(NOTE: This completely ignores the Voldemort takeover of Hogwarts because it fucks with my storyline.)
Disclaimer: I Don't own this or anything else.
CHAPTER ONE: Snape's Problems.
"Jesus Christ…" Harry sighed as Ron walked out of his dormitory. "You'd think you were a chick if you took any longer!" Ron scowled and grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder. "Let's just go before Snape throws another goddamn fit." Harry grinned and followed his friend out of their common room. Landing next to each other as they jumped out the two walked down the changing stairways. They were talking when a girl with red hair ran up to them. "Oh, you're late too? I just couldn't get up!" She whined to Harry who smiled at her and asked, "What's your next class?" She groaned, "Charms," She sighed, "Wait, why are you late?" Ron and Harry grinned together this time, "Usual reason, didn't feel like going." She grinned and kicked pushed Harry forward, "Well get going! I'll see you two later!" She said loudly as she ran down the stairway in the opposite direction. "We're not hurrying right?" Ron asked worried. "Hell no, I don't need that asshole anyway."
The two pushed open the heavy metal door to Snape's dungeon classroom. "You two are LATE!" He snarled. "Bite me." Harry groaned as he fell into his seat next to Hermione, who was looking like she almost died of a heart attack at Harry's last words. "What did you say?" Snape growled. "I'm pretty sure you heard him, and you're the idiot who's teaching US?" Ron asked grinning and leaning back in his chair. Snape looked as though he could have killed the two of them on the spot, and the thought had most definitely crossed his mind, and theirs, because they're wands were gripped tightly. "Detention…" He snarled as Draco Malfoy snickered from behind Snape. "What's funny asshole?" Harry asked, looking around Snape to Malfoy. "Would you like another detention Potter?!" Snape growled. "Well that was a stupid question." Harry said in a complete monotone as he reverted his gaze to Draco, "So, what's funny?"
Draco didn't seem to have an answer for this and merely turned around in his seat, sneering at Harry as he went. Harry returned his attention to Snape. "Are you going to do that pitiful excuse for teaching, or should I just sleep until you're done pretending to do your job?" Snape sneered, "What's the difference, you couldn't keep up anyway." Harry grinned, "You're right, I'm much too intellectual to put up with you're idiotic spew of lower level vocabulary." Harry pulled a potions book towards him and put his head down on it. "G'night!" He said evenly, Ron did likewise, but flicked off Snape's back. Hermione sighed, "Are you two ever going to stop screwing around? You're worse-if possible-than Fred and George!" Ron stifled a laugh, "Not possible, they've got indefinite detention from the asshole up there." Harry turned his head on the book to face Hermione, "That's true, and we're working on it-apparently they aren't getting taught by this dickhead." Hermione had to stifle a giggle this time as she returned her attention to the board, Snape jumped at her;
"Something funny Ms. Granger?" Snape asked coldly. "Other than your face, you mean?" Harry said as Hermione opened her mouth, shutting it quickly she sunk lower in her seat. 'Not again…' she thought as Harry leaned back in his seat, and shook his hair out of his eyes. Snape looked at him with a cold glare and was about to say something when he was cut off by Harry and Ron standing up. "Yeah, well I've decided that I'd rather go find something less boring to do." Harry pointed his wand at his chair and set it on fire. "Harry! You're so careless!" Ron joked as he put the fire out, 'accidentally' spraying the table of Slytherin girls next to the chair. Laughing they kicked open the door and left, leaving Hermione in her seat, awkwardly awaiting the end of the stares she was getting. 'Dammit Harry', she thought to herself, 'Can't you be good just once?' She squeezed her hands together in her lap as Snape continued to teach as though nothing had happened, although the door was hanging on by a hinge after Ron and Harry had used their combined strength to kick it open. "So where to?" Ron asked, "I wanna go back to the dormitories and sleep, so I'll see you later!" Ron said and ran off towards the Gryffindor Dorms. Harry nodded and continued up the stairs, 'Maybe I'll go see Ginny' Harry thought as he walked through the halls.
"Ooooh, if it isn't Mr. Potty!" Peeves shrieked in delight as he flew through the halls. "Yo, Peeves. C'mere for a minute." Harry ordered as Peeves floated next to him as he continued to walk. "Wanna have some fun?" Harry asked mischievously. Peeves nodded, his eyes shining. "Go fuck with Snape for a while…That bastard pisses me off." Harry narrowed his emerald eyes at Peeves who had long since given up trying to screw with Harry now had a kind of respect for him. Peeves nodded and shrieked happily as he charged down to the dungeons. Harry grinned as he thought of the annoyance Snape would have to deal with as he continued on his way.
