Perfect Plan, Wrong Person

Hermione has a pretty good life. The only thing missing is a man who will love her and whom she can love. She knows who she wants, but is afraid he will never want her as more than a platonic friend. But when Neville propositions her, she sees an opportunity to keep her friend and help a friend at the same time, love be damned. Harry has always loved Hermione, but has held back his feelings thinking she wants nothing more than friendship. One night when Harry returns after six months with Doctors without Borders, he finds Hermione in his bed waiting. Harry is confused as to what's going on, but finally has the chance to have Hermione as he's always wanted. Question is will he take his chance.

A/N: Happy New Year Fanfictioners! I have decided to finally pen my first fic, yay me! I wasn't sure if this particular plot had been done; but I was hit with a brainchild for a fic and went with it. Please let me know what you think. Please, please, please Read and Review.

Disclaimer: The following story is based on situations and characters from Harry Potter books which are created and owned by J.K. Rowling, and various other publishers, including, but are not limited to Warner Brothers., Inc., and Scholastic Books (and whoever else has their hand in the Potter money machine). No use other than to entertain is intended and most definitely no money is being made. No trademark or copyright infringements is intended.

Chapter 1: Introduction to Prologue

Neville's Proposition

"You're mental, plain mental."

"But-"

"You, you want me to do what?"

"Hermione," whined Neville, "you're the only person I trust, the only person I can ask."

"But, Nev," did he just whine, thought Hermione, "this is something you should really think about."

"I have, I'm tired of being dumped, I'm tired of being the friend, not the boyfriend," Neville said defensively. "Are you in or not, you do have experience Hermione, you've bedded many, I didn't-"

"Neville, I have not,"exclaimed Hermione. She sipped her second glass of Pinot, "six is not many, hell, three point five I faked, so technically, I've only slept with two men, and a decent orgasm thank you very much," Hermione finished with a huff.

Neville chuckled and threw Hermione a knowing look, which she failed to catch, "Three point five?" he questioned.

Hermione smiled, thinking of her time with Ron, it was cute then; they would "explore" Neville spoke and shook her from her reverie.

"Two orgasms, four orgasms, its logistics, I need to be able to give a lady just one. I really like her, and I want her to be the last person I date. She's still attracted to me, but I want to be able to satisfy her."

"Neville, this is a lot to ask, I really need to think about this."

"Is that a yes?"

"It's not a yes" Hermione spoke plainly, "and it's not a no, I'll think about it, I mean really think about it."

"Okay, okay, no pressure, let's enjoy our take out and get pissed,"exclaimed Neville relieved.

Later that night, Hermione replayed her conversation with Neville. Poor Neville just chose the wrong women. After the war, he dated Luna Lovegood, she was perfect for Neville or so everyone thought. It came as a shock to all when she decided to move to Ireland and become a Gypsy, well not the Gypsy part, but leaving Neville. They were so happy. The poor guy hadn't been the same since. After Luna came Hannah Abbott, she was truly a nice girl, but she was so hung up on making Ernie McMillan jealous, she couldn't focus on a serious relationship. Then he tried his hand at dating out of his league, way out of his league, he dated Pansy Parkinson. She was trying to salvage her family's name and reputation by dating within Potter's inner circle, it was obvious, but never the less, Neville fell and fell hard. They dated for about six months, longer than Hermione had expected, until his services were no longer needed.

Hermione cast a wandless warming charm to her bath water and sipped from her wine glass, which was starting to get heavy, so she thought. Oh, then it was time to go young. Next, it was Skittle. No, no, Kandy Witthakay, honestly Hermione thought it was her last name; the bint only gave her first name. What a fucking disaster. Neville had inherited his gram and parents' estates; therefore, he was financially stable. This young slut seduced her way into a new flat, new wardrobe and lied about a pregnancy. Neville almost married the young slag, until yours truly paid her a visit.

Flashback:

"Herms, oh my God, like do come in."

"I'm not here on a social visit." Hermione's voice left no room for pleasantries.

This threw Kandy's demeanor off, she had never heard Hermione speak with such venom. Kandy had only heard of Hermione's temper, but never on the receiving end. She also knew that Neville and Hermione had become close while at University and Hermione was a pit-bull when protecting the ones she loved.

"Oh, what's your deal," she asked sounding disturbed.

"Here's my fucking deal, Kandy," Hermione emphasized her name, "you're a wicked and despicable gold-digging con artist."

