"A topiary! There is an actual topiary!" Jason exclaimed as he flung the door to his dorm open. Leo, lounging on the bed, looked up from his magazine at Jason. A potted bush, shaped vaguely like a heart, sat in the middle of their room, and Leo didn't seem to think this was a problem.

"I have a date today," Leo shrugged. He grinned impishly, like he had pulled off one of the most amazing romance moves ever.

"There is potting soil all over the floor."

Leo hopped off his bed, and put his hand on Jason's shoulder. Jason tensed at his touch.

"Listen, bro, I might have tripped a little, but—"

Jason sighed. He did not have time for this. "Who cleans up this floor? I do. Who lives in this room? Let me give you a hint; it's not just you. I have an exam tomorrow, I do not have time for women to be coming here tonight, Leo. I want to go to bed at a reasonable hour. I don't care that you want to bang some sorority girl; my physics grade is more important than your unsatisfied libido."

Leo opened his mouth to argue, but whatever he had to say Jason didn't care. "Don't make me homicidal Leo. It's only sixty years max for second degree murder. I'll take it."

Jason went over to his desk chair and sat down, fuming. Leo stared at his roommate, wide eyed.

"Listen, I—"

"What?" Jason snapped.

"We'll move it to an empty lecture hall or something," Leo said, staring at the floor the entire time.

"Good."

Leo, in reality, did not have a date. He hadn't even asked her out yet. She sat near him in calc discussion, and boy she was hot. She had long, dark hair that shined so much you could almost see your reflection. When she walked, her hips swayed like a hypnotist's pendulum. She made him stupid. She made him forget how to speak. Forget asking her out. He couldn't bring himself to ask for her name.

But he didn't tell Jason that. Not his perfect score on the SAT, full ride, dean's list roommate Jason. Because he knew Jason could never understand. Jason was the epitome of smooth. He could have any girl he wanted just by looking at them. He would have laughed if Leo brought it up (if he was in a good mood), or else yapped at him about having to finish a comp sci project I don't have time for your personal life blah blah blah. It's not like they were that close anyway. They lived together, and that was about it. They had a room in common.

The topiary was for something entirely different, though.

"Hey, Leo, over here!" Percy called to him, standing in the middle of the quad, waving.

"Hey, man!" Leo hobbled over, holding the topiary and trying not to trip. He placed it at Percy's feet, and wiped the dirt off his trousers.

Percy threw his arm around Leo, and pulled him in close. "Tonight's the night, my man. Thanks for hiding it in your room for me."

"No problemo, mi amigo." The girl Percy liked (and wanted to ask out tonight) lived on his floor, so he asked Leo to hold on to it.

"So she's coming?"

"Yep," Percy sighed nervously, wringing out his hands.

"What'd you tell her?"

"I needed help with calc."

Leo raised an eyebrow. "And you told her that you wanted to do this in the quad?"

"It's a good meeting place. It's…central," Percy said, nervously.

In the distance, Leo saw a great, red mane of hair whipping in the wind. Percy adjusted his hair compulsively. She waved, grinning. Percy waved back.

"Hey, Rachel."

"Hey," Rachel replied. Her grin melted into confusion when she saw the topiary. "What is—"

Percy picked it up. "Well, you see, Rachel, I—"

Rachel took a sudden interest in her shoelaces. Percy's face fell. "Well, um, I think it's a very nice topiary and all, but Percy, I have a boyfriend."

"Oh."

"Do you still want to go over calc?"

"Nah, I'm okay."

Rachel smiled sympathetically. "It's still a very nice topiary."

"Do you want it?" Percy said miserably.

Rachel laughed. "I don't know where I'd put it."

Percy forced a smile. "Yeah, me neither."

"Well, I'll see you around, then?"

"Yeah."

Rachel waved goodbye, and with a final smile, walked briskly toward the library. Leo looked at Percy's face. He was devastated, embarrassed, and every emotion in between.

"Listen, man. You can't have 'em all."

Percy sighed. "But she has a boyfriend? How could I not know that?"

Leo wiggled his eyebrows deviously. "For now."

"Leo, we are not killing her boyfriend!" Percy exclaimed, looking into his friend's devilish, scheming eyes.

"Oh come on, mi amigo. I know how much you like her. We're gonna put this one in the bag for you." Because yes, Leo couldn't seem to get his girl, but there was no way he was going to sit by and his friend not get his.