LEC: This is probably the worst piece of crack my twisted mind has ever spawned, but im posting it anyway 'cuz it makes me laugh!
Me: I wonder what this link shows.
(I click on link and eyes are suddenly assaulted by a particularly nasty picture of Gai and Lee "doing it")
Me: OH HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, MY EYES!
(I start clawing my face. Left eye pops out and rolls away. Akamaru bounds in and eats it.)
Me: Shit, that wasn't supposed to happen… I know what I'll do!
(I run up behind Itachi, who is staring into space, and whack him on the side of the head with Kisame's sword. His left eye falls out. I grab it and put it on, then run like hell with Kisame chasing me for touching Samehada and Itachi chasing Kisame 'cuz he thinks it's his fault. I hide behind Kakashi, squealing.)
Me: Eeeee! Save me, Kakashi! Kisame's gonna rape me and Itachi wants a threesome!
Kakashi: Why should I help you?
Me: 'Cuz I got the same freaky, spinny eye as you!
Kakashi: ZOMG, no! A fangirl!
(He tries to run away. I glomp him and he falls over.)
Me: I'm not just trying to be a copycat fangirl! My real eye fell out so I stole Itachi's!
Kakashi: Why the hell did it fall out in the first place?
Me: 'Cuz I saw Gai and Lee doin' the nasty, that's why!
(He stops struggling and goes stiff. Suddenly starts screaming.)
Kakashi: AAAAAAUUUGGHH! WHY THE HELL DID YOU HAVE TO PUT THAT IMAGE IN MY HEAD?
Me: (thinking.) Cool! I just 'Mental Mangekyo-ed Kakashi!
(I leave Kakashi twitching on the ground after giving him a kiss on the cheek.)
Me: See ya! I'll unmask you later, 'kay?
(I skip away, my new Sharingan twirling, and then see Orochimaru. I quickly glomp him and he falls on his face.)
Me: (sitting on him.) Konichiwa, Michael Jackson-sama!
Orochimaru: WTF is with everyone getting me mixed up with that damn albino child molester?
Me: (Start braiding his hair.) 'Cuz you ARE an albino child molester! ^_^
Orochimaru: (slaps my hand away.) Stop that!
Me: Aw… but it's so long and pretty!
Orochimaru: Go away! Kabuto!
(Kabuto comes in.)
Kabuto: Yes?
Me: OMG It's Girly-Man-sama's four-eyed-bishie!
(They both look kind of pissed, so I run away. I run into Zetsu, who is sitting and doing planty things.)
Me: Twoey! *In reference to Audrey Two from Little Shop of Horrors*
Zetsu W.: Who?
Zetsu B.: Just Ignore her.
Me: Hey, Schizo-Zetsu-kun, I got a question.
Zetsu B.: *sigh* Alright, what is it?
Me: (From a safe distance away.) Is pollinating, like, puberty for plants, or is it when they're in heat?
Zetsu W.: (Looks ready to tear my head off.) Don't push it, bitch!
Me: Also, exactly how much of your body is black and white?
Zetsu B.: That does it!
(He lunges for me. I dodge.)
Me: Oh, look! A weed whacker!
(He quickly turns to see and I run away again. then I encounter Gaara, who is sitting and looking emo. I get an evil idea and run up and glomp him.)
Me: Eeeeee! Gaa-chan! You're so adorable!
Gaara: (Struggling to get away.) Get the hell off me you stupid girl!
Me: (I plop down firmly on his back.) Won't!
Gaara: Will!
Me: Won't!
Gaara: Will!
Me: WON'T!
Gaara: God, just get off!
Me: Don't be such a pussy, Gaa-chan!
(Gaara throws me off and goes into his sand cocoon. I try unsuccessfully to get through.)
Me: Alright, Gaa-chan! You leave me no choice!
(I start rolling him around allover the place.)
Gaara: Hey, knock it off! I'm getting dizzy!
(I roll it through the doors of the women's hot springs. After a minute there are a series of screams and Gaara comes sprinting out sporting a nose bleed and looking pissed off.)
Gaara: You're gonna die for that, bitch!
Me: Yeah, right! You liked it! I can see your inner-pervert has been awakened!
LEC: Erm… yeah. This is what happens when I haven't slept in over 48 hours and eaten nothing but KitKats, powdered donuts, and Monsters.