Cataracts of Red
It had been a long time since he had truly felt fear.
Sure, he had had those brief moments of startlement, but he recovered, and reacted. How could he react now, when he didn't know how to react in the first place?
The near collision he had with the skyscraper in the city had confused him. But the darkness terrified him even more, because the darkness wasn't simply clouding his eyes. It clouded his mind as well.
"What ya see is what ya get. Machines cannot have a soul."
Funny how being physically blind made him realize how mentally blind he had been then. He had said that straight to Antauri's face. He had always been carefree, but now he was becoming simply careless.
"I've always been afraid of losing my sight, and now it's finally happened."
No, he had lost his sight a long time ago, but it hadn't been the kind of sight he had been afraid to lose, simply because by the time he had realized it was important, his vision was already gone.
"What if it's permanent? I'll never be able to fly again."
Without his sight, how could he fly? Why was he even a pilot in the first place? Did he fly truly because he was born to, or because a starship was the best way to run from where his problems were? He wasn't really afraid of being blind because it would mean the end of his career as a pilot. He was afraid of the darkness because then all he would have to look at is himself, and his mistakes. He hated admitting he was wrong.
"I said machines could have a soul, I know I did!"