Missing You

by SamTheMoose

Dean gets left behind a lot as his younger brother Sam goes out to get their food. This one night, however, Sam seems to be taking a bit longer than usual to get back. Cas has been gone for months and when a certain song comes on the radio, it makes him think of that angel that he finds he is actually missing terribly. A Destiel romance.

This is just a short one-shot. I don't plan for sequels at this time. Please enjoy.

It was yet another dark night on their way towards Dayton, Ohio where their next case was going to be. A young woman's throat had been torn out, it sounded vampy but what was odd was that she was left to hang in a tree with a sign that said, "Fear the inevitable." He, Dean, had no idea what to make of the incident but he and his brother, Sam, were headed there regardless to dispose of the monster and save people's lives. Hunting these things, it was the family business.

Anyways, at this time, Dean was crashed on the crappy motel bed with his favorite porno playing off the TV as the night sky let loose a torrential rain storm along with the occasional lightning bolt. Sam had gone out to get them some food and he was taking a long time to do so. However Dean wasn't too worried about it because Sam usually took a long time anyway and yet somehow always forgot to get the pie. Strangely, the movie just wasn't bringing him any entertainment or satisfaction on this evening, his mind kept wandering away from the television set and the moving figures on the screen kept blurring in his eyes.

Eventually, he just turned it off. Darkness and quiet descended upon the small room which would have been normally okay with him except now it made him feel overly claustrophobic. Reaching over to the tiny alarm clock on the bedside table, he flipped it on to the radio, hoping for some of his favorite tunes to be on to keep him company until Sam came back with his burgers. Instead of something like "Carry On My Wayward Son" or "Renegade" coming on, John Waite's "Missing You" suddenly blasted through into the room. Dean sat up in surprise and stared at the clock radio. No, he hadn't heard this song in forever, it was too depressing.

"Everytime I think of you, I always catch my breath

And I'm still standing here, and you're miles away

And I'm wonderin' why you left

And there's a storm that's raging

through my frozen heart tonight"

He almost turned the radio back off but an image came to his head and his hand stopped in mid-air from moving towards the button. Dean's green eyes began to water, but he was finally able to move and he angrily wiped the tears away. Usually when this song came on, he thought about his mother, or his father, and the terrible things that had befallen them simply because of their livelihood. Sometimes even Sam would fall before his eyes, of his addiction to demon blood or his fall into the pit, his supposed death and his desperate want of a better life where he wouldn't hurt anybody. But this time, it wasn't any of these people he thought of.

It was his friend, his best friend in the whole world. The one he cared about, almost as much as he did his own brother. Through his faults and his wrongdoings, he was still a wonderful person to have on their side of things and he would never forget it. Never, not even when he tried to convince himself that he was angry at him. The angel, that damned angel that had only good in his heart and a love for mankind that not even the Winchesters had. Castiel. Cas.

"There's a message in the wire,

and I'm sending you this signal tonight

You don't know how desperate I've become

And it looks like I'm losing this fight"

Dean looked at the ceiling, trying to keep himself from tearing up more. Cas had left them months ago, again, on a mission of his own. The angel never knew how hard it was on Dean for him to leave this much, this often. And he would never know. He was determined for his friend to not know his feelings about him. If Castiel knew that he was another weakness for him, who knows what sort of trouble could come from it.

He let the music play, but he stood up and began to pace the room, drawing the demon blade and flicking it through his fingers as he did so. Letting his mind wander, he thought of Cas and all the times they had shared together. He knew he wasn't dead, but the angel had been absent for longer amounts of time lately and it made him feel terribly lonely, even with his brother by his side. Dean wished for more times like before, such as when Cas had made the stripper scream in terror or when he had watched the 'pizza man' with such fascination. Even the other times were worth remembering; when they had each other's backs with monsters closing in and when they beat each other up over false lies.

Dean snatched up his beer from the desk and took a long swig of it, the alcohol making his brain feel pleasantly fuzzy. John Waite's voice still rang through the room, belting out the chorus.

"I ain't missing you,

I ain't missing you,

I can lie to myself

And there's a storm that's raging

through my frozen heart tonight"

The song was coming to a close at long last and he took some deep breaths to steady himself in his time of weakness. The last thing he needed was for Sam to find him in this state and start to worry. He walked over to the radio and shut it off before the commercials started. To his surprise, he heard a light knock upon the door just as the clock turned off. That must be Sammy then with more beer and hopefully his pie.

