So I feel this is pretty exactly correct in terms of being canon with the series, movie, and characters. I spent hours making sure everything was totally accurate! Let me know what you think!!

James Tiberius Kirk was having a bad day. He woke up with a migraine and then the whole crew of the S.S. Enterprise spent the rest of the day chasing a no good smuggler. Han Solo had been evading the authorities for some time. He sighed as he was finally able to relax in his quarters. He began his captain's log.

"Dear Captain's Log, Stardate 75834989384492334,

I like how I look in this mustard-gold color. It makes my hair really pop. Or at least that's how I hope I look. Oh Captian's Log, I think I like a boy! "

Kirk was sprawled out on his bed, laying on his stomach. While he thoughtfully chewed on his fuzzy pen, he swung his legs back and forth with glee. He smiled, and giggled to himself as he continued writing.

"Of course, I think he hates my guts. I mean, we got off to such a rough start. I don't think I could hope for anything more than just being friends. Oh, Captain's Log, I wish he would just notice me!"

Little did Kirk know that his dreams were about to come true. As he finished his Captain's log with boring stuff about missions and what not, the ship jerked and he flew off his bed! He was knocked unconscious.

Commander Spock was worried about his captain. He decided to go looking for him. After all, it was logical in the jerking of the ship that Kirk had hurt himself.

Spock had a bad feeling and ran to his beloved captain's room. He noticed the door had been ripped clean off! Instantly he set his phaser to "bewilder" and entered the room. It was a mess, but there was no Kirk to be found. That was no random speed bump they hit, the captain had been abducted.

"Khaaaaaaaaan!" he yelled in total anguish.

"It totally wasn't me, dude," Khan replied casually as he walked by eating a bowl of Fruit Loops.

Uhura heard all the commotion and ran to the source.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Somehow the captain was abducted and I'm completely grossed out by your boobies and womanly body, by the way," Spock replied logically.

"What?"

"You smell! Be gone you she beast!!" he screamed logically.

Uhura ran away and left Spock to investigate.

Kirk groggily came to in a dank and quite smelly ship. He was completely naked, stretched out and a slab of concrete. His hands were bound above his head.

Khan was sitting across from him. This time he was eating Count Chocula.

"It turns the milk to chocolate milk," he mildly replied. "Oh, and I lied and deceived your whole stupid crew. I robot of me is walking around eating fruit loops convincing them you are fine and simply need some space."

Kirk couldn't believe this was happening.

Meanwhile, Spock was unconvinced everything was okay. It would be illogical to trust Khan at his word. Plus, he had been making a buzzing noise ever since he finished the fruit loops.

"Hello, Khan," Spock greeted Khan with unrevealing diplomacy, "Are you enjoying your loops of fruit?"

"Hell yeah!" he answered.

"Are you a robot version of Khan that has been placed here to distract the crew from the real Khan who has captured Captain Kirk for sexually ambiguous reasons?"

"Hell yeah!" he answered, "Wait! Damnit!"

The robot had revealed more than he wanted to.

"How did you do that?" the robot questioned Spock with wonder.

"I merely employed a series of logical questions," he answered logically.

"Wow, you sure do like logic," the robot mused.

A dark wave of lust rolled into Spock's eyes.

"If logic had any type of oriffice you can bet I would be pleasuring and penetrating it day and night. I'd fuck the shit out of logic."

The two were left in an uncomfortable silence.

"So do you want to know where he's hiding out or what?" the robot finally questioned.

"Yes, please" Spock replied.

"Well," started Robot Khan, "I can't tell you. I'm not programmed that way."

"Then why the fuck did you ask if I wanted to know." Despite the harsh language, Spock still spoke in a calm, commanding voice. It was like silk, but bad-ass silk. However, the calm in his voice was merely disguising the rage he was feeling inside. The illogical, completely new rage that he had never felt before.

But he made no move to show that anger to Robot Khan. Instead, he busted a cap in Robot Khan's ass and rearranged the programming. Spock was like super good at science.

Anyway, the reprogrammed Robot Khan was now perfectly willing to give away the coordinates of the real Khan's ship. Spock then made for the helm of the ship. It was time to find his Captain.

"Sulu!" Spock yelled logically, "turn on the turbo speed!"

"Do you mean warp?" he questioned.

"Yeah, whatever."

"Where are we going?"

"Put these coordinates into Google maps and let's get the hell out of here," Spock answered.

In less than a second they were speeding through space in search for Captain Kirk.

I know! A cliff hanger!! Please review! Should I continue? I want to but I'm fed by reviews!