"Wha-wha, excuse me, I have no idea what you are referring to," Kandy exclaimed feigning ignorance, "and if you are going to come into my home and accuse me-"

She was interrupted by a hard slap from Hermione's petite right hand. "Cut the act, your time is up!" Hermione exclaimed furiously.

Hermione was correct; Kandy's affection for Neville was an act. Kandy, with a "K", had fabricated the pregnancy and was secretly dating Paolo Rossi, an Italian wizard con artist, gigolo and renowned snitch. After Hermione and Harry found out their scheme, lover boy Paolo sang like a bird; of course it helped to have "he-who-lived" present. Paolo didn't need veritaserum, he talked and talked; he said Kandy had found the perfect target, Neville; he was loaded, lonely and loyal. Paolo continued to sell Kandy out; stating she orchestrated the entire scam. Kandy thought the process wasn't moving fast enough, so she faked a pregnancy in hopes to have Neville marry her. A perfect union, Kandy and Neville's Gringotts vaults, to have and to hold.

Kandy went to run for her wand, but was halted by a wandless tarantallegra spell from Hermione. This caused Kandy to lose control of her legs. After she fell to the floor, Kandy began to apologize profusely. Hermione quickly silenced her with a silencio and a cold glare. She didn't want to waste energy on the likes of Kandy with an insult; at the faint pop of Auror Theodore Nott; Hermione sighed, justice was now served.

End of Flashback

Now Kandy is being seduced in Azkaban; where she is living the life of undesired luxury for 10 years. "Sweet Tart" was charged with fraud, attempted murder, from a scam in the United States, and embezzlement. As for her lover, Paolo, although his testimony decreased some of his time, he was found guilty of fraud and accessory. Neville's misfortune never made it to the Daily Prophet. Kingsley had ensured Harry and Hermione that he would keep his secret safe from the media. Neville thanked them and vowed to always be in their debt.

Since his Kandy fiasco, Neville had dated lightly. Most of the ladies he dated were usually looking for a rebound or a passing fling. It was obvious that Neville wanted more from his relationships than most of the witches desired. So he stopped dating for a while, until recently when a Miss Susan Bones appeared in Diagon Alley.

Susan had kissed several toads and was now looking for her prince charming in the form of Mr. Neville Longbottom. After a little window shopping and a lot of flirting, Susan invited Neville out for drinks; Neville gladly accepted. Now after five months of dating, his desire to ultimately please Susan brought him to Hermione's flat with his proposition.

Neville had asked Hermione to show him how to please a woman, how to seduce a woman. "What the hell do I know? I've never been satisfied, hell most of the blokes I've been with couldn't find my g-spot with a GPS," Hermione spoke into her fifth glass of wine. She had finished a bottle with Neville and decided another one would be just the thing as she soaked in the tub. "Ugh, this is ridiculous, am I really considering this," she questioned aloud.

Hermione ironically understood Neville's request, all too well. Women often used sex as a gateway to a sounding relationship; thinking if men are kept satisfied sexually, then they won't cheat. Neville didn't want to make the same mistakes with Susan; in fact they hadn't slept together since they started dating. Neville didn't only want sex, he wanted a tutorial; more like a dos and don'ts when wooing a woman. He wanted directions on how to keep Susan. Hermione sighed, this is absurd she thought.

While applying her night cream, Hermione began to think; if I could have told the men I dated exactly what I wanted and needed sexually, would I had been happier, would they had listened. She began to do a mental list of her exes, carefully acknowledging their personalities and flaws. When she and Ron dated, they were both young and still learning their bodies. They had explored with oral sex and nothing more. To be honest, after the war, sex was the last thing on her mind. Then she decided to lose her virginity to Viktor Krum. What a mistake, she mused, he was huge and rough. Hermione continued her "pussy" roll call.

Next it was the bloke in Australia, Patrick, she had decided to gain experience before heading to Uni. Patrick would always be pissed, alcohol would linger on his tongue and he would sweat profusely during sex. She never enjoyed the sex nor did she think he even remembered when they had sex.

Viktor and she gave it another go, he was persistent and she didn't want to be lonely while at Uni. At least the sex had improved; she tolerated his quick thrust and loud moans. When he would go down on her, he left more of his saliva than her juices. They dated off and on for three years.

After Viktor, she explored her "wild side." She had what her former college roommate, Kimber, would call, "between" sex. That meant no boyfriend, no strings, just sex. She didn't wish to disclose that information to Neville, but it was a fun time; Hermione always kept her sex list to six.

