Dialogue based off of Episode 5.8 "The Isolation Permutation" with some tweaks for my story.
"The two of you need to get your women in line!"
Leonard and Howard look up at the towering and fuming Texan pointing at them. His normal unruffled appearance is distinctly disturbed, hair parted on the wrong side, and wearing one layer instead of the usual three.
"What?" Leonard asks, puzzled. He isn't currently in a relationship as much as he wants one, so Sheldon isn't making sense, even worse than usual.
"Last night I was strong-armed into evening of animal lust and spooning with an emotional Penelope Anne Watson. This on a night that I had originally designated for solving the space time geometry in higher spin gravity and building my Lego Death Star."
The boys take a breath in order to rally themselves to deal with an angry Sheldon Cooper. Raj just sits there with a small smirk, glad to be out of his treasured friend's line of sight.
"And you know why?" Sheldon's voice goes up like the xylophone he's fond of using while searching for the acoustic sweet spot in a movie theater. "Your gal pals, Amy and Bernadette, went out shopping for some weekend retreat nonsense without Penny. An action they took with no thought with regard to how it would affect me, the future of String Theory, or my Lego fun time!"
Raj and Howard exchange glances, and Raj raises a cocky brow because he doesn't have to throw himself on the grenade. The silence is reluctantly broken by Howard.
"What do you want us to do about it?
"You clearly weren't listening to my topic sentence: get your women in line! You make them apologize to Penny and set things right . I am a man of science, not someone's whoopee buddy!"
The space between them practically vibrates with emotion, yet Leonard's mind is still stuck on Sheldon's uncharacteristic use of vulgar words (well, his version anyway).
"Hang on a minute. Did you really just say "whoopee buddy?""
"I apologize for using such strong language, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Penny has stricken coitus from the lexicon and I refuse to call the thrusting, grunting, and exchange of fluids making love. That's just absurd."
"You and Penny...together?"
It is still mind-boggling how such an odd duck like Sheldon manages to pull pretty and sexy women all the time, but especially the likes of Penelope Ann Watson, a highly paid television actress with the face of an angel and the body of Terminator 2 era Linda Hamilton To whit: brawny and scary as hell yet still somehow sexy.
Sheldon is an avowed hater of all physical intimacy to the point of wearing gloves to touch himself, and yet he just confessed to a night of passion.
"You...and...her...had sex?"
"You're a scientist too, Leonard, or at least you pretend to be one. You should know what happens when you place a highly sexualized woman in the room with a man of deep passion like myself. I tried to avoid it, but she had snuck in a codicil into the Relationship Agreement that I apparently signed off on, so I was given no choice. I had to engage in deep, dirty, arousal with penetration. And then she made me snuggle afterward. Naked."
The boys look stunned.
"Naked," Sheldon reiterates with a sibilance in his voice as if he is trying to imitate a snake. "You know how I feel about nudity but she threatened to rip out what little chest hair I have, so I had to abide until she fell asleep."
"Oh you poor baby, you had to sleep with your really hot girlfriend who seems to care about you against all odds."
"Thank you, Leonard. That does relieve my mind a little that you understand the cross I bear, a real cross unlike the figment of my mother's religiously delusional mind."
Raj leans across the table to put a hand on Leonard's arm and shakes his head to prevent him from punching their aggravating friend. "Why do I have to talk to Amy, she's not my girlfriend."
"Because, Leonard, four years ago you decided it would be funny to sign me up on a dating website as a practical joke and invite her to lunch when she responded. Everything about her is on you. You make it so!"
And with that, Sheldon stomps out of the lunch room as dramatically as he stormed in, leaving the three remaining physicists reeling, though more from the fact Sheldon Cooper had sex than from his anger.
"So, uh, what're you going to do?"
Howard and Leonard exchange glances. "Get our women in line, I guess."
A/N: Little drabbles keep popping into my head, so I've decided to round them up and corral them under one banner. They will be based upon my favorite scenes/episodes.