find." I laughed humorlessly. "And that person probably never even thought of me. Isn't that weird?"
There was a loaded, tense, silence. It was a few minutes later that Lily probed again,
" Who was that person, Peter?"
"No," I snap out of my mood, and look at her wide-eyed. I look at the now muddy ground, and chew my lip anxiously. "I have to go. See you." I say hurriedly and start walking away from her, my pace getting more faster and faster.
I hear Lily call after me but I've already started to run. I run into the street and round the corner. I look around, but the streets are empty, there's nobody around on a stormy day except me. As I walk on silently, I recognise the street as Charing Cross. I tilt my head so I can see around the corner and I see the tiny grubby-looking pub.
I walk inside, and sit on the stool, wiping my face with the back of my hand. My hands shake as wipe roughly on my face. I close my eyes for a minute, and sit there, deep in thought.
The old feeling of resentment comes rushing back to me. The old days where I stood in the background while Sirius, James and Remus were in the spotlight, admired and liked. I either was ignored, loathed or I was thought as the tag-a-long. Who did not like the Marauders? Lily Evans, I knew, for a long time, would crack soon. There wasn't anybody who could successfully reject James and didn't he know it.
I was nothing, in other people's eyes, compared to James, or Sirius. I even had the most idiotic animal as my animagus. Dimunitive, small and weedy, like the rat I was.
My darling mother was, of course, delighted I'd made friends with admirable, strong-minded people. She loved the fact I had somebody to hang out with, to protect; My dear mother knew I was a target for bullies like Malfoy. She acknowledged them good-naturedly when they came over in a motherly way, whilst giving me an apprehensive look which I could read so clearly:
Why couldn't you be just like them? Why couldn't I be blessed with a person like James Potter or Remus Lupin? Even Sirius Black, any day!
I clench my hands and stare into nothingness as I rock softly on the chair. Tom, the bar manager knocks me out of my reverie, tapping me on the shoulder. " Did you order something? I'm closing soon, you see,"
I did see. "No, I'm going." I stand up and with a blank expression, I walk out, my decision set. I was going to be just as admired, spontaneous and powerful as them. I, for once, was going to be important, needed and essential. Not like the little, foolish rat the Marauders obviously thought I was.
I speed up my pace as I walk past the shops of Diagon Alley. I turn quickly as I see the sign of Knockturn Alley and look for a dark, deserted spot. My eyes widen as I see a small area where the shops have cast a shadow over. I walk slowly to the area and my hands suddenly feel sweaty even though it's not hot. I run one of my hands through my hair as I wait, unpatient. I feel a firm, soft tap on the shoulder and I turned around, looking into the face of Lucius Malfoy. I narrow my eyes as I look back into the blonde Slytherin I hated so much.
Thats a face I haven't seen in a long time.
"Well, well, well. Never thought I'd see the day," He says, sneering at me, as he looked into my spotty face. " A traitor from Gryffindor!" Lucius snorts and looks at me maliciously, and smiles arrogantly, looking down at me.
I blink back at him unswayed.
" Come. The Dark Lord has been expecting you."
Authors Notes: This is my first Harry Potter Fanfiction. As you can see, some parts have been edited, so the story fits in together, and will join together once the other chapters are posted. Peter's motives will be explained more in the next chapter, but you may have guessed what his motives were in joining Lord Voldemort. If not, please stay tuned in for the next chapters. Please read and review, I appreciate every comment made.