Before graduating from law school, she dated Seamus Finnegan for two years. The luck of the Irish had truly blessed him. His foreplay was orgasmic and his penis was huge, Hermione only wished he knew how to use it. He would often finish himself off by asking Hermione to play with herself; leaving her bothered and sticky and him sated and sleepy.

After him, she dated Todd, then Robert. Todd liked for her to pinch his nipples and he would cum before sex had even begun. Robert, on the other hand, wanted a porn star. He would talk dirty to her, ask her to make those exaggerated moans and would ejaculate on her stomach, which was fine, nothing a quick scourgify couldn't clean. However, the perv didn't stop there, he had the nerve to ask her for anal sex, a foursome and if he could cum on her face. Needless to say, she didn't see him after that. Hermione didn't consider herself a prude, she liked sex. She just wanted to reserve some sexual acts for her husband or at least a committed relationship; anal and face cum were two, the other was not on her "to do" list, ever.

Lastly, there was Oliver Wood. Hermione initially thought she would be inexperienced when having sex with Oliver. He had a reputation for bedding women and she was afraid her performance wouldn't be up to par. However, it was the opposite, Oliver was a lazy lover and selfish. Oliver's idea of sex was, wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am, climax, then he would roll over and fall asleep. Hermione often referred to this as "groupie sex"; and when they weren't having "groupie sex" he was still a horrible shag. He would get in missionary position, huffing and puffing, sweating and moaning while Hermione mentally made a grocery and to do list, orgasm be damned.

The lot she had dealt with were worthless gits and horrible shags. What luck did she have in the seduction department; she only wished someone would seduce her. The men she had dealt with should have asked a close friend for seduction lessons. She never had mind blowing sex, she only had good sex.

Hermione's mind was reeling. She tried to make it a practice not to work in bed. Needing something to clear her head, she accioed her current file from the study and started to work. While reading her case, a witch who cursed a locking charm on her husband's penis, she spotted the one word that was missing from her past relationships, "passion." This witch had cursed her husband in a crime of passion. Her past relationships were lacking "passion", and Neville would have to show passion in order to successfully seduce Susan. At that revelation, Hermione was interrupted by tapping at her window.

It was Harry's owl, Harmony. The thought of Harry excited Hermione. She missed him terribly; he was currently working in Sudan as a healer. Harry had decided to travel with Doctors without Borders and had been away for four months. Just thinking about Harry did things to Hermione, he had grown to become a handsome man and sexy as hell. In the short of it, Hermione had a serious crush on her best friend. It didn't help the fact that they also lived together, and she had seen him naked.

Flashback:

It was three months before Harry was to leave for Sudan, Hermione had mistakenly walked in on Harry and his girlfriend, Nadia, while they were having sex. She was heading to the kitchen for warm milk when she discovered the pair. Insomnia be damned. The horny voyeur in Hermione couldn't turn away; she quickly cast a silencing and disillusionment charm and watched the show. Hermione admired Harry's chiseled chest and toned back. She could see the angles and curves of his muscles as his cock pumped in and out of Nadia's pussy from behind. He was pounding her pussy hard and slow, Hermione could faintly see Nadia's cum glistening on Harry's condom clad cock. She imagined herself being the lucky woman being shagged senseless by Harry. Nadia continued to moan in ecstasy. Hermione felt a warm pool in her panties and begin to tremble. Before she knew it, her right hand was down in her pajama pants. She was wet, it had been at least six months since she and Oliver had called it quits. Hermione pinched her clit and inserted her two fingers into her warm center. Harry and she was in sync, when he would thrust, she would thrust. Nadia was one lucky bitch. Hermione didn't have time to envy her for long, when she felt herself about to orgasm; she didn't wait around for their release, for fear of being noticed. Although, Harry had chosen to become a healer, he was still a vigilant and perceptive wizard. Hermione quickly retreated to her room pulled out her silver bullet and had another orgasm.

End of Flashback

Just thinking about that night made Hermione wet and horny. Harry had become a constant in her life. All the other men had come and go, but her Harry was always there. He ran with her, he complimented her, he knew her. Hermione felt safe with Harry. Damn, she thought, I need to snap out of this school girl crush. Then an idea came to mind, maybe she could help Neville and herself. She left the letter Harry had sent, and begin to pen her own.

Neville,

I'll do it. On one condition… you have to come as Harry.

HG

A/N- Soo, what do you think?

If you like it, please let me know and I will continue... you may even get a new chapter by the end of the week.

If you are reading this story again, I had to edit it for grammatical purposes.

I do not have a Beta, if anyone should be interested, please let me know.

Thank you for reading... Please Review!