Title: A Surreal Conversation
A/N: I wrote this a while ago, back when I had hope that the writers would ever properly address what had to be very numerous issues between Tony and Ziva after her rescue. Of course, I should have known better, but oh well. Anyway, I just found it, and though I did some editing, there are surely a few more mistakes, and for those I apologize in advance.
His first mistake was leaving Ziva, Abby and a secret alone in a room together.
"…going today."
"Want me to come with you? I'm going to come with you."
"Go with you where?"
Abby and Tony cut off abruptly, startled, whipping their heads around to see Ziva sauntering in to the lab.
"Nowhere," they chorused. Abby had her who-me innocent look on, so Ziva was immediately suspicious.
She narrowed her eyes. "Go where?"
"Nowhere. Results just came back, no match," Tony none-too-subtly segued. "I think we need to take another look at the brother. I'll go let Gibbs know." He gave Abby a significant glare before walking out.
Alone in the elevator, he realized his mistake, but he couldn't look her in the eye at that moment, not after what he'd been discussing with Abby; he'd been so focused on his need for space from her that he hadn't thought through the consequences of leaving the two alone. However, sucking it up would have been a better alternative to leaving them together, but by the time he got back down there it would be too late. He could only cross his fingers that Abby would miraculously hold out or that Ziva would lose interest. Or, since neither of those things was going to happen, hope Ziva wouldn't mention it. He almost laughed out loud at himself for thinking that one.
"I want to come with you."
Tony jumped. "Jesus, Ziva. I see your ninja skills are returning to full strength. I'm going to put a bell on you."
She would not be deterred from her mission. "I want to come with you."
"Abby told you?" She gave him a withering 'duh' look. "Of course she did."
"I want to come with you."
He sighed. "No, you don't."
"Tony, do you think this is going to be a simple conversation for you to have? In fact, it actually might help expedite the process to have me with you."
She could see he was considering that point. "Also, I'll just follow you anyway, so you might as well let me come with you."
She is glad to see that he still knows when to stop arguing with her as he steps aside, allowing her past him to his car.
The ride was quiet, each deep in thought. Tony drove the route on autopilot, making a journey he had made dozens of times before. Thirty-seven times, in fact, though it had been a few weeks since the last time. His reluctance to bring Ziva had as much to do with his strength as her peace of mind. They'd just recently gotten back on semi-sound footing, and he was concerned that breaking down into tears and spilling his guts might compromise the tenuous peace they had struck. Either way, there is nothing he can do to change the circumstances now. He'll just have to get this over with as quickly as possible.
He parks, and they step out of the car, both staring up at the imposing wrought-iron archway. Tony tears his gaze away and turns toward the small office building, but her voice stops him, saying the one thing he definitely did not want to hear.
"I want to see it."
"Ziva, please…" But the look in her eyes cuts him off. He knows there is no point in arguing this point, and he's not entirely sure it would be right to try. If it were him, he'd want to see, in a scary, creepy, morbid kind of way. "Okay."
He turned back to the archway and led the way through.
They crossed clipped grass and well-manicured shrubs and gardens, though even the best landscapers could not keep all of the leaves away. Bright flowers contrasted starkly with the fallen red brown yellow leaves.
Distracted as she was by the grounds, she nearly ran into Tony when he stopped short. Edging around him, she took a breath, wondering how one prepares oneself for this, and looked down.
A small rectangular stone, set flat into the grass, covered in numerous small pebbles and stones. She glanced at Tony, then knelt and brushed away the stones.
Ziva Channah David
1976-2009
Ninja. Partner. Friend.
Tony was already fighting down tears as they walked through the cemetery, but seeing her trace the letters of her own headstone is nearly the end of him. She runs her hand gently over the piles of stones at the edges, marveling at the number, the inscription, the sheer weight and absurdity of looking at her own grave.
She feels Tony kneel next to her, giving no thought to the expensive suit he is wearing.
"Who left all of these?"
He shrugs. "Me. Well, other people too. But also me."
She looks at the spot where he is kneeling. The grass beneath his knees has been worn away, shorter and sparser than that around it.
"Tony…"
"You may not know it, considering how I've been acting, but God, I missed you, Ziva. And even after everything that went down, you're still my best friend. I just… I wanted to talk to you. Even if you weren't going to talk back."
They sit in silence for a while.
"What did you say?"
