Authors Note:
Hello everyone!
Okay, I know y'all are looking at me like "Where have you fucking been?" or something else similar to that, and I have an answer! A good one...well, it was a lie at first but not so much when I think about the actual reason I was gone for a moment.
I had KNEE SURGERY! XD
Surprisingly, it was the second one I've had on my left knee. Hurt like hell. But, that's over.
Oh, and my muses hop from location to location. :P
I'm pretty sure you're probably wondering why I haven't picked up my other story for a while. I'm not going to lie, I lost some mojo for it. Yeah, sad, but it happens to the best of us.
Vert: She choked on the hot scenes!
Me: HURSH before you end up the target of choice!
Anyhow...I will be returning to "Misadventures of Dating" In January of 2012. Right now however, I'm about to put my foot where I said I wasn't going to because aliens...and Stanford...and my obsession with the Vert/Stanford pairing that people can't seem to write decently in most cases...has spurred me to belt this little baby out.
If you're aware of what I write, then this should be of no surprise to you.
If not, we're talking about an MPREG here!
Before you go all apeshit, remember...there are ALIENS in this fic, so by right I have the means to produce a fic without it sounding like some baseless crap with the sudden popping up of the preggers. No, we're not doing that. In fact, if you choose to read this, you'll see that I might have had some inspiration from another series...
And that Stanford is the victim of my sudden desire for him to be part female.
Stanford: If she wasn't so compelling I would run away.
Me: No twins.
Stanford: Yes!
A couple of quick warnings:
- Yes this is a slash fic.
- No there isn't any graphic details of sex
- Yes there is mpreg in here technically...which brings me to mention that there is mention of hermaphrodites.
- No there is no rape or anything similar. I don't write that shit.
- No, please don't come flying off the handle with negative commentary. If you don't like it find something else to read.
- No I don't anyone in here. I just use them for my entertainment.
Ten thousand points to anyone who can answer the questions at the end of this fic!
Onward to the madness!
Misadventures in Alien Tech
Mishap 1:
Weird freakish moments that should never be classified as possible
a.k.a.
Alien Technology + Stanford = Not so good…
"What are we looking at this time? Something lost and found again? Sentient tech that we must recover before the red freaks get his hands on it? What?"
Vert had to laugh a little at Spinner's question. It seemed like every other mission that was the case. There was something vital for them to find and recover, they fought the reds or the vandals, and they usually went home grinning because they won or something had upset the battle so both sides lost with little casualties. The best part about any mission was coming home alive…amongst other things that were fun.
He purposely tapped on the window that would allow him to see Stanford as he was idly bobbing his head to whatever he was blasting in the car this time. "Not sure on what it might be exactly," he said. Spinner made a noise similar to Tez when he was baffled about something, which within itself was rare enough to treasure. Stanford noticed him staring through their link and winked, blowing him a kiss in-between shifting gears. His waggled his brows in response and made a mental note to check his personal items when they got back.
"Does Sage have any idea of what it could be?" Spinner asked.
"I do not know what it is exactly," Sage answered. She was always listening in, and always giggling at the antics between Vert and Stanford when they were making faces at one another. It was never for long, but long enough to keep their anticipation at its peak and an incentive to hurry some of these missions up. "I do know that it is technology that is associated with Blue Sentients and could be of some use to us."
"Associated?" Agura asked. "You mean like mixed with someone else's tech?"
"It wasn't uncommon for other races within the universe to integrate and trade technologies with one another. It was a common practice when the usefulness of another technology further enhanced or helped another to work more efficiently. It is much like your commercial trade on earth."
"I can't imagine who you'd trade with."
"Indeed. Most of those other beings are light years from here now."
Agura didn't press for answers. She still had a hard time imagining that she was driving the Tangler sometimes, or that things like Vandals and Red Sentients existed. Sage she could deal with. She was cool. A little off sometimes, but good people. "Let's hope they're not up for a return trip anytime soon."
