I Have Never Lied To You
Alex walked away from Piper, her nose in the air. For the population of Litchfield Correctional Facility the intense steely gaze she often sported was enough to ensure nothing could touch her. In reality, her mind was reeling in self deprecation. Why did I say that? She's going to find out sooner or later and then she'll hate me even more than she already does. A tiny part of Alex was also quietly satisfied though. Piper's face had dropped. She didn't seem to have any idea how to react to the idea that Alex had not named her in the indictment. But Alex had named her… I told her I have never lied to her. Now I'm the biggest hypocrite in the world. Piper has always been hideously bad at knowing when I'm lying through my teeth – she thinks too well of me. Alex kept her poker face as she flew through the corridors, putting as much distance between herself and the source of her inner turmoil as was humanly possible in a prison full of restricted areas. She couldn't have run an international drug cartel without the inherent ability to make herself disappear if she wanted to. She definitely wanted to.
Piper felt as though someone had plunged their hand through her rib cage and was trying to pull her heart out, minus the anaesthesia. Nothing could have prepared her for her ex's reaction to the accusations she had thrown in the air. Fuck, what if she didn't name me after all? She's tried to be nice all this time: saving me a seat in that stupid talk, even giving me food when Red was starving me out… She must think I'm an ungrateful bitch. I am an icy, ungrateful bitch. Piper allowed her train of thought to continue on its relentless path until she was totally unaware of her surroundings.
"Yo, white titties, some of us atry'na use dat sink, ya know," Taystee said reproachfully, sucking her teeth at the same time as giving Piper a pointed look and motioning towards the unused sink she was blocking. Piper yelped, startled, and began to move.
"Oh… Oh sorry, right… going," she stuttered and ungracefully stumbled from the shower-room, her mind horribly foggy and dazed. It took her another minute or so of wandering aimlessly before she realised that doing so wasn't something you were supposed to do in prison. Why can't they stop staring at me? It feels like a fishbowl in this place enough with that idiot Pornstache trailing you with his eyes, if not his hands, at all hours of the day.
Without warning Piper staggered to a halt and spun around, earning a disapproving sigh from the nearest CO and moans from those walking behind her on their way to breakfast. Piper made a few mumbled apologies before speed walking in the direction of her bunk, barely bothering to acknowledge those she pressed past. She suddenly felt sick to the stomach. How am I supposed to face Alex on a daily basis now? Piper pushed her hair off of her forehead, running her fingers through the tangled length of it in exasperation.
"Watch where you're going, Piper, geez, you'd think someone had lit a candle up your ass… or maybe your pussy," a woman with a bush of ginger hair said, waggling her eyebrows suggestively.
"Nicky… I… Have you seen Al – Vause, I mean?" Piper didn't know where the words had come from, but sure enough it was what she wanted to know. She needed to sort this fast. Or it's going to drive me insane. All me, me, me – drive ME insane. What about Alex? Was I really always this narcissistic? What if she just wants to be left alone?
"Alex?" Questioned Nicky, the amusement vanishing from her expression. "No offence, Chapman, but when I saw her last, she didn't look like she wanted ta be bothered right now."
The unsaid 'by you', may as well have been shouted because Piper heard the insinuation loud and clear.
"Please, Nicky… It's my fault she's so pissed…I need to talk to her and make things right," pleaded Piper, her voice taking on a whiny quality she was beginning to pick up on and despise about herself. Nicky looked reluctant to say the least. Finally, she seemed to relent.
"Aw shit, you're gonna make me into a softie or something and that's never good… But look, if you really have to talk to her, I'm pretty sure there's only one place she'll be. Seen the library here yet?"
Piper shook her head. She had been starved out, made Red some back cream, finally bought commissary and discovered she had a prison wife; Piper hadn't really paused to look around the facility yet.
"Go up there, turn left down the first corridor, go to the very end of it and then turn right. There, my friend, you will find books and, if I'm not losing my touch, a Vause with her face in a book. Last time I saw her up there she was hiding at the back," Nicky explained carefully, a softer note in her voice than Piper had heard her use before.
"Thank you!" Piper cried and hugged Nicholls before the other woman could stop her. Crap, I think that was too much. She's probably going to punch me or something. But Nicky surprised her again, she only pushed Piper away lightly and laughed her throaty laugh.
"Easy there, pussy cat. Go make peace and then thank me," she turned and sauntered away in the opposite direction to where she had shown Piper to go.
Clandestinely tucked up behind a bookcase, her legs crossed beneath her, Alex had found a dusty copy of The Divine Comedy and desperately tried to lose herself inside the rich language. The book lay abandoned beside her, tearstained. More Piper's forte anyway. Alex was ashamed. She had spoken the honest truth when she said that she had never lied to Piper. Never, until that moment. The tears, she deduced, stemmed from the guilt of making Piper look so horrified.
