Anakin was crying in the middle of the night. He hated himself, he really did. Today, he had made a new droid, and he had been so proud of it. It had been made to survey the temple and pick things up. He could control it from his room. After a few minutes however, he had lost control.
The robot had gone crazy and had terrorized the temple. Obi-wan had gotten so angry. He had yelled and given the frightened boy a shake. He had not actually struck the boy, just shaken him up, literally. Ohh, and the things he had said.
"Stop being a liability Anakin, why can't you just grow up and be useful?" Anakin now just wanted to go back to his mom. Nobody here liked him at all. He had wanted so badly for Obi-wan to like him, but he didn't and Anakin was sure now he never would. So, he curled up in a little ball on his bed and cried.
Obi-wan was walking through the halls, feeling restless and angry. Not angry with Anakin, but with himself. He had been too hard on the boy. The droid had not done much, but Obi-wan had been embarrassed. He had yelled, more then he should have he knew. Now, he was sure the boy was upset. He would have been if Qui-gon had gotten that angry.
But, Qui-gon would never have. No, Qui-gon was too wise, so much wiser then Obi-wan it seemed. He had once told the young knight, "Obi-wan you are a wiser man then I", but Obi-wan had not believed him then and he certainly didn't believe him now.
Obi-wan decided to go and check on the boy, possibly rectify things with him. Perhaps, Anakin would understand. Obi-wan went back to the room. As he crept in, he heard soft sniffling sounds. Then, the realization hit him. Anakin was crying.
Obi-wan was stunned. He had hurt the boy badly enough to make him cry. He felt guilt surge through him. He couldn't believe what he had done to Anakin.
"Anakin", he said softly walking in. Anakin immediately got up and wiped away his tears. He didn't fool Obi-wan for a minute though, his eyes were red and his cheeks were wet. Obi-wan was quickly breaking down in shame.
"Yes master", Anakin said, his bottom lip quivering.
"Are you ok?"
"I'm fine master", Anakin murmured, although he didn't look it.
"May I sit down?"
"Of course master." Obi-wan sat down next to Anakin and looked away. The two were silent for a moment until Obi-wan said, "I'm sorry Anakin, I said some things I shouldn't have and some things I didn't mean. Will you forgive me?"
He looked over at his crestfallen apprentice, who looked away saying, "Of course I forgive you master, anyway, the stuff you said is true. I am a liability and I know you only took me because of Qui-gon."
"No Anakin", said Obi-wan fiercely, "Don't ever say things like that again. I was being stupid when I said you were a liability, you're not, I promise." Then, he softened his voice a bit. "What makes you think I only took you because of Qui-gon?" Anakin shrugged.
"I can tell you don't want me", he said. "You only keep me around because of him."
"I do want you Anakin", said Obi-wan, "And I may have taken you because of Qui-gon, but that's only a tiny part of why I keep you."
"Then why?" said Anakin angrily, "Don't lie to me. Is it because you want credit for training the chosen one or is it because you feel like you can't dump me on anyone else? Is it because you think I'm dangerous?"
"No", said Obi-wan, but he was silent after that. Why did he keep Anakin? Well, part of it was because of his master but was it really only because he wanted credit for training the chosen one. Obi-wan had been hurt when Qui-gon had jumped to train Anakin and seemed to forget him.
Again he had been hurt when Qui-gon last words had pertained to Anakin and not to him. Obi-wan had felt forgotten, but of course he hadn't been. Now he sort of saw Anakin as a gift Qui-gon had given him, but the pain was still there.
Anyone would want to train the being that was to bring balance to the force, but was that all. Obi-wan searched inside himself into those places he never delved in the depths of his heart for an answer to Anakin's question.
Then, he found it. It flooded his consciousness and he was almost afraid of what he found. In the part of his heart that still stung with the pain of Qui-gon's death he found that answer.
"Because I love you Anakin", Obi-wan said softly and then turned his head away swiftly feeling embarrassed. He had never said that to Qui-gon and to this day still regretted it. Jedi didn't say things like that, but Obi-wan had to now. He couldn't make the same mistake twice.
"I feel like I can hold onto a piece of Qui-gon by training you", Obi-wan said, growing bolder. "I never told him how much I loved him, he was my father and I felt guilty. I didn't want to get close to anyone else and feel that pain again. I ignored the fact that I was hurting you." He looked over at Anakin, who was staring at him wide eyed.
"I thought you hated me", Anakin said softly.
"No", said Obi-wan, "I couldn't hate you. I'm so proud of you, even if you get things wrong sometimes." He pulled the boy close and brushed his lips over his spiked hair. He could feel Anakin's tears wet his tunic, all the tears he had been holding back since he had left his mother and had received precious few chances to be released.
"I miss my mom master", Anakin said.
"I know", said Obi-wan, "but I'll take care of you, I promise." Anakin curled up in a ball against Obi-wan's chest on his lap, sniffling softly after his cry. Then, Obi-wan felt the boy's breathing calm until it was slow and steady. Anakin was asleep.
Obi-wan knew it would be looked down upon, but he lay down on Anakin's bed with the boy still pressed to his chest. He wanted to make sure Anakin knew he was loved, now and when he woke up the next morning. He would never estrange himself from the boy again. After all, Obi-wan Kinobi was never one to make the same mistake twice.