Title: Candy cane

Author: Tuliharja

Summary: Modern AU. Hashirama and Madara are worst people to be around when something bad is happening to you. MadaTobi, HashiMito, one-sided IzuToka. One-shot.

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. I'm merely writing fan fiction about it. I don't either own the cover art of this.

Author's note: This fic was inspirited by conversation I had with one of my online friends. (And the fact how one would react if panicky situation would come up.) Thank you Vampy Kitten for betaing this.

🍬 Candy cane 🍬

The party was in full swing, despite the fact that the clock had already hit midnight. Hashirama was making a fool out of himself on the dance floor while Mito was at the side admiring her fiancée. Toka was next to her attempting to ignore the flirtatious Izuna. It was both fascinating yet cringeworthy, since it was obvious Toka wasn't interested about Izuna in that way, yet Izuna kept pressing on. Madara almost felt sorry for his baby brother. Almost.

However, one person was missing from the chaos, making Madara quickly scan around the room to check if he had missed a certain white-haired Senju. Tobirama wasn't anywhere to be seen, making Madara stand up from his spot on the couch and stalk toward the kitchen. His hunch had been correct, as he could see Tobirama leaning against the counter from his spot in the doorway.

It was obvious Tobirama hadn't yet noticed his arrival, due to the loud noise from the living room. Otherwise the man would have had already turned to him, scowling as it seemed he just generally disliked Madara. Madara himself couldn't actually blame Tobirama for his dislike, since it seemed every time they met, they ended up in a very heated argument. At first Madara had been fine with it, but lately…

Sighing, he decided to make his presence known by walking further into the kitchen and Tobirama's line of view. However, once he made his way around Tobirama to see his face, he froze. The man had lifted candy cane to his lips, his eyes half-closed. Madara could recall some candy canes had remained after Christmas and because Mito was prudent, unlike Hashirama, she had decided to keep them instead throwing them into a trashcan. It made perfect sense, since candy canes were hard candies and didn't actually get bad over time, but it still didn't explain why Tobirama had one and why he was sucking it. And was he making goo-goo eyes toward him?

A blush quickly made its way to Madara's cheeks as he watched Tobirama sucking the candy cane casually, while his red eyes stayed fixed toward him. It could be that Tobirama was drunk, but Madara was quite sure the Senju hadn't had a single sip tonight. Then again, he could be wrong, or he himself was too drunk and his mind was messing with him.

Yet the pink tongue that licked the candy cane before sucking it further into the mouth told Madara this was real. Or at least the pressure upon his pants were.

But before Madara could say or do anything, a booming voice cheerfully cut their moment: "There you are Tobirama!"

There was a slam and then a wheezing noise.

Madara's face paled as he realized what had happened.

"B-brother…" Tobirama choked, as he had accidentally inhaled the candy cane when Hashirama had greeted him with a pat on his back.

"You idiot!" Madara shouted, making both Tobirama and Hashirama look at him in an owlish manner. Hashirama's look morphed one of terror as he realized what he had just done.

"Tobi!" Hashirama cried out, starting to pat his brother's back quickly, making Tobirama cough harshly while trying to get air. "I didn't notice you…I mean-…"

"Stop it, you idiot!" Madara ordered as he moved closer to the duo, before pushing Hashirama away from his brother. "You're only making it worse!"

"It's what you're supposed to do when one is choking!" Hashirama told back. "Trust me, I'm a doctor!"

"A very lousy one!" Madara shouted back, making Tobirama wave his arms in a desperate manner to get the duo to stop arguing and help him.

"Okay, I'm going to do the Heimlich maneuver," Madara states as he quickly went behind Tobirama and wrapped his arms around him.

"But if you do it wrong, you might crush his spine!" Hashirama argued, just to get dark look from Madara.

"I attended a first-aid course."

"It was an internet course!"

"Shut up Hashirama!" Madara told back as he then proceeds to squeeze Tobirama's torso, noticing that other one had fairly muscular body. Despite the situation, Madara couldn't help but realize the fact the view from the back also wasn't that bad.

"Harder! Do it harder!" Hashirama shouted, bringing Madara back to the task on hand.

All the while Tobirama couldn't help but think it was both ironic and laughable if he would die now, because his idiotic older brother and even more so his crush that was about to kill him slowly. It made hysteric laughter bubble up inside of him, but the only thing that came out was a strangled gasp.

"Oh my God!" Hashirama gasped as Tobirama's eyes had started to water from the lack of oxygen and his face turned paler. Without thinking properly, he went front of Tobirama and started punching his stomach.

