Like a Record, Baby
Rated T for language, references to sexuality, and alcohol use.
I don't own Degrassi.
Note: This story is AU season four. It assumes that the episode "Eye of the Tiger," where Spinner admits to the paint-and-feathers prank, takes place in early December, and picks up from there.
In case it's been awhile since you've watched season four, here are the main canon things that are going on before the start of this story: Alex dumped Jay because of the ravine incidents, Sean left for Wasaga and Ellie is living alone, and pretty much everyone hates Spinner. The first chapter sets up the context pretty well, so don't worry if you're not totally refreshed on season four happenings.
I'm trying for something different than my usual style here; a little less angst, and a little more drama/quirky romance. So I would love any and all feedback! Thanks.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-
December tumbled in, bringing with it an interesting contrast of cold and warmth. The temperature was dropping, but spirits were rising. A blanket of snow covered the Toronto streets as Christmas lights and wreaths sprouted up on every house. Mr. Del Rossi, in particular, was an enthusiast of the holiday spirit, and on one Saturday afternoon he found himself inches from certain peril as he stood on his shaky aluminum ladder to hang a string of lights. As he rounded the corner of the roof he could see through the sheer curtains of his teenage son's bedroom. He chuckled mischeviously to himself as he snuck a glance at Marco, who was busy entertaining a gorgeous raven-haired young woman. It was amusing to him that his son was such a ladies' man. The old man's pride, however, would have been severely crushed if he were able to hear the conversation within.
"So, wait, you guys are dating, or you aren't?" asked Manny, seated in a plush orange bean bag chair with a slightly confused expression. She filed her nails idly, looking at them with disappointment.
Marco sighed from where he sat on the bed, clutching one of his throw pillows. "We aren't. I mean, not exactly. It depends on how you define dating."
Manny looked up at her discouraged friend with exasperated eyes. "How about, two people in a loving, honest, and exclusive relationship? Come on, Marco, what's the deal? Did Dylan dump you or what?"
"He didn't dump me!" Marco sighed again and tossed the pillow to the ground. "We're just taking a break. Dylan thinks the relationship is getting too serious, and he wants me to be able to see other people before we get into that kind of relationship."
Manny rolled her eyes and returned to her nails. "Right. So in other words, he wants to hook up with hot college guys."
"Basically." Distraught, he wandered toward his desk and began organizing the odds and ends that were scattered there. It was a nervous habit of his; when the world was crumbling, at least your paper bins could be alphabetized.
"Look, don't let it get you all torn up," Manny cautioned in her slightly jaded tone of voice. "'Taking a break' is just another way of saying, 'I'm too much of a coward to break up with you for real.' He's going to move on and forget about you, so you might as well do the same. The best thing is always a clean break, trust me."
"I know, I know. It's just..."
"It's just nothing. Don't you dare hang on to him like some pathetic puppy, Marco. You're better than that."
"You're right. And it's not going to happen. I'm so not the pathetic type." Manny nodded with approval just as the phone on Marco's bedside table started ringing. A look of urgency cascaded over Marco's face as he dove three feet across the room, crashed into his bed, and clumsily yanked the phone off the hook before it got to the second ring. "DYLAN?" he squeaked, panting to catch his breath. Manny sighed.
The giddiness melted from his face after a few minutes, however, and drifted into an uncomfortable and melancholy expression. Manny watched him with concern as he spoke minimal words to the voice on the other end of the line. He crawled off the bed and paced as he listened, tossing vague glances in Manny's direction. She sat frozen, helpless, having a good idea of who was on the phone, but not wanting to admit it to herself.
"I uh... no, look, Spinner, I'm not sure that's such a good idea," Marco said softly. Upon hearing his name, Manny's suspicions were confirmed and she stiffened. "I'm sorry, no. There's... there's nothing I can do for you... Manny? Well, actually..." He turned to the girl sitting in the corner. Manny looked back at him with desperate eyes as she furiously shook her head. "No. No, I haven't seen Manny. I'm sorry. I... I have to go now."
He hung the phone up quickly, as if it was going to suck him in if he held it to his ear any longer. He exhaled and brushed his fingers through his hair. "That was hard," he said. He glanced at Manny, who was suddenly interested in her nails all over again. She stared at them intently, wanting something, anything, to keep her from having to look at Marco's eyes. Marco raised his eyebrows at her accusingly. "And what about you, Miss Clean Break? Have you actually told Spinner you don't want to see him anymore? Or did you just blow him off, like a coward?"