As she rounded corner after corner of bookcases, never setting eyes on the person she was searching for, Piper had practically given up. Only when she was about to leave did she notice a second annexe to the library, nearly unnoticeable as the doorway was almost hidden from view due to a gigantic stack of books that looked as though they could topple over at any moment. She cautiously slipped inside and immediately all of her senses heightened. Piper heard the unmistakeable sound of Alex sniffling. Crying? Could she be crying? Is she crying because she's so sad I didn't believe her? Or is it anger? She could be-
The sniffling stopped as Piper finally set eyes on Alex curled up and leaning against the wall behind her. She walked towards her, then stopped and crouched before the dark-haired woman, her heart clenching at how her normally flawless featured were marred with fury. But Piper knew that look – Alex used it to disguise her own hurt - only being in prison, there were no locked bathroom doors to prevent Piper seeing her tears.
"What, the fuck, are you doing here?" Alex growled in a hard tone. Piper gulped and felt the wonderfully eloquent speech she had tried to prepare slip away. Alex was staring, her enraged expression unfaltering.
"I… needed to talk to you. I don't know what you… expect from me," Piper choked out, her voice breaking as Alex simply placed her glasses back on the bridge of her nose and continued gazing at her.
"If you say you didn't name me then…" Piper shuddered as a shiver went down her spine, shocking her as to how vulnerable she felt, but continuing despite her discomfort. "I won't ask my lawyer for proof – not if you don't want me to. I…what I'm trying to say is – I believe you. I don't know why I assumed…And I've been acting like such a selfish brat towards you, even when you've tried to be nice. You have every right to be pissed off, scratch that, furious with me… I'm just so, so sorry Al…" Piper's voice had changed to barely more than a whisper as she apologised. This time truly and for everything. Not just her lack of belief, but for leaving in the first place all those years ago. For being selfish and scared; simply for being who she was.
A cacophony of emotions played on Alex's face as Piper broke down before her and struggled to avoid the brunette's piercing eyes. The younger woman was astonished to find that her cheeks were awash with salty tears and she was now sniffling. Alex is the only one who can bring out this side of me. I never admit I'm wrong or say I'm sorry like this.
It was one of the few moments in her life when Alex didn't know what she could say that would somehow make the situation better. She could lie again, but the more she thought about it the more that didn't seem like an option. I will never lie to her face again if this is the way karma bites me in the ass. I've made her hurt and feel guilty about the one thing she has every right to be angry at me about. A long moment passed in awkward silence that neither party was willing to break: Piper because she didn't want to push Alex away anymore, Alex because she was at a loss of what to say to her crying ex-girlfriend.
"Oh here they are, I told you we'd find-" Nicholls began to chuckle to Morello from the entranceway, but stopped as Piper stood up so quickly it was like she had been shocked by another toaster.
Piper panicked and quickly began walking out of the annexe, past them all and away from her problems and issues. I still do it. I still run away like a scared child. She simultaneously wiped at her face before Nicky and Lorna could see the tell-tale track marks her sadness had left behind.
"Piper…" Alex's gentle tone stopped her short, causing all her limbs to freeze and tense up. She couldn't have moved now even if she wanted to.
Piper stood facing away from Alex, foot tapping, clearly wanting to get away. Alex's heart felt like it was about to implode, but she knew that there was no other way. She'd fucked up and now she would have to deal.
"Don't take my word for it. Ask your lawyer," Alex sighed. Well now there was no going back.
Piper choked down a sob, glancing back at Alex's face for a split-second, before walking as fast as she could – without getting a shot – out of the library.
"Well that was… I have no fucking idea what that was. Vause? Are you…" Nicholls trailed off incredulously and only received a glare from her friend.
"Yes I was crying. No, I don't want to talk about it. Yes, I want to get the hell out of here now and never talk about this again – good talking to you Nicky," Alex quipped, but with a harsh edge to her voice that alerted Lorna at least to the fact that she was clearly still upset.
"Let's go to the games room, okay guys? Before we all get a SHOT. Come on, Alex, we can play scrabble," Morello suggested.
"I'll meet you there," Alex replied, showing no sign of movement or that she would be changing her position anytime soon. Morello sighed and started to drag Nicky away.
"She's not worth it Vause, you could do better," Nicky threw in, realising Morello would force her to leave if she had to. Upon hearing no response Nicky gave up struggling and swaggered away with Lorna in tow, shaking her head in annoyance.
"Can I?" Alex whispered to the floor once she was sure that no one could hear her choked words.
A/N: Could be a 2-part if people enjoyed... Review and let me know what you thought! PS Fans of Eyes Wide Shut, another chapter is in the pipelines and being edited so shouldn't be long now!