"What you're doing?!" Izuna shouted from the doorway. He'd decided to check on his brother only to hear voices and gasps from the kitchen. Having noticed both Senju brothers were gone as well, his drunken mind had connected the dots into a rather vivid activity that the three of them had been doing. It especially hadn't helped when he had heard Hashirama's voice shouting 'Harder! Do it harder!' or Tobirama's gasping pants.

Being the good brother, he was, he had decided to stop this before Mito would find out, since he knew if Mito found her soon-to-be-husband fooling around like this, there would be bodies. Yet the truth wasn't any better than what he had imagined as he saw Madara squeezing the living daylights out of Tobirama while Hashirama was smacking his brother like a madman. The scene was utterly bizarre and hilarious which made Izuna lose it. He started to laugh at the scene as he was relieved he had thought it all wrong. His laughter soon died as both Madara and Hashirama shouted him to stop laughing, since apparently the situation was very dangerous. As this realization hit Izuna, he couldn't help but start to cry. Later on, he would blame the alcohol entirely. Izuna went up to the trio, shouting: "Tobi! Don't die! Big Brother hasn't still confessed to you about his feelings!"

"Shut up Izuna!" Madara shouted back, trying to do the Heimlich maneuver and failing badly in it as he glanced at his brother, only to stop when he saw Hashirama's look.

"What?! Why you didn't tell me Madara?!" Hashirama half shouted angrily and half whined, stopping which as well would have caused Tobirama to hit the floor if Izuna hadn't grabbed him.

"Tobiiii!" Izuna cried, while Tobirama's vision started to fill with black dots. Tobirama was quite sure he would now meet the reaper if an angel with fiery red-hair hadn't pushed his brother and Madara away, smacking Izuna away and hitting him on his back. Suddenly the candy cane flew through the air to the kitchen table.

Gasping for air and blinking rapidly, Tobirama looked thankfully at his sister-in-law, who gave him a glass of water. He accepted it gratefully and took a sip, allowing his breath to even while watching how Mito turned to the idiots.

Despite the fact he agreed that Hashirama and Madara had acted like two big buffoons, he still winced when Mito smacked them. She told them off soon after, mostly about the fact Hashirama was a doctor and should know better, Madara shouldn't have used the Heimlich maneuver so lightly, when he obviously didn't know how to use it properly, and Izuna hadn't come to alert either Mito or Toka to the scene, when it was obvious Tobirama was about to die. The tirade went on for about an hour, at which point Tobirama's breathing had returned to normal and he was sitting an empty couch at the living room.

The whole ordeal had been scary experience, despite the fact he had survived it. Now when Tobirama really thought about it, it was even a bit funny. Both Hashirama and Madara had acted like headless chickens, which only showed they cared. Yet he was still more than grateful about the fact Hashirama's fiance was Mito - the always cool and composed Mito who knew how to fix any situation when needed.

Tobirama watched as Madara and Hashirama finally crashed on the couch, one ending up on each side of him.

"Hashirama, your soon-to-be-wife is a devil," Madara muttered as Hashirama merely groaned.

Closing his eyes, Tobirama gently patted the two men's heads with what was meant to be comforting gesture.

"Tobi…I'm sorry," Hashirama whined, while giving his best kicked puppy look to Tobirama. "I shouldn't have panicked."

"It's alright, big brother," Tobirama replied, opening his eyes and giving his brother soft look. "I'm just glad Mito was here tonight."

"She is something, isn't it?" Hashirama chirped happily, while Tobirama turned his look to Madara.

"I'm sorry too," he muttered, making the younger Senju chuckle.

"I-I am too," came echoing voice as Izuna shuffled up to the trio, looking embarrassed and far more alert than an hour ago. It was obvious Toka had forced him to drink some sort of cocktail that made him sober up faster.

Shrugging slightly, Tobirama simply looked up to the roof.

"Hmm, so you all care about me, eh?" he hummed, making the two Uchihas turn into blushing messes and stutter something incoherent. Hashirama merely hugged Tobirama, vowing the next time Tobirama started dying, he would handle the situation better.

"Though…what was that you were choking on?" Hashirama asked after a while as his attention had been fully on Tobirama and Mito. This made the younger Senju flush a bit as he turned his face away from his brother, just to come face-to-face with Madara.

Something that Izuna had cried during his near-death experience clicked in his brain.

"So…you like me?" he asked slowly, making the older Uchiha turn away from Tobirama and glare daggers at his younger brother. "How about a date tomorrow, eight o'clock? Your treat for almost killing me."

"And whose fault that was?" Madara grumbled, making Tobirama's pale cheeks turn a fiery red color.

He definitely should dispose those candy canes that Mito had stored. Trying to seduce the idiot Uchiha with them hadn't almost been worth it. Almost.