"We're coming up on the site guys," Sherman exclaimed. "I'm not picking up anything from any hostile people we know."
"Maybe because this place has been shut off for so long?" Spinner suggested.
They had learned from experience that there were certain zones that were forgotten or never spoken of. Not because they were dangerous. Some were that, but not all. There were zones that weren't spoken of because they were assumed to be legends or had been thought to have been cut off from the multiverse. The Shadow Zone itself was a byproduct, though there was no sure way there save thought Rawkus' interference or some odd coincidence where blue and red sentient tech combined. This particular zone had appeared out of nowhere, so it was in their best interests to check out whatever they could and gather what they could find before their enemies could alert themselves to the prize.
The stopped their cars just shy of their targeted area, amazed at scenery that awaited them. There had been sparse signs of flora all around them during their trip here, but the site itself was thriving with life. It was as if someone had ripped a piece of the tropics out of their home world and dropped it here without the pesky mosquitoes as Stanford put it a moment later. Vert had to be glad of that. There was nothing worse than a grouchy Stanford with a bite the size of a mutated zit on that alabaster skin. It made him want to swat anything that flew near that ass without his say so…not that they would have it.
Everyone hopped out of their vehicles. Tez, who had volunteered himself for the mission and benched Zoom with no more than a pressing look that made the smaller teen shiver in fright, was already scanning the area with his laptop. AJ had stayed behind as well, though had it been an icy realm he would have probably nudged his way in. Sherman was studying some of the plant life with a scanner, making his usual noises of interest. Vert kept an ear out for him. His noise changes save him from situations that could get complicated later.
"If it were about twenty degrees hotter, I'd swear we were in Brazil or something," Agura mused. "Some of these flowers are just so bizarre…"
"Some of them are bigger than Spinner's head," Stanford mused. "I think I see one that looks like him now…"
Spinner shoved Stanford away from him with a scowl. "I make the jokes, Brit, and the only joke I see is how your hair color actually accentuates some of this greenery."
"What's sad is that he's right," Agura giggled.
Stanford flipped them off and walked over to what he thought was a bush of some kind. He'd only taken a step forward when he tripped over something and landed face first into a bright red flower that was stripped yellow on the inside and smelt of something pleasantly fruity. He inhaled a great deal of pollen and sneezed like mad for the following thirty seconds, grabbing hold of something in front of him to keep him from losing his head.
He didn't notice that it wasn't a bush. He really didn't see that it was a platform of some kind, one that activated the technology that they were sent to find. Everything was getting hazier and hazier, until he was on another level completely, not hearing the sound of alarm coming from the others until it was much too late.
"It like, popped up out of nowhere!" Spinner exclaimed. "This…THING…it looked like a gun but, it wasn't e-exactly a gun? You know?"
Zoom shook his head. "No I don't know, but I'm not sure I want to know, you know?"
"I know! Man it was so freaky! It like, shot up and just AIMED and shot this light out that we thought was going to vaporize him…I never seen Vert freak so bad!"
"Yeah well, I'd freak out too…if it were my fiancé…"
"Yeah...Wait, what?"
Zoom blinked at Spinner and pointed without looking at Sherman snickering to the right of them. "Don't tell me he doesn't know."
"I won't tell you," Sherman chuckled.
"Know what?" Spinner asked, "That you two suck cahones? And SHUT UP cause I don't want to know if you do or don't…or WHOSE," he cried when his little brother opened his mouth. He slapped his hands over his ears shouting, "la-la-la-LA—I don't hear you or see you!" He couldn't quite help but see when AJ draped himself all over Sherman's shoulders and none to subtly bit his neck with a smirk worthy of Jack Nicholson. "Oh jeez…get a room! And preferably not mine!"
"Horny teenagers, the whole lot of us," Zoom smirked. "Oh, how it sucks to be Spinner trapped in the hormone induced world of men. May he never drop the soap."