Without bothering to set the beer back down or wonder why Sam didn't use his own key to the room, Dean walked over and opened the door to look down into the face of… Cas. It took him a moment to register the lost looking face that was soaked with the rain. Another bolt hit the ground in the distance which lit up the angel's face which looked cold and horribly drenched. He blinked in shock before coming to and opening the door more to beckon Cas into the warmth of the room, putting a hand on his back to push him inside a bit faster.

Feeling concerned for his friend, he rushed into the bathroom before Castiel could and retrieved a towel, handing it to the angel the moment he was back inside the room. Gratefully and without a word, Cas took the towel and dried off his soaking face, running it through his hair. Awkwardly, Dean sat down on the edge of his bed and looked up at him, clearing his throat in preparation to speak.

Cas spoke before he could utter a noise, "I need your help, Dean. There is another angel causing problems in the south and I thought I could handle it myself." He drew up the right sleeve of his arm to reveal bruises and lacerations that looked nasty. "These cover my body and they are harder to heal than I initially thought."

"Here, let me at least clean them for ya." Dean had finally spoken up and he felt as if he didn't want to ask questions anymore. He wanted to take this time and spend it with his best friend while he remained here.

However, Cas shook his head. "No, but thank you. I will be able to heal them here shortly. Don't you want to know more about what happened?"

Dean let out a sigh and shook his head. "Nah, man. Not right now. I want for you to tell me everything, but in the morning. You'll be safe here, I swear. We can put up symbols and keep ya safe, but just, stay with us for a little, man."

Cas looked down at him in confusion that was clearly written on his face. "This is rather unlike you. Usually you would be asking me all these questions or you would be asking me to leave because my presence was putting you in danger."

He looked down in guilt and reached up to scratch the back of his neck. How could he explain this without giving off the wrong signals? And why was he worrying about this so much? Usually he would just be able to look at someone and give them a wonderfully creative lie that would work towards his benefit, but not this time. "I'm… so sorry Cas. I am, I mean it. But I-I was being way too harsh on you before. Guess I was just being paranoid, but seriously, stay here for a while now, man. Have a beer or somethin'."

As Dean walked toward the mini fridge in the corner, he noticed that Cas was more confused than before and not buying the casual feelings line he fed him. Dammit. He leaned over and grabbed a beer anyways before heading back over to his friend and shoving it into his hands. Shakily and uncertainly, Cas took off the cap as he had seen Dean do it many times before. He took a sip of the amber liquid, more to appease Dean than actually for his pleasure.

Suddenly, the angel in the trench coat was sitting down beside Dean on the bed much to the latter's shock. "There is something that you are hiding from me. You cannot so easily lie to an angel. What is it?" He paused. "Do you need me for something?"

Dean opened his mouth and then re-shut it, not too sure what he could say in response to this. Finally he relented, "Fine, you win. I actually want you here, alright? You happy?" He set down his beer on the floor and crossed his arms, looking determinedly at Cas. The angel was surprisingly not confused like before, in fact he was smiling in amusement. He was almost annoyed by the reaction.

Castiel laughed and shook his head, setting down his beer as well. "I already knew that. I just wanted to hear you say it out loud. I… I had thought you were still mad at me from before, but then I heard some of your thoughts." He had more of half-smile on his face now, his sky-blue eyes distant. "I do need your help, and I was about to come, but I heard a prayer from you." He pointed to Dean's beer. "Apparently you were more intoxicated than you thought. You were muttering some things aloud."

If Dean had had less control over his feelings, his face would have flushed red at that moment. Instead he did a bit of a sideways smile, moving his head as his mouth tried to form air into words to brush off what Cas had said. "Well, you know… it gets a bit lonely when Sam goes on those food runs."

Cas shook his head. "It was obviously more than that, Dean. You wished I was here for you more often." He shrugged. "And you are right, I should be here more. I'm sorry that I've been a bad friend to you recently. I will stay." He looked over at Dean who just sat there feeling frozen. Dammit again. These were the very things he did not want the angel to know about for their protection.

