Help Me Lose My Mind Chapter 1, a grey's anatomy fanfic

Hi guys! Ok, so, I'm doing something I told myself I would never do, and I'm posting a new fic without finishing my last. I know I haven't updated Stone Cold in ages, and I will be finishing it. I just need something else to focus on when my writer's block kicks in. I've found writing the next chapter really difficult, but hopefully after taking a break it will be easier.

This fic is totally different and not dark at all. It's just full of angst and fluff. I've written quite a bit of it already, and hope to update either this or Stone Cold once a week (..you never know with college work- but I will try my best!)

Thank you for being so patient with me and I hope you enjoy this fic just as much- if not more.

Talk to me and watch me crumble

You will see you got mine down

Faithfully I will look over

There I'll find what you've become

You help me lose my mind

And you believe something I can't define

Help me lose my mind, make me run back

What if all before

Keep, I need more time

How much longer

Who I've been waiting for

Jealousy will be washed over

Carefully we look on through

Could it be easy to start over

Somehow I will bring you too

You help me lose my mind

And you believe something I can't define

Help me lose my mind, make me run back

What if all before

Keep, I need more time

How much longer

Who I've been waiting for

Who I've been waiting

I've been waiting waiting waiting

You help me lose my mind

And you believe something I can't define

Help me lose my mind, make me run back

What if all before

Keep, I need more time

How much longer

Who I've been waiting for

(How much longer)

'Did I miss much?' mumbled a dirty blonde haired petite, pretty, looking girl, who slumped herself in the seat next to him in the relatively full lecture hall, putting a can of monster on the desk.

'Oh.' He breathed, looking up, enchanted by her glistening green eyes. He couldn't stop looking at them. She was hungover, he could tell that. Her body language, lack of punctuality and pale skin made that pretty obvious, but her eyes were just beautiful. He could get lost in them forever. But he couldn't. He had to answer her question. 'No.' he shook his head.

'Good.' She replied, digging a note pad out of her bag and a pen from her jacket pocket. She was over thirty minutes late into a two hour lecture, the first lecture of the semester, of the whole year, in fact. Of course she'd missed much. But she just seemed so carefree and unbothered, and she was really, really beautiful. In a matter of seconds, her demeanour had gone from careless hungover girl, to a concentrated pre-med student, her eyes focused on Dr Alexander in front of them.

He knew that's where he should be focusing too, but he just could not tare his eyes off her. Until he heard a surge in laughter within the hall, and realised he had no clue what was being said, and so definitely needed to take his attention off the fascinating girl next to him, and take it back to his neuro professor. His train of thought had completely gone, which wasn't what he had intended on his first day of college, but he hadn't exactly planned to encounter such a beautiful girl.

All the way through the lecture, she was making notes, poising her pen, listening intently, and had she not walked in thirty minutes late with an energy drink in her hand, he could have easily thought her the smartest and most focused here. He looked around the hall to see his peers also making notes, listening to Dr Alexander, but none of them looked the way she did. None of them had the same concentration in their stunning green eyes, or held their pens so readily to write with their slim, long fingers.

He didn't even know her name. He wondered what it would be. She didn't look like a Leah. Or a Megan. Or an Elizabeth, or even an Isabelle. He didn't know what she looked like. But he was simply fascinated by her, and he didn't know why. She was wearing plain blue jeans and a purple sweater with a white shirt underneath, her hair in a messy ponytail, and extremely light make up, if any at all. She looked simple. Which made no sense when she came into the first ever lecture half an hour late with a can of monster, as she was obviously not simple.

Three minutes before the end of the lecture, he felt his heart begin to race as he watched the clock. Maybe she would start talking to him or something. He could feel his palms getting sweaty and he ran a hand through his hair. He could do this. She was just a girl. Just a girl. A really, really, beautiful intelligent girl. But still a girl all the same. Just a girl. But girls weren't his strong point. They were Mark's strong point, but not his. He'd had a brief girlfriend during high school, and dated a couple of girls before college, but girls were definitely not his strong point. His thoughts were suddenly cut when he saw people getting up to leave, and turned to see she'd already left, and was half way up the stairs.

It didn't surprise him really. Girls like her weren't interested in guys like him.

He was on his way back to his dorm, when a guy who had been sat a couple of rows in front of him came over.

'Tim.' He smiled, offering his hand.

'Derek.' He replied, shaking it.

'What did you think of Alexander then?'

'Good.'

'Not into neuro?'

'What?'