"He drops it all the time," AJ leered.
"DUDE, it was that ONE time and how was I supposed to know that it was that kind of gym!" Spinner cried. He threw the first thing he had in his hand at AJ's head and sent the empty can flying into the opening door with Agura and Tez staring down at it and then him. "Whoops?"
"You should have known when the first guy who offered to spot you was wearing a jockstrap…in the locker room...AFTER he'd gotten DONE with his own workout."
"I thought he was being nice!"
"He was being nice to the possibility of tapping your pert ass."
"AJ!"
"I call it like I see it."
Spinner all but jumped when Zoom grabbed him from behind. "It is kind of pert," he mused. "Tight too…must be all the anal retention."
"You guys are making butt jokes again, or making fun of Spinner's fear of men hitting on him?" Agura asked.
"Both."
"Sweet."
"We can talk about that later," Zoom said. "Well…we can talk about that now, but I want to know what that thing was that supposedly shot Stanford with this weird light you were talking about. Now, what happened again?"
Zoom had never, ever in his entire time of knowing his teammates see them get so quiet…or so embarrassed. Spinner's cheeks were looking like tomatoes, and Tez was decidedly uncomfortable. Agura had her eyes averted, arms folded around her stomach and seconds from bursting out into nervous laughter. Sherman, while not as embarrassed as the others were, did rub the back of his head, trying to word it the best way he knew how without having to relive whatever he'd seen.
Eventually someone spilled the beans, but it wasn't who he'd thought it would be.
"Guys?"
"They got a show they weren't ever supposed to see," Vert said. He waltzed into the room, looking rumpled, worn out, but pleasingly sated in ways that had him relaxed in areas he didn't think could be counted as boneless. His hair was sticking up in several different directions, all of that due to insistent hands tugging at it and Vert himself when things didn't move quicker than they should have. He yawned tiredly, moving past the others to find a Gatorade in the fridge.
He took a long swig of his bottle, downing half of it in a minute. "Shit, this isn't going to be enough…"
"W-what isn't going to be enough?" Zoom asked.
"This." He raised the empty bottle, chucking it into the trash and grabbing several more before shutting the door. "I'm going to need someone to make a run and get about three more cases of these…and about four cases of water."
"A run? Dude, what in the hell happened, and why do you need that much sugar/water a.k.a. zit inducers?"
"Pollen. Aphrodisiac. Light. Horny Stanford. Pollen on me. Horny me. Be back in three days. AJ!"
"I'm on it bruh," AJ assured. "I'll leave it by your door, all right?"
Vert didn't stay long enough to thank him. He rushed out of there, bombarded by a waiting Stanford tugging at his pants and tearing them off before he could get down the corridor. They barely were out of sight, but earshot was another story. Zoom didn't ever think that he would ever feel the blood drain from his face from something he knew to be a daily thing between those two, but hearing it to confirm it! "Um…that's just a little much, dude," he muttered. "Someone want to tell me WHY they're like that?"
"The pollen from the flowers you brought back as specimens were from a planet similar to this one but thought to be extinct by a race of people similar to humans. Their life spans were longer, and their physiology was unique to them in the fact that not a female was born among them."
"Not one single female?"
"No," Sage answered. "There were never any females in their race. Theirs was a male genus race that was not compatible with strictly female orientations."
Sherman stared at the flower in the containment unit thoughtfully. Tez was aside him, but his attention was on Vert and Stanford sleeping soundly on a bed that had been provided by Sage the moment she deemed them to be quarantined. For sterility's sake she'd said, as well as the sanctity of everyone who was subject to walk in on them wherever they may have been. Not that everyone could say that they were pure in that respect, but their eyes could only take but so much. Spinner had taken to being cooped up in his room, the music blasting in his ears to keep from hearing them…until they'd done it against his door.
Spinner was probably still scrubbing the outside of it.
"So, the pollen is a stimulant for sexual provocation," Tez mused. "But why? And what was that light for?"