Harry opened the door and greeted Flitwick who didn't look too surprised. "Got kicked out of potions again Harry?" Flitwick asked as he tried to hide a smirk. "Oh? Am I that transparent?" Harry asked grinning and sat in a seat next to Ginny, "Maybe you can teach me something." Harry continued as Flitwick started to teach again. After quite some time of teaching Harry had become completely spaced out and it took Ginny elbowing him in the gut to bring him back. "What's goin' on?" Harry asked perplexed.
"I said, please come and demonstrate how this is done, Harry." Flitwick said exasperated as Harry leaped up and went to stand at the front of the room. "What charm again?" Flitwick pointed at the board and Harry quickly read the names. Harry pointed his wand at the target at the far end of the room and it immediately floated then burst into black flames. Flitwick sighed, "You're supposed to call out your charm Harry, and they don't know how to do a spell without saying the name yet!" Harry grinned and flicked his wand returning the target to its former state. Calling out the name the spell had the same effect. "Good?" Harry asked as Flitwick nodded. "See everyone!? This is exactly how it is to be done, although for some reason Harry's fire has always been black, you're should be green or red." Harry shrugged and Flitwick sighed again. Returning to his seat next to Ginny he pushed her forward out of her seat as Flitwick called for volunteers to try. "Ah, Very good Ms. Weasley." Flitwick said, clapping his hands together and beckoning Ginny forward. Harry hid his grin as she shot him a death look. She pointed her wand at the target and it immediately blew up into black flame as she called out the spell. Flitwick looked at Harry who held up his hands. "Hey it wasn't me sir, her fire is the same as mine, what do you want me to do about it?" Harry questioned and flicked his wand to repair the damage done, and then he threw his wand to Flitwick. "Do it again Ginny." Harry said and nodded towards the target.
She collected herself and pointed her wand at the target, "Brakoiuotum!" She called and the target burst into black flame once again. Flitwick looked from Harry, to Ginny, to the black fire, to Harry's wand and back to Harry. "Very well then, excellent job Ms. Weasley." Flitwick finished, tossing Harry's wand back to him. Harry leaned back and started twirling a book above his wand as Flitwick continued. Ginny hit Harry hard on the leg as she sat down. "What the hell was that for?" Harry whispered. Ginny glared, "For sending me up there, jerk!" She finished and continued to listen to the lecture.
The bell rang and Harry walked off to meet Ron and Hermione for Transfiguration. He met them halfway down the hall and stood in line outside the door. Harry and Ron apologized to Hermione who had lectured them and would have kept going had it not been for Harry's careful timing when cutting her off. "So what did the idiot talk about?" Ron asked. "Draft of Destruction, apparently it eats away at your intestines, disgusting really." Harry and Ron groaned, "That's it? We've known about that one for ages!" Ron cried and Harry nodded his agreement, Hermione simply sighed. They entered the room as the bell rang and were greeted by a rather annoyed McGonagall. "Harry, Ron!" She said in a shrill voice, "What's this I hear about you giving Professor Snape trouble again?" She asked, the whole class was snickering now, the Gryffindors were rather proud of their Quidditch Captain and Keeper, whereas the Slytherins were looking forward to seeing them reprimanded. "Well, he was bugging us, so we figured that sticking around wouldn't do much." Harry said dully as he saw the beady and annoyed eyes of McGonagall wash over him like the plague had set in. "You two already have detention from Snape, but you will be assisting me today throughout this ENTIRE class period." She turned and Harry shrugged, Ron was happy about this punishment as they had perfected the homework they had been given anyway. The two began to practice the assignment as an example for the whole class, both screwing around with random objects when McGonagall wasn't paying attention or her back was turned to them, entertaining the Gryffindors and attacking the Slytherins.
The rest of the day passed relatively quietly until Ron and Harry reached Snape's dungeon for their detention. "Ah welcome, you'll be doing something I'm sure you're both used to, failing." Snape grinned as he set out instructions a cauldron and the supplies they would need to make the potion. "This is NEWT Level potion making, but be warned, you must drink this when it's through, so be warned, if you screw up, one of you may not be playing on the Quidditch field ever again." Snape laughed a low and barely readable laugh as he left the room. "What does he think? We're idiots?" Ron asked Harry who nodded. The two peered over to read the instructions on the paper in front of them. Ron picked up a knife but Harry stopped him. "Snape's an asshole; I wouldn't trust his paper for shit." Harry said as he crossed the room got a book and set it down, opening it to the page for the same potion they began to work out of the book. The two weren't surprised to find obvious differences in the book's version as well as the paper's version. They grimaced at each other and continued to make their potion. Harry tossed the book back into it's spot as they finished and dropped the last ingredient in, pretending to be looking off the paper as Snape entered the room. "Time is up." Snape said as he looked into their cauldron. His eyes widened and he looked at them his eyes narrowed, "You may go!" Snape roared. "But I thought we were supposed to taste it?" Harry asked mockingly. "GET OUT!!!" Snape bellowed as the two shrugged and corked a vial and pressed it into Snape's crossed arms. "Just in case life becomes to wearing for you." Harry grinned at Ron as they both exited the dungeon. Once outside they ran, laughing all the way to the dorms.