Manny smiled and frowned at the same time, the way she did when she was torn between guilt and self-righteousness. "Come on, Marco. You know I can't be with Spinner any more, for the same reason that you can't be his friend. It is hard. It's hard for everyone. But it's the way it has to be." She sunk deeper into the bean bag chair, hiding her face behind a veil of thick black hair. She couldn't look at Marco. There was something about the honesty and the openness of Marco's eyes that would get to her and make her spill everything. If she looked him in the eye, she might end up blurting out just how much she missed Spinner, and if she said it out loud, it would make things that much harder.
o o o o o o o o
Some miles away, on a side of town where the snow was heavier and the Christmas decorations were far more sparce, Ellie Nash stood in her apartment, freezing cold as she hovered over a small plastic tree with a box full of blue glass balls. A few of the branches were melted together, and others were bent in strange directions, but you couldn't ask for much when you were getting your merchandise from a second-hand junk shop. From the slightly mildewed couch, Alex watched Ellie work with a look of discontent as she pulled her black jacket closer for warmth.
"Ellie, it's friggin' freezing in here," she complained through slightly chattering teeth. Her crossed legs were propped onto the cluttered coffee table, which began to shake as she fidgeted uncomfortably. "Would it kill you to turn the heat up?"
"Yes, actually," Ellie replied, undaunted. She did not look away from the deformed Christmas tree she was working so tediously to perfect. "I keep the heat low, I keep the heating bill low, I have money for food, I spare myself gruesome death by starvation. It's a basic chain of logic."
Alex rolled her eyes and rubbed her frigid hands together. "It's a basic chain of suck, you mean. Christ, I can't even feel my fingers."
Ellie did not answer. When the box was emptied of its ornaments, she tossed it carelessly to the floor, among the rest of the clutter she hadn't bothered picking up in awhile. She stood with her cold fingers in her pockets, observing her sparkling semi-melted hunk of plastic with a sense of defeated pride. With a sigh she stepped back and flopped onto the couch beside the disgruntled Alex. Alex had recently made a violent break with both her boyfriend and her best friend, and found herself filling her newfound free time with Ellie, who had been living alone for three months without so much as a word from the mother and boyfriend who had ditched her. The two lonely girls shivered next to one another as they stared blankly at the hideous tree. It was a rather sad place to be, and their only comfort was that they had each other.
"What do you think?" Ellie asked. She almost thought she could see her breath as she spoke.
"It's great, Ellie," Alex answered in her usual dull monotone. "Congratulations. You've got yourself a bonafide Charlie Brown Christmas." She stood up and gave the redhead a mocking pat on the shoulder before shoving her hands in her pockets and heading for the door.
"Gee, thanks. Hey, where are you going?"
"I've got to work a shift at four. And since I'm currently lacking in a boyfriend with a car, I'm relying on the wonders of public transportion. I'll catch you later, Nash."
She walked out the door and let it slam shut without another word. Ellie shrugged and shivered simultaneously, staring at her Christmas tree and inhaling the familiar scent of loneliness. She been mentally building herself up for some time now, constantly reminding herself that she would be spending Christmas alone, and she was just going to have to deal with that. She sighed, and reached for the rubber band on her wrist. Lonely nights could get hard. As strong as she was on the outside, there wasn't a moment that went by where she wasn't thinking of the way cold metal felt digging into her flesh. She wanted it so bad sometimes she would cry herself to sleep just thinking about it. But she hadn't cut. Not in eight months. She wasn't going to let a little thing like losing Sean break her perfect record.
She was breathing heavily, she realized, and fading fast. She stopped snapping the rubber band against her tender flesh and picked up the phone instead. She dialed Marco's number. If there was one person she could still reach for, it was him.
"DYLAN?" she heard Marco's voice squeak expectantly on the other end.
Ellie chuckled. "Um, no, sorry. It's Ellie. I just finished my Christmas tree. It's really... well, it speaks for itself. I thought you might like to come over and check it out. We can curl up by the space heater and watch crappy movies. What do you say?" She yanked nervously at the rubber band as she waited for his answer. "Oh. You're going skating with Manny? Well, um, sounds like fun. Me? No, I don't think so. No, it's fine. Have fun. All right. Talk to you later. Love you too."
She hung up the phone and tried to numb herself to the disappointment she felt. Instead she walked to the cage of her ferret, Bueller, and carried the smelly, furry creature back to the couch with her, curling up beneath a faded purple blanket. She tried to ignore the filth of the rest of her apartment and stared only at the gleaming blue orbs on her less-than-perfect Christmas tree.
"Merry Christmas, pal," she said dully to the ferret, holding him close as the loneliness settled in once more.