"I've scanned Stanford, and I've the results from his scan and his blood work," Sage said. "I have often wondered what became of the technology that we'd given these people to help regenerate life…but I never would have imagined that they would use it in such a manner. It certainly explains a few things; amongst them why some of those males were feminine in appearance…I simply thought that they were like cellular beings…dissecting themselves to provide young to populate their societies. I was quite naïve then."
"You...want to let us in on the secret?" Sherman asked.
She looked up from her musing, covering her mouth when he realized she'd been muttering to herself. "My apologies…"
"Sage? Is something wrong?"
"Not in the sense that it is bad, no. But different…yes. You see, you know that blue and red sentients use chambers to regenerate themselves when they are injured, correct?"
"That technology is highly unstable in the wrong hands," Tez said. "But it is useful for the battles that can and will occur over the course of the ongoing war. However, I'm to be believing that you, or your people, traded the basis of this technology that allowed these people to regenerate basic cells or to help aid in healing faster, correct?"
"We did…and what they did with it is nothing shy of brilliant…unfortunately, it's so brilliant that its effects are irreversible…and meant only for those who were chosen for that task." Sage eyed the sleeping teens, sure that they would be knocked out for another several hours before they were up and at it again. When it wore off is when she would truly worry. "The flowers; the pollen is indeed a stimulant. It was meant to help take away whatever nervousness would be present before the ceremony took place."
"Ceremony?" Sherman asked.
"In some cultures, it was not uncommon for a newlywed couple to consummate their marriage in front of their people to show ownership," Sage said. "It is not a common practice now, but I believe these beings did this. What you found was an altar, and the machine that hit Stanford with its light was the result of gene altering and our technology merged to create something that would allow an all male species to survive without turning themselves over to their females."
It was Tez's turn to blink at her curiously. "Turning themselves over?"
"This race was dominated by males, yes…but the female of the species was much like your Queen Bee or Ant. Males would die once they mated with her, and she killed anyone that was deemed as a threat. Eventually they evolved so that no females would be born from them, and when the last female died, they evolved yet again…but there are certain aspects of evolution that can't be harvested right away, and while one problem did resolve itself…the other didn't."
"…oh my…"
"Are you telling me that these people did what I think they did?" Sherman cried. "It's not…it's not possible!"
"Oh, but many things are possible," Sage said softly, "Including this."
Tez and Sherman looked at the other before turning to the stirring forms of their teammates. Vert had his hand somewhere below the sheets, and Stanford was showing him how much he appreciated the effort to wake him. Sage hit the dimmer before Stanford could throw the sheets off of them and they could get yet another eyeful.
"So…who's going to tell Stanford?" Sherman asked.
Tez looked at Sage. "Not me."
Three days later:
"…holy shit I feel like I went ten rounds with the Buster…without my car…"
Vert nodded softly to that soft muttered assessment from the body lying on top of him limply. It was too much effort to move other than to breathe, and even that was a little much. They'd been lying like this for a solid two hours, simply trying to catch their breath and ignore the last few twinges of that infernal pollen finally working its way through them in its last dregs. Vert almost sobbed in relief when his little clone didn't get back up, and Stanford…if he wasn't so flipping worn out and screwed senseless, he might have danced a little jig.
He couldn't move his legs to even attempt it not that he would. It was just a little much lying with his legs as they were now, twined with Vert's and just as useless as the rest of him. He barely managed to drag his hand up enough to rest it more comfortably on Vert's chest. The pins and needles of feeling returning were better than a dead arm.
"Would you be offended if I told you I don't want to touch you for like…a day or so?" he muttered.
Vert lifted his head for a second and dropped it painfully on the pillow. "Make it two days, kissing excluded, and I'll let Simon be my best man."
"…you really fucking love me."
"I really fucking love you…and I'd love a shower."
"Me too…aagh!"
"Stanford?"
