Peanuts and Balloons
In back ground: "Peanuts, Peanuts, wonderful loverly peanuts…"
circus music plays
Narrator: It was a lovely day…NO, IT WAS AN UGLY… UGLY DAY! A DAY FULL OF DEATH, DESTRUCTION, MISERY, AND CLOWNS!
Orlando Bloom and William Shakespeare are riding cows in the meadow…NO! They are at the circus for a day trip. Little do they know that the Carnies have a little something extra in store for these two imbeciles.
After watching the magical performance of the Flying Monkey Freaks they are on their way to the balloon stand.
Orlando Bloom: I like peanuts.
Shakespeare: T'was the most marvelous flying monkey I have ever laid eyes upon!
Orlando Bloom: …cotton candy…uggg…stomach rumbles in protest
Shakespeare: (still staring into space) I smell… I smell…I smell… pie!
Orlando Bloom: Apple Pie!
Shakespeare: You just ate 12 lbs. of cotton candy! How can you think ofeating MY delicious…scrumptious…tasty…drools
Orlando Bloom: burp
Shakespeare: A single tear shan't fall from mine eyes and… oh to heck withthat …Mommy! cries uncontrollably
Orlando Bloom: uhhh …I gotta go to off
Shakespeare: (Mystified by a pink balloon) how do they get that air in there?mumbles to himself
Three headed pig walks by
Shakespeare: and what do you call this color?
POP! Shakespeare takes popped balloon and stuffs it into his pants…
Shakespeare: Now that I've got my sample…back to the laboratory! laughs maniacally
Vendor: Sir that'll be five cents (looks bored)
Shakespeare: How about a kiss instead?
Vendor: Sorry I don't swing, looks in thesaurus sway, rock, or roll that way. (Still looks bored)
Shakespeare: How about I give you the five cents for the kiss?
Vendor: no
Shakespeare: How about five cents, a can of chili, my mama's leftover tuna casserole,and… looks around and …..him.
Vendor: (Finally looking excited) points to strong man with the giant hammerover by the circus ticket games ….him?
Shakespeare: No! looks at vendor sadly him…
Orlando Bloom: stands behind vendor with finger up his nose who me?
Vendor: Hmmm… good trade, good trade. But I want a slice of pizza as well!
Shakespeare: Got it.
Vendor: I'll take it!
Shakespeare: Great, now give me what I bargained for…
Shakespeare eagerly closes eyes
Vendor: Ok here it comes… pushes Orlando into Shakespeare's wrinkly old face
Orlando Bloom: Help m…muffled by Shakespeare's face
Shakespeare: opens eyes not again….faints
Vendor: (in sexy voice) Come on, Orlando,
Orlando Bloom: I like peanuts.
Vendor: What's this? reads flyer 'Come and join us at our annual Drag Queen Festivaltonight at six p.m.' Hmmm …I have an idea. grins
Orlando Bloom and Circus vendor dress Shakespeare up like a woman; outfit complete with itsy-bitsy-teeny-weenie-yellow-polka-dot-bikini, red pumps, rainbow afro, and dangly earrings.
2 Hours Later
Shakespeare awakens dressed up like drag queen…
Shakespeare: What…where am I?feels buttwhere did this come from? feels chestwhat the? How did I? smears makeup on face Ahhhhhhhh!
faintsagain