He looked down at Cas again, this time right into his piercing eyes. In this very look, he felt something stir in him, something he could have punched himself for. Something about those too-blue eyes and the puppy-dog face, it had softened him, but only for a moment. He couldn't let these feelings take ahold, could he? Clearing his throat, he looked away before he felt worse urges. "H-hey man, I'm gonna go clean up a little, alright?" He stood up and rushed into the bathroom, closing the door and leaning against it.

Dean turned on the tap and splashed cold water on his sweaty face. What had he been thinking? Cas was a dude, and he wasn't into that sort of thing, right? Triple dammit. He knew he had a soft spot for the angel but it couldn't be this. His face in the low light had looked so… feminine. Beautiful and… adorable.

No! No more of these thoughts. He took more water into his hands and sloshed it over his face, rubbing his reddened eyes and looking at himself in the mirror. He probably should shave in the morning and his hair could use with a combing, but first he needed to get himself sorted out. These sorts of thoughts would not do, especially with his friend staying the night in the room. He sort of wished that Sam would get back with the food already.

Coughing a little, he covered his mouth and opened the door to look right in the face of, Cas! He took a startled step backwards and coughed again. "Dammit Cas! You know how much I hate that…" He tried to ignore the fact that the angel was looking at him with his usual look of bewilderment and confusion but with more intent. Taking a step out of the bathroom around Cas, he rounded on him, "What? What is it now?!"

Castiel shook his head, "Do you really find me… adorable?" Had he really been muttering things aloud again? No… no he had not. How could this have happened again? Dean's mouth opened and closed many more times before he finally got angry.

"Are you peeking into my mind? Those are private thoughts, Cas! You can't just go listening to what other people are thinking. It's rude! I know I wasn't muttering anything this time, my face was covered with water." He groaned and rubbed his eyes again, just how much had the angel actually heard? Suddenly, his wrists were being grabbed and were yanked down to his sides so that he was being forced to look into the face of his friend.

"Dean, the only way I could have heard those thoughts was if you had somewhere, deep inside of you, wanted me to hear them." Cas licked his lips and continued, "I swear to you that I wasn't just listening in on my own accord so please don't be angry with me again."

Cas' steel-tight grip loosened and Dean ripped himself free, covering his mouth with one of his hands and pacing away towards the window which still showed the pounding rain and the painfully bright lighting. "Fuck… if you had listened closer you would have already known that I do want you to stay." He shook his head. "You wouldn't do that if I was angry with you… dammit. Shit…" He was holding back burning, frustrated tears once again. Suddenly he spun around and punched the dry wall with all his might, the chalky white surface caving in around his fingers. "You were never supposed to know any of that Cas. I don't even know how much of that I believe myself."

Without fear or restraint, the angel walked forward towards Dean again and stopped about a foot away from him. "I know that you want to keep everyone safe Dean, but that is something that no one can do. Everyone has to look after themselves sometime, and I am an angel of the Lord. I can take care of myself and I trust in you that you can take care of yourself even when I'm gone. Sometimes the safest thing is for one to be in touch with their own feelings, because they know what they really should believe."

At this point, he should have laughed and made a joke about his cryptic arguments, but this time he didn't. Dean understood completely what it was that Cas was trying to tell him, and he suddenly realized what it was that he really wanted. He didn't just want Cas to stay here as his friend. With one smooth motion, he reached out his hands and put Cas' face between his palms, moving his lips up to meet those of the angel's.

He could feel his friend freeze below his touch, but he didn't dare stop. After a short moment, he felt Cas finally relax and place his hands on his upper arms, kissing him back. At first he expected the contact to be rough and a bit scratchy, but surprisingly, the other man's face was rather softer than he had originally believed. Not that different from all those times he had kissed those women with much less emotion than what he had now.

Dean couldn't help himself, keeping his eyes closed, he moved his hands gingerly down Castiel's face and neck, marveling at how smooth and warm he felt underneath his fingertips. With his lips still moving beneath his own, he grasped the collar of the trench coat and pulled down hard on it, feeling it slide off of his shoulders and down onto the floor at their feet.

He couldn't help himself now; somehow Cas' hands had made their way down to his sides and were gripping them tightly while their lips writhed against one another only occasionally breaking for air. He felt himself pushing the other backwards, back, back towards the beds. The angel fell backwards onto Dean's bed with the latter falling on top of him. He was too scared to open his eyes, afraid that upon seeing a dude underneath of him he would be turned off to all of this.

