Disclaimer : I don't Own Gakuen alice. And i dont reckon i ever will
My Regret. Mikans POV
I loved walking through the soft sand at sunset. The stars were coming out. The sun was setting on the horizon and the sky was shaded purple and orange.
It was nature's miracle.
A work or art.
But to me. It was more of a memory. A memory, of the one I loved. A memory that will be forever embedded in my head. Because, it's the memory of the person I've loved most in my life.
I wanted…to tell him…how much I loved him…To tell him…how important he was to me. How he was my world. How he was my smile. He was my reason, my reason For who I am today.
But I wasn't strong enough. I had no courage. I lost my chance. He was gone. My world…was gone. I live in a place unknown to me. A place without him…I never could imagine. But I'm here, experiencing it.
It's painful.
It's lonely.
It hurts.
I remember when I first met him…we were 10…and our lives…were so different back then. We hated each other. We didn't know we acted the way we did.
He thought that my smile was the most annoying thing in the world. The way I never gave up pissed him off. But as I grew with him more and more…he found that all he can ever look at was my smile and all that he needed to wake up in the morning was to remember those days where I would have to work for the academy, my no star days.
That's what he told me.
I thought he was an obnoxious pig who thought of nobody but himself. The way he ignored people pissed me off. But as I grew older. I found that he had the most caring personality in the world. He wanted to be hated. He wanted to stay away…away from the people he loved. For the sake of their safety. For them. Not for him. For them. He thought for everybody but himself.
That's what I told him.
But I never told him…never told him how I fell deeply in love with him. I never told him…how much I prayed to God at night for him to be safe. How I'd cry when I see him hurt.
I regret it.
Saturday the 2nd January. One day after my birthday, he disappeared from my life. He was on a mission but came home before he even completed it. He wanted to make it for my birthday…Persona found out and used the death alice on him….Natsume didn't crawl to me. No…I crawled to him. I saw him die…die in front of me. I couldn't do anything for him. I couldn't even say how much I loved him. I couldn't use my nullification on him because I was so weak from a knife in my stomach. I couldn't. I tried. But I failed. I failed…to save him…I failed…to tell him…I loved him.
He told me…
Flashback"When…I…leave…this world…when…I leave…you…remember me by the sunset by a seashore…The sun on the horizon…is me…the…sky is my emotion…the sea is you…and the…sand…is where we stand."
End Of Flashback.
I understand it now…I understand…it all.
"The sun…is you…trying to understand me…sitting down…listening to me…your emotion…is anger mixed with great patience…for me…the sea is me…I calm you down…I keep you cool…and the sand…is where we stand…equal ground…am I right?"
I laughed at myself at how I was unconsciously talking to noone…but apart of me. I felt as if I was standing in front of Natsume. Talking to him…face to face.
The sunset really reminds me of him.
A slight gust of wind blew past me.
"and I guess…the wind that blows past me is you speaking to me…" I said in a silent whisper.
The wind blew once again…
I smiled.
"I love you. Can you hear that?!" I yelled hysterically. I looked around as passer bys looked at me as if I was psycho. I didn't mind. I knew I was.
Without him.
The sky turned into a dark blue colour. I analyzed the colour. Blue…calm!?
The moon was now showing. It was bright white…shining on me.
"I guess your saying you understand me now and your calm…and even when your calm…I'm there. And we still stand on equal ground?!"
I feel mad. Like a crazy woman. Is it me or am I being very…optimistic about this situation?!
I smiled to myself as I analysed the locket on my chest. I know…the day of his death…how much he truly loved me…
The feel of the locket was rough as a played with it trying to read the engravings with my hand. I can remember all the words on that locket…off by heart…and back to front.
There was…MXN…I love you…1/4/3…821…Black cat….Forever…I love you… it would repeat…over and over…
I looked up at the moon and smiled as thoughts of all the times I had with him flowed through my mind…all the timed that he teased me…all the times…he'd care for me…and all the times when we talked about the past with each other….
I was so happy then…
I took out another locket identical to the one on my chest. The one on my chest was his heart…the one in my hand was mine.
"Natsume…You've stolen my heart…but weirdly…you forgot to take it," I took a deep breath and chucked the locket as far as I could into the sea.
"I'll give it to you then."
I turned and walked off.
I'll visit tomorrow, the next day after that…and everyday of my life. I love you Natsume.
Please Review! x) how was it? Suggestions? Comments?
Love, Cee-chan