living in your head
Oneshot x Drabble
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If it had been her way, the weather would reflect how bleak she felt inside. Just as stories often told it; a storm of fury, a rainfall of sadness, and not a hint of sunshine until the emotions subsided. Instead, her hometown now experiences its usual weather, the days of sunshine that require no forecast. Mocking her.
Because she just isn't important enough for the heavens to cry on her behalf
Because she just doesn't seem to matter to anyone any longer.
Because she just can't let go of the past.
She's just Risa. Nobody worth worrying over.
The sea will continue to brush the shore, losing a part of itself every time the ground soaks up the water. Like the waves, she will continue to return to her treasured memories, losing a bit of herself each time.
But unlike the sea, she is not an endless body of water. What her recollections drain out of her can never be replaced. What has been taken from her can never be replaced.
She's lost her magic. They all tell her to grow up, but have no idea how much she really has. She clings to the past because she knows it's never coming back. She holds onto the shreds of her innocent childhood, because she knows that she cannot tape them together, and it's the next best thing.
Paradise just isn't anymore, and knowing that might make her the most grown up out of them all.
Letting go, she decides, is not growing up. It's leaving an emptiness behind you, which might never be replaced. And if their idea of "grown up" is becoming empty, thenshe would rather be a child forever in their eyes.
It's alright, as long as she knows for herself. That should be enough… though oftentimes it isn't.
It's such a lonely thing.
There's something called destiny, that she sometimes remembers. Long ago, she put all of her faith into it. In retrospect, was it an investment? Or did relying on a myth of the fates spinning threads, belief of a great plan written in the sky, take something from her?
And then she begins to wonder why she keeps on going, when she knows it's not getting her anywhere. She has no reason to end her life, no reason to hurt herself, because the mere thought makes her shudder. She's already going nowhere, so why slice away those final shreds of hope?
She wonders if she's losing her mind. She wonders if it would really matter, since she's already lost so much.
So much, that she's doing everything she can to hold strong to what remains of her.
She keeps herself going with a resolution: I will not become empty. Insane, lost, alone, abandoned… but never empty.
She will always hold onto what is dear to her.
That's why she can't let go of the limp hand held between hers, the same hand she had lost connection with on that day, years ago. Though the layer of salty liquid pooling in her eyes, she sees a blur of dull blue, the eyes that she had forever longed to see, now lifeless.
Pushing through her will to scream is a waterlogged melody. Weak, wavering, it dies in the cold night air of a sleeping world, a song of long-gone days of simplicity, unable to survive the harshness of reality. It reaches his ear, but will never be heard.
She's singing to a corpse. And she doesn't quite care what happens next.
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author's note; There was supposed to be a happier ending. I tried, I really did.
This thing is basically me trying to fight writer's block. It's based on random excerpts from my diary, except for the obvious things such as the corpse.