He swallows hard, her soft inquiry startling him out of his reverie. "I talked about cases, and Gibbs, and pranks I thought up for McGee." How much it hurt to wake up and remember, that not a day went by when I didn't think the grief was going to physically kill me, how much I didn't want to live in a world that could take you away like that, how absurd it was that your demise was brought about by an exhausted body, a desperate pair of lungs, and an ocean. Were you scared? Did you panic? Did you swim, or despair?
Did you think of me?
"I told you what I was thinking, because no one else ever wants to hear it. I told you how Lord of the Rings ended. It didn't seem right that you'd never know." He wishes desperately for her not to notice the heavy tears he is blinking back. "I don't have any excuse for how I've been treating you. But I think, after all the time I put into grieving, it was too much to handle. This was the third time you'd disappeared. I can't handle that ever again," he finishes in a near whisper.
Ziva suspects he doesn't entirely realize what he is saying or how much of himself he is exposing to her right now. It seems he has made a practice of bearing his soul here, to her, and she wonders if maybe he fell back into old habits. She is trying to think of a gentle way to bring him out of it when he snaps out of it on his own. She hears his breath catch. She is afraid he is about to retreat, pull back inside his shell. She grabs his hand, and tries to convey in a look that she understands, and that he is forgiven.
Finally, he squeezes her hand in return, and she relaxes.
"Come on," she says, standing. "Let's go have an incredibly surreal conversation."
"Hi there. Are you the person in charge around here?"
"Yes sir. What can I do for you?
"Okay, this is going to sound really weird, but I swear you aren't being Punk'd, there's no hidden cameras. I'm very much serious."
"Uh… okay."
"I need to return a plot."
A blank stare is the only response.
"Plot 561."
"I… don't think I understand. Are you switching to another cemetery?"
"No, it's more…uh… okay, see, the headstone on that plot is somewhat… inaccurate."
"If our engravers have made a mistake, it can be fixed quite simply. There's no need to 'return the plot'."
"It's more inaccurate in the way that the person isn't actually, you know, dead."
More staring.
"Seriously."
"Sir, if you think this is funny, that mourning is something to make light of-"
"Look, I already told you, I'm not screwing with you. Pull it up on your computer. Ziva David is not dead. We were… misinformed."
"Misinformed?"
"It's a really, really long story, which I am definitely not allowed to tell you. But, look," he motions to Ziva. "This is Ziva. Clearly up, about, walking and talking and not dead." He mutters to her, "You have some kind of I.D. on you?"
She pulls out her NCIS badge, her passport and her driver's license. Tony also puts his badge on the counter.
"We are not messing with you. All I need you to do is take out the headstone and get rid of it. And preferably give me my money back for the plot. A simple return, that's all I need."
The bewildered man looks over the information on his computer screen, scrutinizes their badges and Ziva's passport, then goes back to the computer. Tony can see him Googling "NCIS."
"Oh, come on, really? That never gets less embarrassing. We need to launch a PR campaign or something," he fumes to Ziva.
She rolls her eyes. "Focus, Tony."
The man comes back. "Okay, you appear to be legitimate, but this is still the strangest thing I've ever heard. How do you not know if someone is dead?"
Tony is starting to get annoyed. "Simple. We were told she was on a boat which sank. Turns you she wasn't. Misinformed. The end."
The man is still staring at them.
Now he's agitated. "Look, little cemetery gremlin, I don't even care about the money. Keep it, it doesn't matter. But under no circumstances will I allow this gravestone to remain in existence when she is very clearly alive. It's horrible, and creepy, and you've got to get rid of it." Ziva nods vigorously in agreement with this sentiment.
Something in Tony's desperate and vaguely pathetic plea breaks through to the man behind the desk. "Okay. I'll see what I can do." Tony glares. "I'll have it gone by the end of the week. But I'm taking down both of your information, in case Ms. David's relatives come demanding to know what happened to her headstone."
"Whatever, that's fine. Do what you gotta do," Tony replies, pulling out his driver's license as well and handing it over, along with his badge. The man meticulously copies out their names and numbers, still trying to determine if the badges are really plastic.
Ziva hadn't realized until that moment how much it had bothered Tony to have this permanent reminder of losing her. To her it was an object of interest, detached completely from her life. To Tony, it was the weight of the pain he'd carried for over a month, and hadn't even had time to begin to truly get over.
Tony finishes up with the cemetery manager, slipping his badge back into his pocket and turning to her. "Yeah, that was as weird as we thought it was going to be."
She laughs and slips her arm through his as they walk back to the car. "Tony?"
"Yeah?"
"Can we finish Lord of the Rings?"