However, he knew that he would have to open them at some point, and it might as well be now. Breaking away from the kiss, he sat up to sit on Cas' hips, opening his eyes. Instead of feeling terrified that he had just been kissing another guy, he felt relaxed seeing his friend's face. Castiel looked so tranquil for the first time since Dean had met him and he was exhilarated that he was the one that was causing this peace. With a sideways grin, he reached down and pulled off his shirt along with his light jacket, discarding them at the side of the bed.

He was surprised to find that Cas' hand had made its way onto his chest and was slowly sliding down towards his stomach, an intent look on his face. Dean sat there and took it, a feeling of anxiousness building up inside of him. He could feel himself begin to get excited and from what he could feel underneath of where he was sitting, Cas was getting quite aroused as well. Never ever before would he have thought that something like this would happen, but it was and that should be all that mattered at the moment. He smiled and leaned over again to take the angel's lips with his own.

Suddenly, he felt a tongue pressing upwards towards his mouth and he let his lips part to allow it through, wrestling his own tongue with it. Feeling desperate, he reached down and began to undo the buttons on the white shirt, wanting to feel the other man's hot skin on his own. Dean got the shirt off of him after loosening his tie and he threw it to the side, only focusing on their intense caressing. Eventually, he felt Cas' hands gripping at his belt, fumbling to find where to release it.

Soon he managed to get it released and had substantially pulled down on his pants and boxers. Dean was forced to sit up again, breaking their kiss for the second time, and Cas shot up with him to pass his lips over his firm stomach. He felt a shudder inside of him that was full of so much pleasure that he had never felt before from any girl he had sex with before. He was able to sit back on his heels and finish peeling off his pants and drawers while the angel took off his shoes and began to undo his slacks. However, Dean stopped him quickly before he could even start to slide them off.

There he was, completely naked in front of his friend, his erection long and noticeable. He wasn't about to let Cas have fun with him yet, he wanted to see the angel sweat for him and moan out his name. All these desires had managed to build themselves up inside of him over time, and now they were all bubbling out one by one as they became more intimate. Putting a hand on Cas' bare chest, he pushed him gently back down onto the bed, climbing back over him. Instead of pressing their mouths together again, Dean began kissing just under his ear. Cas immediately stiffened in slight confusion under this new touch, but he soon found that he liked it as he relaxed and placed his hands on Dean's shoulder, a soft groan rising from his throat. He felt the scar that his hand had left upon his skin so long ago and he gripped it tighter.

Dean just continued to lower his mouth, his breath racing across Cas' neck, chest, and stomach, just coming to a stop above his pant line. The angel's fingers dug into his shoulders so tightly that he knew what he must do. Pulling off the slacks and the white boxers that laid underneath, he put one of his hands around the growing erection, un-phased that he was not touching a vagina this time. He never knew that he could be so turned on by this, so much in fact that he couldn't bear it any longer and he put the penis between his lips. Sucking, licking, and bobbing his head, he also moved his hand around its base, doing everything he thought might bring pleasure to this man, this angel. Dean felt so desperate to make Cas groan more, he wanted to know that he was doing this right, that this whole situation was right.

The angel's fingers rested lightly on his hair, but soon they were curling around into it, wanting his mouth to move faster on him. Dean didn't know, but Cas' eyes were squeezed shut, enjoying every moment of the intimacy. Being an angel, he had never thought that he could relish in something so human this much. But this whole affair was more than just sex to him, it was a new, deeper connection to this man he had been watching over for so long.

Slowly, Dean released his erection from his lips to lick two of his own fingers and gingerly place them inside of Cas' opening. The angel stiffened and cried out finally, his hands having grasped the sheets below them, they clawed frantically. Dean smiled at this new reaction, having felt fulfilment at gaining what he so desperately wanted. He had, at last, given something to his old friend that was satisfying, pleasure. But, he wanted to give him more.

Pulling his fingers from the hole, he got up on his hands and knees to position himself back over the sweaty figure lying on the bed. Dean took a moment to drink in the sight of Cas, panting and aroused, his eyes closed and his mouth open in a desperate pant. Who would have thought he had it in him to pleasure an angel? Spreading his legs slightly, he took ahold of his own cock and placed its head at his opening. Breathing heavily, he slowly eased it inside of him, relishing how tight and warm he was inside.