'Well, I'm a only doing pre-med because I got good grades and my mom said getting a med degree would be good and even I'm in awe of that dude. And that class was insane! Any guy interested in neuro would probably be peeing their pants right now if he's one of our bio 101 professors.'

'Oh.' Nodded Derek. 'I am into neuro. I think it's my favourite.'

'You're kidding right?'

'No.'

'You're into neuro and think Dr George Alexander is 'good'?' Tim laughed.

'I thought he was great.'

'Don't sound too enthusiastic.'

'No, really. He was great. The first thirty minutes were amazing, but I guess I got a bit distracted.'

'What's her name?'

'What?' he frowned, confused.

'Neuro guy gets distracted when neuro God is in front of him for two whole hours- Got to be a girl.'

'Oh.'

'So, what's her name?'

'Oh, I don't.. I don't know.'

'That sucks man.'

'I know.' Derek sighed.

'You'll have to point her out to me when we next have class.'

'Oh…. Yeah.'

'So, where you from?' asked Tim, as they neared the dorms building.

'New York. What about you?'

'New York? Wow. Boston.'

'Nice.'

'If you're from New York then why Dartmouth?'

'Fancied a change.'

'hmmmm, nice.'

'you in here?' Derek asked as they approached the building.

'Yeah, room 120.'

'Oh, third floor?'

'yeah.'

'I'm 134.'

'Sweet.' Grinned Tim. 'Your roommate okay?'

'Yeah, well…' began Derek. 'He's my brother. Followed me here all the way from Manhattan.'

'Oh, nice.'

'Yeah, pain in my ass.' He laughed.

'Good to have someone you know here though.'

'You haven't met Mark.'

'True.' Tim laughed.

'What about your roommate?'

'Yeah, Dexter. He's nice.'

'That's good.'

'Yeah.'

'Anyway, I'll probably see you tomorrow.' Said Derek as they reached the third floor, and Derek his room.

'See you, Derek.' Tim replied, continuing down the corridor.

He walked through his dorm and into his kitchen where Mark was sat with a beer.

'Hey.' Derek smiled.

'Hey man.'

'You seriously on the booze already?'

'Hey, this is college life, Shep.'

'Yeah, and it's four in the afternoon.'

'So?'

'You're ridiculous.' Derek half sighed, half laughed.

'I think you'll find that's you my friend.'

'Yeah, okay.' He rolled his eyes.

'How was class? You had Alexander, right?'

'Yeah, it was good.'

'Good?'

'Yeah, it was good.'

'Shep, you've been all gaga googoo over neuro since forever and you just had a class with Dr Alexander and it was 'good'?'

'Why is everyone saying that?'

'Everyone?'

'Doesn't matter.'

'So, it was only 'good'?'

'It was an introductory lecture.' Derek shrugged. 'They're never the most exciting.'

'But this is Dr Alexander- you've been fangirling over him since like what, tenth grade?'

'I do not fangirl.'

'Okay, you keep telling yourself that.'

'Shut up.'

'Seriously man, what's up with you?'

'Nothing's up with me.' He said, moving to the fridge and pouring himself a glass of orange juice.

'Something is definitely up with you.'

'It's definitely not.'

'Derek you've been blabbing on about Alexander for as long as I can remember, and now you've just actually had a class with him and said it was 'good'- Dr freaking Alexander- was 'good', Derek.'

'Will you just give it a rest, for once Mark? Please?' he groaned, moving to his room and slamming the door.

He slumped on his bed after placing his juice on his bedside table. He just couldn't get her out of his head, and he didn't know why. There was just something about her that he could not get out of his brain. He couldn't stop thinking about the way her hair fell in her soft ponytail, or her slim, long fingers poising her pen as Dr Alexander spoke. She was something else. He'd seen a lot of girls in his time, being so close to Mark kind of made that inevitable. But he's seen a lot of 'hot' girls, a lot of 'smokin' girls, and a lot of girls that Mark put under similar categories. But never had he seen a girl like her. She was just beautiful. And he could tell that she wasn't even trying to be. She was different. She was dressed very modestly and plainly, yet there was just something about her that he couldn't put his finger on that he was attracted to. He just needed to know her name. And to pluck up the courage to talk to her next time they had a neuro class.

He'd been at Dartmouth for four days, and in that time, Mark had mainly drank, as to be expected, while he'd been reading. He'd been reading a lot, trying to catch up on the stuff he'd missed in his break. He'd taken three years out between high school and college, as had Mark, due to his dad's illness. They were told it was terminal five years ago, and so when Derek and Mark graduated from high school a year later, they decided to spend as much time with him as possible. And so instead of going to college, went to work at his hardware store. While it meant they got to spend every day with their dad until he died just over a year ago, it did put him at quite a disadvantage starting college with a load of kids fresh out of education. In the year after his dad's passing, Derek tried to start some reading, but he often couldn't concentrate.

