Short, random songfics. I am bored, tired and suffering from writers cramp so please please please just bear with me, review and tell me how to improve. I won't be offended!
'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
Ziva sat back as Tony picked up the phone. She knew exactly who he was calling, and she hated it. Ever since she had arrived at NCIS, she had used Tony to know who she was. But know, he wasn't her Tony, he was Jeanne's boyfriend.
At least she never came into the office. That would be too much to stand. A year ago, it was her who had slept with Tony, woken up with her head on his chest, and been comforted by his protective arms. The difference was, she had been undercover with him but Jeanne had it for real.
She didn't know if she would be able to take it. If she saw Jeanne slip an arm round his waist, kiss him on the cheek or squeeze his hand, it might kill her. She should be able to handle it, to stand it, but she couldn't. Because she was in love with Tony DiNozzo.
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood
It was true. Jeanne would love Tony more than she could. Because Jeanne wasn't too afraid to admit her feelings, even to herself.
Because Ziva was. She couldn't stand the idea of anyone finding out that she liked Tony, because that would hurt her too much. In mossad training, she was taught never to give someone the power to hurt you. If anyone found out about this, it would give them the power, the ability to manipulate her, in order to save Tony.
But Jeanne was not afraid. She would fill Ziva's shoes easily. She wasn't afraid to stand where she stood.
See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside
Ziva thought she knew a lot. Even about love. She had thought she had been in love with Micheal Rivkin, when she was younger, but he had not fet the same way. She had not thought she was in love with Tony, but she was. She had now learnt there was a thin line between love and hate. At first, she had hated Tony, with his jokes and harassment. But she had fallen in love with him. She couldn't let him go, not without him knowing how she felt. Then he could go to Jeanne. But she couldn't tell him. She was damaged enough inside. Her soul couldn't take being ripped apart again.
And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
If he was going to be with Jeanne, Ziva could not do a thing about it. But she would be there for him, no matter what happened. If he had a problem, or was worried, he could go to her. She would always be there to catch him when he fell. Because Tony was the most important person in her life, the one who meant the most to her.
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do
It was true. He had taught her how to trust her judgement, make her own decisions and believe in them. But she would let him live his life. Because if you love someone, you do what's best for them, no matter what.
Well? What do you think?
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