Saturday Morning, 7:55AM-Harry's dorm.
The door burst open and Ginny came in yelling, "Harry! Get UP already!!!" She was about to walk further to push him out of bed when she looked down. "What the FUCK!?" Harry said loudly as Ginny stepped back. He was in gym shorts clearly doing pushups. "This is waking up, now hang on." Harry sighed and went down several more times. "100." He breathed. "Ok, now I'm going to shower-" He stopped. "What're you looking at?" She was staring, almost transfixed at his toned figure. She shook her head and appeared to right herself. "Oh, nothing, sorry!" She tried and failed to explain. "Eh, whatever." Harry dismissed easily, "Now I'm going to shower and I'll be out in a minute-what's so damn important anyway?" He asked curiously as she shook her head. "Nothing, just hurry." She said and ran out of the room slamming the door behind her she leaned against it. Her face was beet red as she tried, to no avail, to calm herself before she had to face the others.
"Where is he?" Hermione asked curiously. "Oh…I walked in on him doing pushups and then he finished and said he'd be out in a minute." Ron looked at her, "Sorry I should have remembered to tell you, he has this weird habit of waking up, and doing 100 pushups then doing whatever else we need to do." Hermione looked impressed, "One hundred, everyday?" Hermione asked. Ron shook his head, "Two hundred a day, one hundred in the morning, and 100 at night." Hermione looked doubly impressed as she walked passed Ginny and nudged her. "Why are you so red?" She whispered, smiling to herself as she crossed the common room to go back towards the girl's dormitories. "Where are you going Hermione? And why do you look so damn red, Ginny-were you doing pushups?" He grinned at her. She didn't grasp his double meaning and merely turned away to hide her face.
Ten minutes later the entire group had gathered in the middle of the common room. Harry, Ginny, Hermione, and Ron were all standing around. "So what did you guys wake me up so damn early for?" Harry asked, still yawning. "How can you be tired???" Ginny asked, thoroughly perplexed. "You just got through doing one hundred pushups!" Ginny's cheeks tinged pink again as she said this but shook off the feeling. "Well…We were thinking, maybe its time we had a little fun…You know, seeing as this is going to be our last year here, we should at least do something interesting." Ron said. "It's not my last year…" Ginny said, somewhat sadly. Harry wrapped his arm around her, "Don't worry" He laughed, "We'll be sure to wait for you outside before we do anything too fun." Ron looked at him, then at Ginny. "He's lying." Ron said simply and Harry hit his arm. "Shut the fuck up!" They both grinned and, unbeknownst to any of them, Ginny had gone an intense red, Harry's arm still wrapped around her. Only Hermione seemed to notice. "Well before we do this, I need to talk to you Ginny!" She said grabbing her hand and tearing her from Harry's grasp, leading her around them and up the stairs to the girl's dormitory. Harry looked at Ron who looked just as confused. "Eh, whatever." Harry said, collapsing into the chair next to the fire. "Wake me up when they're done fuckin' around." Harry said and Ron nodded.
"So spill it!" Hermione said seriously. "Spill…What?" Ginny asked, feigning innocence, but she knew exactly what Hermione was talking about. "You like him don't you?" She asked, more seriously this time. "Who? Who do I like?" Ginny had learned this very routine from Harry when he tried to get out of trouble with Snape. "Don't pull that with me! I was there the first time it was in action!" Hermione snapped. Ginny sighed, "Fine, maybe I do, who cares-he doesn't, why do you?" She asked, looking downcast as she said the last part. "Ginny…" Hermione said lightly, "For all Harry's ability with Magic these days, he still wouldn't figure out if a girl liked him, he'll be single forever the way he's going." Hermione finished with a sad sigh. "Do you like him?" Ginny asked quickly, seeing an opening-momentary weakness, another tip she picked up watching Harry. "What? Me? Huh? No! Oh uh, yeah no!" Hermione babbled. "Smooth, so you do!" Ginny concluded. She couldn't decide if she was proud of herself for figuring it out or worried because Harry might choose her. The two looked at each other for a long time. "Oh well, he'll never figure it out anyway." Hermione sighed and Ginny grinned. "I guess…" The two rushed downstairs to meet Ron and a disgruntled Harry. "I'm not sure I want to know what you two talked about up there…" Harry sighed. "I do!" Ron burst out immediately. The two looked at each other, "Nope, we're not telling." Ginny said smiling. Ron was about to open his mouth to protest but Harry hit him over the head. "I did not get up at fucking 7:30AM so you could bicker with your sister." Harry growled and Ron sighed, "Have it your way then. Come on, lets go."
Well Yeah, thats that, the next chapter will be out when I feel like it. R R, or don't I did this out of boredom, not motivation. But I always finish what I started. SO I will finish...