Trying to take care of his mom and sisters had taken it's toll, and it was even difficult to leave them for Dartmouth. But his mother had insisted that he had already given up a year of his life looking after them, and it was time he and Mark did their dad proud and started school again. Not that Derek thought he could have coped with school at all last year, he probably would have failed anyway.

He glanced at the clock next to his bed, it was almost six and he was starving. He'd eaten some fruit for breakfast and a salad for lunch at about twelve, but now he was really hungry. And he was pretty sure the only thing Mark had in was pizza.

'Hey,' said Derek, walking out from his room and into the kitchen. 'Have we got any-' he was cut off by the sight of Mark making out with a girl practically lay on top of her on the couch. 'Never mind.' He mumbled, grabbing his coat off the back of a chair.

'Hey Shep.' Said Mark breathlessly, looking up.

'Bye.' He nodded, walking out the door as Mark got back to groping the brunette underneath him.

Derek sighed. He was in a really strange mood. He had really liked college the four days he'd been here. He wasn't homesick. That wasn't it. He wanted to be here, he really did. He wanted to be a doctor and he wanted to learn. But today he just felt in a really strange mood. And he just wished he knew that girl's name.

He wandered down the corridor, trying to remember what room Tim had said he was in. 120, he was sure. He knocked on the door and a slim guy with red hair answered.

'Hey.'

'Hi, is Tim there?'

'Yeah, come in.' the guy said, and Derek followed. 'I'm Dexter.'

'Hi, Dexter. I'm Derek, I'm from Tim's neuro class.'

'Oh, another doctor geek.' He laughed.

'Yeah.' Derek laughed too, entering the kitchen where Tim was sat on his phone.

'Derek.'

'Hey.'

'I see you've met resident artist here Dexter.'

'Art? Seriously?' breathed Derek.

'Yeah.' Nodded Dexter.

'That's really cool.'

'Thanks.'

'No problem.'

'What's up?' Asked Tim.

'Nothing, just wondered if you fancied hanging out, getting food or something?'

'Sure, sounds good.' He smiled.

'I'm down for that.' Nodded Dexter.

'There's a place round the corner, near the IS building that do really nice stuff, fancy there?' said Tim.

'sure.'

'Yeah, let me just grab a jacket.' Said Dexter, heading to his room, leaving Tim and Derek alone for a minute.

'How you doing?'

'Good. You?'

'Yeah, I'm good. Have you started the reading for Alexander yet?'

'Reading?'

'Reading.' Tim laughed.

'What reading?'

'Dude, that chick really fucked you up.'

'What chick fucked him up?' said Dexter, coming out of his room in a beige jacket.

'nothing.' Said Derek, shaking his head.

'A girl in neuro today. Totally fucked Shep up.'

'Rack?' said Dexter, raising his eyebrows.

'Rack?' echoed Derek, confused.

'Did she have a nice rack?' Dexter clarified as they headed out of the dorm onto the corridor.

'Oh. Er… I guess… I mean… I wasn't really looking at that particularly… but yeah…'

'You weren't looking at her rack?'

'Well….. no, not really.' He stammered and he could feel himself going bright red.

'Was she hot?'

'Well… yeah but not in a hot way..'

'Hot but not in a hot way?' laughed Tim.

'She was beautiful.' Derek breathed.

'Woah,' laughed Dexter. 'Did you just say beautiful?'

'She was!' Derek protested.

'Are we sure you're not a chick?' chuckled Tim.

'shut up.' Groaned Derek.

'Man, this is serious.' Tim said. 'You've fallen for her and you don't even know her name.'

'You don't know her name?' asked Dexter.

'No. I wish I did. She was beautiful. But I haven't fallen for her. That's impossible. I just… like.. her.' He nodded.

'You like her?' Dexter said.

'Yeah.'

'And you don't even know her….' Added Tim.

'I know. But I can't, I can't explain it. Okay? I just… I don't know.'

'Dude, you're in deep.' Dexter laughed as he opened the door to the diner.

Derek sighed. He really didn't know what was wrong with him. It was impossible to have fallen for a girl you don't even know. And even if it was, he hadn't. You couldn't love someone you didn't know. And he didn't know her. But he wanted to. He really wanted to. He wanted to hear her voice, her laugh, he wanted to know everything about her. And he couldn't wait for his next neuro class.