Jerry Springer!

AN: This was an idea me and a friend thought of while we were thinking of more bloopers. As much as I'd love to, I don't get to watch Jerry Springer, so I have no idea of the things he says, if its wrong, then sorry

(Audience claps)

Jerry Springer: Hey folks and welcome to tonight's show. We have with us this time the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, who really need to discuss family problems, (Turns to the Turtles, who are sat in big, comfy chairs) Okay guys, why are you here? What is your problem?

Leo: Well, ya see, we all can't seem to get on with one another, which causes problems for our Master and ourselves. I mean, the biggest problem would be Raph's attitude and temper and the fact that he always has to argue with me; it gets on everyone's ---

Raph: Wait one friggin' minute! I don't ALWAYS argue with you! And ain't it your constant naggin' which causes my temper which causes the problem which annoys Master who causes us to settle down, which annoys me and causes me to argue even more, which annoys Don and Mikey, who called this friggin' show, which put us on the TV, which causes me to argue with you which causes our problems?

(Silence then --)

Leo: I don't nag!

Raph: Yeah, you do

Leo: No I don't!

Raph: YES you do,

Leo: NO I DON'T!

Raph: YEAH YOU FRIGGIN' WELL DO!

(While the argument took place, Jerry, Donnie and Mikey and the audience watched in silence. Donnie and Mikey sigh and turn to the camera, the volume of Leo and Raph's argument was turned down mechanically, so that it was only background sound as focus turned to Donnie)

Don: Now this is one of our problems. They can't help but shout and fight each other which drives the rest of us crazy, which is the reason we called this show, which seems to have caused ---

Mikey: (glancing at Donnie) Yeah dude. I mean, no matter how much we try, and no matter how much they tear each other up, they won't stop until they're run out of insults or until they're both unconscious.

Jerry: Wow. Looks like we might see an example right now, Mike.

(Mikey, along with Donnie, turns to see Leo and Raph trying to rip each other's throats out. Guards were called on and pulled the two Turtles apart. Three guards to each Turtles, but one guard got a solid kick from Raph in the groin, making the audience's eyes water; he limped off. A few seconds later two other guards came on with heavy, strong chains. In seconds Leo and Raph were chained to their chairs.)

Leo and Raph: Grrr! (Staring daggers at each other).

Jerry: Um. So guys, what was all that about? Just a little argument or was that serious?

Don: Nah. If that was serious we'd all be dead or bruised or beaten or bleeding or ---

Mikey: (throwing Donnie another glance) If they had brought their weapons and were using them, THEN it would be serious. That was just a typical scrap.

Leo: (looking away from Raph) I don't scrap! I'd never! Master taught me not to and I don't.

Mikey: Yeah, right dude, whatever.

Leo: I Don't! I just . . . See to it that Raph learns not to do it again, whatever he's done.

Raph: Yeah right, Leo. Admit it, you've got a rage just like me.

Leo: NNOOOOOooo! I haven't! I am NOTHING like you!

Jerry: Yes. It would be a disaster if there were another Raphael . . .

Raph: (very sweet like, to Jerry) Hey, Jer, Think you could lemme outta these chains, I'm cool now and besides, they're tight.

Jerry: (fortunately was smart) No. I don't think so.

Raph: GGrrr! Damn!

Jerry: So, guys. How do you think you could solve these problems?

Raph: (through gritted teeth) Lemme smash his face in and I'll be your little angel from now on!

(Jerry turned around, blocking whatever actions or gesture he did towards Raph with his hand. Raph fumed and started struggling against the chains. Jerry turned back to the camera and audience with a satisfied smile).

Raph: Lemme attim! I'll kill 'im! You motha ---

Leo: Raph!

(Guards came back on carrying what looked like an electro prod. They zapped Raph. Unfortunately this didn't have the effect they thought and Raph broke through the chains and charged at the guards, who ran away screaming unpleasant things).

Mikey: Hey can he do that?

(Everyone turned to look at Jerry, for an answer for Mikey, and found Jerry busy putting on amour and a helmets, while equip with tranquilliser gun and his own electro prodder. He turned).

Jerry: What? Oh, um, no. He can't. So if you'll just ask your brother to, you know, stop charging . . . (he looked off set to where Raph was tormenting guards, the sight was not pretty) He can put my men down now, yes, tell him that --- Oh dear Lord! Geeze! Whadda mess! Oh, whadda mess! (Without looking at the sight, he made motions to the other three Turtles) Could you tell him to just stop that!

Mikey: Raph! Get your ass in this chair now! (Standing up and pointing to the chair that had fallen over when Raph charged)

(Raph came on set, looking disappointed, with what looked like a plastic ripped-off arm, but don't be fooled by the realistic blood/red paint/tomato sauce. This was no prop. He threw away the arm and sat, reluctantly, into the chair, after he turned it the right side up)

Mikey: Good. Now stay! Staaaayyy. (Baby cooy voice)

Jerry: Whoa. (Walking as far as he dared to the Turtles) Erm, yes. Now, lets get back to this after the commercials folks.

AN: Yeah, yeah, it was silly but I needed something to cheer me up. Even though I'm cheered. Shrugs . Another part to come and hopefully I'll have it done soon.