"My bleeding stomach hurts," Stanford hissed. It was enough to make him move, curling up into a ball that was riddled with an overall ache that made him moan pitifully into the bedding. Vert forced himself up to aid his lover, but stopped cold at the sight of blood.
"Oh, good!" Vert turned to see Sage walking toward them, opening the force field that had kept them contained for the past three days and waltzing right through as if this were normal. Perhaps it was…Vert had the decency to blush properly when he thought about the bits and pieces of what had gone on.
"What do you mean by that?" Stanford cried. "There is nothing good about this…"
"On the contrary, it means I was right and I can take the proper steps to make sure all is right and correct whatever abnormalities I find to the best of my ability…I've been doing a lot of research on this, so I have a ninety-nine percent understanding of all situations that may occur in the next five minutes."
Had she lost her mind? Stanford seemed to think so, yelping as she turned him back over and shoved Vert off of the bed. She was snapping on a pair of gloves next and then she was tugging him down so that his rear was on the very edge. She did grab a sheet from nearby, draping it over his crotch to give him some sort of privacy.
There was none to be had in the following ten seconds.
Stanford, completely baffled and embarrassed beyond his wildest imagination, screamed in complete horror when she forced his legs into stirrups. "W-what in the bleeding hell are you doing?" he cried. "I'm not a bloody woman!"
"On the contrary…you are."
"What?"
"Well, you're half woman anyhow…and I'm only making sure that you haven't torn from the excessive use of your sphincter…AJ mentioned that the last session was a little rougher than the rest. I was preoccupied at the time trying to learn all that I could about what happened to you and how best to aid you through this."
"Whoa, wait! TIME OUT!" Stanford cried. "Aid me through what? And just because I play catcher does not make me a bleeding girl!"
"Yeah, I'm a little confused myself," Vert said skeptically. "What are you going on about Sage? The last time I talked to you, you said that the pollen was an aphrodisiac and that since we inhaled so much of it that it would take about three days to work through our systems."
"What he said! Three days are over! I have no desire to be plowed by that monster dick for a while yet!"
"Flatterer."
"Shut it, Vert. And anyhow, what in bloody blazes—oh MY GOD, what are you touching!"
Sage rose from her position and crooked her finger over at Vert. Still unsure what this was all about, Vert waltzed over and stood in front of Stanford looking wildly down at them like someone had poured cold water all over his crotch. She lifted the blanket, and Vert, the stoic somewhat fearless leader that had faced off against many a foe and won with his life intact, felt the color drain from his face. Much to his utter horror, his little clone twitched in interest.
"Vert?"
"Oh holy shit…"
"Vert!"
"…h-how?"
"You stumbled upon an artifact belonging to an ancient race of people called the Na'muha," Sage explained. "What you found was their ancient martial grounds and where they go to consummate their marriage ritual before their people and for two days after their people leave them to themselves. It also serves another purpose…one that enables them to bear young without the use of their females."
"Wait, what now?" Stanford cried. "What's wrong with their females?"
"Well…they are much like your Black Widows," Sage mused. "After doing more research and contacting them with Rawkus' help, I learned more about their history. I'll tell you more about it as soon as I make sure—"
"Make sure of what! And where are you touching?"
"I believe this is your labia…"
It was too much for either man. Vert hit the ground with a sickening thud, and Stanford…Well, he passed out when Sage asked him if he wanted to see it for himself.
That's how the others found them, unconscious, nude, and Spinner sucking his teeth ever so slightly ending the awkward silence with, "Man, I knew we shouldn't have stopped for Za."
That's right people. I actually thought some of this out...and made the rest up. lol
All right question time:
1: Can you tell me the meaning behind Nu'maha? I swear I will love you if you figure that out. :)
2: Can anyone tell me the inspiration behind the hidden realm? I'll give you a hint: A gate. :)
That's it! Next Chapter please!
Reviews are nice. Nice reviews are awesome. Ones that make a large impression will be answered. :)