He pumped his hips, gradually at first, but soon enough he went faster and faster. There was a tension building up inside of him that he worked to release. He wrapped his arms tightly around Cas' torso, pressing their warm and sweaty chests together as he pounded inside of him. Dean felt the angel push back against him and this encouraged him to move quicker and harder. Cas was groaning through his panting and writhing slightly underneath of him, his own penis being rubbed against his stomach with every thrust. So adorable and yet still so beautiful. Soon enough, the tightness in his stomach was released and in a wave of pleasure, he came.

With that final thrust, Cas cried out stridently and threw his head back, his own cum shooting out over their chests which were still met in the embrace. Everything seemed to happen so quickly, Dean thought the whole thing had been a dream as he lay slumped against his friend… no… his lover. This was too good to be true. Any second now he expected to open his eyes to see nothing but an empty bed underneath of him and Sammy walking in the door to give him his long awaited food.

But no, he opened his eyes and they immediately met with a pair of two sky blue ones. Half-open they were, content and lit up in the darkness. Cas' mouth was still partially open in a pant, his beautiful skin glistening with sweat. Dean began to sit up to roll off of him and give him his space to cool off, but his shoulder was grabbed and he was forced back down. Cas finally began to speak, "Please don't move just yet. This is the first time we have been together in months you know." With a contented sigh, Dean settled and gave him a brief but sweet kiss.

They lay just like that for quite a while before Cas began to gently move Dean from off of him. The latter moved upwards with a grunt and reached over to turn on the light. With that, the magical moment seemed to be over. He set his mouth in a line and stood up, feeling his face burn. The angel was not ignorant to this and he walked around the side of the bed to face him, his warm fingers reaching out to trace his own hand print embedded in the scar tissue of Dean's shoulder. His mouth twitched in a bit of a smile. "Admittedly, what happened tonight was not completely expected…"

Dean shook his head and put one of his palms to his forehead, taking a deep breath. "D-dammit, man. What if someone finds out about this? We could become pawns for those who wish to destroy us most. It's why I didn't want to do this to begin with. I… I just don't want for you to be hurt, Cas." He paused to look directly at him. "I don't want for you to be any more connected to me than you need to be."

Castiel smirked, finding no anger inside of him with which to argue with. "As I said before, I can take care of myself and I trust that you are just as strong as I, even without grace's power." He gripped his scar tighter. "We have been though a lot, Dean. When I first met you, you were worse than dead. I pulled you into the land of the living and yet you were the one who ended up teaching me how to really live." He let his arm go and he began to gather up his scattered clothes. "For that, and this night, I must thank you."

Dean ran up to the angel and suddenly grabbed his arm tightly, enough to startle him into dropping his clothing. "You say that as if you are going to leave me again." He shook his head and bit his lip. "No, please. I want for you to stay longer." His breath caught in his throat but he knew he had to say it. "Even though this might put both of us into more danger, our original friendship already made us targets in our enemies' eyes. And… I understand. I can't treat you the way I've always treated Sam. I need to make myself know that both of us are perfectly capable of…"

Cas had stopped him with another kiss of his own. It was short as well but it did the trick. He broke away and began to dress. "Your brother is about to arrive with the food you asked him to get. You had best get dressed before he gets here. I am happy that you are finally seeing something for what it really is, but, I do think that no one should know about this, yet. Not yet." The angel smiled and pulled on his shirt. "But I will stay now, for you Dean."

He found he couldn't do anything more but give him a nod in return and start to dress himself. It only took them five minutes and they were both at the table by the window, drinking their beers and laughing over exchanged stories of their experiences over the months they were apart. The door made a jangling noise and they both stopped to stare at Sam as he made his way into the room, plastic bags rustling.

He turned on more lights before he sat the food down on the table and looked at Cas with a smile. "Well I see you're finally back from… wherever it was." Dean began to go through the bags and the angel turned his attention to the younger brother.

"Yes… and I plan to stay and help for quite a while longer…." He was interrupted by a loud snort and a creak as Dean sat back in his chair.

"You're gone for that freakin' long, and you still forgot the pie?!"