This was submitted for JPLE's "Who, What, When, Where Competition" on HPFC, but then I went a bit carried away with the idea and just shrugged away the where and thought it was a PROMPT.

Garrghh. Sorry. SORRY.

his is a dialogue-only story - haven't written one of these before, and it served an interesting write...

Gryffindor 6th Year Boy's Dormitory

'Bloody hell.'

'What? Is it your sudden realisation that you will never, ever end up with Evans and that you have better things to focus on like the rest of the female species and ridding all discrimination on Earth? Have you been struck with the meaning of life? You pregnant?'

'What? No!'

'Good. I was getting worried I was the father for a minute.'

'Even if you were, I hope you understand that I would be far better off raising the child on my own.'

'That wounds me more than you'll ever know, Prongs.'

'Shut up, Padfoot.'

'... so what's the drama then?'

'Just look at these and tell me this is not a drama.'

'...'

'Sirius.'

'...'

'No. Not funny. Nononononooo – what if Evans sees me in these? I'm going to look like a right dolt! She's going to think, "Wow. I used to say that I'd rather make out with the giant squid. Maybe I'd take up the offer with the Hungarian Horntail instead!"'

'You know what they say, pink is the new pink.'

'Stop laughing!'

'Why would Evans ever see you in your undies, anyway?'

'What're you trying to say, Padfoot?'

'I didn't know you usually walk around in your underwear, Prongs.'

'...'

'...'

'...'

'... oh.'

'What if Lily breaks up with what's-his-face because of a sudden sexual and loving attraction towards yours truly? What if she announces her love for me and pulls my trousers down on the spot?'

'In the middle of Transfiguration?'

'No.'

'If you're saying you want to get her drunk beforehand –'

'No! I never – that would be just –'

'Amazing?'

'I was going to say foolish and stupid because it's disregarding my respect for Lily and myself.'

'You have to say, you probably thought of it millions of times before.'

'Well, yeah, obviously, I thought that went without saying.'

'Oh, it did.'

'...'

'That's not a good look, Prongs.'

'What?'

'You're glaring at the damn underwear like its Snivellus, or something.'

'Stop complimenting Snape.'

'Hullo?'

'Moony, James's –'

'Moony! Look what happened!'

'What – oh. Oh.'

'Why wasn't your reaction like that?'

'I actually have a sense of humour.'

'Surprise, surprise.'

'Moony!'

'How did the house elves manage to do that? I didn't know they used washing machines.'

'Washing machines?'

'What the bloody hell is that?'

'Have you been smoking?'

'...'

'Oh, Moony, don't give us that look. It makes me feel empty and soulless.'

'That's what you are, isn't it?'

'OI!'

'Washing machines are a Muggle thing for cleaning clothes – my mum has it. You have to be careful – if you mix up the white clothes with just one red sock, they all turn pink. Like you're, err, underwear.'

'So a sock has made my favourite undies pink.'

'It doesn't have to be a –'

'...'

'...'

'... yes, a sock has made your undies pink.'

'I'm going to kill that damn sock – I'm going to – to make it black, or something, or – or punch holes through it with those stupid Muggle punch-holers, or – or –'

'Save that look for Nott, Prongs, it's deathly.'

'What's so important about your underwear, anyway?'

'He thinks he'll make it to third base sometime in the near future with Evans.'

'Oh.'

'See, Padfoot, you can learn a thing or two from Moony – he just accepts it.'

'I've learnt that more extreme things can happen whilst being in the proximity of you lot.'

'Aw, Moony, please, I'm blushing.'

'Hm. Can't you just, you know, swap your pink one for another white one?'

'Pah! Why didn't I think of that?'

'The werewolf strikes again!

'Many thanks, dear old pal!'

'This is why we're in Gryffindor, you know.'

'I'm a lion and proud, Moony, and I know you are – ARGH!'

'Ah, I see you've finally found the mirror, Prongs!'

'What is it? A Boggart?'

'Kreacher?'

'Evans?'

'Evans? Where'd that come from?'

'The last six years.'

'Fair enough.'

'THE REST OF MY CLOTHES!'

'Oh, dear lord.'

'My t-shirt, my socks – they're all rosy – I – NO! NOT THE SWEATBANDS!'

'You hardly wear sweatbands.'

'I DO FOR TENNIS!'

'It's not in the curriculum.'

'Wow, Moony, it's great to know you're catching on.'

'My reputation! It's RUINED! WHAT WILL I – oh, thank Merlin, my tie is not damaged.'

'Sigh.'

'THE WORLD IS SAFE ONCE MORE!'

'Huzzah.'

'Hurray.'

'...'

'...'

'...'

'Too bad you can't ask someone if you can borrow some of their undies.'

'I'm not letting you borrow my underwear, James.'

'I'm not prepared to let myself sink to that level in which I will have to write to my own mother that I am in need of more undergarments just yet.'

'But you can't just ask someone for their underwear, that's against the unsaid rule.'

'True, true.'

'Why is it always you, Prongs?'

'I dunno, actually. First it's the single-child thing, then my Hogwarts letter being delayed because the owl croaked it on the way, then it was falling passionately –'

'You mean obsessively.'

'– passionately in love with a ruby-haired princess, then it's losing the most prized possession I have ever owned in Filch's office –'

'How can you lose a Marauder Map? In Filch's Office, nonetheless?'

'That's a Pete-worthy loss, you know.'

'How could you.'

'Never would've guessed that'd be you. It had Wormtail 7th Year written all over it, but I see you decided to grab the opportunity a year early.'

'Hm.'

'– and then it's this! This!'

'Oh, the shame.'

'You have the shittiest luck ever, James.'

'Tell me about it.'